2. Q.GUIDE
To know that Empathy and Sympathy are different
To internalise the essential attributes of Empathy
To apply empathetic characteristics and habits
Empathy
Learning Outcomes
4. Q.GUIDE
Empathy…
‘It means very little to know that a million Chinese are starving,
unless you know one Chinese who is starving.’
John Steinbeck, preface to The Forgotten Village, 1941
is understanding & feeling another’s
feelings for yourself
is having compassion for
another without necessarily
feeling their feelings
Sympathy…
5. Q.GUIDE
Empathy is both a character trait
and an ability
Sympathy is more a reaction of pity, sorrow, affiliation
Empathy Vs Sympathy
Empathy has an ethical or moral
dimension & can be learned
Ever try walking a mile in someone else’s shoes?
6. Q.GUIDE
Empathy Vs Sympathy
“Empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.
Rarely does an empathic response begin with ‘at least’.”
Brené Brown
7. Q.GUIDE
Imagine a colleague proposes a strategy with
which you do not agree. You do not
sympathise with their point of view. Fine.
However, what is useful is to understand why
they might have arrived at that strategy
and why it might seem right or important to
them.
You can empathise with
them, even as you disagree.
8. Q.GUIDE
Communicate the understanding
so it can be felt
See the world as others see it
Understand another’s feelings
then, now, later…
Theresa Wiseman’s
Four Defining Attributes of Empathy:
Understand without having to like or agree
9. Q.GUIDE
Express your understanding, but never
say ‘I know what you feel’
Look at the world through the eyes of the other
Allow yourself to connect with the other’s
experience
Convert these attributes into Empathy
Instead of judging, ask ‘why’ the other behaves,
or says the things they do
10. Q.GUIDE Deeper and…Deeper Still
Radical listening
Look for the human behind
everything
Become curious about strangers
BBC 2015 online magazine on ways to train Empathy:
‘To some it comes naturally, but others have to work at it.
However, we can all learn to improve our Empathy.’
11. Q.GUIDE Radical Listening
Resist the urge to interrupt
‘’What is essential is our ability to be present to what’s really going on within –
to the unique feelings and needs a person is experiencing at that very moment.’
Marshall Rosenberg, psychologist and founder of Non-Violent Communication
Concentrate on the other person
Try repeating back to them what they have said
You do not have to like or agree with what they say
Repeating back improves conflict resolution by 50%!
13. Q.GUIDE
Looking for the human behind everything
Be mindful of the human being behind every
transaction and situation
Here is a quote from a barista’s blog:
“It is unfathomable how many interactions go on between
customers and baristas that don’t actually
include any interacting. Being ‘shushed’ or
given the ‘one minute’ finger just makes a
barista want to respond with a finger of
their own.”
14. Q.GUIDE
Curiosity about others removes the focus from
ourselves
Curiosity about others trains
us to consider other
people’s perspectives
& ideas
Become curious about strangers
15. Q.GUIDE
The charismatic author Studs Terkel took the bus regularly
just to engage other’s in conversation:
Become curious about strangers
“Don’t be an examiner, be the interested inquirer.
Being genuinely interested in others in a character test.
You have to want to be interested. Developing
your repertoire of healthy questions is
useful. However, your authentic curiosity will
spur you to strike up a real conversation.”
16. Q.GUIDE
To know that Empathy and Sympathy are different
To internalise the essential attributes of Empathy
To apply empathetic characteristics and habits
Empathy
Learning Outcomes
17. Q.GUIDE
Summing Up
& What’s Next
Booklet landing on your desk w/c 20th June
Webinar hitting your desktop 1st July
Editor's Notes
RC on Empathy: we focus on two things: sympathy vs empathy and the RSA Brene Brown video; Deep and deeper still and the video called It’s Not About The Nail.
Notes, page 4
Empathy is understanding and feeling another’s feelings for
yourself. Sympathy is having compassion for another, without
necessarily feeling their feelings. You can sympathise with a
cause or a point of view, but you cannot empathise with them.
It means very little to know that a million Chinese are
starving, unless you know one Chinese who is starving.
JOHN STEINBECK, PREFACE TO ‘THE FORGOTTEN VILLAGE’ 1941
Notes, page 4
Empathy Vs Sympathy
Described in this way, empathy is both a character trait and an ability.
There is an ethical or moral dimension to empathy – wanting to walk a
mile in someone else’s shoes because we want to understand what it is
like being them. It is also an ability we can train – so we can do it well.
Sympathy is a more automatic expression
of pity, sorrow or affiliation in response to
others, situations or causes. It is a reaction.
The distinction between empathy and
sympathy matters. Brené Brown captures the
significance of these differences in her video
for the Royal Society of Arts. For Brown:
“empathy fuels connection,
sympathy drives disconnection.”
As she points out:
rarely does an empathic response
begin with ‘at least.’
Notes, page 4
The distinction between empathy and sympathy matters. Brené Brown captures the significance of these differences in her video
for the Royal Society of Arts. For Brown:
“empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.”
As she points out: rarely does an empathic response begin with ‘at least.’
Notes, page 5
Imagine a colleague proposes a strategy with which you do not agree. You do not sympathise with their point of view. Fine. However, what is useful is to understand why they might have arrived at that strategy and why it might seem right or important to them. You can empathise with them, even as you disagree.
Notes, page 5
Brown quotes Theresa Wiseman’s research to illustrate the four defining attributes of empathy:
Seeing the world as others see it – without this, empathy cannot occur. This is difficult to achieve absolutely, but that should not
prevent us from doing so as best as we can.
Non-judgemental – understanding others’ behaviours, thoughts or actions without having to like or agree with them.
Understanding another’s feelings – how they felt in the past, how they feel now, or imagining how they might feel in the future.
Communicating the understanding – so that empathy can be felt by the other person.
Notes, page 5
We can convert these attributes into four steps to train our empathy and to help us differentiate it from sympathy.
1 Look at relationships, communications or situations through the eyes of another
person. See what they see and hear what they hear.
2 Resist the temptation to make knee-jerk judgements about others. Instead of judging, ask yourself why might someone be
saying or doing something. Why would that make sense as them?
3 Allow yourself to feel what they feel by connecting with a feeling or experience inside you. You need
the courage to be vulnerable to do this well.
4 Express your understanding rather than argue or give advice. Let them know you understand. But, never, ever say ‘I know how you feel.’
Notes, page 8
Some people appear to have enhanced levels of empathy – it seems to come naturally to them. Others have to work at it and
concentrate hard when in conversation. However, for all of us there are ways in which we can learn to improve empathy.
Deeper & Deeper Still
An article in 2015 in the BBC’s new online magazine suggested three ways to train empathy:
Radical listening
› Looking for the human behind everything
› Becoming curious about strangers
Notes, page 8
Radical listening
Marshall Rosenberg, psychologist and founder of Non-Violent Communication said:
“What is essential is our ability to be present to what’s really going on within – to the unique feelings and needs a person
is experiencing at that very moment.
Radical listening is being able to resist the urge to interrupt, and to concentrate on the other person, so that they know or sense you are really
listening and paying attention to them. It does not mean you like or agree with what they say – but they do know you
have heard them say it and taken it on board.
One aspect of radical listening is repeating back to the other person what they have told you. Rosenberg
cited evidence that the simple act of repeating back in this way had the impact of resolving disputes and
conflicts 50% faster!
Nail video
Notes, page 9
Looking for the human behind everything.
This idea is about becoming mindful about the human being(s) behind everyday transactions and situations.
Imagine you are ordering a coffee from your favourite café. Do you think about what life is like for the barista working
there? What about the workers who picked and processed the coffee beans? Or all those involved in the entire
production process enables you to enjoy your favourite brew?
Here is a quote from a barista’s blog – it should make us all stop and think:
It is unfathomable how many interactions go on between customers and baristas that don’t actually include any interacting. Being
shushed or given the "one-minute“ finger just makes a barista want to respond with a finger of their own.
Apologizing to the person on the other end of the phone when you made the life choice to start a phone call while trying to order a
coffee makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. If you ignore the existence of the person standing in front of you or make incomprehensible
motions with your hands about your ordering needs, know that your drink is probably decaf.
Notes, page 9
Becoming curious about strangers
Curiosity about others removes our focus from self and trains us to consider other people’s perspectives and ideas.
Notes, page 9
The author Studs Terkel used to take the bus and engage passengers in conversation. Keen to go beyond the
superficial pleasantries, yet aware of being intrusive, Terkel advised:
Don't be an examiner, Be the interested inquirer.
Being genuinely interested in others is a character test. You have to want to be interested. Developing your repertoire
of healthy questions is useful. However, your authentic curiosity will spur you to strike up a real conversation.
