The document discusses various topics related to attraction and relationships, including physical attractiveness, gender differences in attraction preferences, the matching hypothesis which suggests people seek partners with similar levels of attractiveness, and how proximity and reciprocity can influence relationship formation. It also defines different types of love including eros, ludus, storge, pragma, mania, and agape, and discusses the differences between romantic love and companionate love.

1. Attraction Chapter 11

2. Activity What do you find attractive? Generate a list of things you find attractive and would look for in a potential mate. What is your ideal package of qualities? Now break up into groups of 4 and generate a group list. Discussion

3. Attraction Copyright(C)2002 artsperfection.org.

4. Attraction Attraction: A force that draws people together. Two forms of interpersonal attraction are: friendship love

5. Physical Attractiveness Physical attraction is the key factor determining romantic attraction. Physical attraction includes: facial structure, tallness, figure, breasts, etc.

6. Which face do you find more attractive (facial structure)?

7. United States view on tallness Society’s view on tallness and gender. Tallness is associated with social dominance. College women prefer their dates to be about 6 inches taller than they are, whereas college men, on average, prefer women to be 4.5 inches shorter. Shortness is perceived to be a liability for both men and women. Did you Know? In our society, greater height = greater income?

8. Breasts and attractiveness There is a stereotype in our society that men prefer larger breasts. In essence, the bigger the better. While there is some support for this, one study found that people seem to have an exaggerated idea of the sizes the other gender actually prefers.

9. What about weight? This tends to be a cultural phenomena. While some cultures value being “full-figured”, there is great pressure in our society to be slender. Body image: men vs. women.

11. Gender Differences in Attraction. Women place greater emphasis than men on traits like vocational status, earning potential, expressiveness, kindness, consideration, dependability and fondness for children. Men give more consideration to youth, physical attractiveness, cooking ability and frugality. Cross-cultural studies have discovered similar attitudes.

13. Stereotypes of Attractive People Attractive adults and children tend to be judged and treated more positively by their peers. We judge attractive people as popular, intelligent, mentally healthy and fulfilled. We expect attractive people to be persuasive and hold prestigious jobs. We even expect them to be good parents and have stable marriages .

14. Culture and Attractiveness. Culture differences exist in attractiveness preferences. For example, in some African cultures, being full-bodied is attractive, whilst in American culture, super-thin is viewed as the “ideal”. However, there are many similarities. For example, in terms of feminine beauty, a small nose, thin cheeks and full lower lip are seen as attractive across many cultures.

15. The Matching Hypothesis Matching Hypothesis: The view that people generally seek to develop relationships with people who are similar to themselves in attractiveness and other attributes, such as attitudes. Researchers have found that people who are dating steadily, engaged or married tend to be matched in physical attractiveness. Young married couples even tend to be matched in weight.

16. Attraction and Similarity Similarity in attitudes and tastes is a key contributor to initial attraction, friendships, and love relationships. However, women appear to place a greater emphasis than men do on attitude similarity as a determinant of attraction. Men seem to value attitude similarity in terms of sexuality rather than religious attitudes whereas women find religious attitudinal similarity to be more important.

17. Proximity and Reciprocity We tend to develop relationships with individuals in close proximity to us. This makes sense as we are more likely to interact with individuals in closer proximity. People who live closer together also tend to have similar attitudes. Reciprocity: The tendency to return feelings and attitudes that are expressed about us.

18. Sexual Orientation Sexual Orientation: The directionality of one’s romantic or erotic interests—that is, whether one is sexually attracted to, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the other or the same gender. Heterosexual: Referring to people who are sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the other gender. Homosexual: Referring to people who are sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the same gender. Bisexual: A person who is sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of either gender.

19. Friends

20. Friends Clique: A small group of close friends who share confidences. Crowd: A large number of loosely knit friends who share activities. Friends play a major role throughout our lives. In late adulthood, for example, the quality of friendliness is associated with psychological well-being.

21. What Qualities are Important? Psychology Today magazine’s survey of 40,000 readers found the following characteristics to be the 6 most important for friends: Ability to keep confidences, loyalty, warmth and affection, supportiveness, honesty and frankness, humor.

22. LOVE

23. Styles of Love Eros (cupid): Romantic love. Love at first site. “We are perfect for each other.” “I am turned on by you! Ludus: game playing love. “I keep my lover up in the air about my commitment”, “I get over love affairs pretty easily. Storge: Friendship-love. Storge is loving attachment, deep friendship, or nonsexual affection. Pragma: Pragmatic, or logical love. “I consider a lover’s potential in life before committing myself.” Mania: Possessive, excited love. “I get so excited about my love that I cannot sleep.” Agape: Selfless love. “I would do anything I can to help my lover.”

24. Romantic Love in Today’s Society When we speak of falling in love, we are referring to romantic love. Romantic Love: a passionate form of love involving strong erotic attraction to another combined with desires for intimacy. It can evolve to: Companionate Love: a form of love involving intimacy and commitment but without a strong element of passion. What do you think the difference is between romantic love and comanionate love? How might the six styles of love discussed earlier evolve into companionate love?

25. Sternberg Intimacy: Based on the sharing of intimate (deeply personal) information and feelings of mutual acceptance (this is the emotional aspect of love). Passion: Involves sexual attraction and the desire for sexual intimacy (this is the motivational force of love). Commitment: The cognitive, or decisional component of love.

27. Romantic Versus Companionate Love Does Romantic love provide a sound basis for marriage or long-term partnerships? Hill (1976) followed 200 couples in college over a two year period during which over half broke up. People are more likely to maintain relationships if they have developed companionate love.

28. Loneliness People who are lonely, as compared to those who are not, tend to show the following behavior patterns: They spend more time by themselves They are more likely to eat dinner alone They are more likely to spend weekends alone They engage in fewer social activities They are unlikely to be dating Loneliness tends to peak during adolescence and older adulthood.

29. Causes of Loneliness Lack of social skills Lack of interest in other people Lack of empathy High self-criticism Failure to disclose information about themselves Cynicism about human nature Demanding too much too soon General pessimism An external locus of control Lack of sense of community

30. What To Do? Make frequent social contacts Combat shyness Be assertive Become a good listener Let people get to know you Fight fair Tell yourself that you’re worthy of friends Find an on-campus job Make use of college counseling center services