3. What is
Shine Theory?
“When you meet a woman
who is intimidatingly witty,
stylish, beautiful, and
professionally
accomplished, befriend
her. Surrounding yourself
with the best people
doesn’t make you look
worse by comparison. It
makes you better.”1
— Ann Friedman
4. “If I don’t shine you don’t
shine”2
— Aminatou Sow
What is
Shine Theory?
Physics Study Buddies
Duderstadt Night-Dwellers
Caffeinated Exam-Takers
Senior Design ProjectPartners
Physics Study Buddies
Duderstadt Night-Dwellers
Caffeinated Exam-Takers
Senior Design ProjectPartners
Three Ways to Apply Shine Theory (or just brainstorms)
Rethink Jealousy - If you’ve ever been quietly jealous of someone, odds are someone’s been jealous of you
Recognize! (Not Demonize)
Rebuild the Narrative - When one of us wins, we all win
Teaming/Camaraderie - Inclusive Environment
Friendship/Mentorship -
Positive Self (and Group!)-Talk
Rethink Jealousy - If you’ve ever been quietly jealous of someone, odds are someone’s been jealous of you
Recognize! (Not Demonize)
Rebuild the Narrative - When one of us wins, we all win
Whether it’s your first thought or your second, hearing about another person’s success almost automatically guarantees that you place yourself side-by-side with someone, instantly disliking what you see
To rethink jealousy is to channel it into something positive → jealousy feeds on feelings of inadequacy. It grows when you start comparing what is MINE, to what is now THEIRS. When
http://marcellapurnama.com/their-success-is-not-your-failure/
^nice!
REWORD: In the work place, the general narrative is that we have to be competitive - with our cohorts, but with other women in particular. It's a learned behavior. Men have been running things in the work place forever -- this led to competition. Particularly competition among women for the one seat at the table, or the one spot at the top. Because there were so few positions, of course you felt the need to elbow the woman next to you. If we are able to equalize the workplace, and there are an equal number of men and women in the workplace, there will still be competition, but it’ll be equal opportunist competition; you’ll be competing the same amount against the men and the women. We have internalized this belief. this is why we are so readily able to compete with the woman next to us
I was trying to think of bullet-points to put on a potential hand-out? I added more to the slide after this but :/ ugh it is not much. I’m glad we’re videochatting today, I’m sure we can this put together by the end of it! :)
Handout:
Their success is not your failure: success is not a zero-sum game
Rethink “Ugh, I can’t believe that she…” ---> “Wow, I wish that I …”
www.smesouthafrica.co.za/SME-Women/Mentorship-And-Inspiration
Vocal:
Raise your hand if you’ve ever passed a female coworker at work and realized that you love something that she is wearing? Shoes, Blazer, Necklace, Earrings...etc… okay. Now raise your hand if you’ve actually TOLD someone that you love X item of clothing or piece of jewelry? Can you tell me what their reaction is? Usually pretty satisfied, happy, enthusiastic. More often than not, what happens next? [if no one says anything, continue] If you’ve actually stopped to talk to this fine lady, usually you end up talking about where they got that fabulous X, because you just have to have it!
I know that women don’t wear their accomplishments around their neck like a sandwich board, but ladies, WHY oh why is it so much easier for us to tell a woman we like her outfit, but not as easy to tell a her why that promotion she got to be Senior Technical Lead is awesome and exactly what her hard work has paid off for? Recognizing another lady’s success not only boosts her morale, but it boosts your own too. By excitedly asking her about the details of her project, presentation, schematic, product feature...you build a common ground. For her, she sees someone who is not only curious and ambitious, but someone who respects her for her hard work. Think about your own accomplishments: when have you ever scorned someone who admired them? Some of you might be picturing specific women that you know thinking, “HELL will freeze over if I tell her I admire her…” but look. You do admire what she did. That’s what you wanted, and if you rethink your jealousy, you know that jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy. But instead of griping about it (since when has complaining fixed the root of a problem?), go to the source and straight-up talk to her. That woman does not have to become your bestie, but if you’re envying her, she has something that you do not have….YET. Are you really going to find out where the woman two rows over got that dress from by rolling your eyes at it from a distance?
Handouts:
People enjoy hearing compliments, from “I love your lipstick” to “I love your ideas” (so TELL HER!)
Congratulating another woman’s success costs nothing to you, and boosts her morale at the same time
Relationships are built on common ground: the mutual drive to succeed in a male-dominated field being one of many
Comparing and tearing yourself down creates isolation, reinforcing jealousy and justifying the negative thoughts in your mind….
...while on the flip side, reaching out and talking to these successful women creates camaraderie, strengthening the path to your own goals
www.smesouthafrica.co.za/SME-Women/Mentorship-And-Inspiration
Vocal:
Raise your hand if you’ve ever passed a female coworker at work and realized that you love something that she is wearing? Shoes, Blazer, Necklace, Earrings...etc… okay. Now raise your hand if you’ve actually TOLD someone that you love X item of clothing or piece of jewelry? Can you tell me what their reaction is? Usually pretty satisfied, happy, enthusiastic. More often than not, what happens next? [if no one says anything, continue] If you’ve actually stopped to talk to this fine lady, usually you end up talking about where they got that fabulous X, because you just have to have it!
I know that women don’t wear their accomplishments around their neck like a sandwich board, but ladies, WHY oh why is it so much easier for us to tell a woman we like her outfit, but not as easy to tell a her why that promotion she got to be Senior Technical Lead is awesome and exactly what her hard work has paid off for? Recognizing another lady’s success not only boosts her morale, but it boosts your own too. By excitedly asking her about the details of her project, presentation, schematic, product feature...you build a common ground. For her, she sees someone who is not only curious and ambitious, but someone who respects her for her hard work. Think about your own accomplishments: when have you ever scorned someone who admired them? Some of you might be picturing specific women that you know thinking, “HELL will freeze over if I tell her I admire her…” but look. You do admire what she did. That’s what you wanted, and if you rethink your jealousy, you know that jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy. But instead of griping about it (since when has complaining fixed the root of a problem?), go to the source and straight-up talk to her. That woman does not have to become your bestie, but if you’re envying her, she has something that you do not have….YET. Are you really going to find out where the woman two rows over got that dress from by rolling your eyes at it from a distance?
Handouts:
People enjoy hearing compliments, from “I love your lipstick” to “I love your ideas” (so TELL HER!)
Congratulating another woman’s success costs nothing to you, and boosts her morale at the same time
Relationships are built on common ground: the mutual drive to succeed in a male-dominated field being one of many
Comparing and tearing yourself down creates isolation, reinforcing jealousy and justifying the negative thoughts in your mind….
...while on the flip side, reaching out and talking to these successful women creates camaraderie, strengthening the path to your own goals
www.smesouthafrica.co.za/SME-Women/Mentorship-And-Inspiration
Are there any Tech Power Duos (or Business Power Duos) that are all-female?
Can you think of any?
Look around the room! Maybe YOU and your bestie will be the next STEM Power Duo!
In our lives surround ourselves with people we love, people who want the best for us. We can apply this to school, or to the workplace!
We want people who show us that playing to the strengths we have ultimately leads to success over failure, more often than not.
Not sure on the order of this slide
THIS ARTICLE THOUGH: http://amysmartgirls.com/notes-to-my-12-year-old-self-female-friendships-are-important/
[Refer to balloon comic, something about how we need to be that girl! Surprised and shocked to see something that represents her fall, work to lift it back up and walk away, satisfied that she’s done what is right by her, and by the females around her]
Build strong FEMALE friendships - with your cohorts, and also cross-generational
Beyond networking & mentorship - look for (and be a) a coach (someone who will help you come up with goals, and push you towards them), a sponsor (someone who can give other people opportunities)
