Why are some parents a challenge?

1. What happens when
your
…meets ..
My child
never lies!!
Brain
theangryparent.

2. But 1st, ….
… a brief review of
neurophysiology

3. The Triune
Brain
Brainstem
(Reptilian Brain)
Cortex (Human Brain)
Limbic System
(Mammalian Brain)
The Three Me’s; All Fighting to Be
And
it is
not
just
men
“People
regress
under
stress or
when
angry”

4. Spinal Cord
Cervical
Midbrain
Pons
Temporal Lobe
Diencephalon &
basal ganglia
Frontal Lobe
Thoracic
Lumbar
Sacral
Cerebellum
Occipital lobe
Parietal lobe
Central Sulcus
Brainstem
Medulla
Limbic

5. What’s the
brain’s primary
purpose?

6. Is there any
problem with
that?

7. differentiate between
purely psychological
threats and fully real
threats.
“It is just a
matter of degree”
Your does not
Yes, there is!

8. Hippocampus
Amygdala
Limbic System
(Mammalian Brain)

9. Natures Built-in
Alarm System
The Amygdala
Fight
Or
Part of the
Limbic
System
Anger is energizing part of this systemAnger
• At the core of the social neural network.
• Organizes & appraises history of sig. past interpersonal encounters
• Source of prejudice, gender bias, love at 1st sight projections
• Amygdala colors sensory info with feelings
* Tend or Befriend

10. The
Amygdala
Central Part of
Limbic System
• over reactive in panic attacks and PTSD
Connections to:
Hypothalamus
(BP / heart rate)
Trigeminal nerve
(facial display of fear)
Etc., etc.
Reticulo Puntis Caudalis
(startle reflex)
Fun facts :
• fully operational @ birth
• one trauma can mark
it for life
• It is an almond-shaped
communications hub
deep in the brain
Essential part of “Rage” circuit of brain
*

11. Amygdala
• Amygdala linked with other brain structures (e.g.
orbital frontal cortex, thalamus) which have been
implicated in emotional processing
• Overactive amygdala could be sign of “excitotoxicity”,
a lethal kind of overactivity that kills cells.
• Amygdala also involved in emotional memory
• Men's & women's amygdalas respond differently to
emotional situations.
• Men have an increase in glucose metabolism on
amygdala's right side; women on left side
• Whole brain has different patterns of
response in men versus women
More fun facts :

12. Hippo_campus
• Studies of adults with PTSD
from combat / child abuse
show hippcampi to be
smaller than normal
• Helps “explicit” memory
• Reality testing
• Inhibition of amygdala
• Hippocampus rich in
Glucocorticoids (GC)
receptors, has negative feedback
role with adrenal gland to inhibit
GC production, if hippocampus
detects too many GC’s, it then
sends a message via the
hypothalamus or
pituitary to adrenal gland to slow
down GC production
Comes on-line at 4 - 5 years
of age.

13. Fight or
Body’s response:
• Energy is mobilized via increased cardiovascular
& muscular tone
• Increased levels of glucocorticoids, epinephrine,
and endogenous opioids
• Digestion, growth, immune responses inhibited
When in

14. Acute
- can hurt
cardiovascular
system
vs
Chronic
- can weaken
immune
system
However, prolonged arousal of negative
emotion (such as anger) leads to negative stress

15. When stressed:
1. Adrenal glands release
epinephrine (aka adrenaline)
> heart rate
> breathing rate
2. Adrenal glands release
cortisol & other gluco-
corticoids
> converts sugar to energy
3. Nerve cells release nor-
epinephrine
> muscle tension
> senses sharpen
< digestion
• Too much (glucocorticoids) hurts immune system
• Too much epinephrine can damage arteries

16. Fast response
Brain Circuits
Slow response
Brain Circuits
• Action taken in microseconds
• Good for immediate survival
• Frontal lobe / cortex by-passed
• “Burn the furniture” mode
• Primitive brain rules
• Emotion rules
• No room for error
• No role for will power
• Instincts and past trauma
• Dumb
• Implicit (isolated)
• Taxon memory system
• Action taken in seconds to years
• Good for long-term survival
• Entire assets of brain available
• Balance between current/future needs
• Higher centers normally prevail
• Emotion & reason work together
• Room for error
• Great role for will power
• Sum total of life experiences
• Smart
• Explicit (fully contextualized)
• Locale memory system

17. Looking at inside view of the right hemisphere
Frontal Lobe

18. • Self-
Direction
• Goal
Directedness
• Self-
Regulartion
• Response
Selection
• Response
Inhibition
Components
of Executive
Control
inferior orbital
prefrontal
area (inside view,
right half of brain)
Functions of
the Frontal
Lobe
Frontal Lobe =
Separates us the most
from all other animals
First to shut down
with strong emotion
or drugs

19. inferior orbital
prefrontal area
(inside view)
• forward thinking
• impulse control
• self-monitoring
& supervision
• problem solving
• critical thinking
• forward thinking
• learning from
experience &
mistakes
PREFRONTAL CORTEX SYSTEM
The most evolved brain system
• empathy
• planning
• judgment
• perseverance
• attention span
• critical thinking
• organization
• influences the limbic
system
• ability to feel & express
emotions
F
U
N
C
T
I
O
N
S

20. Tour is
Over

21. What’s this have to
due with parental ire?
• Reptilian brain just about physical survival and
survival of the species
• Mammalian brain is all of that and concerned
about survival of relationships
• Human brain is all of that and concerned with
survival of concepts and identity

22. What’s this have to
due with parental ire? (con’t)
• A raging parent drops through all three levels
– Cortex speaking “The principal is not being reasonable
nor is she/he valuing my opinion”
– Limbic system speaking “This school doesn’t care
about my kid!”
– Reptilian “Your under attack, fight back now. Win at
all costs.”

23. • Limbic dominated
• Frontal lobe
unavailable
• Fight or take flight
• Illogical
• Generalizes quickly
• Limbic influenced
• Frontal lobe
available
• Problem – solve
• Appears logical to self
• Generalizes slowly
Rage versus Resentment

24. Anger Reduction Techniques for Self
• Focus on breathing other bodily states and wait it out
• Don’t ruminate (mental/physical catharsis way over rated)
• Don’t bang on a pillow
• Use distraction requiring intense concentration for hot phase
• Write down topic to be addressed following hot phase
• Find a trusted friend who doesn’t give cheap agreement
– Dangerous to simply seek agreement for your perceived victimization
• Review purpose of anger (to motivate pursuit of change )
• Review dangers of anger (loss of problem-solving skills)
• Pray for thy enemies
•

25. Reduction Techniques for others
• If parent enraged, it is too early to problem-solve
• Do periodic gut check on how “hooked” or “ego-
involved” you are
• Gently address issue of parent’s anger level
– “It seems as if this situation makes you quite angry.”
– “I’d love to work on this situation with you, do feel we can have that
discussion now or would it be better to wait.”
• Stay out of other’s personal space
• Backup (metaphorically speaking) until you reach common
ground
– “Can we agree that we both want Johnny to succeed.”
• Validate concerns when possible
– “I guess if I felt no one was concerned about my child, I too would be
upset.”

26. Characteristics of Resentment
“ Natural function of resentment is to keep in
consciousness a relationship that is in trouble”
(e.g. We tend to think about
significant others most often when
we feel resentment towards them,
otherwise we tend to focus on
matters at hand)
1. Resentment is the distance between the way the world is and
the way you want it to be.
2. Has to be addressed one resentment at a time.
3. Best treatment is to move into your core value.
4. Resentment makes unimportant things important

27. 1. Angry people view cooperation as submission to
powers greater than themselves.
(however, with assistance they could
reframe same situation as making
contribution to a cause greater than themselves)
2. Makes them feel vulnerable, devalued and
powerless .
3. Anger provides energy and motivation to
protect, move into battle and restore value,
but often unsuccessful if not done correctly.

28. Core Values
• Life force (you are born with it),
infants need to be valued and
to express value
• Everybody has builtin desire to connect
• All have desire to build, correct, heal (motivational state)
• Not typically felt as an separate emotion
• Valuing is an empowered state (you don’t feel powerlessness)
• Anger is un-empowered state
• Real power is acting in your own best interest
• People who feel powerless/devalued are most likely to get angry
• My well-being is dependent on you doing something
• You try to control your own emotions by controlling others
• But compassionate behavior makes you feel more powerful
• Power struggles means somebody has to be humiliated (and
subsequently devalued) which keeps the cycle going
• Core hurts not simply something bad, but offer guidance
Value
Feel
better
Feel
Worse

29. • 1. Story of helping a child dying in the desert.
• 2. You are in touch with your core values while
helping that child.
• 3. Make 8 boxes on one piece of paper and respond
to core value block below
Core Value exercise to build one’s core values
Close eyes to enter right hemisphere (allows better use of imagination)
Most important
thing about you
as a person.
What is the
most important
thing about
the relationship
with the person for
whom you
hold resentment .
What in nature
is beautiful or
holds value
for you
List something
Man-make
that gives
emotional
response
Values can’t
all have
same level of
importance. If stuck,
“Work the Why’s”
Write names of
everybody you
love & picture
their faces
Groups whose
values/beliefs
you share
What’s bigger
than you &
holds spiritual
significance
3
compassionate
things you
have done
Core Value Blocks
Page 1

30. • 4. Think of somebody you are resenting of late.
• 2. Go to your core value blocks below and review each one.
• 3. This should block the resentment in your mind. Your brain prefers
valuing, but many people are in habit of devaluing
Core Value exercise (Continued)
What is the
most important
thing about
the relationship
for the person with
whom you
hold resentment .
What
is beautiful /
holds value
for you
Something
make by a person
that you have an
emotional
response to
Write names of
everybody you
love & picture
their faces
Something that has
a communal (not
personal) connection
for you (you share
values/important
with the group)
Your
spiritual
beliefs
3
compassionate
things you
have done
Core Value Blocks
Page 2
Most important
thing about you
as a person.