Presentation from HSE 21ST Apeil 2015

1. How do we mind ourHow do we mind our
children?children?
Dr Hester O ConnorDr Hester O Connor
Principal Psychology Manager HSEPrincipal Psychology Manager HSE
Dublin South West/Kildare WestDublin South West/Kildare West
WicklowWicklow
April 21st 2015April 21st 2015

2. What will be covered in this talkWhat will be covered in this talk
 The task facing parents, the school andThe task facing parents, the school and
the community in Leixlip at the presentthe community in Leixlip at the present
timetime
 Re-defining what it is to beRe-defining what it is to be
Brave/CourageousBrave/Courageous
 Managing one’s own anxiety at theManaging one’s own anxiety at the
present timepresent time

3. The most powerful influence in aThe most powerful influence in a
young person’s lifeyoung person’s life
isis
 the presence of anthe presence of an AdultAdult who cares about them,who cares about them,
someone who believes in them and who listenssomeone who believes in them and who listens
to themto them
 That person is you!That person is you!

4. Avoid Drama and get life back to
normal
 Routine is key: School, GAA, Friends, Clubs etc
 Your child is doing fine if they are keeping up
with normal routine
 More sleep and less time on Facebook and
Social Media will help a lot
 Lead by example, turn off your mobile device at
night

5. The Media
 Some people will want to involve the Media,
there is a time and a place for this-But
 Inappropriate Media coverage can have a
detrimental effect
 The message the Media need to engage with is
one of Hope and Resilience building

6. MISINTERPRETING LOW
MOOD
 Many youngsters misinterpet feelings of low
mood and anxiety as a sign that they may have a
mental illness or might even be suicidal-
 It is normal for us all to have low points every
day, many of us have low points every hour- IT
IS NORMAL

7. The task facing parentsThe task facing parents
How do you manage yourself and at theHow do you manage yourself and at the
same time make sense of what is going onsame time make sense of what is going on
In the ABSENCE of information from yourIn the ABSENCE of information from your
son or daughter?son or daughter?

8. Walking the tightropeWalking the tightrope
Trying to get a balance between being anTrying to get a balance between being an
important presence in their life not animportant presence in their life not an
Invasive presenceInvasive presence
What works at the moment ?What works at the moment ?
What doesn’t ?What doesn’t ?
What helps you open up? – the same appliesWhat helps you open up? – the same applies
to your childrento your children

9. What does not workWhat does not work
 Asking questions that lead to a yes or no answerAsking questions that lead to a yes or no answer
–give a menu of options–give a menu of options
 Eye contact with boys /mothers askingEye contact with boys /mothers asking
questions to point the youngster can’t handle itquestions to point the youngster can’t handle it
anymoreanymore
 Showing how anxious you areShowing how anxious you are

10. What have you noticed about howWhat have you noticed about how
your child tells you things?your child tells you things?
 What makes them clam up?What makes them clam up?
 Do you get more information when you seem toDo you get more information when you seem to
have your attention half somewhere else? Likehave your attention half somewhere else? Like
when you give them a lift, or serving up meals?when you give them a lift, or serving up meals?
 Manage your own anxiety-Manage your own anxiety-

11. Don’t add to the dramaDon’t add to the drama
 Over reacting adds to the drama, & disinterestOver reacting adds to the drama, & disinterest
likely to cause escalation in behaviour, stay calmlikely to cause escalation in behaviour, stay calm
in the interest of gathering informationin the interest of gathering information
 Listen even if you don’t like what you hearListen even if you don’t like what you hear

12. SENSATIONALISING SUICIDE
 Gossipying & passing on stories is REALLY
SERIOUS
 It is making things a lot worse
 PLEASE STOP

13. Managing your anxietyManaging your anxiety
 Somehow you need to find a way to manageSomehow you need to find a way to manage
your anxiety even as you ask questionsyour anxiety even as you ask questions
 If you over react you might reinforce a drama orIf you over react you might reinforce a drama or
create one where none existedcreate one where none existed
 Knowing the difference between behaviour thatKnowing the difference between behaviour that
seeks for a response Vs behaviour that is a realseeks for a response Vs behaviour that is a real
worryworry

14. The School & The familyThe School & The family
 What happens in school is the business ofWhat happens in school is the business of
parentsparents
 What happens outside school is also theWhat happens outside school is also the
business of the schoolbusiness of the school
 There needs to be a flow of informationThere needs to be a flow of information
between the twobetween the two

15. Children stuck between parentsChildren stuck between parents
Remember IF you want what is best forRemember IF you want what is best for
your child you have to as parents
 Set aside your differences for the
child’s sake
 MANY parents are not doing this

16. PARENTS ARE NOT FRIENDS
 You are BY their side -NOT on their side
 You have boundaries for good reasons
 Many parents would do anything to be
friends with their children: This comes at a
price

17. Social Media
 If you are a parent who says that you know
nothing about Social Media-It is equivalent
to saying in 2015, that you cannot read_ it
is NOT OK-you need to know where your
child is and who they are communicating
with at all times, including at 3am_ it is
your job to know

18. In discussing SuicideIn discussing Suicide
Suicide – be honestSuicide – be honest
- avoid speculation and sensationalisation- avoid speculation and sensationalisation
- acknowledge the finality of death- acknowledge the finality of death
--Asking the question won’t put the idea inAsking the question won’t put the idea in
someone’s headsomeone’s head
- be open to young people expressing all- be open to young people expressing all
sorts of feelingssorts of feelings

19. DRUG & ALCOHOL USEDRUG & ALCOHOL USE
 Alcohol has a huge effect on MoodAlcohol has a huge effect on Mood
 Cannabis has a huge effect on Mood & risk ofCannabis has a huge effect on Mood & risk of
PsychosisPsychosis
 We can’t afford to turn a Blind EyeWe can’t afford to turn a Blind Eye
 Community has to pull together if drug use is anCommunity has to pull together if drug use is an
issueissue

20. Young People at RiskYoung People at Risk
 Significant change inSignificant change in
behaviour/sleep/appetite/concentration/gradesbehaviour/sleep/appetite/concentration/grades
dropping etcdropping etc
 Excessively negative thinkingExcessively negative thinking
 Withdrawal from favourite activities/fromWithdrawal from favourite activities/from
friends/more time spent alone etcfriends/more time spent alone etc
 Death in family, or break-up or other significantDeath in family, or break-up or other significant

21. What is it to be Brave/Courageous?
 IT IS NOT BRAVE TO TAKE ONE’S OWN
LIFE-that MYTH needs to be STAMPED
OUT _ By us all
 Brave is finding ways to manage your emotions-
Anger, Fear, Loneliness, Hurt, Anxiety etc
 Brave is using your WILL to do anything that in
this moment you would prefer not to do-going
to training, doing homework etc

22. What is Courage?
 Talking to someone about your problems- you
are not alone even when it FEELS like you are
 Courage is facing up to the fact that life is up
and down for everyone, it is NOT NORMAL to
feel HAPPY ALL THE TIME
 We have to help our children understand that
moods go up and down for us all-ALL THE
TIME

23. It is courageous to find meaning in a
world that seems senseless
 Many youngsters don’t know where they fit in
the world today
 Materialism has failed and many young people
don’t know where to search for meaning
 Finding meaning in a world that looks devoid of
meaning-this is a significant task facing many
people today

24. Let your son/daughter know
 ‘its ok to not feel ok’
 There are plenty of things you can do
to help you to feel better
 It’s a sign of courage and strength to
ask for help

25. The School, Family & CommunityThe School, Family & Community
 Important that there is sharing ofImportant that there is sharing of
FACTUAL informationFACTUAL information
 If you’re worried find someone to talk toIf you’re worried find someone to talk to
 Whole community has a role to play inWhole community has a role to play in
helping life get back to normal and helphelping life get back to normal and help
address issues that need to be addressedaddress issues that need to be addressed
 Support for those that are vulnerable andSupport for those that are vulnerable and
support for parents- There is no job as toughsupport for parents- There is no job as tough

26. The Little Things Campaign
 http://www.thelittlethingscampaign from
the National Office of Suicide Prevention
launched 2014
&
 http://www.yourmentalhealth.ie

27. What help is available in Leixlip
 We will now hear about resources that
are available in Leixlip

28. THANK YOUTHANK YOU