2. Today’s Class:
• Types of Intimacy
• Meaningful Relationships
• Anger and Conflict in Relationships
• Dealing with Communication Barriers
• Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse
• Termination of a significant relationship
4. intimacy
• Intimate relationships are relatively long-lasting relationships in
which frequent interactions occur in various situations.
• Intimacy is a close emotional relationship characterized by a deep
level of caring for another person
• Types of intimacy shared with another person
• Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, or any combination of
these
• Erikson
• Task of an emerging adult being able form intimate
relationships
• Avoiding Intimacy – we deprive ourselves of relationships that can
potentially enrich our lives by caring deeply for others and savoring
the time spent with them
5. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities
Each person in the relationship
has:
• Has a separate identity – balance of
togetherness and separateness
• Is able to give and receive honest and
respectful feedback – express feelings
and desires
• Assumes responsibility for his or her own
level of happiness – does not blame
the other when unhappy
• Actively works at keeping the
relationship alive – important to revise
our way of being to see what works and
doesn’t
6. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities (cont.)
Each person in the relationship
• Enjoys being with the other and
is considered an equal
• Finds meaning and sources of
nourishment outside the
relationship
• Is growing and changing and
moving in a direction in life that is
personally meaningful
7. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities
(cont.)
Each person in the
relationship
• Encourages the other to
become all they are capable
of becoming rather than
being controlling
• Does not expect the other to
do for him or her what he or
she is capable of doing
• Has a commitment to the
other
8. Meaningful Relationships
• Relationships are more meaningful when they are dynamic
than fixed
• All of the guidelines/qualities can be applied to all
relationships
• Friendships
• Couples
• Parent-child
• Important for individuals to put forth effort and take
responsibility
9. Anger
• Powerful emotion
• Passion can be the driving force
for life OR the momentum for
anger
• Early childhood messages
influence how we reactions to
anger
• When we are angry
• When we face someone else
who is angry
• Anger is a valid emotion
• It’s not about not
becoming angry, its
about what we do with
our anger
• How you will react
• And channel that
emotion
10. A few tips in dealing with anger:
• Value the recognition
and expression of
anger
• Express anger in a
way that does not
assassinate another’s
character
• Don’t hold on to
anger or nurse
grudges
• Recognize danger
signs when anger gets
in the way of
relationships
• Talk more about
yourself than about
what is wrong with the
other person
• Decide when it is
better not to express
anger
11. Dealing effectively with conflict and
confrontation
• Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual
differences
• If conflict emerges, keep the following points in
mind:
• If you confront a person, know why
• View confrontation as a caring act – as
clarifying
• Accept responsibility for your own feelings
• Clarifying a conflict should be to build
closeness “intimacy” in a relationship
12. If conflict emerges, keep the
following points in mind:
• Tell others how you are struggling with them
• Don’t walk away from conflict
• Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you
• Be willing to forgive yourself
• for your reactions, words, feelings
14. Barriers to Effective
Communication
• Hearing only what you want to
hear
• Being overly concerned about
getting your
point across
• Silently rehearsing what you will
say as you are “listening”
• Becoming overly defensive
• Making assumptions about the
other person without checking
them out
15. Effective Communication
• One listens, the other speaks
• Listener
• does not rehearse what they
have to say
• Takes a moment before
responding
• Use of specific vs. vague
statements
• No critical judging
• Honesty
• Room for each other’s point of
view
• https://www.youtube.com/watc
h?v=piNZI2nf6pY
17. i-MESSAGE
• Example: I don’t like it
when you make
decisions without
consulting me,
because I feel like my
opinion doesn’t count.
• Tips when delivering
• Look at the person you
are speaking to
• Use a kind voice and
caring language
• Be respectful of feelings
18. Intimate Partner
Violence and Abuse
• Intimate partner violence or domestic abuse involves
exerting power and control over others
• It can take the form of physical, sexual, emotional,
psychological, or economic abuse
• Abusers use tactics to increase their victim’s dependence
on them
• If you believe you or someone you know, are in an abusive
relationship, exercise great caution in how you interact with
your partner.
19. Behaviors of an Abusive
PERSON
• Humiliating
• Criticizes
• Blames you for their behavior
• See you as property
• Very jealous
• Controlling
• Limits access to resources (money, car, phone)
• Explosive in their temper
20. Victims of domestic
violence
• Victims may rationalize their choice to stay by saying that
their situation is not so bad and is likely to improve
• Victims often excuse their partner’s behavior and find fault
with themselves for bringing about the abuse
• Victims may have legitimate concerns for their safety and
the safety of their loved ones if they leave
• College counseling centers, community agencies, and
hotlines offer services to assist victims of intimate partner
abuse
21. Gay and Lesbian
Relationships
• Sexual orientation refers to the gender or genders
that a person is attracted to physically, emotionally,
sexually, and romantically.
• Many people in same-sex orientation experience
discrimination and oppression
• Hate crimes often include physical assault and are
directed against a victim because he or she is of a certain
race, ethnic group, religion, or sexual orientation.
• Homophobia, the irrational fear of homosexual
people and strong negative attitudes about
homosexuality, sometimes leads to hate crimes
22. Coping with the Termination of a
Meaningful Relationship
• Allow yourself the
time to grieve
• Express your anger
without violence
• Take responsibility for
your own part in the
relationship
• Find a support
network
• Take care of other
aspects of your life
• Make use of writing in
your journal
• Be willing to forgive —
both yourself and the
other person
• Seek closure and
learn from the
experience
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