2. ALBERT EINSTEIN ON RELATIONSHIPS
“From the standpoint of everyday life... there is
one thing we do know: that man is here for the
sake of other men - above all, for those upon
whose smile and well-being our own happiness
depends, and also for the countless unknown
souls with whose fate we are connected by a
bond of sympathy. I realize how much my own
outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my
fellow men, ...and how earnestly I must exert
myself in order to give in return as much as I
have received.”
3. GROWTH CURVE OF RELATIONSHIPS
• The formative stage
• The normative stage
• The integrative stage
4. IMPORTANCE-INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
• We are created for relationships, not
isolation
• Our personal well-being
• The well being of society
• Self-actualization
5. CYCLE OF SOCIAL INTERACTION
• Perceiving another’s actions
• Deciding how to response, act, and
perceive the other’s response
• Influenced by our roles, moods, physical
setting, and the nature of the occasion
6. PERSONAL WELL-BEING
• Loneliness - social isolation, emotional
isolation
• Relationships are important to our human
development and identity
• Social comparison - depending n others to
validate our perceptions
• Confirmation -validation as a person
7. MORE PERSONAL WELL-BEING
• 90% fired are fired, lack of such skills
• Physical health - inability to express
emotions, cope with stress, depressions,
cancer, and heart disease
• Psychological health - build, maintain
cooperative, interdependent relationships
• Coping with stress - major life transitions -
importance of peers
8. STILL MORE PERSONAL WELL-BEING
• Time competence - tying the past and future to
live fully in the present
• Humanizing relationships - we are sympathetic
and responsive to human needs
• Dehumanizing relationships - treating people in
impersonal ways, unmoved by the suffering of
others
9. DIFFICULTY -FORMING RELATIONSHIPS
• Interacting with others is a dynamic
process
• Roots of loneliness - nomadic lifestyle,
impersonality of city life, limits of
relationships - commitment
• Destructive and abusive relationships - in
our personal lives and in organizations
10. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
• Knowing and trusting each other
• Communicating with each other clearly
• Accepting and supporting each other
• Resolving conflicts and relationship problems
constructively
• Conflict - a moment of truth in a relationship
11. TRUST
• “A true friend is one soul in two bodies.” -
Aristotle
• You realize the risk involved.
• You realize good or bad consequences
depend on the actions of another.
• You expect to suffer more if harmful
consequences result.
• You are relatively confident the other person
will behave so that beneficial consequences
will result.
12. TRUST - THE RISK
• A relationship is like a dance.
• “I wanted to miss the pain but I would have
had to miss the dance”
Garth Brooks
13. HINTS ABOUT TRUST
• Very complex
• Exists in relationships, not in someone’s
personality
• Constantly changes as two people interact
• Hard to build and easy to destroy
• Key to building and maintaining trust is
being trustworthy
14. MORE HINTS ON TRUST
• Needs to be appropriate
• Cooperation increases trust - competition
decreases it.
• Initial trusting and trustworthy actions
within a relationship can create a self-
fulfilling prophecy
• Acceptance is the key to reducing anxiety
and fears about being vulnerable
15. BUILDING INTERPERSONAL TRUST
• Built through - risk, confirmation, destroyed -
risk, disconfirmation
• Person A - risk, disclosure to person B
• Person B responds-acceptance, support and
own disclosure to Person A
• OR Person B communicates acceptance and
support to Person A
• Person A responds with disclosure to Person B
16. DESTROYING TRUST -
THE FRAGILE NATURE
• Rejection, ridicule, disrespect
• Nonreciprocation of openness
• Refusal to disclose after another person
has communicated support and
acceptance
17. RE - ESTABLISHING BROKEN TRUST
• Establish compelling cooperative goals
• Increase resource interdependence
• Openly express cooperative intentions
• Always keep your word
18. MORE ON BROKEN TRUST
• Be consistently trustworthy
• Test the waters
• Apologize
• Build a tough but fair reputation
• Remember - the higher the trust in groups,
the more productive
19. SELF-DISCLOSURE
• Act of revealing how you are reacting to the
present situation and giving any information
about the past that is relevant to an
understanding of your reaction to the present
• An open relationship = being open with you and
to you, a degree of risk
• Healthy ones -built on self-disclosure
• Being silent is not being strong
20. HINTS ABOUT SELF-DISCLOSURE
• Must be relevant to your relationship
with the other person and appropriate to
the situation you are in.
• On-going, reciprocated
• In the present, creates a chance to
improve the relationship
• Considers the effect on the other person
• Speeds up when a crisis develops,
moves gradually to a deeper level
21. MORE ON SELF-DISCLOSURE
• Being open with another person begins
with being aware of who you are and what
you are like.
• Self-perception theory - watching yourself ,
objective self-awareness
• Explaining reactions and feelings helps clarify
them
• Compare yourself to others - social
comparison
• Request feedback
22. GIVING FEEDBACK
• Focus on behavior, not personality
• Focus on descriptions, not judgments
• Focus on specific situations, not on
abstract judgments
• Focus on “here and now” not “then and
there”
23. MORE ON GIVING FEEDBACK
• Focus on sharing perceptions and feelings
not giving advice
• Do not force feedback
• Do not give more feedback than people
can handle
• Focus on actions a person can change.
24. SELF-AWARENESS
• Self-verification - presenting yourself as you
believe yourself to be.
• Our number of selves
• The role of appearance
• Impression management - not manipulation
• Interpersonal effectiveness - the degree to which
the consequences of your behavior match your
intentions
25. Alchemy:
Turning common into precious
SALT
Self-understanding - Who am I? What do I believe? What
are my strengths and challenges?
SULPHUR
Working with others - How are we all different? How can I
motivate and influence others?
MERCURY
Integration - Given each leadership situation as unique,
how do I customize to the need?
“Alchemy neither composes nor mixes: it increases and
activates that which already exists in a latent state.”
Franz Hartmann, late 19th century alchemy historian from his book The Life of Paracelsus
and the Substance of his Teachings. London, Wizard’s: 1997
26. Barriers to Communication
• Physical or environmental barrier
• Language barrier
• Personal or socio psychological barrier
27. Tactful Conversations
T = Think before you speak
A = Apologize quickly when you blunder
C = Converse, don’t compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior – not personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
L = Listen to feedback
28. A Matter of Attitude
Confidence
Confidence
Go For It Let’s Both
Win
Run Away Yes
Boss
Let’s Trade
29. Building Relationship
• Become genuinely interested in other
people
• Call people by their names
• Talk in terms of the other person’s
interest
• Smile
• Listen
