Ending relationships outline
· Introduction
· Numb XXXTencion
· Quick discussion question:
· What kind of emotions do you feel from the song?
· What can the lyrics remind you of?
· Quote:
· “Being together with someone in such an intimate space for so long creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that comprises both partners.” -Mark Mason self-help author.
· Breaking off can be painful but not necessarily negative. It can end on good terms, when two people determine they are better off separated.
· Disclaimer
· Ending relationships are always hard. This can be relationships between friends, family, co-workers etc. Disclaimer, this presentation will mostly focus on patterns with romanic relationships between male and female including marriage, since there are more research and information on it.
· Schedule
· Signs that a relationship is ending
· Friendship
· Professional setting
· Romantic partner
· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-escalation
· Relational tensions
· Conflict pattern
· Delivery method
· Discussion 1
· How do you know that a relationship sis deteriorating or falling apart? (Telltale signs)
· Between friends
· Between lovers
· In a professional setting
· Are there any similarities or differences between these signs?
· Signs of deterioration
· Friendship
· Loss of communication and contact is enough for the other to “get the message”.
1. Lets them know that you are busy and not available.
1. May need to explain and have a conversation with close friends.
. Professional
2. Loss and decrease of communication on personal private information
1. Keeping it work-related only
1. Separation of spheres.
· Signs of deterioration continued
· Verbal
· Loss of communication
· Hurtful words
· Constant arguments
· Non-verbal
· Physical distance
· Loss or excessiveness of skinship and physical touch.
· Raised voices in pitch and loudness
· Knapp, Vangelisti, and Caughlin (2013)
· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-escalation
· Differentiating: when the difference between relationship partners begin to outweigh the similarities
· Circumscribing: when partner communication becomes superficial and nonverbal expressions of emotions and affection are restrictive
· Stagnating: communication virtually stops and nonverbal behaviors of closeness and affiliation shut down.
· Avoiding: where couples physically separate and aren't seen in public together anymore. All communication cease.
· Terminating: the final stage in which couples end their relationship.
· Relational tensions
· Arise from the decision making a couple faces in developing and defining their relationship.
· Talk and resolve
· One might decide the tensions are too great to overcome and separate.
· Discussion 2
· What are some common topics/ values that couples may have a conflict on?
· What are some gender stereotypes for these conflicts?
· How might they act?
· How might they approach the conflict?
2. Which gender might bring ...
1. Ending relationships outline
· Introduction
· Numb XXXTencion
· Quick discussion question:
· What kind of emotions do you feel from the song?
· What can the lyrics remind you of?
· Quote:
· “Being together with someone in such an intimate space for so
long creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that
comprises both partners.” -Mark Mason self-help author.
· Breaking off can be painful but not necessarily negative. It
can end on good terms, when two people determine they are
better off separated.
· Disclaimer
· Ending relationships are always hard. This can be
relationships between friends, family, co-workers etc.
Disclaimer, this presentation will mostly focus on patterns with
romanic relationships between male and female including
marriage, since there are more research and information on it.
· Schedule
· Signs that a relationship is ending
· Friendship
· Professional setting
· Romantic partner
· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-
escalation
· Relational tensions
· Conflict pattern
· Delivery method
· Discussion 1
· How do you know that a relationship sis deteriorating or
falling apart? (Telltale signs)
· Between friends
· Between lovers
2. · In a professional setting
· Are there any similarities or differences between these signs?
· Signs of deterioration
· Friendship
· Loss of communication and contact is enough for the other to
“get the message”.
1. Lets them know that you are busy and not available.
1. May need to explain and have a conversation with close
friends.
. Professional
2. Loss and decrease of communication on personal private
information
1. Keeping it work-related only
1. Separation of spheres.
· Signs of deterioration continued
· Verbal
· Loss of communication
· Hurtful words
· Constant arguments
· Non-verbal
· Physical distance
· Loss or excessiveness of skinship and physical touch.
· Raised voices in pitch and loudness
· Knapp, Vangelisti, and Caughlin (2013)
· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-
escalation
· Differentiating: when the difference between relationship
partners begin to outweigh the similarities
· Circumscribing: when partner communication becomes
superficial and nonverbal expressions of emotions and affection
are restrictive
· Stagnating: communication virtually stops and nonverbal
behaviors of closeness and affiliation shut down.
· Avoiding: where couples physically separate and aren't seen in
public together anymore. All communication cease.
3. · Terminating: the final stage in which couples end their
relationship.
· Relational tensions
· Arise from the decision making a couple faces in developing
and defining their relationship.
· Talk and resolve
· One might decide the tensions are too great to overcome and
separate.
· Discussion 2
· What are some common topics/ values that couples may have a
conflict on?
· What are some gender stereotypes for these conflicts?
· How might they act?
· How might they approach the conflict?
2. Which gender might bring up that there is a problem first?
· Potential relational tensions and how to resolve them
. Autonomy vs connection
1. Autonomy: the extent to which a person values individual
pursuits aside from the relationship.
. Power vs empowerment
2. Egalitarian relationships: practices empowerment, a power to
mentality.
1. Partners have equal power and authority. They share
responsibilities equally without regard for gender roles, income
level, job demands and so forth.
. Acceptance vs change
3. Straight females may look at their partners as “projects”.
3. Psychologist Carl Rogers mentions, “real change in people
seems to be possible only when a person feels completely secure
and accepted in a relationship.”
3. “It is ok to compromise your preferences from time to time.
It is not ok to compromise on your values.” Mark Manson self-
help author.
. Views on intimacy
4. Physical or sexual closeness
4. Relational currencies: recognized and agreed-upon ways of
4. conveying affection, information, caring.
. Commitment
5. Involves the decision to stay in the relationship but also
implies a coordinated view of the future for the relationship
5. Turning points: critical moments in the life of a relationship
that alter the relationship in some way.
5. Relational talk: conversation about the relationship itself.
· Conflict pattern
. Demand-withdraw pattern
1. One partner brings up a problem, criticize and blames the
other, then ask for or demands a change.
1. The other partner tries to avoid the discussion, becomes
defensive and withdraws from the conflict all-together.
1. Men are more likely to avoid conflict, and women are more
likely to approach it
. Digital methods of communicating
2. Able to pause, think, respond, backtrack at recorded sent
messages.
2. “We can pause without lapsing into silence, and we can fall
silent without ending the conversation.” -Damon Krukowski.
. Meta-communication: talk about communication pattern
· Delivery method:
. Levine and Fitzpatrick, 2005. Preferred delivery method for
breaking up with someone
1. Face to face conversation (43%)
1. Phone calls (32%)
1. Instant messages (10%)
1. E-mail messages (8%)
1. Voice mail messages (3%)
1. Written letters (2%)
1. Third party (2%)
. The study was conducted in 2005, the rate for instant
messages, or lack of messages (ghosting) is more prevalent in
today’s day and age.
. Suggested delivery method
3. Face to face
5. 1. Offer closure
1. Act with integrity
1. private/ semi-private environment
1. Give cool down time.
3. Digital means
2. Relationship have been mostly digital
2. Long distance relationships
2. Potential physical harm/danger
· Discussion 3
. Any personal stories or stories you have heard about break
ups?
1. What do you think went well/ not so well?
1. How could it have went better?
Chapter 8
Pictures, porn and pop
The power of mediated communication and effects on our lives
· Hypodermic needle/ direct effects theory: viewed mass
audience as passively and directly consuming mediated
messages.
· Minimal effects model: argues that consumer were only
minimally affected by mediated messages, and that they
selectively exposed themselves to media messages and
selectively retained those messages that reinforced or were
consistent with behaviors, attitudes, and values they already
heald.
· Uses and gratification theory: active users of media,
consumers are motivated to use various media and what gains,
rewards, or gratification they receive from such consumption.
· Agenda setting research: media create pictures in our heads,
proposed that media does not merely report, reflect, or
dramatize what is important in society. They actually guide
what we think is important.
· Cultivation theory: suggest that media consumption, especially
heavy TV viewing, leads individuals to perceive the world in
6. ways that are consistent with television portrayals.
· Cultural studies: more interpretive and intuitive… “How
media and cultures are died to the actual patterns of
communication in daily life”
Advertising: Selling a product or selling sexism
· Courtney and Whipple produced a list of trends and female
gender stereotypes prevalent in advertising
· Depicted as sex objects more often in sleepwear, underwear,
and lingerie than in professional clothing
· Young girls and women portrayed as passive and in need of
men’s help and protection
· Kitchen and bathroom product representatives
· Personal hygiene products
· Serving men and boys
· More depicted in family and home oriented roles than in
professional roles
· Being obsessed with physical attractiveness
· Fear depictions of older women than older men
· Fewer depiction of minority women than men
· Fewer women than men advertising expensive luxury products
· Few in for sports
· Overtly critical of feminist rights and issues
· Women of color are presented poorly in quantity and quality
of the roles.
· Slight shift in research
· Mager and Helgeson analyzed American magazine ads over a
50 year period, and found a trend “towards objective role
portrayals of women daily equal to men”.
· Dove campaign
· Criticism that women in the campaign tended to be in good
shape, none are extremely think or significantly overweight…
and none are physically disabled.
· Commodity feminism: co-opting of feminists language and
imagery in order to create an association between a product and
the desire for women’s liberation.
· Women smoking as a sign of freedom, adventure and
7. youthfulness, when in fact they products actually enslave, age,
and ultimately kill people
· Ramno and himbo depictions: the image of men in advertising
is either that os a solo conqueror of all he sees or a male
bimbo.
· Stud Corboy
· Jock who can perform in all sports
· Handyman, who can fix anything
· Young and hip
· Handsome ladie’s man
· Kind and grandfatherly
· Professional, knowledgeable
· Couch potato man
· Blue collor worker
· Androgynous
· Kid who needs a women to save him
· Dismemberment ads: where bodies are separated into parts or
body parts are shown immersed in or emerging from inanimate
objects…
· Emphasizing women’s sexuality or vulnerability
· Fowler and Thomas (2015) found that
· Men were less likely to be depicted as leading characters in
ads than in times past
· Male roles in ads became more congruent with changing
gender roles in society
· Men as father
· Included more depiction of men with idealized physiques,
counter to the trend in he U.S. culture of increasing male
obesity
· But, ads that show men barely clothed with perfect bodies and
everything can encourage men to think of themselves as sex
obejects.
Lessons from the small screen
· Convergence: merging of media content across various
platforms
· Does the media merely reflect what is happening in society or
8. actually creating the issues and trends that then become relevant
in society…
· Some also believe it is just exaggerated portrayals and overly
dramatized situations are nowhere near the realities of common
life.
· Manipulated reality or constructed fiction
· Mock macho sitcom: television situation comedy with a
central theme of mocking or making fun of a middle-aged man’s
anxieties
· Playful Patriarch: male leading character in a sitcom who is
typically a devoted husband and father, but who often admits he
doesn't understand women.
· Heteronormative: they represent heterosexuality as the norm
or predominant form of huan relations, even though gay friends,
family members, and coworkers are now almost a staple of
scripted tv
· Research indicate that a transgender person’s family
relationships and family members’ reaction to the transition are
critical to a successful process of identity reformation
Lessons from the bug screen: Film and Gender
· I was a better man with you, as a women, than I ever was as a
man. I’ve just got to learn to do it without the dress”-Tootsies
The communicative power of pronography
· More women are victimnized than men in pornography
· Destructive and degrading pornography
· If you suppress women’s sexuality , you actually oppress
them.
· Censoring sexual expression actually would do more harm
than good to women’s rights and safety
· Some pornography is defineately bad
· Child pornography, toxic waste…
· Hardcore pornography: depicts or describes intercourse and or
other sexual practices
· Soft-core pornography: implied but not fully explicitly acted
out on a screen or displayed.
9. · Today pornography is so seamlessly integrated into popular
culture that embarrassment or sureptitiousness is no longer part
of the equation...they are instantly accessible and distinction
between soft and hard may be meaningless.
· Pornographic materials that depict male dominance and female
degradation have been found to arouse male viewers
· Pornography consumption linked with en committi ng acts of
sexual domination over women
· Less likely to intervene as a bystander to stop an act of sexual
violence
· Higher level of intention to rape.
· More likely to belive in rape myths
3. Women secretly desiring to be raped
1.