Couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations that are often not met, leading to early frustrations. Progressive attention to the marriage relationship is important for it to succeed. A marriage deserves a spouse's primary attention through spending quality time together, resolving conflicts constructively, and maintaining intimacy, love and trust. Neglecting to progressively pay attention to the marriage can cause it to slowly deteriorate.

1. Couples enter into marriage as armatures. They
normally assume a lot of things and would have set
very high expectations that may easily not be met .
Hence frustrations set in very early in the marriage.
Progressive attention to marriage needs is important if
the marriage is to work.
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Your Marriage Deserves Progressive Attention

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The Biggest Question that needs to be
asked is:
Who gets your attention?
Who deserves your attention?
Who needs and perhaps even craves for
your attention?
Answer: Your spouse.

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God’s Design for Marriage
In Genesis, we read of God’s timeless design for marriage: “This is
why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife,
and they become one flesh” (Genesis2:24, HCSB).
Marriage isn’t just about sex, but about intimacy; emotional,
physical and spiritual. This is a commitment which is supposed to
take priority over every other relationship, second only to our
relationships with God. In Ephesians 5, we see the picture painted in
even greater detail, with wives asked to respect their husbands, and
husbands instructed to love their wives with the same love Christ
showed for his church.

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So many couples don't know how to be married.
They don't know what to do, or more importantly, they
don't know what's expected of them to make their
marriage work.
Marriages improve drastically when spouses understand
what their responsibilities are and commit to fulfilling
them.
Pay attention to be Friends and Lovers

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Being friends and lovers is the first and most important task of
marriage and the primary responsibility for a husband and wife.
The bride and groom should become "beloved friends." This is the
foundation of any good marriage and it is something that must be
worked on constantly.
People often erroneously think, that friendship is something you
either have or don't have. You either like someone or you don't.
Fortunately, we know that a fundamental psychological truth is
that we can create loving feelings by acting in loving ways. Many
couples don't try hard enough and give up, because they falsely
believe in the romantic notion that "love is a happening."

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In order to improve an average marriage or to repair a damaged
one, we must understand that it is necessary to work at being
friends and lovers. The key lies in what we do.
To become good friends you must know the difference
between a good fight and a bad fight. A bad fight results
in one or both of you ending up feeling hurt and
damaged. You feel that you have not been heard or
understood. There's no resolution that leads to the
inevitable growth of resentments. Bad fighting on a
regular basis almost always leads to divorce, so if
you're having them, you must stop them immediately.

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Ensure you Spend time enjoying each other.
For many couples this is a big secret. Most marriage problems
are the result of a husband and wife not spending enough time
together.
How can you have a chance at being friends if you the majority
of your time together is spent having conversations about the
business or managing your family? Simply taking walks together
can do wonders for building your friendship. Date night is
essential. Once a week might be too difficult for the average
stressed-out couple with children, but do it on a regular basis.

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Pay attention to develop love and intimacy.
We need to develop good "connecting" rituals. The more we turn
towards our spouse, rather than turning away from each other, the
more positive sentiment we produce.
Everything you say or do either brings you and your spouse closer together or pushes you
further apart.

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Pay attention in scheduling times for romance.
Here's one of the most profound pieces of advice : Don't wait
for intimacy to happen; schedule it. Doesn't sound very
romantic, I know. But it works. Because when you both agree
to make time for each other, you'll be more motivated to
enjoy the time you have together. And that "magic moment“
you're waiting for may never arrive.

10. Pat attention to emotions and don't cause pain; give pleasure.
Have you ever heard of friends who are careless about whether they
ause each other pain or not? What sort of friend causes his friend
pain? Yet, husbands and wives often do. The main reason is that they
don't think about what the consequences of their words and actions.
Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.
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Ways to Pay Attention to Your
Marriage
1. Treat your spouse as your most important team member – on a
team for two.
Make it a habit to discuss what he/she wants to do. If you make a
decision together, defend the decision together.
2. Plan space in your schedule and treat it as sacred.
Sit down with your spouse and a calendar and decide what nights
and weeks are reserved just for the two of you and your children
if you have them. Then treat those times as sacred for just each
other.

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3. Avoid venting about your spouse to family.
This is where most of us get in trouble; your husband says
something to hurt your feelings and you storm off to your room,
phone in hand, already dialing your mother.
When we are more willing to talk about our spouses to our
families instead of talking to our spouses and working out those
conflicts, we open dangerous doors for division and resentment -
two things we do not want in our marriages.
Division and resentment will destroy your marriage.
Find ways and means to resolve your conflicts before they can
explode.

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Do all that you can to maintain love and trust. These are
important components that the couple needs to pay
attention to in their marriage.
4. Don’t feel guilty for wanting time with your spouse.
Remember your marriage is supposed to be the most important
relationship in your life, second only to your relationship with
God.

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Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV)
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh.”[a] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking
about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you
also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife
must respect her husband.

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5. Decide with your spouse when it’s ok to go solo.
Discuss with your spouse when it makes sense for you to go see
your family, or for him to go see his without going together. But
take care that this approach is always the exception instead of the
rule; if you find yourselves apart more than you’re together, it’s
time to come back and agree on the way forward.

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Marriages don't break; they slowly erode and starve to
death.
Forgetting to pay attention often enough begets forgotteness
which leads to tension and frustration in the marriage,
Your spouse is the number one priority in your life.
The two of you have become one flesh.

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Matthew 19:5-6 The Passion Translation (TPT)
5 and ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and live with his wife.[a] And the two will
become one flesh.’[b] 6 From then on, they are no
longer two, but united as one. So what God unites let
no one divide!”

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All day, every day people and things are vying for your
attention. Progressive attention to marriage needs is
important if the marriage is to work.