Part-two of a workshop for families

1. Guiding Your
Strong Willed Child
0 1 2 3 4 5 6

2. Habits of Happy Parents
• Observe to Understand
• Predict & Prepare to Prevent
• Differentially Reinforce
• Be Boring When Bad
• Practice Happy
• Make the New Way Work

3. Top Tools of Happy Parents
• Name the Good
• Sure Y! First X, Then Y
• Blame the Man
• Micro Choices
• Goodbye Junk Demands
• Super Kid Meetings

4. Week Two
Community Name the Good
Family Defining Shared Values
Science Prepare to Prevent
Framework Case of the Missing Sock
At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

5. Why Bother to Name the Good?
“Research has shown that the most effective way to
reduce problem behavior in children is to
strengthen desirable behavior through positive
reinforcement rather than trying to weaken
undesirable behavior using aversive or negative
processes.”
• Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.
Community

6. Name the Good Review
• Joining into child’s existing play, not Pinterest craft
• No demands, corrections or questions!
• This should be experienced as really easy for you
& fun for your child
Reflect
Highlight
Natural Perks
Imitate
Specifically
Describe
C: “I am building a
tower.”
P: “That tower is as
tall as you!”
C: (Set table)
P: “You set the
table, now we can
eat our snack!”
C: (Dancing)
P: (Join in the fun &
dance!)
C: (Scrubbing table)
P: You are
scrubbing the
table!
Community

7. Video Extensions, Way to GO!
Community
• 100% of families participated!
• Congratulations! A strong start!

8. NAME THE GOOD
Small Changes, Big Difference
Community
• Watch out for: QUESTIONS
– So tricky to avoid but worth trying during Name the Good!
– Questions are a demand (withdrawal) since a response is
expected & we want this time to be investment-focused
• Consider: NATURAL POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES
– First ask yourself, What is the natural positive consequence of the
behavior?
– If it is purely social (i.e. to please you) go ahead and use
specific social praise. Aim to highlight process, not outcome.

9. Questions for the Table – 10 Minutes
Community
1. Were you able to set aside 5 min to “play” most days? How did
you make it work as part of your routine?
2. Did you avoid making demands, corrections or asking questions?
What was most difficult to avoid?
3. Did you decide to SPECIFICALLY describe &/or link behavior to its
NATURAL positive consequence?
4. Did you Name the Good by highlighting ONLY those things you
would like to see your child do more of?
End

10. Name the Good – Large Group Q & A
Community
• Questions?
• Reflections?

11. Week Two
Community Name the Good
Family Defining Shared Values
Science Prepare to Prevent
Framework Case of the Missing Sock
At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

12. HAT Meeting Check-in
• What day did you have your HAT meeting?
• What time did you have it?
• How long did it last?
• Same next week or new time?
Family

13. Operational Definitions Refresher
• Objective
– Did I use only observable characteristics?
• Clear
– Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?
• Complete
– Does it include everything I want to include & exclude
everything I want to exclude?
Family

14. Courage Defined
Family
• Value: Courage
• Mantra: “I can do hard things!”
• Specific Examples:
– When legos will not connect, child says, “I can do hard
things!” and tries again.
– When puzzle will not go into place, child says, “I can
do hard things!” and tries again.
– When carrying something heavy, child says, “I can do
hard things!” and picks it up again.

15. Defining Shared Values
Family
• At workshop you wrote your individual values
• At HAT you came up with list of 5-10 shared values
• Tonight, look at that list and pick one value to
practice with…
– Over next 10 minutes, operationally define what that
value would look like as displayed by your child
(consider value, mantra & specific examples)
– Imagine me asking, “Can you be more specific?”
End

16. HAT Meeting Two Assignment
Family
• Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for
each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR
• How will you keep yourself accountable?
Goal for Meeting Two
Continue the project we began tonight! Define what
the values will look like in action in this specific
stage in the life of your family!

17. Week Two
Community Name the Good
Family Defining Shared Values
Science Prepare to Prevent
Framework Case of the Missing Sock
At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

18. Nuts & Bolts of Behavior
Operational
Definitions
Antecedent
Original
Behavior
Replacement
Behavior
Consequence
Science

19. Today’s Gift from Science
Operational
Definitions
Antecedent
Behavior
Consequence
Science

20. Antecedents – What Comes Before!
• It is loud ! child covers his ears…
– Why did he cover his ears?
Antecedents may set the stage for learned behavior
but they do NOT cause behavior
Science

21. Antecedents – What Comes Before!
• Friend nabs a toy ! child hits her friend…
– Why did she hit her friend?
Antecedents may set the stage for learned behavior
but they do NOT cause behavior
Science

22. Antecedents – What Comes Before!
• No snack in car ! yelling, “snack!” …
– Why is child yelling, “snack”?
Antecedents may set the stage for learned behavior
but they do NOT cause behavior
Science

23. Harness Antecedents
• If we can control relevant antecedents we can
decrease opportunity for challenging behavior
– Bjorn can’t jump on chair to see out window to see
passing dogs
– Bjorn can’t reach plant to dig in plant to eat dirt
Science

24. Unset the Stage, if possible
• Use what you have learned from history to prevent
challenging behavior by unsetting the stage
Science

25. Antecedents Don’t “Cause” Bx
• Be warned, if we don’t address the function of the
behavior, trouble (aka Bjorn) might still get by…
Science

26. Not-A-Test
• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best
be described as:
• what happens after a behavior occurs
• what happens before a behavior occurs
• what causes a behavior to occur
• how a child feels before she engages in a behavior
Science

27. Not-A-Test
• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best
be described as:
•
• what happens before a behavior occurs
•
•
Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant
behavior contrary to popular opinion
Science

28. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
Science

29. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not
objective descriptions of behavior
Science

30. Not-A-Test
• Krista believes that the best way to parent is
described in the book:
• The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
• Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
• The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha
Sears
• French Kids Eat Everything by Karen LeBillion
• On Behavior by BF Skinner
• None of the above
Science

31. Not-A-Test
• Krista believes that the best way to parent is
described in the book:
•
•
•
•
•
• None of the above
Parenting is personal! The plan you make at your HAT is the best way for YOU to
parent. Harnessing the science of learning can make parenting easier.
Science

32. Week Two
Community Name the Good
Family Defining Shared Values
Science Prepare to Prevent
Framework Case of the Missing Sock
At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

33. Using Antecedent Interventions
• We use these BEFORE challenging behavior
occurs… they are a “next time” intervention, not a
“right now” intervention
• Appropriate to use ONLY if an antecedent
reliably proceeds a behavior and you have
control of that antecedent
– THESE WILL NOT SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS!
– Often you will need other supports to wrap around
these solutions to make them work
Framework

34. Case of the Missing Sock
• Little Kid: Sally
– Sally is physically able to put on her socks & boots
– Family is preparing to leave for school, Mom asks Sally
to put on her socks & boots so that they can be ready
to go but…
• Almost everyday, Sally can be spotted wandering around
holding her socks while Mom puts a jacket on a younger
sibling and then Mom catches Sally and has to ask her to
put on her socks & boots again. Unless she is next to her, it
never gets done. Most mornings, Mom ends up helping Sally
put them on.
– NOW WHAT?
Framework

35. Case of the Missing Sock
• Little Kid: Sally
• Many options, but one antecedent-based
intervention would be:
– Take Hard Things Out of Hard Times
• Plan to kindly put her socks &/or boots on for her during the
morning transition (don’t ask her to do it by herself first) but let
her practice doing it on her own before fun outings. Keep it
out of the hard time until it isn’t hard anymore!
Framework

36. Case of the Missing Sock
• Big Kid: Bill
– Family is preparing to leave for school, Dad asks Bill to
“get ready to go!” but…
• Almost everyday, Bill can be spotted wandering around
while Dad puts a jacket on a younger sibling and then Dad
catches Bill and has to ask him to get ready again. Bill then
says, “I can’t find my socks!” A sock finding race follows,
usually with Dad doing most of the work. When socks are
found, Bill puts them on but the family is often late as a result.
– NOW WHAT?
Framework

37. Case of the Missing Sock
• Big Kid: Bill
• Many options, but one antecedent-based
intervention would be:
– Prepare to Prevent
• Instead of putting all of Bill’s socks in his sock drawer when
putting laundry away, keep his socks in bag hanging on the
coat rack.
Framework

38. Predict & Prepare to Prevent
• PREDICT and PREPARE to PREVENT
– I do not want to put on a whiney toddler’s boots
• I want to put on a pre-whiney toddler’s boots before he
whines
– I do not want to find a late child’s missing socks
• I want to have a bag of socks on a hook hanging by the
door for the child before he is late
– I do not want to give a hungry, screaming child a snack
• I want to give a hungry child a snack before he screams
Framework

39. Prepare to Prevent
• Using too much toilet paper?
– Create a visual cue to help child see the line. Invite
their participation!
Photo via diyhshp.blogspot.com
Framework

40. Prepare to Prevent
• Yells for snacks on car ride home?
– Put a snack on child’s car seat before you leave to go
pick up child
Photo via amazon.com
Framework

41. Prepare to Prevent
• Usually fights w/ sibling during dinner prep?
– Dinner Bin Time (keep it out of reach during other times!)
Photo via happyhooligans.ca
Framework

42. Prepare to Prevent
• Resisting leaving play to get ready?
– Get ready for bed downstairs before playtime is done
& return to playtime
Photo via makinghomebase.com
Framework

43. Prepare to Prevent
• Picking out outfit difficult?
– Mini Dressing Rack
Photos via etsy.com, designdazzle.com, & onestepahead.com
Framework

44. Move Hard Stuff out of Hard Times
• Take a minute to think about the consistently
difficult times in your day
• What can you take out of those times and put
someplace else?
Framework

45. Week Two
Community Name the Good
Family Defining Shared Values
Science Prepare to Prevent
Framework Case of the Missing Sock
At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

46. Close but not quite right…
• It is NOT: “If X, then Y”
– If you clean your room, then you can have a dance
party.
• It is NOT: “First X, then Y”
– First clean your room, then you can have a dance
party
• It is: SURE Y! First X, Then Y
– Oh you want to have a dance party? (little dance
move) Sure we can have a dance party! First, put
legos in lego bucket, then we will have a dance party!
At-Home

47. Fun Always Follows
Grandpa: Hey Sonny. Oh boy do we have a problem…
Dad: What?
Grandpa: Max wants to come home.
Dad: Well, what’s the problem?
Grandpa: Well look kid, I did everything he wanted to all
right? I mean we got here, he wanted to look for bugs
before we pitched the tent – I did that. He wanted to
have the marshmallows before we looked at the stars – I
did that. Come on, I’ve done everything he wanted to.
Dad: You gave him his paycheck before he did his work.
Parenthood: A House Divided episode
At-Home

48. Sure Y! First X, Then Y!
• Principle 1: Get buy-in
• Principle 2: Order matters… Fun Always Follows
• Principle 3: High probability behavior (things
people choose to do more often) can be used to
increase low probability behavior (things people
choose to do less often)
• Principle 4: Less probable behavior becomes
stronger when arranged this way over time!
Premack’s Principle
At-Home

49. Tips for Introduction
• GOAL: Use behaviors that are strong to strengthen
behaviors that are weak
• Introduce when things are already going well
• TRY DURING DAILY 5!
• Maintain a playful attitude
• Your X request should be short & simple
• If child refuses to do X, don’t make a big deal
about it but NO Y until X is done
At-Home

50. Sure Y! First X, Then Y
X = Something SHORT &
SPECIFIC (& maybe
even fun!)
Y = What Child Asks For
or
Y = What Child is Already
Doing
or
Y = A Simple Choice
At-Home

51. Offer What Child Asks For
• Use what child really likes to do (draw with tub
crayons) to reinforce what child is less excited
about (have hair rinsed)
– C: Can I please use the tub crayons?
– P: Sure! First rinse your hair, then play with tub crayons!
At-Home

52. Offer What Child Asks For
At-Home

53. Offer What Child is Already Doing
• Use what child really likes to do (wrestling) to
reinforce what child is less excited about (put
folder in backpack )
– C: [Wrestling with brother]
– P: Would you like continue to wrestle with your brother?
– C: Yes!
– P: [Parent prepares to separate wrestl-ee because
demands have to be enforceable!]
– P: Okay, first put your folder in your backpack, then 2
minutes of wrestling!
At-Home

54. Offer What Child is Already Doing
At-Home

55. Offer a Simple Choice
• Use what child really likes to do (read a book
together) to reinforce what child is less
excited about (put dirty clothes in bin)
– P: Shall we read Goodnight Moon or Owl Babies?
– C: Goodnight Moon!
– P: [parent gets close to child to help them transition to
pjs]
– P: Okay, first put dirty clothes in laundry bin, then we will
read Goodnight Moon!
At-Home

56. Offer a Simple Choice
At-Home

57. At-Home Extension
• Questions for your consideration…
– Were you able to create an opportunity daily?
– Did you start by saying “Sure!”?
– Did you keep your X request small & simple (& fun!)?
– Did you ensure that Y happened as soon as X was
completed? (& that Y didn’t happen until X was
completed?)
At-Home

58. At-Home

59. Making this Work at Home
• Guided Practice Every Workshop Week
– HAT meeting
• This week: Work towards defining 5-10 shared values (Mantra
& Examples)
– Daily Five
• This week: Include a Sure Y! First X, then Y in your play
– 30-Second Video
• This week: Email Sure Y! First X, then Y by Saturday
• Invite child to role play if it is too difficult to catch it live
At-Home

60. Questions, Comments?
Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com
Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com
At-Home