Cultivating Your Child's Character Workshop given in January 2015

1. January 2015
Cultivating Your Child’s
Character
Krista Keintz, MS BCBA

2. Alternative Title: How to Train Your Dragon
image via howtotrainyourdragon.com

3. Agenda
 Introductions
 Cultivating Character
 Your Character
Inheritance
 Framework for Building
Character
 Prioritize Legacy
 Define Habit
 Practice Happy
 Make it Work
image via 5feet20.com

4. Welcome! Introductions
 Board Certified Behavior Analyst - science in
which the analysis of behavior is applied
systematically to improve social significant
behavior... in other words, the science of learning
 Montessori Educator - drawn to the concept of the
prepared environment and the possibility for
meaningful, individualized education in a group-
setting
 Unlikely pairing of disciplines but experience has
proven them to have a powerful synergy

5. Introducing, you!
 A little survey with a show of hands...
 How old are your children? Younger than two? Toddler
community? Three-to-six classroom? Six-to-nine classroom?
Older than nine?
 How many children are in your family? One? Two?
Three? Four? More?
 (no show of hands) Do you feel that you have been
successful teaching your children self control & self
discipline? Yes or No?

6. Cultivating Character
 Only 34% of parents say they have been successful
teaching their children self control & self discipline
(Public Agenda, 2002)
 Character is not an item of knowledge which can be
taught through learning or imitation. It is a conquest
made during life through personal exercise and
through personal experience. (Dr. Maria Montessori,
A New World & Education)
 Whether habits are planned and created
conscientiously, or allowed to be haphazardly filled in
by chance, they are habits all the same. Habit rules
ninety-nine percent of everything we do. (Charlotte
Mason)

7. image via gettingunstuckllc.com and irtsociety.com
Would you prefer to navigate to a new place
or take a free, door-to-door express train? Why?
Would you prefer to navigate to a new place
or take a free, door-to-door express train? Why?

8. Combat Decision Fatigue
“The effort of
decision is the
greatest effort of
life.” – Charlotte
Mason
Good habits
decrease # of
difficult
decisions a
person has to
make in a day &
increase his or
her access to
positive
outcomes

9. Invitingly Smooth & Easy
 “It follows that this business of laying down
lines towards the unexplored country of the
child’s future is a very serious and responsible
one for the parent. It rests with him to consider
well the tracks over which the child should
travel with profit and pleasure; and, along
these tracks, to lay down lines so invitingly
smooth and easy that the little traveller is going
upon them at full speed without stopping to
consider whether or not he chooses to go that
way” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 1, p. 109).

10. Not Cookie Cutter
 Tonight I will be
sharing a framework
which is yours to
personalize…
 Consider it a starting
point for your own
journey as a family
this year
image via themomiwanttobe.com

12. Too Many Choices
 Goal One: Support
parents as they
prioritize and
simplify their
approach to
cultivating character
in their children
 Cultivating character is
an expansive task &
more information is not
always better (Jam
Study: 24 jams, 60% try,
3% buy; 6 jams, 40% Source: Iyengar & Lepper. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 2000

13. Reflect on Your Character
Inheritance
 Five minutes of reflection...
 What 5 character qualities were most
valued in your family of origin?
 Which of these qualities would your best
friend say describe you today?
 What 5 character qualities do your
children see you demonstrate most
often?
5
End

14. Survey: Inheritance to Legacy
 How many of the qualities that you identified
as being the most valued in your family of
origin are also qualities that you believe your
children see you demonstrate most often?

15. Observational Learning
 Researchers at Cornell did a fun study…Squirrel
puppet selects 5 red circle toys from box
 A: 100% red circles
 B: 50% red circles & blue flowers
 C: 18% red circles & 82% blue flowers
 3 & 4 year olds asked to give
Squirrel what toy he likes best
 Kids from group C did best!
 “Statistical information plays a major
role in social learning”
Source: Kushnir, T., Xu, F. & Wellman, H. M. (2010). Young children
use statistical sampling to infer the preferences of other
people. Psychological Science, 21, 1134-1140.

16. Prioritize Your Character
Legacy
 Five minutes of reflection...
 Using your Character Qualities Worksheet,
circle 10 character qualities of highest
importance to you
 Consider season of your life as a family and
select top 3 qualities that you want to
strengthen in your child(ren) this year
 If parenting with a partner, compare & look for
overlap
 If you are struggling to decide, consider what
habits are most challenging and select the
opposite character trait
5
End

18. Put Plan into Action
 Write in first three
character qualities in
the first column on
your Cultivating
Character Calendar
 Or on a receipt 

20. Translate a Quality into Habit
 Goal Two: Create
space for each family to
define SPECIFIC habits
of character that they
wish to encourage
 Only 8% of people are
successful at keeping
their New Year’s
resolutions however
those with specific
resolutions are 10x
more likely to meet
their goals
Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2014

21. Define the Habit
 Use next 10 minutes to write down concrete (i.e.
act-out-able) definitions of what each character
quality would look like in action in your family
 Look for a specific, developmentally-appropriate
action to practice
 Toddler: “I demonstrate patience when I sit & wait
when asked for 30 seconds without getting up.”
 3/6: “I demonstrate patience when I quietly play
with my Special Box toys while mom is on the phone.”
 6/9: “I demonstrate patience by making a paper chain
to count down to special events.”
10
End

22. “We can do hard things!”
 Create a lovely visual reminder & display it at
your child’s height in your home. It may
include:
 Character quality
 Definition of the habit
 Ideas on the back
 model
 read aloud
 role play
 celebrate

24. Practice Happy
 Goal Three: Enrich daily practices at home that
will result in meaningful & measurable outcomes.
“Research has shown that the most effective way to
reduce problem behavior in children is to strengthen
desirable behavior through positive reinforcement
rather than trying to weaken undesirable behavior
using aversive or negative processes.”
 Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.

25. A Deliciously Happy Month
 “Let the month of treatment be a deliciously happy month to
him, he living all the time in the sunshine of his mother’s
smile. Let him not be left to himself to meditate or carry out
ugly pranks. Let him feel himself always under a watchful,
loving, and approving eye. Keep him happily occupied, well
amused. All this, to break the old custom which is assuredly
broken when a certain length of time goes by without its
repetition. But one habit drives out another. Lay new lines in
the old place. Open avenues of kindness for him. Let him
enjoy, daily, hourly, the pleasure of pleasing. Get him into
the way of making little plots for the pleasure of the rest—a
plaything of his contriving, a dish of strawberries of his
gathering, shadow rabbits to amuse the baby; take him on
kind errands to poor neighbours, carrying and giving of his
own. For a whole month the child’s whole heart is flowing
out in deeds and schemes and thoughts of lovingkindness,
and the ingenuity which spent itself in malicious tricks
becomes an acquisition to his family when his devices are
benevolent” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 2, pp. 86, 87).

26. Practice Happy
 Model. Children should see
you authentically engaging in
the character quality.
 Read Aloud. Read or tell
stories that showcase the real-
life value of a particular
character trait.
 Role Play. Create FUN
invitations to practice using the
new skills. Personal exercise
& experience trump lectures!
 Celebrate. Flip the “go to the
principal’s office” paradigm.
Celebrate the good & highlight
the natural positive
consequences.
image via nurturingparentsandteachers.com

27. Model
 Dr. Montessori reminds us: “Do not tell them
how to do it. Show them how to do it and do
not say a word. If you tell them they will
watch your lips move. If you show them,
they will want to do it themselves.”
image via pbskids.org

28. Read Aloud
 Select a new story to
enhance your library
that showcases the
character quality
 Consider using library
books, a Starring You
How To Story, video
clip or personal
anecdotes
 Books should be
beautiful & have
literary merit on their
own

29. Role Play
 “Teach by teaching, not by correcting” –
Montessori
 Role plays give children to “try on” new
behavior outside the context of real life
 Do NOT do role plays during the tricky
situation
 Do NOT do role plays right after the tricky
situation
 Do NOT practice the challenging behavior
 Children get good at what they practice

30. Celebrate
 Select a meaningful
way for your family to
celebrate
demonstration of the
character quality for
the month
 3/6: Extra just me & mom
time after phone call
 6/9: Special outing with
dad to zoo after week of
waiting

31. Take 5 to Practice Happy
DAILY
 Aim for 5 minutes of daily practice with each
child on most days
 Set a microwave or phone timer
 Doesn’t have to be fancy – in fact fancy often
interferes with fun
 It should be experienced as fun & exciting!
 Talk with talkers, draw with drawers, act with
actors, sing with singers…
 Role play, sing, read aloud, illustrate, or just play
and consciously model the habit

33. Goal 4: Make the New Way
Work!
Turn the
principal
office upside
down!
Attention for
good, boring if
bad, make new
way work

34. New Road Analogy
 If the new behavior works better than the old
behavior, the child will use the new behavior!
 While the child is learning, you can help her
chose the new way:
 Prompt to Prevent – Be a detour sign, show him
which way to go BEFORE he gets lost
 Close the Old Road – Whenever possible, make
sure the bad behavior doesn’t work anymore
 Sweeten the Pot – Make the new road more fun
by celebrating success

35. ABCs of Behavior Change

36. Encouraged
 "A child who has become master of his acts
through long and repeated exercises, and who
has been encouraged by the pleasant and
interesting activities in which he has been
engaged, is a child filled with health and joy
and remarkable for his calmness and
discipline." (Dr. Maria Montessori, 'The
Discovery of the Child', Clio Press Ltd, 92)

37. Quarterly.
Schedule Character Planning Time
 Schedule a child-
free time every
three months for an
hour of Character
Legacy Planning &
Review
 Review Character
Qualities Worksheet
& select 3 to target
 It is okay to stick
with same three
qualities
image via photo.elsoar.com

38. One Down, Three to Go!
 Use the rest of the time tonight as your first
Character Legacy Planning Time
 Identify three qualities
 Define three habits
 Brainstorm ways to practice happy each of those
habits
 Write down how to make each habit work in your
home
 Please leave your email address if you would
like a friendly reminder from me to help your
own new habit stick!

39. Character Qualities Resources
 Character First: www.characterfirst.com/qualities/
 Josephson Institute: www.charactercounts.org/sixpillars.html
 Character Education Partnership: www.character.org/
 Picture Book Recommendations:
www.apsva.us/cms/lib2/VA01000586/Centricity/Domain/287/character-traits-h
 Ask your child’s classroom teacher for reading recommendations
 Visit the biehus blog: www.biehus.wordpress.org
 Resources drawn from religious texts meaningful to your family
 http://prekandksharing.blogspot.com/2013/12/all-things-character-
education.html

40. Intelligence is not enough.
Intelligence plus character... that is
the true goal of education. - Martin
Luther King, Jr.
Krista Keintz
biehus.wordpress.com
biehuschicago@gmail.com