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Strategies for Helping Teenages with Conflict
- 1. Strategies for Helping Teenagers with Conflict North Carolina School Counselor Association 2016 Annual Conference Greensboro, NC Colleen Neuer, MS, LPC Jonathan Ricks, PhD, NCC, LPC Licensed School Counselors
- 4. Session Objectives Review rationale for conflict-resolution programs in 9-12 schools Discuss the American School Counselor Association National Standards for Students that address conflict-resolution skills Examine research that defines conflict and factors related to conflict Evaluate an assessment strategy for effective conflict-resolution skills Describe problem solving/conflict resolution models Provide conflict-resolution interventions Share successful strategies used in NC schools
- 5. Why are we here? Small incidents and minor disagreements can lead to serious violence among youth Many students believe that when conflict arises they have no choice but to fight ◦ 33% said when angry they felt out of control ◦ 41% said if challenged, they would fight ◦ 21% said avoiding fights was a sign
- 6. Statistics tell the Story…. 2013 From a nationally representative sample of youth in grades 9-12 8.1% reported being in a physical fight within 12 months of the survey 7.1% reported not going to school for 1 or more days due to feeling that it was unsafe 5.2% reported carrying a weapon (gun, knife, club) 6.9% reported being threatened or injured with a weapon 1 or more times on school property 19.6% reported being bullied on school property and 14.8% reported being cyber bullied.
- 7. The Headlines Delaware high school student killed in bathroom attack Brutal attack of La Porte High School student caught on video Indianapolis High School Brawl: Student Suspended For Attacking Faculty 4 Alabama high school students arrested after pregnant classmate attacked
- 8. ASCA Mindsets and Behaviors for Student Success (2014) 3 Domains Academic Development Career Development Social/Emotional Development (ASCA, 2 Standards Categories • Category 1: Mindset Standards • Category 2: Behavior Standards • Learning Strategies • Self-management skills • Social Skills
- 9. Category 1: Mindset Standards Includes standards related to the psycho-social attitudes or beliefs students have about themselves in relation to academic work. These make up the students’ belief system as exhibited in behaviors. (ASCA, 2014)
- 10. Conflict-Resolution ASCA Category 2: Behavior Standards ◦ Learning Strategies Gather evidence and consider multiple perspectives to make informed decisions* Demonstrate critical-thinking skills to make informed decisions* ◦ Self-management Skills Demonstrate ability to assume responsibility* Demonstrate self-discipline and self control Demonstrate effective coping skills when faced with a problem (ASCA, 2014; NCDPI, 2012) *Standard included in NC Guidance Essential Standards
- 11. ◦ Social Skills Use effective oral and written communication skills and listening skills* Create positive and supportive relationships with other students Create relationships with adults that support success Demonstrate empathy Demonstrate ethical decision-making* and social responsibility Use effective collaboration and cooperation skills Use leadership and teamwork skills to work effectively in diverse teams Demonstrate advocacy skills and ability to assert self, when necessary Demonstrate social maturity and behaviors appropriate to the situation and environment (ASCA, 2014; NCDPI, 2012) *Standard included in NC Guidance Essential Standards
- 12. Erickson’s Theory 5th Stage Identity vs. Identity Confusion “Who am I?” Autonomy (??? Rules/boundaries) Fitting in (Peer groups fulfill need for validity and acceptance) Successful movement is not free from rebellion but is marked by freedom from unhealthy/dangerous lifestyles.
- 13. Common Causes of Conflict Communication Competition Inconsistency Diversity Perspective Interdependency Emotional Intelligence (Scannell, 2010)
- 14. Other Types of Conflict Teacher/student Student/teacher Parent/student Student/parent Administration/teacher Teacher/Administration Teacher/Teacher
- 15. Train Your Staff!!! The closest contact with students on a daily basis is teachers Many times, the teacher determines if the situation escalates by their reaction Relationship results in results! The staff’s ability to resolve interpersonal conflict is as much a teaching tool as direct advice giving.
- 16. Conflict Management Style Survey (The Leadership Center at Washington State University) Competing/Controlling Accommodating Avoiding Collaborating Compromising
- 17. What Works for You?
- 21. Film clip
- 22. “The Water Boy” What conflict (s) did you see? What factors contributed to the conflict? What was Adam Sandler’s conflict style? What was the teachers conflict style? How do you think their styles contribute to the conflict? What would you do different as the teacher? As the student?
- 23. Underclassmen vs. Upperclassmen Remember, most high school students, by nature of human development, are narcissistic! Stronger need for conflict resolution strategies in the the 9th and 10th grade (Classroom Guidance/Advisory Periods) Peer support very effective at this grade level (use upper classmen) Always de-escalate first!
- 25. Underclassmen Intervention “Conflict Close-Up” What are some reasons you are standing where you are? If where you are standing signifies your initial reaction, where might you stand after taking some time to think about the conflict? What are some things that would cause you to move? How might our reactions influence the course of the conflict?
- 26. Upperclassmen Intervention “On the Run”
- 27. Upperclassmen Intervention “On the Run” What was challenging about this game? Did you experience any conflict during the game, why or why not? What could you have done differently? How does it feel as a team to achieve success with a difficult task?
- 29. Here’s an example of a typical conflict Shalonda and Yania have been dating for 3 months. As Yania was walking into her 3rd period history class, Gina walks by and looks at her and winks her eye at Yania. Yania didn’t realize Shalonda was standing at her locker and saw how excited Yania seemed after Gina’s wink. Shalonda shows up in your office ready to fight Gina. How do you respond?
- 30. The Crisis Cycle – Seven Main Phases of Escalating Behavior Model (Galbraith, Nicksic-Springer, &
- 31. The Crisis Cycle – Seven Main Phases of Escalating Behavior Model1. Calm - the student is cooperative 2. Trigger - Antecedents which are a series of unresolved problems 3. Agitation - the student is unfocused or non- directed 4. Acceleration - the student's behavior is directed and engaging 5. Peak - the student is out of control and creating safety concerns 6. De-Escalation - the student displays confused behavior 7. Recovery - the student is eager for busy work and reluctant to discuss(Galbraith, Nicksic-Springer, & O’Brien, 2007)
- 32. Tips for Dealing with Conflict Take time to cool off Think about the person as a person Know your aim Try to understand what the other person is saying Find something you can agree on Be specific about the problem Never assume Try to forget the past and stay with the present
- 33. Role of Peer Mediation Teens developmentally learn better from one another Students naturally have a better “pulse” on the source of conflict Develops leadership in the mediator Dual purpose in that you can strengthen skills in both the students in conflict and those helping them.
- 34. Sharing Activity In small groups, discuss strategies that you have found effective in teaching conflict- resolution skills or in responding to conflict.
- 35. Suggested Script
- 36. Do’s and Don’ts
- 37. References American School Counselor Association. (2014). Mindsets and Behaviors for Student Success: K-12 College and Career Readiness Standards for Every Student. Alexandria, VA: Author. Galbraith, P., Nicksic-Springer, T., & O’Brien, S. (2007). Crisis Cycle. Salt Lake City, UT: University Health Care. North Carolina Department of Public Instruction. (2012). Guidance Essential Standards. Raleigh, NC: Author. Scannell, M. (2010). The Big Book of Conflict Resolution Games. New York, NY: McGraw- Hill.
Editor's Notes
- Jonathan – 1st 4; Collen – Last 3
- Colleen
- Cyber bullying and conflicts arising from social networking interactions are on the rise….
- Jonathan
- Colleen: During this stage of development….adolescents are trying to find their niche....the place where they can establish who they are. This can be a very confusing time. It is during this time that their peer relationships matter the most...therefore the investment in those relaitonships increases. This is a perfect breeding ground for conflict and an inability to resolve it. Conflicts become quickly explosive because of the threat theat the student may feel at losing relationship, or value, in other people’s eyes.
- Jonathan: Communication—Communication can both cause and remedy conflict. As with other workplace skills, effective communication must be learned. A lack of open communication tends to drive conflict underground, and can create a downward spiral of misunderstanding and hostility. Effective communication (including active listening) is the means by which disagreement can be prevented, managed, or resolved. • Competition—The competition for limited resources will certainly generate conflict. Time, money, space, materials, supplies, and equipment are all valuable commodities. Competition for any of these resources will inevitably lead to interpersonal or interdepartmental conflict. Whenever workers compete for scarce resources, recognition, or position in the organization’s hierarchy, conflict can occur. INTRODUCTION 3 • Inconsistency—Whenever company policies are changed, inconsistently applied, or nonexistent, misunderstandings are likely to occur. Associates need to know and understand company rules and policies; they should not have to guess. Inconsistency in the workplace is a common source of conflict. • Diversity—Individuals are individuals, and they differ in many ways. These differences are often a starting point for conflict. There are various styles for the way we deal with people and problems. Team members need to understand their own style and learn how to accept differing styles. Conflict can also be caused by differing personal values. “Factions” in the workplace can lead to gossip, suspicion, and ultimately conflict. The group must learn to accept diversity in the workplace and to work as a team. Emphasizing differences helps team members look for common ground. Most teams are diverse in age, gender, culture, experience, and knowledge. They may also be diverse in race, creed, religion, or disability. While all this diversity may result in conflict, teams that learn to embrace their differences and value new ideas can turn conflict into creative collaboration. • Perspective—Just as two or more workers can have conflicting styles, they can also have conflicting perceptions. They may view the same incident in dramatically different ways. For example, we now have four generations in the workplace. Each generation brings a different perspective. • Interdependency—Interdependency and increased interaction within an organization are also sources of conflict. The more often people interact, the more potential there is for conflict. Conflicting pressures can occur when two or more associates or departments are responsible for separate actions with the same deadline. Interdependency requires that people understand others’ points of view, needs, and priorities. Teamwork and increasing levels of participation within an organization will require a greater need for conflict resolution skills. • Emotional Intelligence—Emotional intelligence is a personal attribute that is very useful in reducing conflict. The amount of an individual’s emotional intelligence is referred to as that person’s emotional intelligence quotient, or EQ. People with high EQs are empathetic and sensitive to the feelings of others. Dealing with associates as human beings with real lives is often overlooked in the busy workplace. People with high emotional intelligence can do this in a professional manner, while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The good news is that anyone can raise his or her EQ by developing the skills to effectively combine professionalism with emotions like sensitivity and empathy
- Colleen: At the high school level, we deal with not only student/student conflict but also conflict between many different groups. While these conflicts are present at other grade levels, at the high school they are more prevelant. As School Counselors, we are always teaching….in every population that we serve.
- Colleen: When you have relationship with your staff they feel safe in coming to you with situations that they don’t know how to handle. This affords you the opportunity to teach them!
- Colleen This is a tool that you can use to train your staff. Hand out Assessment; Have participants complete assessment and review 5 styles. Take a minute and read over the last page. What would you identify as your conflict style? What about the students that you spend the most time with?
- This matters because it impacts your ability and perspective on how you work with your students.
- Jonathan • Ignore—We could put off doing anything at all. • Win-Lose—We may choose to exert control and “win” over our opponent. • Lose-Win—We may choose to acquiesce and “give in” to the other person. • Lose-Lose—We could agree on a compromise, where both parties give something up. • Win-Win—We could choose an option where those involved in the conflict work together to discover a win-win solution—a collaborative solution.
- Colleen: Introduce
- Jonathan:
- Colleen
- Jonathan
- Colleen
- Colleen
- Colleen & Jonathan
- Colleen
- Colleen (Discuss Handout) Importance of Educating Staff
- Jonathan TAKE TIME TO COOL OFF. Issues can’t be dealt with unless emotions are worked through. In both individual and group situations, the long-term relationship is generally more important than the conflict. Also, the process of conflict resolution is as important as the content. A resolution in which one party is the winner and the other party is the loser is no resolution. • THINK ABOUT THE PERSON AS A PERSON. This helps to break down role stereotypes. • KNOW YOUR AIM. Knowing what is important to you in the conflict and stating it clearly makes it more likely that your needs will be met and that the conflict will be resolved. • TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING. Listening, paraphrasing, and good feedback show concern for the other person, which, in turn, facilitates communication, defuses conflict, and lowers tension. • FIND SOMETHING YOU CAN AGREE ON. Use this as a basis from which to work through the problem. • BE SPECIFIC WHEN YOU INTRODUCE A GRIPE. Don’t just complain. Ask for reasonable changes that will relieve the gripe. Confine yourself to one issue at a time. • ASK FOR AND GIVE FEEDBACK ON MAJOR POINTS. This serves to make sure you are heard, and to assure the other person that you understand what he or she wants. • NEVER ASSUME that you know what the other person is thinking until you have checked out the assumption. Do not predict how he or she will react or what he or she will accept or reject. • FORGET THE PAST AND STAY WITH THE PRESENT. Changes can’t be retroactive, but you can have an impact on the future.
- Colleen: Its important to develop a peer leadership program prior to conflicts occuring.