Astd g&g webinar

!
! TM

!
The Power of Balance!

Leslie Williams, MCC
www.grit-and-grace.com"
304.876.6934

Objectives! 2

■  Gain an understanding of how style forms and changes
■  Learn about the “grit and grace” model of inﬂuence, as a way to better "

- understand and develop yourself"

- guide colleagues, clients and customers on issues of style

■  Gain practical tips on how to develop greater stylistic balance, so you can
inﬂuence more effectively – and help others to do the same.

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011. Not for use, reproduction or distribution without prior written permission.

Background! 3

■  Over 20 years executive coaching experience revealed a recurring client
challenge: leadership style was criticized as being ‘too hard’ or ‘too soft.’"
"
“How do I ﬁnd an inﬂuence style that’s both authentic and effective?”!

■  This has been a particularly strong theme for my female leader clients.

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011. Not for use, reproduction or distribution without prior written permission

Background (cont’d)! 4

■  Almost every act of leadership involves the ability to inﬂuence others.
■  So effective power/inﬂuence style is critical to success for leaders and
leadership development professionals alike.

■  Yet style goes largely unexamined, until/unless it presents a problem.

■  What if we could get ahead of that curve and "
become more conscious and skillful before "
we hit the “style skids?”


Anatomy of Style! 5

Beliefs
Behavior

Results = Pattern / Style
•  Successful

•  Self-reinforcing
•  Automatic / Habitual


Style and Gender! 6

■  Because inﬂuence style is such an important ingredient in career success,
leaders - men and women - need to pay attention to style issues.


Style and Gender (cont’d)! 7

§  However, organizations still tend to relate differently to men and women on
issues of style.

§  They tend to apply considerably more scrutiny to women’s styles than to
men’s. So women deal with this issue more often and acutely.

§  “Stylistic bell curve.” "

■  Changing…but slowly.


The Influence Style Continuum! 8

+
+
Direction
Inclusion
“GRIT”
Challenge
Support
“GRACE”

Clarity

" Tact
Assertive
Decisiveness
Collaboration
Supportive
" Objective
Task/fact focus
Sensitive
Relationship focus
"


Grit & Grace! 9

■  Neither is better or worse; each has its strengths.
■  We tend to be a mix.

■  That said, we tend to prefer one pole: more comfortable, natural and
practiced. “Home base.”

■  Where is home base for you?


A Tale of Two Leaders! 10

■  CFO of a telecommunications"
company (Donna)

GRIT

GRACE

■  H.R. manager at a "
consulting ﬁrm (Susan)

Their styles worked beautifully…until they didn’t. What happened?


■  Successes solidify our place on the continuum. That style works for us..."
"
"
"
"
"
Perils of Over-Investment!
"
"
11
11
"
"
" +
+
" Direction
Inclusion
" Challenge
Support

“Grit” Clarity
Tact “Grace”
Decisiveness
Flexibility
"

Task focus
Relationship focus
"
"
Aggression
Indecision
"
Intimidation
Overprotection
"
“Growl” Perfectionism
Avoidance “Gum”
"
Inﬂexibility
Inconsistency
"
Insensitivity
Inequity
"
- -
"

"

Key Points! 12

■  When we get feedback of “You’re too hard” or “too soft,” we tend to
hear, “You need to become a different person.” NO!

■  Your style preference in itself is not the problem.

■  It’s a source of strength.


Key Points (cont’d)! 13

■  What CAN become a problem is relying too heavily on your preferred
style to the neglect of its opposite.

■  Then, your style gets out of balance, and you can become:

•  vulnerable to the downsides of your favored style"

•  less versatile

•  “allergic” to the other style, leaving critical strengths
untapped."


He Said It Best! 14

“Power without love [grit without grace] is reckless

and abusive; love without power [grace without

grit] is sentimental and anemic.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


Feedback: The Wake-Up Call! 15

■  Because we’re often unconscious about our style, it often takes
feedback to bring it into our awareness.

■  As uncomfortable as style feedback is, it is a valuable call to growth.

■  There are more and less productive ways to deal with that feedback.


4 “Reactive” Responses! 16

§  Blame: “I wouldn’t have to be so … if you weren’t so…”

§  Intensify: hyper-engage the current style


4 Reactive Responses (cont’d)! 17

■  Abandon: escape current style and adopt "
the opposite

■  “Whack-a-mole:” jump from style to style to
avoid getting hammered


Generative Response! 18

■  Import and integrate the healthy aspects of the opposite style

þ  Stay rooted in your preference (strength) AND
þ  Incorporate the best aspects of the opposite (versatility)


The Result of Integration! 19

Grit:

Grace:

Directness

Compassion"

with heart

with backbone


How Integration Happens! 20

■  Achieving integration is not a quick ﬁx; it takes attention and practice over
time.

■  The foundation: "

an understanding of your own style, with its "

strengths and limitations. "
"
"

With this awareness comes the power of choice!"


How Integration Happens (cont’d) ! 21

■  From that awareness, you can develop some of the opposite side’s
perspectives, skills and habits.

■  There are many “practices” that can help you start achieving a more
balanced, integrated style. Here are a few "
to get you or your clients started.


For Grit Preference:!
“Grace-Strengthening” Practices! 22

■  Observe yourself – “What gets my ‘grit’ going? What’s going on for me then?” Look for
patterns and prepare new ways to respond.

■  Listen, listen, listen, from a place of true curiosity. Don’t worry about being impressive.
Concentrate on being impressed.

■  “Dual bottom line.” Use every interaction as an opportunity to strengthen BOTH the
task AND the relationship.

■  Physical exercise: Yoga, tai chi, chi gong, dance (anything that increases ﬂexibility)

■  Emotions: look for internal frustration. This is a dominant emotion for people with a Grit
preference. It’s a signal to slow your pace and soften your approach. Pushing harder
can just bog down task accomplishment.

■  Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your
style – both when you drive too hard and when you take steps to be more collaborative.


For Grace Preference:!
3
“Grit-Strengthening” Practices! 23

■  Observe yourself – “When/why do I sacriﬁce my needs or point of view?” Look for
patterns and prepare new ways to respond.

■  Practice identifying your wants and needs.

■  Practice saying “no.” Start small and build up.

■  Physical exercises: Pilates, weight lifting, yoga (anything that increases physical
strength)

■  Emotions: look for internal resentment. This is a dominant emotion for people with
Grace preference. It tells you that someone has crossed a line and that there’s
something you need to confront.

■  Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your
style – both when you collapse and when you take steps to assert yourself.


Summing Up! 24

■  Style evolves over time and is driven both from the inside (you) and the outside
(your environment).

■  While most of us are a mix of grit and grace, we tend to prefer one side of the
spectrum.

■  Overinvestment in one side to the neglect of the other can cause a stylistic
imbalance that can impede your effectiveness.

■  The key to effectiveness is integrating the two sides, staying rooted in your
preference while embracing the best aspects of the other. You’re become
more effective without becoming someone you’re not.


Thank you!! 25

For my website and blog, go to
http://grit-and-grace.com/grit-and-grace-notes/

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011

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