This document discusses preparing children for success during pre-pubescence. It notes that children are entering a time of major physical, emotional, and mental changes. Individual development is influenced both by nature, such as temperament, and nurture, like family structure. The document recommends focusing on developing character strengths like wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance and transcendence. Authoritative parenting with warmth, control and communication is linked to success. Parents are advised to confront their own fears and weaknesses to best support their children through this transitional stage.

1. Preparing our Kids for Success: Where
is your Focus?
Mark E. Crawford, Ph.D.

2. What’s happening at this age?
 About to move into puberty (can start as early as 9 or as
late as 14)
 Hormones start affecting emotions, thinking, and behavior
 Brain about to undergo a major change
 Kids starting to gravitate toward peers
 Kids become more self-aware and self-conscious
 Kids start developing more independence
 Kids start developing their own identities

3. One size does NOT fit all…

4. No two are exactly alike…

5. Factors that affect a child’s
development:
Nature
 Temperament (hard-wired)
 Physical characteristics
 Information processing
Nurture
 Temperament of parent
 Family structure
 Birth order
 “life circumstances”

6. Begin with the end in mind (Covey)
 What one word would you hope
best describes your child by the
time he/she begins college?

7. What makes people happy?
 Enjoy everyday pleasures
 Gratitude
 Have goals they are working toward
 Value experiences over things

8. Research on character
 “Character traits are three times more likely to
predict a high school student’s future success
than any combination of scores including GPA,
IQ, SAT/ACT scores, or class rank.” - Paul Tough
(2012)

9. Character strengths
 Wisdom and Knowledge(creativity, curiosity,
judgment, love of learning, perspective)
 Courage (bravery, perseverance, honesty, zest)
 Humanity (love, kindness, social intelligence)
 Justice (teamwork, fairness, leadership)

10.  Temperance (forgiveness, humility, prudence,
self-regulation)
 Transcendence (appreciation of beauty and
excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality)

11. Successful parenting involves:
 Tolerating “messiness”
 Not taking everything personally (either failures OR
successes)
 Accepting imperfections
 Keeping a long-term perspective

12. Most effective parenting styles (according
to research on teens):
Permissive…Authoritative…Authoritarian

13. Authoritative Parents:
1) Thoughtful Control
Permissive…Thoughtful Control…Excessive Control
(Involved without hovering)
2) High Warmth
Cold/Disengaged…WARM…Enmeshed
(Compassion, but not symbiosis)
3) Effective Communication
Communication…..Effective……………..Unbounded
Cutoff Communication Talk
Kastner & Wyatt (2009)

14. The Three R’s
RESPECT
RESPONSIBILITY
RISK
PRIVILEGES

15. Technology…
 Media content
(Journal of Pediatrics 2011: Coyne, et. al.)
 Limits for media in general? (AAP suggests 2 hr/day limit
for all electronic media)
 Cell phones?? (American Academy of Pediatrics Council
on Communications suggests wait at least until 11 or 12
years of age)
 Teach clear rules, limits and etiquette for all electronic
media use (don’t be afraid to restrict or monitor!!)

16. Confront your Demons:
 Can you accept your child’s imperfections, mistakes, shortcomings, failures, etc.?
 Do you need your child to achieve in order to feel good about yourself?
 Can you receive and accept negative feedback about your child?
 Do you compare your child to others his/her age and get anxious if they are “behind?”
 What is your greatest fear for your child?
 What is your idealized vision for your child?
 What is your most painful memory as a child?
 What “unfinished business” do you have with your parent(s)?
 Assess your own strengths and weaknesses as a parent…

17. Other issues….
 Role modeling
 Sleep (establish good habits early!)
 Down time
 Family time
 ENJOY now….don’t get too far in the future.

18. QUESTIONS?