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• I’m a sufferer of Asperger’s syndrome, and video games
may have realistically saved my life. I’ve always had
problems talking to people face to face, and was never
able to make friends at school. If it weren’t for the
relationships I formed online through my first games, I
honestly can’t be sure that I would be here today [...]
they’re obviously a great pastime, which helps me nurture
the better side of my syndrome, thinking and responding
logically. As with video gaming, the Internet helped me
form relationships that I couldn’t in real life.
• Children’s Call for Evidence, 2008 Byron Review
Image Source: RGBStock Bex Lewis @drbexl 10](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/friendshipdigitalage-151110001500-lva1-app6892/75/Friendship-in-a-Digital-Age-drbexl-for-MMUBS-10-2048.jpg)
Uploaded byBex Lewis
Friendship in a Digital Age (@drbexl for @MMUBS)
The document discusses the nature of friendships in the digital age, highlighting how children perceive online and offline interactions similarly, with concerns around friend requests and social identity. It emphasizes the importance of understanding digital culture and encourages parents to teach children about safe online interactions, particularly regarding meeting strangers. The text also touches upon issues like meaningful friendships, digital savviness, and the impacts of cyberbullying.
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Friendship in a Digital Age (@drbexl for @MMUBS)
- 1. November 12 20151Bex Lewis @drbexl Friendship in a Digital Age Are you really my friend? Exploring digital relationships Dr Bex Lewis Bex.Lewis@mmu.ac.uk
- 2. Bex Lewis @drbexl2 • Lion Hudson, February 2014 • 3,500+ sold • Translated into Chinese/Italian • Strongly featured in the media • http://drbexl.co.uk/ writer/books/book- raising-children-in-a- digital-age/
- 3. “If we wantresilient kids we need to understand what young people’s experiences are online, listen to their concerns, and intervene with their best interests in mind.” Jane Tallim, Co-Executive Director, MediaSmarts, Canada, January 2015 http://mediasmarts.ca/research-policy/young-canadians-wired-world-phase-iii-trends- recommendations Understand! Bex Lewis @drbexlImage Source: Purple Clover, Facebook
- 4. Online/Offline? • Children interviewedfelt ... the online world is no more dangerous or exposed than the real world, and some believe that the virtual world is actually more secure and private, because there is more control over what they choose to put onto the Internet. • CHILDWISE ‘Digital Lives’ Report (2010) Bex Lewis @drbexl 4Image Source: Stockfresh
- 5. Even though inpractice, face-to-face communication can, of course, be angry, negligent, resistant, deceitful and inflexible, somehow it remains the ideal against which mediated communication is judged as flawed. Prof Sonia Livingstone, Children and the Internet: Great Expectations and Challenging Realities. 2009, p26 Bex Lewis @drbexl 5Image Source: LSE Website
- 6. Children’s Friendships • Largernumbers than in the past • Across diverse and widespread networks • Concerns: – Whose friend requests should be accepted? – How many friends is ‘too many’? – What are the offline impacts of refusing connection? – Does everyone have to be given the same level of interaction? Image Source: RGBStock Bex Lewis @drbexl 6
- 7. Meaningful Friendships? “Social mediacan be used more as an address book, with privacy settings allowing access to different levels of information, while the public parade of connections offers social identity and status.” (Raising Children, p.106) Image Source: Stockfresh Bex Lewis @drbexl 7
- 8. Meeting Strangers? Parents mustteach their children to safely negotiate a modern world where many people meet and interact online before meeting in person. A blanket “never meet” rule is just astoundingly silly in an age where the parents of these children themselves may well have met online. ‘Sanya2135’, Comment, Washington Post Image Source: Stockfresh Bex Lewis @drbexl 8
- 9. Digital Savviness? “They monitoredfriends’ pages to ensure that they were being represented fairly, and trusted each other not to expose silly or embarrassing pictures. Those that were on the phone were considered to be private and not for sharing without agreement, although children should still consider what might happen to those photos if the friendship were to fall apart.” (Raising Children, p.108) Image Source: RGBStock Bex Lewis @drbexl 9
- 10. Disability Access • I’ma sufferer of Asperger’s syndrome, and video games may have realistically saved my life. I’ve always had problems talking to people face to face, and was never able to make friends at school. If it weren’t for the relationships I formed online through my first games, I honestly can’t be sure that I would be here today [...] they’re obviously a great pastime, which helps me nurture the better side of my syndrome, thinking and responding logically. As with video gaming, the Internet helped me form relationships that I couldn’t in real life. • Children’s Call for Evidence, 2008 Byron Review Image Source: RGBStock Bex Lewis @drbexl 10
- 11. Cyber-Bullying? •The Bullied •The Bully •TheBystander •http://www.slideshare.net/drbexl /bullying-for-yc14 Image Source: RGBStock Bex Lewis @drbexl 11
- 12. Concluding Thoughts • Understanddigital culture • Move away from online/offline • Question ‘meaningfulness’ & digital savviness • Nature of friendships (longer-term) • Authenticity = sustainable? Image Source: Stockfresh Bex Lewis @drbexl 12
Editor's Notes
- #3 Chapter 8 = focuses on Relationships (online – note is hybrid rather than exclusively online), including friendships online – and when friendships go bad = bullying – topic frequently asked to talk on at youth events, etc.
- #4 Re digital culture rather than about parenting … as ‘raising children’ refers also to those of us with no kids – we all shape the environment, and the responses that people have to it… This kind of picture irritates me = assumes we all lived in some kind of rose-tinted/nostalgic past .. I grew up with my nose buried in a book (pretty anti-social), and in the second picture they could be composing music or comparing research … don’t assume that screen = anti-social!
- #5 So, if we accept that using digital technology is important and can be beneficial to all of us, what else do we need to realize? One vital point is that we’re talking about online/offline relationships rather than virtual/real relationships, as though they were completely different. In fact, relationships online may have a different nature, but they are as valid and real as offline relationships. Simply put, most people relate to each other in a variety of ways – face to face, by phone, via email, via Facebook, via text, and even on paper. Our relationships are not usually split into online and virtual relationships, and offline and “real” relationships – and even those that are solely online are no less real than those conducted face to face. Friendships, however, are based around similar interests, rather than accidents of geography!
- #6 One of my favourite quotes…
- #7 (from book) Now Senior Researcher at Microsoft Research, danah boyd3 studied MySpace when it was the social networking site to be on. Teenagers joined because that was where their pre-existing friendship group was, and then just “hung out”.4 Once online, many children have had to learn the etiquette for the new space, and it’s perfectly acceptable to “lurk” for a while and see what others are doing. Most join because someone invites them, and then they have to decide whom to “friend”. Some friends are added because it would be socially awkward to say no, because it makes the teenager look cool, or because the befriender thinks it would be interesting to read their posts. Ito Mizuko, a cultural anthropologist at the University of California, identified that because it’s awkward to say no to those who are already known, the convention is to accept all those who are known, regardless of the quality of the relationship.
- #8 Dunbar’s Number = 150, adults worried that 1,000s = ‘Meaningless’, but not that ‘friends’ is a fairly loosely defined term, Teenagers say = ok to have many connections, but people who ‘collect’ friends = whores! Difficult to negotiate leaving ‘friendships’ behind = people have different criteria for who they will keep as ‘a friend’ – especially at school age = problematic and seen as spiteful if blocked/defriended. Elements of offline friendship continue online – including gossip, jockeying for status – and bullying – continue online, but are significantly shaped by the always on nature of communication. Significant energies are put into ‘hanging out’, taking time to ‘play’ = all important parts of development and building relationships, but which those who are not truly experienced in digital living find problematic. Note that those with ££ can afford to be ‘always on’ – which can privilege their interactions as FOMO/quick responses are key parts of building friendships.
- #9 Ito Mizuko (when researching MySpace) reports that “teens often use social media to make or develop friendships, but they do so almost exclusively with acquaintances or friends of friends” (rather than the oft-feared ‘strangers’ featured in the media – although that has become more acceptable as becomes more common to make all kinds of friends through online means). Partly related to where people are on the introversion/extroversion scale … I’m super-extrovert – everyone I connect with is a possible friend! Need care – same as people ever had with blind dates – e.g. public place … difficult to sustain a persona online over the long term (possible, but difficult) – and definitely made a lot of friendships with people who are ‘just like’ their digital personas!
- #10 Importance of the visual online… Savvy re monitoring their own/others photographs online.. But also a lot of pressure to collect a lot of ‘likes’ around a photo! Has been research re ‘Facebook depression’ – but most are also savvy enough to understand the difference between ‘representations online’ and that it’s not people’s whole lives – that people (as they often do in face-to-face conversations when not with close friends) will tend to share ‘only the best’. Typically, in fact, actually demonstrated more positive wellbeing because of positive engagements (probably similar to phone calls in the past).
- #11 Are a number of examples of where the digital has allowed those – particularly those with social disabilities – to connect in new & different ways – without dealing with the over-riding stimulation of face-to-face …
- #12 3 important aspects … the bullied (not the victim), the bully – all covered in more detail in the slideshare listed here … but particularly key with digital – where things happen SO fast … the bystander – encourage people to step in and say ‘hey, this is not OK’ – particularly for kids (digital pile-on), but also for adult friendships – keeping an eye out for online bullies!
- #13 Original Questions: What impact do these digital environments have on how we construct and maintain friendships? Is it possible to trust someone if you have never met face-to-face? How authentic are online friendships? Is authenticity being redefined by the digital environment? Looked at authenticity & anonymity in a number of conversations(anon = partial formal research, other = not) – remember that we edit all parts of our lives – we dress certain ways – online we do the same … if we are wise! To finish with another quote from the book: P100 Raising Children “Media Studies lecturer Marcus Leaning refers to the huge amount of early research that concentrated on online identity, which was heavily focused on the loss of face-to-face clues, and on deceit. These academic attitudes have filtered down into everyday thinking and continue to feature in the press, and help us understand why online identity remains such a huge concern to parents.”