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Denise Gellene
Director, Scientific Communication, UCLA CTSI
Jan. 21, 2015
Elements of Grant Writing
Presentation Outline
• Organization: Develop an outline
• Writing: Focus on specific aims
• Editing: Strive for clarity
The Three C’s
Clear
Don’t make reviewers work to understand you
Complete
Some reviewers may not be experts in your
field. Don’t assume knowledge.
Convincing
Reviewers believe your proposal is important,
and that you can do it.
Organization
Getting Started
Understand what grant-making entity
wants to know
–Read RFA/PA
–Note review criteria
• Special review criteria, if any
• Key phrases
Basic Structure of
NIH Research Project
– Specific Aims
• 1 page
– Research Strategy
• 6 or 12 pages
Standard Review Criteria
Significance: Why is this important?
Innovation: How is this different from
everything else that has
been done or tried?
Investigators: Can you pull this off?
Approach: How do you plan to do this?
Environment: Can you do it here?
Location of Review Criteria
in Proposal
• Narrative
– Specific Aims Page
• Summarize significance, innovation, investigator, approach
– Research Plan
• Significance
• Innovation
• Approach
• Other components of the application
– Biosketches (Investigators)
– Facilities/Resources/Support (Environment)
Excerpt of NIH U54 Instructions
A. Overview of the Proposed Center (12 pages)
Provide the overall objectives of the Center, including the short-
and long-term goals. Describe how the Center's expertise,
capabilities, partnerships, and resources will enable it to have
a significant influence on accelerating the pace and increasing
the probability of success for discoveries and innovations being
developed into commercial products. Provide a detailed
description of the Center’s leadership team.
Describe the criteria used to select the partners and the
qualities and strengths that each Partner brings to the Center.
Describe how the Center will facilitate and promote interaction
with existing institutional and government programs.
The application should include a plan for transition of the
Center to a self-sustainable architecture.
Outline with Expanded
Review Criteria
• Short- and Long-Term Goals
– (really Specific Aims)
• Significance
• Innovation
• Leadership
– Expertise & Capabilities
• Partnerships
– Expertise, Capabilities and Resources they bring
• Interactions with Existing Entities
– Capabilities and Resources they bring
• Approach: Methods to Achieve the Goals
Hierarchy:
Numbering and Fonts
C. APPROACH
C.1. AIM 1: DEFINE THE STRUCTURAL
VARIATION IN PARVOVIRUS CAPSIDS
C.1.1. Brief summary of the literature and
preliminary results
NIAID
Writing
Specific Aims
• Do the aims address interesting and
significant issues?
• Are they hypothesis-based?
• Are they "win-win" — will an outcome
consistent with the null hypothesis still be
a contribution to the field?
NINDS Checklist
Specific Aims Example
Aim 1: Develop algorithms for C. elegans viability assays to
identify modulators of pathogen infection
Aim 2: Develop algorithms for C. elegans lipid assays to identify
genes that regulate fat metabolism
Aim 3: Develop algorithms for gene expression pattern assays to
identify regulators of the response of the C. elegans host to
Staphyococcus aureus infection
Aims are related, but not dependent
Each aim is a concrete objective
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/researchfunding/grant/documents/wahlbyresplan.pdf
Specific Aims
Specific Aims Page Outline
Introductory paragraph
– Summarize knowledge
– Identify gap/need
– Identify problem associated with gap/need
Second paragraph
– Introduce project designed to address gap
– Identify long-range goal
– Introduce qualifications of team
Specific Aims
– Summarize what they will do and exactly what they will
expect to find
Conclusion
– Emphasize significance and goals
Specific Aims Page:
Introductory Paragraph
Microscopy has emerged as one of the most
powerful and informative ways to analyze cell-based,
high-throughput screening samples in experiments
designed to uncover novel drugs and targets. (1) However,
many diseases and biological pathways can be better
studied in whole animals—particularly diseases that
involve organ systems and multicellular interactions, such
as metabolism and infection. (2) The worm C. elegans is a
well-established and effective model organism that can be
robotically prepared and imaged, but existing image-
analysis methods are insufficient for most assays. (3)
1) Summarizes knowledge
2) States a need
3) Identifies a problem to be solved
Source: NIAID
Specific Aims Page Outline
Introductory paragraph
– Summarize knowledge
– Identify gap/need
– Identify problem associated with gap/need
Second paragraph
– Introduce project designed to address gap
– Identify long-range goal
– Introduce qualifications of team
Specific Aims
– Summarize what they will do and what they expect to find
Conclusion
– Emphasize significance and goals
Specific Aims Page:
Second Paragraph
We propose to develop algorithms for the analysis of
high-throughput C. elegans images, validating them in three
specific experiments to identify chemicals to cure human infections
and genetic regulations of host response to pathogens and fat
metabolism. (1) Novel computational tools for automated image
analysis of C. elegans assays will make whole-animal screening
possible for a variety of biological questions not approachable by
cell-based assays. (2) Building on our expertise in developing
image processing and machine learning algorithms for high-
throughput screening, and on our established collaborations
with leaders in C. elegans research, (3) we will carry out the
following aims:
1) Project designed to address gap
2) Long-range goal
3) Introduce qualifications of team Source: NIAID
Specific Aims Page Outline
Introductory paragraph
– Summarize knowledge
– Identify gap/need
– Identify problem associated with gap/need
Second paragraph
– Introduce project designed to address gap
– Identify long-range goal
– Introduce qualifications of team
Specific Aims
– Summarize what they will do and exactly what they expect
to find
Conclusion
– Emphasize significance and goals
Specific Aims Page:
Aim 1
Aim 1: Develop algorithms for C. elegans viability assays to
identify modulators of pathogen infection
Challenge: To identify individual worms in thousands of
two-dimensional brightfield images of worm populations
infected by Microsporidia, and measure viability based on worm
body shape (live worms are curvy whereas dead worms are
straight) What expect to find
Approach: We will develop algorithms that use a probalistic
shape model of C. elegans learned from examples, enabling
segmentation and body shape measurements even when worms
touch or cross. What they plan to do it
Impact: These algorithms will quantify a wide range of
phenotypic descriptors detectable in individual worms, including
body morphology as well as subtle variation in reporter signal
levels.
Source: NIAID
Specific Aims Page Outline
Introductory paragraph
– Summarize knowledge
– Identify gap/need
– Identify problem associated with gap/need
Second paragraph
– Introduce project designed to address gap
– Identify long-range goal
– Introduce qualifications of team
Specific Aims
– Summarize what they will do and exactly what they expect
to find.
Conclusion
– Emphasize significance and goals
Specific Aims Page:
Concluding Paragraph
In addition to discovering novel anti-infectives and genes
involved in metabolism and pathogen resistance, (1) this
work will provide the C. elegans community with (a) a versatile,
modular, open-source toolbox of algorithms readily usable by
biologists to quantify a wide range of important high-
throughput whole-organism assays, (b) a new framework for
enhancing morphological features from C. elegans populations
for quantitative analysis of this organism, and (c) the capability
to discover disease-related pathways, chemical probes, and
drug targets in high-throughput screens relevant to a variety of
diseases. (2)
1) Goals
2) Significance and Innovation
Source: NIAID
Location of Review Criteria
Introductory paragraph (Significance)
– Summarize knowledge
– Identify gap/need
– Identify problem associated with gap/need
Second paragraph (Significance, Innovation,
Investigators)
– Introduce project designed to address gap
– Identify long-range goal
– Introduce qualifications of team
Specific Aims (Approach)
– What will do and exactly what they expect to find.
Conclusion (Significance, Innovation)
– Emphasize significance and goals
Summary Statement
• Impact Score: 10
• Comments:
– Reviewers are confident the project will be
implemented as planned
– Will result in a very useful tool
– Significant and timely questions are posed
– Plan includes many challenging and innovative
components
– Very strong team with complementary expertise
and record of successful collaboration
– Open source tools add value to the project
Emphasis & Readability
• Use bold, italics and underlining for
emphasis
• Use white space for readability
• Use graphics to illustrate concepts
Editing
Voice
• Active Voice
– Actor-Action-Object of action
–Trainees attend meetings about clinical
trials.
• Passive Voice
–Object of action-Action-Actor
–Meetings about clinical trials are
attended by trainees.
Active Voice
• Livelier and easier to read
• Often uses fewer words
• Science Magazine guidelines
–Use active voice when suitable
–“We constructed a λZap library “ not “A
λZap library was constructed”
• It is OK to use “I” or “We”
– See handout
Passive Voice
• When the actor is not important
–“Design effects are used to create an
effective sample size.”
• Draw attention to the object of the
action
–“The victim was struck in the early
morning hours.”
Voice
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
Analyses for the effects reported in this
study are of two kinds.
Voice
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
Analyses for the effects reported in this
study are of two kinds. (Passive; 12
words)
We can analyze our results in one of two
ways. (Active; 10 words)
Clarity: Antecedent Problem
Ambiguous
My sandwich was in my lunchbox, but now it’s
gone.
Clear
My sandwich was in my lunchbox, but now my
sandwich is gone.
The Elements of Style
Solution: Replace the pronoun with the noun
Clarity: Antecedent Problem
Ambiguous
The lab has tissue samples from 20 women
frozen in a tank.
The Elements of Style
Clarity: Antecedent Problem
Ambiguous
The lab has tissue samples from 20 women frozen
in a tank.
Clear
The lab has tissue samples from 20 women. The
samples are frozen in a tank.
The Elements of Style
Solution: Make two sentences
Parallel Structure
Pairs of ideas joined by “and,” “or,” or “but,” should have the
same pattern.
• Mary likes swimming, running and jumping.
– Same verb form
• Job growth is up, and the deficit is down.
– Subject-verb
• Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo is expected to seek changes
to teacher evaluations and to charter school limits
– Prepositional phrase
Parallel Structure
The Elements of Style
Formerly, science was taught by the textbook
method, while now the laboratory method is
employed.
Parallel Structure
Before
After
-Subject-verb-phrase
The Elements of Style
Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method,
while now the laboratory method is employed.
Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method; now
science is taught by the laboratory method.
First Draft
Either the congeners (1) themselves have
direct and permanent effects upon the
central nervous system, or there (1) may be
a retardation of the metabolism of ethanol
by the congeners (2) so that it (3) has a
stronger effect.
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
First Draft
Either the congeners (1) themselves have
direct and permanent effects upon the
central nervous system, or there (1) may be
a retardation of the metabolism of ethanol
by the congeners (2) so that it (3) has a
stronger effect.
(1) No parallel structure
(2) Passive voice
(3) Ambiguous antecedent
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
Edits
Either the congeners themselves have
directly and permanently affect effects upon
the central nervous system, or there may be
a retardation of the metabolism of the
congeners (1) cause the body (2) to
metabolize ethanol more slowly by the
congeners so that the ethanol (3) has a
stronger effect affects the nervous system
more strongly.
(1) Establish parallel structure
(2) Change to active voice
(3) Antecedent is clear
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
Revised Text
Either the congeners themselves directly
and permanently affect the central nervous
system, or the congeners (1) cause (2) the
body to metabolize ethanol more slowly so
that the ethanol (3) affects the nervous
system more strongly.
(1) Parallel structure
(2) Active voice
(3) Clear antecedent
Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
Wordiness
Has no Lacks
Utilize
Assuming that
In order to
At the present moment
Alternatives
Has no Lacks
Utilize Use
Assuming that If
In order to To
At the present moment Now
Omit Needless Words*
In the event that we envision only positive future selves, we
may not accurately gauge our chances at success, or
properly prepare ourselves for obstacles. (25 words)
* William Strunk Jr.
Edits
Before
In the event that we envision only positive future selves, we
may not accurately gauge our chances at success, or
properly prepare ourselves for obstacles. (25 words)
If n the event that we envision only positive future selves,
we may inflate not accurately gauge our chances for at
success, or and fail to properly prepare ourselves for
obstacles.
After
If we envision only positive future selves, we may inflate our
chances for success and fail to prepare for obstacles. (20)
Example #2
There is growing evidence to suggest that there are
unique risk factors that are unique to truants. (17
words)
Edits
Before
There is growing evidence to suggest that there are unique
risk factors that are unique to truants. (17 words)
There is g Growing evidence to suggests truants that there
are face unique risk factors that are unique to truants.
After
Growing evidence suggests truants face unique risk factors.
(8 words)
*William Strunk Jr.
Avoid Alphabet Soup
CTSI, a research partnership of UCLA,
CSMC, CDU and LA Biomed, is funding
pilots with LAC DHS and LAC DPH.
NLRs, analogous to TLRs, contain LRRs for
sensing PAMPs.
Punctuation
Commas and Semi-colons
Separate words, phrases or clauses in a series with
commas
Please record subjects’ age, race or ethnicity, gender,
and blood pressure.
Semi-colons bring order to lists that contain
commas
Study sites are Olive View, a county hospital; UCLA;
Methodist, a community hospital; and USC.
Avoids ambiguity
Amplify a thought in a sentence
Los Angeles is the largest county in the U.S.— it is
larger than 42 states.
Set off parenthetical phrase
Young adults ages 18–24—a group known as
“Young Invincibles”—face a high risk of motor
vehicle fatalities.
Makes sentence easier to read
The Dash
Hyphens
Hyphens are connectors
• List your long- and short-term goals.
• Team-based approach
Hyphens affect meaning
• Spanish-language interpreter vs. Spanish
language interpreter
No hyphen with words that end in -ly
• Publicly traded company
Odds & Ends
No apostrophe for plural numbers & abbreviations
• I’ve been working on this problem since the early
1970s.
• These courses are for MDs.
Apostrophes indicate possession
• The PhD’s notebook is on the counter.
Commas in dates
• May 10, 2013 (comma between day and year)
• May 2013 (no day, no comma)
Effective Grant Writing
• Clear: Your writing conveys exactly
what you mean to reviewers
• Complete: Your writing completely
expresses your idea and
responds to the RFA
• Convincing: Your writing excites
reviewers about the value
of your proposal
The Goal
CTSI Online Resources
Sample Grants
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/researchfunding/grant/
pages/appsamples.aspx
For Your Bookshelf
• “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” by Lynne Truss
– Punctuation
• “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser
– General writing advice
• “Elements of Style” by William Strunk and E.B. White
– Grammar and usage
• “10 Lessons in Clarity and Grace” by Joseph Williams
– Sentence construction
• Chicago Manual of Style
– Authoritative technical guide
• Purdue Owl
– Online grammar, punctuation and usage guide

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Grant Writing Lecture, Style and Composition

  • 1. Denise Gellene Director, Scientific Communication, UCLA CTSI Jan. 21, 2015 Elements of Grant Writing
  • 2. Presentation Outline • Organization: Develop an outline • Writing: Focus on specific aims • Editing: Strive for clarity
  • 3. The Three C’s Clear Don’t make reviewers work to understand you Complete Some reviewers may not be experts in your field. Don’t assume knowledge. Convincing Reviewers believe your proposal is important, and that you can do it.
  • 5. Getting Started Understand what grant-making entity wants to know –Read RFA/PA –Note review criteria • Special review criteria, if any • Key phrases
  • 6. Basic Structure of NIH Research Project – Specific Aims • 1 page – Research Strategy • 6 or 12 pages
  • 7. Standard Review Criteria Significance: Why is this important? Innovation: How is this different from everything else that has been done or tried? Investigators: Can you pull this off? Approach: How do you plan to do this? Environment: Can you do it here?
  • 8. Location of Review Criteria in Proposal • Narrative – Specific Aims Page • Summarize significance, innovation, investigator, approach – Research Plan • Significance • Innovation • Approach • Other components of the application – Biosketches (Investigators) – Facilities/Resources/Support (Environment)
  • 9. Excerpt of NIH U54 Instructions A. Overview of the Proposed Center (12 pages) Provide the overall objectives of the Center, including the short- and long-term goals. Describe how the Center's expertise, capabilities, partnerships, and resources will enable it to have a significant influence on accelerating the pace and increasing the probability of success for discoveries and innovations being developed into commercial products. Provide a detailed description of the Center’s leadership team. Describe the criteria used to select the partners and the qualities and strengths that each Partner brings to the Center. Describe how the Center will facilitate and promote interaction with existing institutional and government programs. The application should include a plan for transition of the Center to a self-sustainable architecture.
  • 10. Outline with Expanded Review Criteria • Short- and Long-Term Goals – (really Specific Aims) • Significance • Innovation • Leadership – Expertise & Capabilities • Partnerships – Expertise, Capabilities and Resources they bring • Interactions with Existing Entities – Capabilities and Resources they bring • Approach: Methods to Achieve the Goals
  • 11. Hierarchy: Numbering and Fonts C. APPROACH C.1. AIM 1: DEFINE THE STRUCTURAL VARIATION IN PARVOVIRUS CAPSIDS C.1.1. Brief summary of the literature and preliminary results NIAID
  • 13. Specific Aims • Do the aims address interesting and significant issues? • Are they hypothesis-based? • Are they "win-win" — will an outcome consistent with the null hypothesis still be a contribution to the field? NINDS Checklist
  • 14. Specific Aims Example Aim 1: Develop algorithms for C. elegans viability assays to identify modulators of pathogen infection Aim 2: Develop algorithms for C. elegans lipid assays to identify genes that regulate fat metabolism Aim 3: Develop algorithms for gene expression pattern assays to identify regulators of the response of the C. elegans host to Staphyococcus aureus infection Aims are related, but not dependent Each aim is a concrete objective http://www.niaid.nih.gov/researchfunding/grant/documents/wahlbyresplan.pdf
  • 16. Specific Aims Page Outline Introductory paragraph – Summarize knowledge – Identify gap/need – Identify problem associated with gap/need Second paragraph – Introduce project designed to address gap – Identify long-range goal – Introduce qualifications of team Specific Aims – Summarize what they will do and exactly what they will expect to find Conclusion – Emphasize significance and goals
  • 17. Specific Aims Page: Introductory Paragraph Microscopy has emerged as one of the most powerful and informative ways to analyze cell-based, high-throughput screening samples in experiments designed to uncover novel drugs and targets. (1) However, many diseases and biological pathways can be better studied in whole animals—particularly diseases that involve organ systems and multicellular interactions, such as metabolism and infection. (2) The worm C. elegans is a well-established and effective model organism that can be robotically prepared and imaged, but existing image- analysis methods are insufficient for most assays. (3) 1) Summarizes knowledge 2) States a need 3) Identifies a problem to be solved Source: NIAID
  • 18. Specific Aims Page Outline Introductory paragraph – Summarize knowledge – Identify gap/need – Identify problem associated with gap/need Second paragraph – Introduce project designed to address gap – Identify long-range goal – Introduce qualifications of team Specific Aims – Summarize what they will do and what they expect to find Conclusion – Emphasize significance and goals
  • 19. Specific Aims Page: Second Paragraph We propose to develop algorithms for the analysis of high-throughput C. elegans images, validating them in three specific experiments to identify chemicals to cure human infections and genetic regulations of host response to pathogens and fat metabolism. (1) Novel computational tools for automated image analysis of C. elegans assays will make whole-animal screening possible for a variety of biological questions not approachable by cell-based assays. (2) Building on our expertise in developing image processing and machine learning algorithms for high- throughput screening, and on our established collaborations with leaders in C. elegans research, (3) we will carry out the following aims: 1) Project designed to address gap 2) Long-range goal 3) Introduce qualifications of team Source: NIAID
  • 20. Specific Aims Page Outline Introductory paragraph – Summarize knowledge – Identify gap/need – Identify problem associated with gap/need Second paragraph – Introduce project designed to address gap – Identify long-range goal – Introduce qualifications of team Specific Aims – Summarize what they will do and exactly what they expect to find Conclusion – Emphasize significance and goals
  • 21. Specific Aims Page: Aim 1 Aim 1: Develop algorithms for C. elegans viability assays to identify modulators of pathogen infection Challenge: To identify individual worms in thousands of two-dimensional brightfield images of worm populations infected by Microsporidia, and measure viability based on worm body shape (live worms are curvy whereas dead worms are straight) What expect to find Approach: We will develop algorithms that use a probalistic shape model of C. elegans learned from examples, enabling segmentation and body shape measurements even when worms touch or cross. What they plan to do it Impact: These algorithms will quantify a wide range of phenotypic descriptors detectable in individual worms, including body morphology as well as subtle variation in reporter signal levels. Source: NIAID
  • 22. Specific Aims Page Outline Introductory paragraph – Summarize knowledge – Identify gap/need – Identify problem associated with gap/need Second paragraph – Introduce project designed to address gap – Identify long-range goal – Introduce qualifications of team Specific Aims – Summarize what they will do and exactly what they expect to find. Conclusion – Emphasize significance and goals
  • 23. Specific Aims Page: Concluding Paragraph In addition to discovering novel anti-infectives and genes involved in metabolism and pathogen resistance, (1) this work will provide the C. elegans community with (a) a versatile, modular, open-source toolbox of algorithms readily usable by biologists to quantify a wide range of important high- throughput whole-organism assays, (b) a new framework for enhancing morphological features from C. elegans populations for quantitative analysis of this organism, and (c) the capability to discover disease-related pathways, chemical probes, and drug targets in high-throughput screens relevant to a variety of diseases. (2) 1) Goals 2) Significance and Innovation Source: NIAID
  • 24. Location of Review Criteria Introductory paragraph (Significance) – Summarize knowledge – Identify gap/need – Identify problem associated with gap/need Second paragraph (Significance, Innovation, Investigators) – Introduce project designed to address gap – Identify long-range goal – Introduce qualifications of team Specific Aims (Approach) – What will do and exactly what they expect to find. Conclusion (Significance, Innovation) – Emphasize significance and goals
  • 25. Summary Statement • Impact Score: 10 • Comments: – Reviewers are confident the project will be implemented as planned – Will result in a very useful tool – Significant and timely questions are posed – Plan includes many challenging and innovative components – Very strong team with complementary expertise and record of successful collaboration – Open source tools add value to the project
  • 26. Emphasis & Readability • Use bold, italics and underlining for emphasis • Use white space for readability • Use graphics to illustrate concepts
  • 28. Voice • Active Voice – Actor-Action-Object of action –Trainees attend meetings about clinical trials. • Passive Voice –Object of action-Action-Actor –Meetings about clinical trials are attended by trainees.
  • 29. Active Voice • Livelier and easier to read • Often uses fewer words • Science Magazine guidelines –Use active voice when suitable –“We constructed a λZap library “ not “A λZap library was constructed” • It is OK to use “I” or “We” – See handout
  • 30. Passive Voice • When the actor is not important –“Design effects are used to create an effective sample size.” • Draw attention to the object of the action –“The victim was struck in the early morning hours.”
  • 31. Voice Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008 Analyses for the effects reported in this study are of two kinds.
  • 32. Voice Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008 Analyses for the effects reported in this study are of two kinds. (Passive; 12 words) We can analyze our results in one of two ways. (Active; 10 words)
  • 33. Clarity: Antecedent Problem Ambiguous My sandwich was in my lunchbox, but now it’s gone. Clear My sandwich was in my lunchbox, but now my sandwich is gone. The Elements of Style Solution: Replace the pronoun with the noun
  • 34. Clarity: Antecedent Problem Ambiguous The lab has tissue samples from 20 women frozen in a tank. The Elements of Style
  • 35. Clarity: Antecedent Problem Ambiguous The lab has tissue samples from 20 women frozen in a tank. Clear The lab has tissue samples from 20 women. The samples are frozen in a tank. The Elements of Style Solution: Make two sentences
  • 36. Parallel Structure Pairs of ideas joined by “and,” “or,” or “but,” should have the same pattern. • Mary likes swimming, running and jumping. – Same verb form • Job growth is up, and the deficit is down. – Subject-verb • Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo is expected to seek changes to teacher evaluations and to charter school limits – Prepositional phrase
  • 37. Parallel Structure The Elements of Style Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method, while now the laboratory method is employed.
  • 38. Parallel Structure Before After -Subject-verb-phrase The Elements of Style Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method, while now the laboratory method is employed. Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method; now science is taught by the laboratory method.
  • 39. First Draft Either the congeners (1) themselves have direct and permanent effects upon the central nervous system, or there (1) may be a retardation of the metabolism of ethanol by the congeners (2) so that it (3) has a stronger effect. Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
  • 40. First Draft Either the congeners (1) themselves have direct and permanent effects upon the central nervous system, or there (1) may be a retardation of the metabolism of ethanol by the congeners (2) so that it (3) has a stronger effect. (1) No parallel structure (2) Passive voice (3) Ambiguous antecedent Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
  • 41. Edits Either the congeners themselves have directly and permanently affect effects upon the central nervous system, or there may be a retardation of the metabolism of the congeners (1) cause the body (2) to metabolize ethanol more slowly by the congeners so that the ethanol (3) has a stronger effect affects the nervous system more strongly. (1) Establish parallel structure (2) Change to active voice (3) Antecedent is clear Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
  • 42. Revised Text Either the congeners themselves directly and permanently affect the central nervous system, or the congeners (1) cause (2) the body to metabolize ethanol more slowly so that the ethanol (3) affects the nervous system more strongly. (1) Parallel structure (2) Active voice (3) Clear antecedent Joseph Williams, Columbia University lecture, 2008
  • 43. Wordiness Has no Lacks Utilize Assuming that In order to At the present moment
  • 44. Alternatives Has no Lacks Utilize Use Assuming that If In order to To At the present moment Now
  • 45. Omit Needless Words* In the event that we envision only positive future selves, we may not accurately gauge our chances at success, or properly prepare ourselves for obstacles. (25 words) * William Strunk Jr.
  • 46. Edits Before In the event that we envision only positive future selves, we may not accurately gauge our chances at success, or properly prepare ourselves for obstacles. (25 words) If n the event that we envision only positive future selves, we may inflate not accurately gauge our chances for at success, or and fail to properly prepare ourselves for obstacles. After If we envision only positive future selves, we may inflate our chances for success and fail to prepare for obstacles. (20)
  • 47. Example #2 There is growing evidence to suggest that there are unique risk factors that are unique to truants. (17 words)
  • 48. Edits Before There is growing evidence to suggest that there are unique risk factors that are unique to truants. (17 words) There is g Growing evidence to suggests truants that there are face unique risk factors that are unique to truants. After Growing evidence suggests truants face unique risk factors. (8 words) *William Strunk Jr.
  • 49. Avoid Alphabet Soup CTSI, a research partnership of UCLA, CSMC, CDU and LA Biomed, is funding pilots with LAC DHS and LAC DPH. NLRs, analogous to TLRs, contain LRRs for sensing PAMPs.
  • 51. Commas and Semi-colons Separate words, phrases or clauses in a series with commas Please record subjects’ age, race or ethnicity, gender, and blood pressure. Semi-colons bring order to lists that contain commas Study sites are Olive View, a county hospital; UCLA; Methodist, a community hospital; and USC. Avoids ambiguity
  • 52. Amplify a thought in a sentence Los Angeles is the largest county in the U.S.— it is larger than 42 states. Set off parenthetical phrase Young adults ages 18–24—a group known as “Young Invincibles”—face a high risk of motor vehicle fatalities. Makes sentence easier to read The Dash
  • 53. Hyphens Hyphens are connectors • List your long- and short-term goals. • Team-based approach Hyphens affect meaning • Spanish-language interpreter vs. Spanish language interpreter No hyphen with words that end in -ly • Publicly traded company
  • 54. Odds & Ends No apostrophe for plural numbers & abbreviations • I’ve been working on this problem since the early 1970s. • These courses are for MDs. Apostrophes indicate possession • The PhD’s notebook is on the counter. Commas in dates • May 10, 2013 (comma between day and year) • May 2013 (no day, no comma)
  • 55. Effective Grant Writing • Clear: Your writing conveys exactly what you mean to reviewers • Complete: Your writing completely expresses your idea and responds to the RFA • Convincing: Your writing excites reviewers about the value of your proposal
  • 59. For Your Bookshelf • “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” by Lynne Truss – Punctuation • “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser – General writing advice • “Elements of Style” by William Strunk and E.B. White – Grammar and usage • “10 Lessons in Clarity and Grace” by Joseph Williams – Sentence construction • Chicago Manual of Style – Authoritative technical guide • Purdue Owl – Online grammar, punctuation and usage guide