2. Goal
Gain perspective on the difference between
networking & connecting so you can “work the
room with purpose”
3. How do you define networking?
• Networking isn’t about:
– Plugging in
– Dating/scoping out
– Selling
– Keeping score
– Obligating others
– Collecting business cards
– Building social network counts
4. Do you create ripples?
“we drop like a pebble into the ponds of each
other’s souls & the orbit of our ripples
continues to expand, intersecting with
countless others”.
Joan Borysenko
6. What are you doing?
“Man did not weave the web of life. He is
merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the
web, he does to himself”.
American Indian Chief Seattle
7. Isn’t it about connecting?
• Networking is about:
– Making sincere connections
– Engaging with others
– Building relationships
– Fostering exchange
– Creating opportunities
– Being a continuous learner
– Serving others
– Taking chances
8. Table Exercise: Who are you?
Step 1: Introduce yourself. “Hi! I’m (your name). I am (see
examples below or supply your own). How about you?”
– a first time attendee at the WIT Forums.
– a huge fan of the WIT Forums.
– always feeling (what? Nervous; excited to meet new people, ready to hit the
buffet) at networking events like this!
– really here because (what? Interested in the topic; curious about who is here;
treating myself to a morning out of the office)
Step 2: Ask a question (see examples below) & listen to the
response:
– What is your name?
– What prompted you to attend today?
– How did you get involved with WIT?
– Who do you know here?
– Have you participated in any of the other WIT events?
– Do you belong to any other professional organizations?
– Can I introduce you to (find someone you know or someone who is standing
alone)?
9. Are you prepared to connect?
• Know who you are
• Know who you know
– How do you know them?
– Who are they? How are they
spending their life?
– How can you be of service to
them?
• Know who you want to know
• Know where you want to go
10.
11. What’s your plan?
• What is the event?
– Professional, social, community
• Why important to attend?
– Connect, learn, share, serve
• Who do you want to meet?
– Speakers, host, attendees, peers
• Where & when event held?
– Location, promptness, synchronize
w/meetings & “get in the zone”
12. Are you behaving?
• Basic etiquette: good manners=good business
• Know the rules & observe graciously
• Handling Introductions:
– Make them!
– Repeat name (& decide to remember it!)
– Present junior to senior (less to more)
• Responding to invitations:
– RSVP means “respond if you please”
– Respond regardless & show up if committed
– Write thank you notes
• Forgetting names:
– Tell the truth (“Forgive me, I’ve drawn a blank on your name”)
– Use humor (“I’ve had a brain cramp & forgotten your name & not sure
of mine!”)
13. Are you ready to connect?
• Get the attitude
• Get out & have a plan
• Focus on what you can do for others
• Practice your elevator speech
• Be a gracious host
• Master the art of listening
• Develop & maintain the relationship
14. Are you fearless?
“I sort of just run into fear, as I run into chaos.
You breathe deep, and you have to remember
that everyone is scared."
Maryam Banikarim, senior vice president and chief marketing officer at
Gannett, publisher of USA Today
15. Want to know more?
• 4000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone &
Everyone by Barbara Ann Kipfer
• How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne
• How to Say IT for Women by Phyllis Mindell
• The Heart & Art of NetWeaving by Bob Littell
• The Heart of Networking by Ricky Steele
• The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Editor's Notes
Niki
NIKI Can I get a show of hands from people who absolutely LOVE coming to any kind of event – social, professional, or community oriented - and usually walk away with 1 or more terrific relationships that enrich your life? Now can I get a show of hands from those who find events like these a little intimidating; those who feel relieved when enough time has passed at an event to be able to leave and go home – and in fact might only go to those events where you know you’ll know a ton of people and will “be safe”? Well, regardless of where you might fall on the spectrum, our goal for today is to get you to approach your next networking event with the confidence to quietly or boldly take the room by storm. And, we want you to think about the notion of “networking” a little bit differently. In fact we don’t want you to think if it as “networking” at all. Instead we want you think of it as “connecting” your interests with others’. So let’s start by talking about what “networking” IS and IS NOT:
NIKI Networking is a word that really didn’t come into use until the 1950’s – and it came from studies conducted in both information science, as well as sociology and social psychology. By the 80’s the term “networking” was widely used and could refer to connections between people, systems or organizations. Today Sandy and I are talking about the “networking” that refers to making connections between people, and in it’s most evil form, networking is that manipulative, cold and heartless behavior displayed at large gatherings or in political thrillers. “I’m getting to know you b/c I want something from you.” We’ve all attended events where we encountered behaviors like those on this slide. So it’s natural to see how networking could get a bad name and even be considered a “dreadful” activity. Recent economic times have only intensified the negative perception of “networking” as many people were in fact making connections exclusively because they wanted a job! Ben Franklin said that “when the well’s dry, we know the worth of water” and you’ll know the value of a network should you ever find yourself without one! Bestselling author Harvey Mackay even wrote a networking book called “Dig your well before you’re thirsty.” It’s critical to build your network and establish connections with people before you need them. Sandy, can you tell us how we might go about finding that glass of water?
SANDY: CHANGE SLIDE I love this quote by Joan…soothing, impactful, natural….it really speaks to how our actions touch others. So much more comfortable than being caught in a net! Even so, contrast this image with how some people might network… CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY: Have you run into networkers who are all about the splash? Who drench you before moving to the next person, or maybe they are just a drip? Actual experience: a person I had not met called me on the phone and said that they had heard I was the best networked person in town (which I knew was suck up because that person is John Yates!). After about 30 minutes of listening to them talk about everything they had done, I interrupted the monologue and asked how I could help them .Their response was “oh, nothing specific, I’m just” dropping as many lines in the water as I can in hopes of catching a fish”. Ugh…I felt used. CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY Another image that I like is a web…thinking like a strand and not a spider. Strong images that help us understand connections and impact of our networks. So taking the images of a web and of a ripple, let’s talk about what networking is. CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY Positive networking is about connecting – sincerely and with an attitude of service. Your ripples move out, intersecting with everyone you know or meet. Indeed, if you are going to be successful in business, you must be aware of how to “vibrate” your connections. Great leaders understand this key to success. Martin Luther King commented that “we are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries or the size of our automobiles, rather than by the quality of our service & our relationship to humanity”. It isn’t the size of our network or the number of connections we have on linkedin – it is the positive connection to humanity. This is the attitude…and if you possess this attitude, then the next step is understanding more about the behaviors of connecting. There are many ways to connect with others, and today we are taking a simple scenario – working the room at a WIT event! To start us off, we have a table exercise for you! CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY Practice your introduction with the person to your right. Remember, you are the HOST and it is up to you to make your guest feel at ease. PAUSE FOR WORK AT TABLES Was that hard to do? What was difficult? How much time did you spend trying to introduce yourself before you started really engaging with the other person? From what you learned about the other person, could you introduce them to someone else? Often the hardiest part is coming up with your elevator speech! That is your homework tonight! We want to see everyone at the social in April and be in awe of your new found networking skills!! CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY That elevator speech really is the first step in connecting. Knowing who you are really does matter! Self awareness is so important. Keep in mind that although you may be the employee of a company or have a specific job title (both of which might change!), neither of those really define who you are – you are a unique individual who has many roles in life and most likely you have many passions. What do you really want someone to remember about you? Synchronicity is a local theater company and I went to one of their luncheons where people wore name tags – they said things like “actor”, artist, musician and producer. Mine said CIO. I felt so dull!! Sure it described what I did for a living, but it didn’t describe what I live for. Lead with your passion. So, next time you are at an event, have your “elevator speech” down pat Hopefully the homework assignment to help you with that. Second, envision yourself as the host of the event – not a guest. As the host it is YOUR responsibility to make everyone feel comfortable. Know that most of us are ill at ease in unfamiliar settings and any outreach is usually appreciated! You have a wonderful opportunity to learn about someone else, to explore their world and take the first steps to building a relationship. CHANGE SLIDE
SANDY Remember, networking is about: Making sincere connections- people will recognize shallowness Engaging with others – with new people Building relationships – it isn’t a pre-fab, more than a little assembly is required! Fostering exchange – allow for dialogue by asking open ended questions Creating opportunities – searching out others who may benefit from the introduction Being a continuous learner - Serving others – look for opportunities to be of help (before you ask for help!) Taking charge – don’t wait for someone else to make the introduction. Be fearless NIKI: CAN YOU TAKE IT FROM VISION TO ACTION?
NIKI Yes! When I’m faced with any project or task that’s daunting to me, I tend to try and break it up into smaller parts. So we’ve created a handout on your table called the “Networking Event Business Plan” and we’re going approach this in a linear fashion. So if you wish, get out a pen and think about the next networking event you will attend – like the WIT Social next month – write it down. Think about the context of the event. Is it professional? Social? Community oriented? Each might require a little bit different mindset and as well as dress code. **Hint to newcomers: pick an event you’re really interested in. It’s hard to be confident about connecting with others when you don’t have an interest in what the event represents. Next, Why is it important to go? Are you trying to learn more about the speaker and/or the company they represent? Both valid reasons to attend an event. Is the topic something you want to know more about? Are you attending so that you’ll have something to share with someone else? Are you there to support your favorite cause? (brief pause) Now move on to the people you want to meet there. They might be speakers, the co-chairs of event, other attendees you know will be there – including peers you work with. Networking events can be a great professional reason to build relationships with your co-workers outside of work. Now, one other side not on “why it’s important to attend” or really be aware of any networking event is that a particular event can be a great way to keep your connections fresh. For example, Sandy loves to read and if I saw an event on books or an author I know she loves coming to town, I might call or email her and say “Hey, I thought of you. Would you like to attend with me?” If she says yes, then I know I’ll already have at least one person I know in the room. And it’s a great way to reconnect and further the “vibrations” Sandy was talking about between us. Finally, where will the event be held and when. This is critical for “getting your game face on” prior to the event. We live in Atlanta, and we all know about traffic, so you MUST plan ahead for the location. There is nothing worse than hitting an event 10 minutes before it’s over, or worse, being so stressed out b/c you’re late that it throws off your confidence and your ability to connect with other people. If a meeting is in the morning or lunch – don’t expect people to be able to linger too long after the event b/c there are other meetings to get to. Evening events tend to be a bit more social in that regard. Bottom line: plan ahead. If there’s someone you want to connect with at a breakfast event, try to get there a little early, get settled and casually seek them out before the event gets started. And, at the bottom of the business plan, there’s room to write in your elevator pitch (don’t forget to practice it!); Write down 1 or 2 things you hope you learn (do some research if you need to) Translate that into a few questions that you might ask people you want to meet. There is an incredible book called 4000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone & Everyone by Barbara Ann Kipfer. I have it on my tablet which goes everywhere with me. We highly recommend it!
NIKI So now to the real entertainment of this show. There are so many “bad behaviors” and probably many we didn’t even think of, that we could spend a long time on this topic. But, we’ve chosen four. So first, basic etiquette. There are several things that fall under this category, and Sandy and I will demonstrate what we feel is the most egregious faux pax. Sandy: Hi Niki, it’s good to see you. Niki: Oh hey, Sandy, how are you? How are things going with WIT? Sandy: Well, we’re having the best year we’ve ever had. Can you believe we’re celebrating 20 years? We have so many great Forums lined up, and we’re doing some new things with our events this year that I think you’ll really be excited about, and our new Executive Director Stephanie Hill is a powerhouse. We are really excited to be working with her. (While Sandy is talking Niki smiles and nods, looks to the side, over Sandy’s shoulder and finally turns her back on Sandy.) Niki: (Awkward silence) Wow, that’s really great. I’m so glad to hear that. Does this resemble anything you’ve experienced? When you’re connecting with people you must: Stay focused on the person to whom you’re talking; Master the art of listening – it’s really important! If you’re distracted, you won’t connect! If you want to exit a conversation, then do so graciously Niki: 20 years! That is incredible, and I’m so glad to hear that about Stephanie! I can’t wait to get to know her better – I’ve been impressed with what I’ve seen so far. Sandy, would you mind if I excused myself to go talk to a business colleague? We wanted to connect at this event, but I know she can’t stay long and I don’t want to miss her. Sandy: Certainly, Niki, it was good to see you. Say hello to your twins for me! Next, Handling introductions: Our first words of advice are make them! As Sandy said earlier, be the host of the party and offer to introduce people. You’ll make others at ease and it will build your confidence, too. When you’re introduced, make sure you repeat their name to make sure you heard it correctly. Make eye contact and decide that you’re going to remember it. And here’s a little bit of Southern etiquette: introduce the more junior person (age, position, etc.) to the more senior person first. I always try to present some kind of context, too, that might help them establish a connection together. Responding to invitations: While RSVP means “respond if you please” that’s really rhetorical – do respond regardless if you please or not! Say thank you! Thank you’s can take the form of a formal note (invest in stationery), an email or phone call; or even a social media shout out. The organizers of the event will appreciate it! And finally…forgetting names! It happens! Don’t try to cover it up. Well, you can, but then someone will come up to you and you’ll look like the rude person for not introducing them! Tell the truth! Use humor! Or…sometimes I designate a “wingman” or “wingperson” and establish a “911 phrase” like this “Oh! Let me introduce you…” wherein my wingperson jumps in and introduces themself, prompting the nameless individual to introduce him or herself. Everyone saves face!
NIKI So, are you ready? How many people now feel like they have the tools to be more prepared for their next networking event? Don’t forget to follow these steps: Get the attitude – it’s not about doing business, dating or collecting Linked In invites; it’s about connecting interests among yourself and others. Get out an have a plan – download the business plan from the WIT website and fill it out! Who, what, where, why and when. Above all – focus on what you can do for others. It will come back to you, I promise. Practice your elevator speech – get a few trusted advisors together and help each other. Be a gracious host. Ask others if they’re enjoying the event – you might connect with someone who feels the way you do! Master the art of listening. If you really don’t want to listen to what someone else is saying, be gracious and then delicately think of a way to exit the conversation. Develop & maintain the relationships you form. Send people articles. Forward them announcements about other networking events. Always be thinking about what you can do for others.
NIKI And if all of this still has your stomach twisted into knots, here is a quote from an article titled “Are You A Connector?” that appeared last December on the website SecondAct.com – you might have seen it reprinted on Entrepreneur.com. The article reiterates the points that Sandy and I have made today about eliminating the word “networking” from your vocabulary and instead think about ways you can connect to other people. At the end of the article, the author talks about “that feeling” you get when walking into a room facing a bunch of strangers. Often, your instinct is to flee. “That's okay,” says the author, because “the point is not to ignore the fear, but acknowledge it -- and then break through it.” And the best way to break through it is to be fearless and realize that everyone else in the room is just as human as you are.
NIKI If you want to read more on this topic, here are some books that we recommend. We also encourage you to Follow us on LinkedIn and Facebook for more discussion. Join us at the monthly BiblioBabes Book Club meetings where books like these are being discussed.
