1 MALE-FEMALE COMMUNICATION GENDER DIFFERENCES Sex vs. Gender sex: biological definition gender: culturally established correlates of sex Gender Role: collection of attitudes, behaviors, and traits deemed desirable for males versus females Gender Display: conventionalized portrayals of the behaviors that society has defined as prototypically “masculine” and “feminine” FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE VOCAL BEHAVIORS gender displays: more fluent, softer, slower, higher pitched, more variable in pitch “pitch” as a social function more emotional/expressive/intensity conversations talk less in mixed groups interrupt less 2 FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE Women are more likely to forms of speech that are related to a powerless status Verbal Communication ask more questions tag questions (“It’s nice, isn’t it?”) hedges and qualifiers (“sort of” “maybe”) intensifiers (“The puppy is so cute.”) disclaimers (“I don’t know, but”) FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE Other Nonverbal Cues Women smile/laugh more than men lower Visual Dominance Ratio less likely to initiate touch Problems? MALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE Vocal Behaviors: gender displays: more filled pauses, louder, talking more (in both word count and in duration) tend to dominate conversations when interacting with women: duration of talk-turns are longer the number and rate of filled pauses is grater interrupt more frequently than women 3 MALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE Other Nonverbal Cues “Interruption Privilege” Vocal Behaviors Tactile communication MEN VS. WOMEN WHO IS A BETTER COMMUNICATOR? Differences in Gender vs. Skills gendered behaviors are learned gender differences vary considerably depending on the settings and contexts Accomplishing Communicative Goals men: focus on a set of goals that are important only to them women: their desire to facilitate interpersonal outcomes that are satisfying to both parties • possible problems? Decoding Nonverbal Information exception? “leaky messages” why? CAN WE CHANGE NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR? out-of-awareness behaviors? cultural norms/expectations? nonverbal gender-deviant behaviors? Solution : Develop Awareness of Stereotypic Behaviors 4 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MEN be more adaptive and flexible work on your decoding skills develop attentive listening skills RECOMMENDATIONS FOR WOMEN monitor/suppress cues that are associated with negative implications focus on the communicative task (as opposed to the interactional partner) use your skills JOHN GOTTMAN The key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not in how you handle disagreement but in how you are with each other when you are not fighting. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (p. 46) 5 JOHN GOTTMAN Only 40% of the time do couples divorce because they are having frequent, devastating fights. More often marriages end because, to avoid constant skirmishes, husband and wife distance themsel.