How To Skate Through The Holidays And Keep Your Reputation Intact
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In this Forbes Bankable webinar, guest presenter Diane Gottsman shares simple holiday etiquette rules that can reduce your risk of committing a career-ending faux-pas
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How To Skate Through The Holidays And Keep Your Reputation Intact
- 1. How To Skate Through The Holidays — And Keep Your Reputation Intact
- 2. Bankable by Forbes is your guide to getting ahead. We offer fresh perspectives on money, career and balance to get you where you want to be. Follow us on
- 3. Speakers Diane Gottsman Modern Manners & Etiquette Expert Kim Horner Host & Social Media Editor The Protocol School of Texas @kimhornz @dianegottsman
- 4. Professional Holiday Situations And How To Handle Them With Poise The holidays are rife for social strife in the professional world. But knowing a few etiquette rules can reduce your risk for committing a career-ending faux-pas.
- 5. 5 The Office Holiday Party
- 6. The Office Holiday Party • Prepare in advance • Don’t bring a plus one • Make a proper introduction • Smile, you are on display • Work the room • Thank the party organizers
- 7. Use restraint and your best judgment by limiting yourself to one or two drinks – even if your colleagues are taking holiday shots in the corner. Drink Responsibly
- 8. Steer clear of political discourse and sensitive subjects. Avoid talk of money or your salary. This is not the time to ask for a raise! Avoid Volatile Topics
- 10. Office Gift Giving • Gift for the boss • Participation is key • Give discreetly to friends • Remember your team • Check corporate policy • Don’t go overboard
- 11. Give Gifts Of Thanks The holidays are the perfect time to give thanks to your mentors. An act of appreciation doesn’t have to be fancy – a pretty mug with a bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans or a gift card to a nearby coffee shop will show your appreciation.
- 12. Smile And Say Thank You If a colleague surprises you with a gift, but you don’t have one for them, the correct response is to smile and say “thank you.” You are not obligated to buy a present in return. The only requirement is to offer your sincere thanks for their thoughtfulness.
- 13. If there are particular providers that show loyalty and support throughout the year, it’s important to remember them during the holiday season. Talk to your manager to see if the company will cover a seasonal gratuity for doorman, valets, delivery drivers and maintenance crew. Tips On Tipping
- 15. The Holiday Meal • Know where to place your napkin. • Cut one bite at a time. • Wait for food to cool down on its own. • Avoid gesturing with eating utensils. • Think of the salt and pepper as a pair. • Pass the food counter-clockwise.
- 16. Setting The Table A properly set table is designed for practicality. Each eating utensil is efficiently placed to eliminate confusion. Glassware is conveniently positioned for different beverages and utensils are placed to work from the “outside in.”
- 17. Modern Etiquette for a Better Life Master All Social and Business Exchanges
- 18. 18
Editor's Notes
- Thank you for joining us for today’s webinar “How To Skate Through The Holidays – And Keep Your Reputation Intact.” Brought to you by Bankable. Before we get started I have just a few housekeeping items I’d like to go over.
- Bankable offers great content with fresh perspectives on money, career, and balance. Feel free to follow us on Twitter, Facebook and join our exclusive LinkedIn Group – links to all three are in your webinar console. At the end of the webinar, please fill out the survey.
- KIM: INTRODUCE SELF Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, speaker, television personality, author and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training. Her clients range from university students to Forbes 400 companies and her seminars cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media. She has 16 years of corporate experience and holds a Master's Degree in Sociology with an emphasis on adult behavior. Diane's engaging disposition and her straightforward approach to daily etiquette dilemmas are current, informative, stylish and fun.
- Thank you Kim. I’m excited to be here – sharing my thoughts on how to navigate potential holiday dilemmas - which are actually every day life dilemmas we can encounter any time of year. The beauty having a command of etiquette – appropriate adult behavior – is simple … it shows respect for others and it takes away your awkward, uncomfortable moments. We all have them. Once we master them we can move on to they are just multiplied during the holiday season because we are thrown into different situations where we may have always wondered if you were doing something “right” but have not had anyone to ask. Your grandmother may have taught you traditional manners, your mom may have done the same – even sent you to cotillion class. But, today, as an adult, you are in the big league and everything you do speaks volumes about who you are as a person – so it’s important NOT to leave anything to chance. And, by the way, before we go any further, let me make something crystal clear. Etiquette is NOT based on pretense or affected behaviors set up to make others feel uncomfortable. On the contrary, it’s all about being your most authentic self and putting your best foot forward – in all circumstances - by simply fine tuning skills you use every day. Little “ah - I didn’t know I didn’t know” moments. So, let’s get started. And, I encourage you to start making your list of questions to ask me as we go. You either love them or hate them – but they are a fact of professional life. The Office Holiday Party.
- You can’t be a five star player if think like a one star guest. If you are going to be there, you might as well make it count. How do you do this?
- Prepare in advance: Plan a few conversation topics that are lighthearted and engaging, such as asking a client about his or her favorite holiday tradition or where they plan to spend the holiday this year. Will they be traveling? What is their favorite tradition? Don't bring a surprise "plus one." Unless the invitation specifically states that he or she is invited, leave your new boyfriend or girlfriend at home. It is bad form to call and ask if they may attend, or to just assume that no one will notice. Make a proper introduction: This might be the only time you meet your CEO if you work in a large company - take advantage of the opportunity and make your presence known. Introduce yourself and identify the department you work in. Funny story: A client/CEO laughs about the time one of his employees handed him a business card. By making a proper introduction, which includes a firm handshake, eye contact, and a clear delivery of your first and last name, you are setting yourself apart. Greet with your feet: Stand up for all introductions – a matter of fact, you should not be sitting down until dinner. Smile: People can judge your comfort level by your mouth. Open up and make your eyes wrinkle. Handshake: Be the first to extend your hand - it shows a confidence that is a subtle sign of confidence and not easily overlooked. Work the room: Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, it’s your job to be interesting! Make it a point to find the host and then start mixing and mingling with other guests. Avoid sticking with people you already know. Strike up a conversation with people you want to get to know better or have never met. Look at their feet. A good guest understands their primary role is to make the host glad he or she invited you. Don’t slip out the back door. Before you leave, thank your host or the person who coordinated the party: This simple gesture is a way to set yourself apart from the colleagues who disappeared out the emergency exit 30 minutes after the party started.
- Watch your liquor consumption: Interacting with superiors or making a positive impression on a client means you have to be totally alert and quick on your feet. A guest generally drinks one to two drinks in the first hour and one drink thereafter. Use your best judgment by limiting yourself to a couple of drinks, even if your colleagues are taking holiday shots in the back of the room. Perception is everything and a study published in 2013, called the Imbibing Idiot Bias, assessed the impact of drinking and perceived social appearance. The conclusion was that it is imperative to maintain a certain level of control in front of coworkers and supervisors if you want to keep your reputation in check. Alcohol reduces inhibitions, and we tend to talk too much, too loud, slur, etc. It’s a loss of control – physically and by reputation.
- Steer clear of volatile topics and political discourse: Sex, marriage, politics and religion are all hot topics which should be approached with extreme caution. Depending on the situation, you can choose: Listen respectfully and remain civil. You can never really know a person’s true feelings about a hot topic. Attempt to change the subject – it doesn’t matter if they know you are doing it. You are politely showing them where you stand on the conversation. Let them know directly you are uncomfortable with “gossip” – Hey guys, it’s a holiday party – let’s keep it jolly. Remove yourself – grab another plate of pasta or find someone you “need to talk to.” It’s not your job to change someone’s mind or convince them they are wrong. This is not the time to discuss business – projects, salary or ask for a raise! And, what if someone hands you a gift at the holiday party … let’s talk Gift Giving!
- We want to wrap it up and tie it with a bow (figuratively). Not necessarily at the holiday office party, however! But taking the time to express gratitude for loyalty or a job well done is what the season is all about.
- A commonly asked question is “Do I have to give my boss a gift? Answer: If you give your boss a gift, make it a group effort: It allows everyone to participate at a lower cost and doesn’t look like you are a “suck up” or brown noser. If you decide to do it alone, opt for something heartfelt (a holiday plant or baked goods) rather than something expensive or overly personal. Participation is key: If your office has an exchange, seriously plan on being a part of it. If you sit on the sidelines for any reason, you could be viewed as a Grinch. The cost is usually minimal, and it opens the door to build holiday goodwill. Give discreetly to work friends: If you have a small present for a few select colleagues, swap gifts outside of the office. Otherwise, you risk other people finding out and wondering why they were excluded. Remember your team: The holidays provide an opportunity to say thank you to the people who support you year-round. If you supervise a small team, (say, less than five) consider a token of appreciation for each. A gift card to a favorite restaurant or retailer you know they like is a welcome treat. And, a holiday lunch is always a nice touch. Before giving a gift to a client, check the gift giving policy: Some companies don’t allow their employees to accept gifts. Before you send out a wine basket or fruit tray, make a call and ask. You never want to make someone uncomfortable by telling you they can’t accept a gift. Don’t go overboard: Resist the temptation to go over the top. It’s not a competition and you look a bit “schmoozy” when you overspend in an attempt to impress. Clients can read through shallow attempts of grandeur. A modest gift showing your gratitude is a far better holiday choice. Avoid logos and don’t include a business card in your holiday greeting. But, definitely use a gift tag with your company name.
- Don’t forget extraordinary acts of kindness: If you have a business mentor who has given you guidance, or a colleague who has gone out of their way to help you succeed over the past year, now is a great time to recognize them. An act of appreciation doesn’t have to be fancy – a pretty mug with a bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans or a gift card to a nearby coffee shop is perfect. I received some specialty hot chocolate squares, with a chocolate pot and wooden spoon that I loved last year! It was unique and a conversation piece. The holidays provide extra room to acknowledge acts of thoughtfulness received throughout the year. Ideas: Technology accessories such as a charger, leather pouch to keep your chargers, passport holder, travel zip pouch for change, wine opener, business card holder, monogrammed id tags for their suitcase
- And, what do you do when someone surprises you with a gift and you have nothing for them? It’s simple: Smile and say thank you: This is the correct response when a co-worker (or anyone else, for that matter) presents you with something but you don’t have anything for them. You are not obligated to buy a present in return if you had no intention of doing so. The only requirement is to show appreciation for their effort and thoughtfulness.
- Tipping: If there are particular providers that show loyalty and support throughout the year, it’s important to remember them during the holiday season. Talk to your manager to see if the company will cover a seasonal gratuity for doorman, valets, delivery drivers and maintenance crew. Doorman: $50 to $100 as an office Valet: $50 to $100 Delivery Drivers: UPS - UPS allows drivers to accept a small gift or nominal gratuity. FedEx - FedEx Employees can accept a gift valued up to $75, no cash or gift cards. USPS - Mail carriers may not accept cash gifts or cash equivalents. They may accept a gift valued up to $20. Maintenance: $50 each
- Nothings is more uncomfortable than a business meal or a first date – they feel the same. The Holiday Meal is no exception. Here are 10 Essential Holiday Dining Tips you must know:
- Grasp the “D and B” concept: Drinks are set on the right side of the place setting and the bread plate on the left. Knowledge of this placement resolves the confusion of which is yours and which is your neighbor’s. Make a “D” and “B” with your finger and thumb to remind yourself … under the table please! Know how to handle your napkin: wait for your host, fold facing your waist, large are folded and smaller napkins remain open. When excusing yourself during the meal, put the napkin on the seat of the chair. At the end of the meal, the napkin is placed on the left side of your dessert plate. It’s not a hankie. Spoon the soup away from the body: To avoid the risk of drips and spillage, spoon in the opposite direction of your body. A man’s tie stays in place: Not only does a tie slung over the shoulder make for a shabby look, but it’s both unsophisticated and unprofessional. Cut one bite at a time: Dissecting an entire plate of food all at once is untidy. Glide the knife behind the fork to cut each piece and don’t over-fill your mouth. Between bites, place your knife and fork down in the proper “Rest/Finish” position. For a visual representation of Resting and Finished positions, click here. Wait for food to cool down on its own: Take brief pauses and make conversation while allowing the food temperature to drop slightly. Should you find yourself with a mouthful of steaming soup, reach for your water glass and take a drink to let your mouth cool down. Also refrain from adding ice to soup and mixing the food in swift circles. Avoid gesturing with eating utensils: If you’re an energetic conversationalist and tend to “talk with your hands,” take heed. Place your utensils on your plate when considering effusive animation. Think of the salt and pepper as committed partners and always pass them together: If someone asks for only one spice, simply pick them both up and pass them as a pair. It’s not necessary to offer an etiquette tutorial on the reason why you’re sending them as one unit. Pass the food counter-clockwise: It’s standard to pass everything counter-clockwise to provide order at the table. Additionally, when passing the bread basket, take only one roll to guarantee there will be enough for everyone.
- Learn how to properly set the table (see diagram.) Although the artistry of the setting is an important feature, a properly set table is designed for practicality. Each eating utensil is efficiently placed to eliminate confusion. Glassware is conveniently positioned for different beverages and utensils are placed to work from the “outside in.” The centerpiece is low to see the person across from you. A good rule of thumb is to keep table decorations under 12 inches.
- Thank you for joining us today! If your question didn’t get answered today or if you have more career, money or life-balance questions, please send them to us through the survey at the end of the webinar, via email at askbankable@forbes.com, or on Twitter using #AskBankable.