I developed this mini-lesson for teachers of anthropology with updated information about arranged marriage in modern urban India.

1. Modern Urban Marriage
in Mumbai
Laura Tubelle de González
San Diego Miramar College
April 2013

2. This presentation
• I developed this presentation for teachers of
anthropology or related subjects to use in their
classrooms or in developing their own lesson
plans.
• All data are based upon field and other (written,
online) research done on sabbatical, Jan-Feb
2013.
• My field visit was short, however I was able to
survey and interview a small sample (21
individuals) of young, middle class urban women
of marrying age (18-33) in Mumbai, India.

3. Marriage in Mumbai Today
• How are marriages arranged in Mumbai
today?
• Does caste still play a part in the marriage
match process?
• What are the expectations and goals of middle
class “girls” of marrying age in the urban
setting of Mumbai?
(Note: In India, unmarried people are called “girls”
and “boys” regardless of age.)

4. Common Forms of Arranged Marriage
Today in Mumbai
• The majority of matches are arranged informally through the
“community.”
• The term community is a euphemism for a set of identity
markers: Religion, Natal region, Language, and Caste.
• When a girl is ready for marriage, her parents will speak to
their religious leader, relatives, and family friends about
potential matches within the same community.
• If a match cannot be found through informal means, there are
a number of other options.

5. Marriage “Meets”
• A marriage “meet” is similar
to a singles “social” – girls
and boys meet at a
community center and
spend several hours to all
day together.
• The host (often a temple or
church) prepares activities,
such as games and serves
lunch.
• Meets are usually geared
toward a particular caste or
region; in the photo,
Brahmins from several
regions are invited.
• For longer meets, parents
are not invited to stay.

6. Marriage Bureau
The marriage bureau is most often
a physical location where parents
may register their children when
they are ready to meet potential
matches. Because it is a physical
office, a bureau also caters to the
regional community. Today, some
may also have online portals,
catering to a wider population.
If a girl insists upon meeting boys outside her
community, she will likely have to register
with a bureau, in order to broaden the range
of potential partners.

7. Matchmakers
• Formal matchmakers are paid professionals, to whom an
upper-class Indian family is most likely to turn if they
cannot find a match from within their immediate
community due to the personalized service.
• Today, Indian matchmakers also have an online presence
to cater to the international Indian community.

8. Newspaper ads
“Sunday Matrimonials”
in the Times of India:
A less desired, but still
viable, way to find a match
is through media. This is
more acceptable today for
children who are overseas
seeking an Indian mate, or
for second marriages. The
Times ads are divided by
headings based on the ads:
region, religion, profession,
or status (such as NRI, non-
resident Indian).

9. Online Matrimonial Sites
Another less popular,
but still viable,
means of seeking a
match is through
online sites. Girls say
this is better for
international couples
and second
marriages, after
parents have already
tried “and failed”
first. The risk is that
there is little or no
information about
the person’s family,
so crucial to long-
term success.

10. Self-Initiated Marraige
• The arranged vs. “love” marriage dichotomy is
less useful today than a comparison of matches
arranged by others and those which are self-
initiated.
• Examples of self-initiated marriage:
– “We met on the bus riding out of town.”
– “He practiced *medicine+ at the hospital next door
to where I was practicing.”
– “We met in a college class.”

11. My sample: Majority Self-Initiated
• 5 of 6 of my interviewees initiated their own
marriages; 1 registered with a marriage
bureau.
• This is a very small sample; however, if this is
indicative of larger trends, then in this sector
of society, self-initiated matches may be much
more common than externally arranged ones.

12. Love as Opposed to Arranged =
False Dichotomy
• Many people would argue that they “fell in
love” upon meeting their intended, whether
the meeting had been arranged or by chance.
• People in arranged matches would argue that
love grew steadily as they got to know their
partners.
• Many studies report women use romanticized
and companionate language to talk about
their arranged marriage partners.

13. What about caste?
• Hindu religion specifies 4 major castes, and the
unscheduled castes (including dalits, or what
were prior to Gandhi’s time, known as
“untouchables”).
• 3,000 subcastes exist within the major castes.
• Although, of course, young women today know
their caste, they are reluctant to state it bluntly,
preferring to use the term “community.”
• My study asked for participants’
caste/community; many responses were given
(see next slide).

14. Survey question:
“What is your caste/community?”
ETHNIC GROUP
• Sindhi community
• Sindhi Hindu
• Mangalorean
RELIGIOUS
• Hindu Vaishnav
• Hindu/Buddhist
• Hindu by marriage
(Parsi/Christian family)
• Roman Catholic (2)
• Christian
• Sardar (Sikh)
CASTE
• Koknastha Brahmin
RELIGIOUS + REGION
• Hindu-Gujarati-Vaishnav
• Hindu-Balasinor
• Christian-Catholic from Kerala
• Hindu-caste; Kutchi-community
REGION
• Goan
• Maharashtrian
• "East Indian, Kulbi community,
the highest class of East
Indians”
• “None”
(3 - 2 Roman Catholics, 1 Hindu)

15. Interviewees have liberal ideals
• When asked about their expectations for the
backgrounds of their future children’s spouses, my 21
interviewees had very liberal responses (see next
slide).
• However, when compared to their parents’ marriages,
and their own (6 of 21 are married), ideals are very
different from their own family experience.
• Interestingly, the category with the most negative
responses for acceptance of their children’s marriages
was divorcée or widower (even over different religion).

16. If/when you have children, would you
accept them marrying…?
17
2
18
2
19
1
20
0
9
7
3
0
5
10
15
20
25
Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Maybe
A foreigner? An Indian of
another
religion?
Of different
caste?
From a
different
native place or
state?
A divorcée or
widower?
No.ofrespondents

17. Religion, Caste/Community, Region:
Girl’s parents (all respondents)
14
2
2
1
1
All same
Same religion; Different regions
Same religion, caste, region;
Different subcaste
Same religion, region; Different
religious practice, different natal
towns
Same religion, region; Different natal
towns

18. Religion, Caste/Community, Region:
Husband and Wife
(married respondents)
5
1
All same
Different religion;
Different regions

19. Results (Married)
• Even though 5/6 married respondents
initiated their own marriages, 5/6 also share
“communities,” that
is, religion, caste/community, and family’s
natal region.
• Clearly, although girls want to choose their
own partners, they are choosing them within
an Indian model of compatibility (not a
Western model, in which “love conquers all
differences”).

20. Results (Unmarried)
• Most hope to meet someone on their own, but will
entertain the possibility of their parents helping
arrange their match.
• None expressed a desire to seek a partner through
advertisements or online at this time.
• All hoped to postpone marriage until they finished
their education (Masters’ degrees or other graduate
study) and began their careers. They expressed a wish
to be financially stable and not fully dependent on
their future husbands.
• They seek a husband who will respect them, support
their ambitions, be humble and educated. They also
expect to marry at or above their economic class.