7. Don’t be a sentence-grabber.
Listen without jumping to conclusions.
Listen without judging the other person
or mentally criticizing the things she tells
you
8. Concentrate on what is being said, even if
it bores you.
When it’s your turn to listen, don’t spend
the time planning what to say next.
Allow your mind to create a mental
model of the information being
communicated.
9. Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It
says:
“I’m more important than you are.”
“What I have to say is more interesting,
accurate or relevant.”
“I don’t really care what you think.”
“I don’t have time for your opinion.”
“This isn’t a conversation, it’s a contest,
and I’m going to win.”
10.
11. Questions that show interest and
attention encourage both speaker
and listener. Show your interest.
12.
13. The idea is to give the speaker some
proof that you are listening, and that you
are following the train of thought
14.
15. “The most basic and powerful
way to connect to another
person is to listen. Just
listen. Perhaps the most
important thing we ever give
each other is our attention.”
-Rachel Naomi Remen
16.
17.
18. Zunin (1972) stated that within 4
minutes of social interaction with a
stranger, the participants will make a
decision whether to continue talking
or back off the conversation, or one
may wish to continue while the other
wishes to back off. Zunin defines and
illustrates ways of making verbal
contact.
19. The search for identifying data. In this
category, primary questions about name,
rank, address, mobile number are asked.
Existential and personality topics. This
consists of insights about a person’s
personality, feelings and views about
everyday life. Existential refers to subjects
closely involved with your own existence,
which are colored by your personality.
Questions like Would you consider
yourself happy? Or Are you happily
married?
20. Identifying data offered simultaneously.
The word gets its offensive significance
when it is associated with extreme selfish
motives. It involves manipulation in
communication in constructive manner.
For example if you ask your little sister to
wash when she was so pre-occupied
having fun in the muddy backyard, you
are manipulating contact for mutually
worthwhile reasons. The words you
choose, the timing, and the others are all
tools of creative manipulation.
21. Spontaneous offering on the
existential and personality level. This
is appropriate to the hard-to-reach
contact with which you hope a
personal note might lead to give and
take. If both of you can be revealing
without feeling vulnerable and
ridiculous, there could be a gratifying
response.
22. The art of compliments.
Most people react
positively to compliments
because its hard to resist
being liked.
23. Talking about here-and-now
surroundings. You attempt to make
contact through comments on the
moment, usually not conversational.
For instance, a lady comments how
casually everyone is dressed at the
party and she says it’s nice to be
informal. Or she complains about cigar
smoke, and when the guy says he will
put it off, she says it isn’t necessary.
24. Focus on the external
world. A communication
exchange can reveal things
not easily apparent about
other people as well as
ourselves.
25. The search for mutual interests
and acquaintances. This is best
when you want to establish
communication with a new
acquaintance- that is by finding
friends and interests in
common.
26. The creative gibe. This is
characterized by playful insult. To
have positive effect, the creative
gibe must be well intended and
have a good sense of humor. But
this involves risk. People can be
turned off or embarrassed by what
sounds like your lack of sensitivity.
27. The humorous approach. This
is characterized by remarks that
are in good taste and are really
humorous. Jokes or any
something funny can lead the
way to further contact but is
advisable not to keep with it
very long.
28. Social graces in action. The
simplest way of display of
courtesy or social grace is as
a nice way as any to make
contact with a friend or a
stranger.
29. The hobby and fad approach.
Talking about a hobby or a
current enthusiasm that you
share with someone can be an
excellent means of positive
contact, even if you don’t get
everyone in the room involved.
30. Can you tell me….
This is characterized by
the spontaneous contact
by means of asking for
help or information.
31. Verbalizing the non-verbal.
The fact that you noticed is the
key to a many contact door. You
may comment on the clothes
and grooming, or any other
feature or gesture, which
deserves a positive response.
32. You remind me of…. A
sincere ‘you remind me
of….’ works best when the
reference is unfamiliar to
the other individual and you
add a few exotic details.
