Teh birth of teh cute

1. Welcome (back) to Already in Progress, the only story that starts in the middle! Do you
know, I’ve been playing the Sims for five years, and yet not even one of my Sims did this
until about four months ago? Now that the game’s figured out that “Rub Belly” is part of
its programming, it happens all the time.
Well, okay, more than it used to.
Okay, so Simon loves to stand around rubbing his belly. (mutters) Knowledge Sims.
Right! So! Without any further ado, let’s rejoin our story: Already in Progress…

2. Now, last time asked you if a pair of pictures showed pregnancy or food poisoning, and
told you that the answer was “yes.” That was absolutely true. (And if you were paying
attention earlier, this is not news at all.)
SIMON: I’m glad you’re feeling so much better, Lucy.
LUCY: Me too! I hate throwing up.
SIMON: Did you ever figure out what it was?
LUCY: I think it was the moo shoo pork. But it could have been the General Tso’s
chicken.
So, if Lucy had food poisoning, then that means…

3. OLIVER: Is there really a baby in there, Daddy?
SIMON: Yep, there really is.
OLIVER: But how can you be having a baby? You don’t have a uterus.
SIMON: It’s an ectopic pregnancy using an artificial placenta and special hormone
treatments. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?
OLIVER: No, that’s okay. But how is the baby going to get out of you? You don’t have a
v –
SIMON (quickly): You know what? Daddy really has to pee now. I’ll explain it to you
later. (mutters, as he waddles away) Say, when you’re ninety and I’m dead.

4. I’m sure Simon would like to think about the actual childbirth process as little as
humanly possible.
SIMON: Aaaaaaugh! Lucy! Help! How did you do this?!
LUCY (mumbles sleepily): Shush, Simon. ‘M sleepin.
SIMON: And I’m having a baby! Help! Help! Aaaaaaugh!
LUCY: So? ‘Snot my baby…
SIMON: Aaaaaaaaaugh! Aaaaaaaaugh aaaaaaugh aaaaugh!

5. Labor ended eventually – although not anywhere near soon enough for Simon – and little
Sally made her AiP debut. Sally is teh cute, and she has a nose!
SIMON: Here, Lucy. Hold her for a minute, will you?
LUCY: Wait – what do you mean, “Hold her for a minute”? You’re not going to have
another one, are you? I specifically told you, “No green babies.” I said it twice. One
could come under the heading of a loophole, but –
SIMON: No, there’s only one baby. I’m just hungry.
Actually, something about Sally in this picture reminds me of my sister when she was
little. Although I doubt she’d appreciate the comparison…

6. And unfortunately, this always seems to happen right about the second grandchild…
GRIM REAPER: Mr. .ittl…ag..?

7. Jasper Littledragon, age – none of your business. Jasper was a Fortune Sim who picked
Jasmine all on his own, completely derailing my carefully planned plot. (I gave up on
ever completing a plot not too long afterwards.) Jasper received a sports car as a reward
for providing his wife with twin daughters, and had it taken away again as a punishment
for falling for a displaced-African-royalty internet phishing scam. He never did win that
Most Supportive Father Ever award he was after, but his daughters loved him anyway.
And he never once mentioned that he had more bolts for his mother-in-law than for his
wife.
Rest in peace, Jasper.

8. SAMANTHA: Granda? Is Da going to have a baby?
PERRY: Not that I know of.
SAMANTHA: Well, how about Ba? Is he going to have a baby?
PERRY: I don’t think so. Men usually don’t have babies. (mutters) Unfortunately. (in his
normal voice) Why do you ask?

9. SAMANTHA: Well, Da fell asleep in his dinner the other night. Cousin Oliver says that
his daddy did that after he was abducted. And then Ba’s stomach has gotten big, and
Oliver says that his daddy’s stomach is really big now. Really big, like he swallowed a
basketball.
PERRY: Your Ba’s just been eating too much, and your Da needs to learn to not have
Nyquil until after dinner. Neither of them is pregnant. (mutters) More’s the pity.

10. But all that talk of Simon’s pregnancy led to Harkon inviting his cousin-in-law over one
afternoon. And then to talk of aliens, babies and rocket ships that continued until Simon
had to either go home or wet himself.

11. Samantha likes the lemonade stand, and will spend hours selling lemonade to anyone and
everyone who comes by. Usually, this is one of her fathers, or her grandfather. As you
can see, though, that’s not always true.
I swear, until Dante started liking them, I had no idea there were so many redheaded girls
in the neighborhood!
I can guarantee you that he won’t be interested in this one, though. Ew.

12. In fact, Samantha was at the lemonade stand when she got a terminal case of the
sparklies.
SAMANTHA: Whoa, check it out! I look good!
HARKON: Hon? We’re going to have to have a word about that skirt. (sniffles) I can’t
believe we’re old enough to have a teenage daughter!
NIREL: Speak for yourself.
HARKON: Huh?
NIREL: I’m only fourteen years older than Sam. It is literally impossible for me to have a
teenage daughter. You, now – you’re old enough. Barely.
HARKON: Hey!
NIREL: But you’re right: we have lost the pitter-patter of little feet far too soon. Adopt A
Child +8000?
HARKON: Adopt A Child +8000. Definitely.

13. What’s this at the Tang household? Has something gone wrong? (suspiciously) Mifune
hasn’t been doing something underhanded at work, has he?

14. Oh, it’s just a puppy! What a relief! Er, sorry ‘bout that, Miffers.
Mostly I wanted to see if the Adopt Pet option still worked, or if Cillian’s asking for a
kitten had permanently broken it, but everyone was happy to see the family grow.
However, the game still thinks that Cillian’s non-existent kitten is part of the family, and
people roll up Wants and Fears related to it, so my ’hood’s probably fried.

15. Speaking of growing, Eileen doesn’t look as good in those white stretch capris as she
used to. She has swapped them in for a more flattering outfit. The string bikini, low-
backed side-cutout evening gown, and skintight jeans went the same way as the white
stretch capris.

16. The skimpy hot-pink nightie stayed. Mifune likes it.

17. And more wardrobe changes are in order. Not so much because the girls grew up into bad
outfits – they didn’t – but because I’m just a leetle bit of a control freak.
Well, I play the Sims, don’t I? That proves it.
Myrna is Pleasure, and I forget Louise’s aspiration. Fortune or Popularity, I think. Those
tend to be what I give Sims that I can’t get a handle on yet.
Incidentally, didn’t they turn out pretty? What with Mifune’s facial peculiarities and
Eileen’s mannish handsome looks, I thought Myrna and Louise would come out looking
kind of odd, but nope. They’re probably closer to template-face than I’d like, but I can
live with that.

18. And speaking of growing up, Edgar’s done it too.
CHARLOTTE: Hey, Eddie – Ripp Grunt called. He wants his outfit back.
EDGAR: Ripp Grunt is a fictional character. And I like this outfit. I look good!

19. CHARLOTTE: If by “good,” you mean “like a dweeb,” then you’re right.
EDGAR: Hey!
CHARLOTTE: (releasing him) Aw, I’m just teasing. Come on, let’s go wish Dads a
happy anniversary.

20. Tyrone and Matthias had a very low-key Golden Anniversary party – a few family
members and no official “party” elements like music, games, or catered spreads. Being
with his family was all Tyrone wanted.
TYRONE: I just wanted to say thank you, Ryan. Thank you for all this. (pulls his brother
into a hug)
RYAN (bewildered): Uh… You’re welcome, I guess. I didn’t do anything. We’ve never
even been all that close. Do you remember when you came home from college and I
didn’t remember who you were?
TYRONE: And you called me “mister”? Of course I remember! If you hadn’t done that, I
wouldn’t have gone to the Brotherhood’s toy store to buy you something, and I never
would have met Matt, or had any of the kids. I mean, it hurt at the time, but I got so much
good out of it that I can’t be anything but grateful. Thanks, kiddo.
RYAN: Well, you’re welcome. Uh… Do you think you could maybe let go of me now?

21. Pleasure Sim Charlotte and Pop Sim Dante keep on bringing home friends from school.
Bets on who brought which one home?

22. How ‘bout now? (This one’s a little harder, since they’re both redheads and neither one is
female.)
We won’t be able to play this game any more, though, because next time Charlie and Don
are off to college.
I hope there are redheaded girls at college.

23. Although with the nest emptying out, Matt seems to have returned to a topic Tyrone really hoped
had been forgotten.
MATTHAIS: I’ve been thinking: even though I’m past childbearing years now, I’m sure I can
still do the Work of Hobbes in some way.
TYRONE: I don’t think you can, Matt.
MATTHAIS: No, I’m sure I can! If I just try hard enough –
TYRONE: Okay, Matt, then explain something to me. What exactly is the Work of Hobbes?
MATTHAIS: Well, um. It’s… um. Well, having green babies, and uh, encouraging other men to
have green babies, and.
TYRONE: No, that’s the mission of the Brotherhood. If I remember correctly, Hobbes is in
charge of our lives and the lives of others, just as Iolanthe was before him, and as Esme would
have been before her.
MATTHAIS: Well, yes…
TYRONE: There’s really no way we could handle that. Frankly, sometimes it’s all I can do to
make it to the toilet before I wet myself. Can you imagine trying to convince someone else to do
that? And why would you want to do the Work of Hobbes in the first place?
MATTHAIS (shamefacedly): I thought that maybe if I did the Work of Hobbes, he’d give me
back my green skin. He took it away, so.
TYRONE (sighs): Matt, you had threeps. This is not the punishment of Hobbes.
And this is straying a bit to far into the realm of things that polite people do not talk about over
the dinner table. (According to Miss Manners, these topics are: woohoo, religion, politics, money,
and anything to do with the potty.) So let’s move on now, shall we?

24. TIMOTHY: So, birthday girl – what do you want to do for your birthday?
SARAH JANE: Can we do anything I want? Really anything?
TIMOTHY: Of course! It’s your birthday.
SARAH JANE: Then I want to dress up and go somewhere nice for dinner. That means
suits and ties for you guys. And I’m going to do my hair special.
TIMOTHY: Um, okay…
SARAH JANE: You said anything I wanted!
TIMOTHY: So I did. Go get dressed up, then. (calls) Descartes! Do you remember where
your suit is?
DESCARTES (calls back from upstairs): I own a suit?

25. And they did get dressed up. Everyone looked really great, and I had trouble getting them
out the door before Sarah Jane grew up on her own. Unfortunately, when Sims go to a
community lot and it’s cold out, the automatically change into their outerwear. And then
when they get inside the restaurant, they either don’t take their coats off at all, or they
change back into their everyday outfits. So that was time wasted.
But Sarah Jane had a nice birthday dinner anyway.

26. And when they got home and had cake, she grew up into a not-to-horrible outfit. It’s
actually quite a nice outfit really – I just think that it washes Sarah Jane out a bit, since
she’s so pale already. I think a wardrobe change is in order, but there’s no real rush.

27. Tim decided that he didn’t want a nice dinner out for his birthday – he wanted to have
cake for breakfast and then lounge around in his pajamas until sparklies time. Since it
was his birthday, that was exactly what they did.
I think Descartes was pretty happy about that choice too.
And speaking of nice dinners out…

28. Trixie had arranged to have one with her mysterious phone friend.
TRIXIE: Hi. My name’s Trixie. I’m supposed to be meeting someone here.
HOSTESS: Well, whoever it is hasn’t shown up yet – we don’t have anyone waiting.
You want to sit in the lounge, or you want me to show you to a table?
TRIXIE: Table, please. When he gets here, his name’s Kacper.
HOSTESS: Ahuh… (knowingly) First date?
TRIXIE: Maybe.

29. TABLE SERVER: Can I get you anything yet, miss?
TRIXIE: No thanks. He hasn’t shown up yet? Redheaded dead guy in a cape? Named
Kacper?
TABLE SERVER: No, miss. No dead guys at all, regardless of hair color. You sure I
can’t bring you something? You’ve been here almost two hours – you must be hungry…
TRIXIE: Not yet. I’ll just give him a few more minutes.
Alas, Kacper never materialized. Poor Trixie.
Why are my alien girls so unlucky in love?

30. Finally, here’s a picture of a very strange censor blur. I’ve never seen a one like this
anywhere except in the game of someone who had a breastfeeding hack.
I don’t have that hack, and even if I did, Anne shouldn’t be able to nurse Sally. Coupled
with the other glitches that have been going on, that means that a rebuild soonest is
probably a really, really good idea. So the next chapter may be a bit delayed. But no
worries – I’ve got this down to a science.
Until next time – whenever that is – Happy Simming!
***********
The Grim Reaper’s line was:
Mr. Littledragon?