A Narrative on Indian Customs of Dating, Marriage and Family

1. Dicang, Vaughn Carl; Abrero, Trisha Leigh; 11-21-2016
Madayag, Patricia; Madlaing, Atheena; XI-Aristotle
Mangapac, Soujee Ann; Masadao Blanca PDEV
THE INDIAN WAYS: Dating, Courtship, Marriage and Family
Indians are generally religious and family oriented, and their lives are deeply rooted
in tradition (Encarta, 2009), and family has a very important role in tradition (Boros, 2012).
Furthermore, the interests of the family take precedence over those of the individual.
Hence, majority of the marriages are still arranged by parents after the birth of their child,
and the degree to which the children are consulted depends on the family or the children
do have a say if the man does not grow up to be a suitable mate for the bride. If they end
up getting married, it would commence after the woman turns 18 and the man turns 22.
Additionally, Hinduism is the major religion in India and it is considered a social
obligation to be married within the religion. Most Hindu marriages are arranged in the
traditional fashion between members of the same caste (Encarta. 2009).
Pictured here is one part of the Hindu marriage ceremony.
A more specific perspective
When people think of arranged marriages, they often picture a boy or girl
forced into a relationship in which they have absolutely no choice ("The Culture of
Arranged Marriages in India", n.d.). However, in reality, this is simply not the case,
before the marriage becomes official, the potential bride and groom have the
opportunity to meet each other and decide whether or not a relationship is

2. something that they would wish to pursue. It’s not like the couple see each other
on the wedding day for the first time or just once before the wedding.
There is usually a period of months or even a year or more after the couple
are engaged and before the wedding, where the couple get to know each other,
meet, talk and discuss the future. This time after the engagement to the wedding
day is sort of the dating period for the couple.
Typically, the burden for the arrangement of the marriage is on the parents.
It is the father’s responsibility to choose and make the arrangements for a husband
for his daughter. It might seem like an easy matter for a father to arrange his
daughter’s marriage, but religion and caste systems make it a daunting task. A
number of factors are considered, for instance, generally speaking, marrying
outside of one’s own caste is frowned upon, so that limits the number of choices.
Also, since the majority of Indians are Hindu, and Hindu’s believe strongly in
astrology, the perspective couple’s horoscopes are be analyzed and “suitably
matched” or the marriage cannot take place. Additionally, the father will want to
make sure that his daughter is marrying into a good family, so a lot of i nvestigation
takes place before the arrangements are made. The entire issue of arranging a
marriage is one of the biggest responsibilities Indian parents face.
What makes this system work in India is a great deal of trust in the choices
of one’s parents. It’s the confidence that parents not only love their daughter and
have her best interest at heart, but that they also have more wisdom and can make
a better decision for her in the area of marriage.
On the other hand, giving dowries became an infamous ideal. Dowries originally
started as "love" gifts after the marriages of upper caste individuals, but eventually, it
became a precursor to marriage (Boros, 2012). The demand for dowries spread to the
lower caste, and became a notable issue -- with the system becoming rigid and
expensive. Nonetheless, the dowry system became a tool for “enhancing family social
status and economic worth.” The bride's parents commonly give a dowry, such as money
or land, to the groom's family, although the practice is illegal (Encarta, 2009).
However, nowadays, the dating pattern in India is gradually changing (Winters,
2012). It used to be in terms of parents’ arrangements where the people involved would
meet and talk for what could be just a couple of times and then get married. Presently,
parents are slowly giving into their children’s more contemporary style of dating. Indian
teens will go out with a group of friends, which will include both males and females, and
let the group help them get to know someone over time of whom they might take a liking
to (but it is very unlikely to the US dating norms).

3. Moreover, in terms of some customs, single men cannot take part in any kind of
religious or marriage events because it is unholy or unlucky. The single life is easier for
men than women. In many cases, if a women is not married, others assume that there is
something wrong with her; she’s difficult to get along with, or she can’t compromise. They
have continuing problems financially, little social support from family or friends, vast
barriers in dating and remarriage, and experience loneliness as a result.
Despite this seemingly significant changes, the Indian culture is still regarded;
whereby, men and women complement each other (Boros, 2012). However, men
maintain their dominance over the women by having their wives maintain the home and
family he has made and provided for. Women would traditionally live the life of a mother
and a wife following the footsteps of their ancestors. It is a female's role as a wife to bear
her husband’s children and educate them in their traditional practices.
MARRIAGE and FAMILY
Marriage is not perceived as a relationship between two people but as a
relationship between families and especially between the girl and her husband’s
family ("The Culture of Arranged Marriages in India", n.d.). Marriage is sacred to most
Indians and is considered to endure beyond death (Encarta. 2009). Weddings are times
of great celebration, expense, and feasting and ceremonies are often elaborate and vary
widely from region to region. In many Hindu ceremonies, the bride and groom exchange
garlands and promises before they circle around a fire seven times to solemnize the
marriage. Bright clothing, jewelry, and flowers are part of almost every type of ceremony.
Families are generally large; extended families often live together or near each
other, and form the basic social and economic unit of rural Indian society. The elderly are
respected and cared for by their families. The father is considered the head of the
household. Middle-class families, especially in urban areas, are becoming more nuclear.
A middle- or upper-class father expects to take care of the children financially until they
have finished an education and taken a job—regardless of how long it takes. Most
working- and middle-class women work outside the home due to economic necessity, and
a growing number of urban women are joining the professional workforce.
In contrast to Western point of view, many of the youth in India prefer
arranged marriages, as it gives them the time and the ability to enjoy their youth
without the constant worry and struggle of relationships that comes about in
western culture ("The Culture of Arranged Marriages in India", n.d.)

4. It can be said that an arranged marriage in India is not based on feelings,
but rather on commitment. An Indian woman described it as “Here, we get married
without having feelings for the person. We base our marriage on commitment, not
on feelings. As our marriage progresses, the feelings develop. In America, you base
your decision to marry on feelings, but what happens when the feelings wane? You
have nothing left to keep the marriage together if you get married according to
feelings and then the feelings go away.”
In India, a relationship between two people is something that is presumed to
be nurtured and created throughout a lifetime of marriage.
REFERENCES:
Boros, T. (2012). COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE IN THE INDIAN
CULTURE. prezi.com. Retrieved 19 November 2016, from
https://prezi.com/qnvweurhywki/courtship-and-marriage-in-the-indian-culture/
Microsoft Encarta Premium 2009. (2009).
The Culture of Arranged Marriages in India. Indiamarks. Retrieved 20 November
2016, from http://www.indiamarks.com/the-culture-arranged-marriages-india/
Winters, S. (2012). India's Dating, Marriage, and Childrearing
Customs. Slideboom.com. Retrieved 20 November 2016, from
http://www.slideboom.com/presentations/536658/India's-Dating,-Marriage,-and-
Childrearing-Customs