Stress Management - Part 2
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Stress is something that impacts us all. Learn how to manage it! This is a part of our in-house class, Stress Management, taught by Rachel Heisten.
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Stress Management - Part 2
- 2. How does stress look on you?
- 5. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Negative StressBehaviors Tough Nut = Stress is often positive and motivating, and is processed internally.
- 6. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Negative StressBehaviors Pros: Highly driven. Tends to accomplish a lot. Cons: Perfectionism can get in the way of relationships.
- 8. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative StressBehaviors Merry Martyr = Stress spurs this person to action, and is processed externally by talking with others.
- 9. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative StressBehaviors Pros: Enjoys staying busy. Able to get a lot done Cons: Has a difficult time saying no. Wants you to know how busy they are.
- 11. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative Silent Sufferer StressBehaviors Silent Sufferer = Stress is a negative factor to be dealt with internally.
- 12. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative Silent Sufferer StressBehaviors Pros: Tends to be calm. Good at letting small things go. Cons: Often internalizes stress until they have a melt down.
- 14. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative Silent Sufferer Vocal Victim StressBehaviors Vocal Victim = Stress is a negative factor, and they want to talk about it.
- 15. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative Silent Sufferer Vocal Victim StressBehaviors Pros: You don’t have to guess how they are feeling. Cons: Their need to talk through issues can devolve into complaining.
- 17. Internal External Positive Tough Nut Merry Martyr Negative Silent Sufferer Vocal Victim StressBehaviors Which one are you?
- 18. Empowerment
- 19. How do we turn this:
- 20. Into this?
- 21. 5 Tips to Tame the Lion
- 22. 1. Release
- 23. 2. Disconnect
- 25. We’re Addicted to our Brain Chemicals
- 26. 1 2 Avoid #FOMO Put Down the Phone
- 27. #FOMOFear Of Missing Out
- 28. 1 2 3 Respect the White Space Avoid #FOMO Put Down the Phone
- 31. 1 2 Schedule “You” Time Learn to Say No
- 32. 1 2 3 Live by Good, Better, Best Schedule “You” Time Learn to Say No
- 33. 4. Put it in Perspective
- 34. “If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.” – Dean Smith
- 36. 1 2 Is it going to matter? We’re not Saving Lives
- 37. 5. Be Kind
- 38. 5. Be Kind (to yourself)
- 40. 1 2 Lower Your Expectations Be Your Own Advocate
- 41. 5. Be Kind (to others)
- 42. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
- 43. 5 Tips to Tame the Lion 1. Release 2. Disconnect 3. Set Boundaries 4. Put it in Perspective 5. Be Kind
- 45. What about stress at work?
- 46. 1. REMOVE yourself from stress
- 47. 1. REMOVE yourself from stress 2. CHANGE your situation
- 48. 1. REMOVE yourself from stress 2. CHANGE your situation 3. ACCEPT your situation
- 49. Start Taming!
- 50. For more info, contact learning@leggett.com
Editor's Notes
- Welcome to Stress Management! I’m Rachel Heisten, and I’m happy to be leading this class today Live Class Notes: So I’m a little stressed out that we have so many people in the room who are stressed, but we tried to make things as calming as possible- music, pictures, etc. If you’re wondering about the pictures you’ve been seeing on the side screens, those are all pictures gathered from my teammates that represent a stress-free moment, or their “happy place.” We thought you would enjoy that! Housekeeping whiteboards, Kleenex, markers- onsite class only. Worksheet-= fill in as we go along.
- When I used to do a lot of interviews with candidates thinking about working for Leggett, I used to always ask- “What does stress look like for you? How can people tell if you’re stressed” Of course I almost always got very benign answers, but occasionally, I would get a glimpse into how stress affects this person and how they act when stressed. So what DOES it look like on you? How do you respond to stress?
- I’ve developed a very unscientific way for you to identify your “Stress Behaviors” Read each one and explain the axes and what they mean. (positive, negative, internal, external) We will go through these one at a time- as I’m speaking, consider which one you identify with the most.
- First, you might be a tough nut.
- First, you might be a tough nut. So I’m the Tough Nut. Stress is often a positive, motivating force for me, and when it’s negative, I internalize it. I don’t want people to know I’m stressed. Why? Well, admitting you’re stressed makes you vulnerable, right? It makes it seem like you DON’T always have it together, and you’re not perfect. I also hate burdening other people with my problems, especially anyone I feel has it worse than me. I’d rather pretend that everything is running smoothly and just deal with my stress by myself than make other people think I’m anything less than someone who always has it together. So this is probably great for most people around me, because I don’t cry about my stress all the time. Ask- what’s the downside? What I continue to learn is that most people actually WANT you to be vulnerable sometimes, and admit you don’t have it all together. It makes them feel like you trust them not to judge you, it validates their own stress, and it just brings you closer. Plus, you don’t let it build and build before you have a private meltdown at home and freak out your husband.
- First, you might be a tough nut. So I’m the Tough Nut. Stress is often a positive, motivating force for me, and when it’s negative, I internalize it. I don’t want people to know I’m stressed. Why? Well, admitting you’re stressed makes you vulnerable, right? It makes it seem like you DON’T always have it together, and you’re not perfect. I also hate burdening other people with my problems, especially anyone I feel has it worse than me. I’d rather pretend that everything is running smoothly and just deal with my stress by myself than make other people think I’m anything less than someone who always has it together. So this is probably great for most people around me, because I don’t cry about my stress all the time. Ask- what’s the downside? What I continue to learn is that most people actually WANT you to be vulnerable sometimes, and admit you don’t have it all together. It makes them feel like you trust them not to judge you, it validates their own stress, and it just brings you closer. Plus, you don’t let it build and build before you have a private meltdown at home and freak out your husband.
- First, you might be a tough nut. So I’m the Tough Nut. Stress is often a positive, motivating force for me, and when it’s negative, I internalize it. I don’t want people to know I’m stressed. Why? Well, admitting you’re stressed makes you vulnerable, right? It makes it seem like you DON’T always have it together, and you’re not perfect. I also hate burdening other people with my problems, especially anyone I feel has it worse than me. I’d rather pretend that everything is running smoothly and just deal with my stress by myself than make other people think I’m anything less than someone who always has it together. So this is probably great for most people around me, because I don’t cry about my stress all the time. Ask- what’s the downside? What I continue to learn is that most people actually WANT you to be vulnerable sometimes, and admit you don’t have it all together. It makes them feel like you trust them not to judge you, it validates their own stress, and it just brings you closer. Plus, you don’t let it build and build before you have a private meltdown at home and freak out your husband.
- Next, the Merry Martyr.
- Next, the Merry Martyr.
- Next, the Merry Martyr.
- Next, the Merry Martyr.
- Third, the silent sufferer.
- Third, the silent sufferer.
- Third, the silent sufferer.
- Third, the silent sufferer.
- So which one are you? Think about it and write it down on your worksheet. There’s no wrong or right- you are who you are. But it’s really important to be aware of how stress shows up in your behavior, and it’s important to recognize the destructive behaviors associated with each one. As a tough nut, I try to make an effort to be more open about my stress and try not to think of it as a weakness. I encourage my husband to vent more frequently and not let it build up. And I encouraged my mom to take a new job so I don’t get so many martyr text messages. Whatever you identify with, just understand that your reactions to stress are important, and they affect other people.
- This is June, my daughter. This is a picture of her when she’s NOT being a vocal victim, but like most 18 month olds, when she’s unhappy, you know it. How many of you know kids who can be vocal victims? Now I used June because I couldn’t think of anyone else for this quadrant, but in reality, this isn’t just babies and kids. Everybody has a vocal victim in their life. This is the person who is ALWAYS stressed, ALWAYS grumpy about it, and ALWAYS wants to tell you about it. They are victims of their situation, and they often want you to know how miserable they are. It’s not necessarily always bad- they do externalize so they probably don’t let it build up. But what’s the downside? Yeah, it’s not fun to listen to it all the time, and sometimes they make people feel like their own problems can never compare.
- This is June, my daughter. This is a picture of her when she’s NOT being a vocal victim, but like most 18 month olds, when she’s unhappy, you know it. How many of you know kids who can be vocal victims? Now I used June because I couldn’t think of anyone else for this quadrant, but in reality, this isn’t just babies and kids. Everybody has a vocal victim in their life. This is the person who is ALWAYS stressed, ALWAYS grumpy about it, and ALWAYS wants to tell you about it. They are victims of their situation, and they often want you to know how miserable they are. It’s not necessarily always bad- they do externalize so they probably don’t let it build up. But what’s the downside? Yeah, it’s not fun to listen to it all the time, and sometimes they make people feel like their own problems can never compare.
- So which one are you? Think about it and write it down on your worksheet. There’s no wrong or right- you are who you are. But it’s really important to be aware of how stress shows up in your behavior, and it’s important to recognize the destructive behaviors associated with each one. As a tough nut, I try to make an effort to be more open about my stress and try not to think of it as a weakness. I encourage my husband to vent more frequently and not let it build up. And I encouraged my mom to take a new job so I don’t get so many martyr text messages. Whatever you identify with, just understand that your reactions to stress are important, and they affect other people.
- So which one are you? Think about it and write it down on your worksheet. There’s no wrong or right- you are who you are. But it’s really important to be aware of how stress shows up in your behavior, and it’s important to recognize the destructive behaviors associated with each one. As a tough nut, I try to make an effort to be more open about my stress and try not to think of it as a weakness. I encourage my husband to vent more frequently and not let it build up. And I encouraged my mom to take a new job so I don’t get so many martyr text messages. Whatever you identify with, just understand that your reactions to stress are important, and they affect other people.
- We’ve talked about our triggers and we’ve identified our stress behaviors. Now, what are we going to do about it?? One of the most important messages of today is that you are NOT Powerless when it comes to stress. You can’t erase it, but you ARE in control of how you let it affect you. And to some degree, you are also in control of how much you let your triggers rule your life. So our goal for the remainder of the class is to turn your stress lion into….
- We’ve talked about our triggers and we’ve identified our stress behaviors. Now, what are we going to do about it?? One of the most important messages of today is that you are NOT Powerless when it comes to stress. You can’t erase it, but you ARE in control of how you let it affect you. And to some degree, you are also in control of how much you let your triggers rule your life. So our goal for the remainder of the class is to turn your stress lion into….
- A stress cub. I mean, who doesn’t want an inner stress cub instead of a big mean lion?
- So, I’m going to give you 5 simple tips to help tame your lion.
- First, find a release. This is a common remedy, but it’s proven to work. Remember the pictures from the very beginning? Give examples. What’s your release? What’s your happy place?
- Disconnect- This means a few things.
- First, put down the phone, the ipad, close the computer.
- There’s a lot of science out there about how the inability to disconnect is changing our brains. Has to do with adrenaline. We’re addicted to our brain chemicals. There’s a really good video in your resource guide about how the creators of iphone apps actually study our brains and create apps to get us addicted- they literally play on the chemical nature of our brains to encourage us to want more and more of whatever they’re selling. And we buy it! We’re also just too connected to our work lives in our off hours, and that’s largely because it’s so easy to do. So how do we disconnect?? - Don’t check emails all weekend - If you send an email, you’re inviting and sometimes forcing others to stress - If you can’t disconnect entirely, set up times and respect them - One simple tip when it comes to email- Use the out of office for good.
- Mini-tip #2- Avoid FOMO How many of you check your phone, particularly some kind of social media, before you go to bed at night? When you wake up in the morning? Over dinner? Why do we do this?
- That’s because as a culture, we’re suffering from FOMO.
- Ask the audience- when do you get your best ideas? Where are you? What are you doing? Being disconnected is about more than just avoiding our emails. It’s also about giving your brain the white space it needs to recharge. As a culture, we don’t really give ourselves the time or space to be idle anymore. We don’t daydream, we don’t have much unstructured time. There’s an excellent article we’ve included in your resources that talks about the virtues of idleness- it’s not an indulgence or a vice, it’s “as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets” Occasional idleness is not a hindrance, but actually critically important to getting things done. So when you put down your phone, don’t just pick up a chore or activity. Give yourself and your brain some white space, and daydream a little bit.
- Set boundaries- this one is all about making choices to minimize how crazy busy we are.
- Learn how to say no- at work and at home Ask audience to engage here- how many of you feel guilty when you have to turn someone down at work who needs something?
- 2. Schedule time for certain activities and stick to it. - during these hours, I will not… - during these hours, I WILL… have friends who take a half day vacation occasionally just to treat themselves
- 3. Live by Good, Better, Best – when choosing activities, try to live by this maxim. Choose only the activities that present only the maximum benefit, and consider discarding some of the others. For example, consider: - If you’re a parent, one activity per kid. If your kids activities are causing you stress, consider this- While 69 percent of parents say their stress has only a slight or no impact on their children, just 14 percent of youth say their parents’ stress doesn’t bother them. - Think of your average weekend- of the activities you participated in, which ones contributed just medium benefit, then think of the ones that were essential. Try to minimize the ones that are just, well, good, and not the absolute best use of our time.
- Put it in perspective
- Dean Smith was a basketball coach at North Carolina for 36 years, and considered a coaching legend.
- Ask- what do I mean by this? At work, we’re not saving lives. Consider telling the story of the touching tree or the Put the Glass Down story.
- In 1 year, is this going to matter? Will I remember that it stressed me out? In one month or even one week, will it matter?
- Be kind to yourself
- Be your own advocate Take care of yourself and don’t feel selfish. You aren’t selfish for taking care of yourself. When you are your best self, you’re actually much more helpful to the people you care about. If you’re a boss, don’t spend so much time taking care of your people that you suffer.
- 2. Lower your expectations - Put realistic expectations around your life. There’s no shame in it! (use myself as an example) - Give yourself a break! If you get stressed, own it!
- Finally, be kind to others.
- Read quote. Give example of Michael Bushman email after my trip.
- Let’s review…
- Those five tips apply to all areas of your life. But since we are all at work today, and since we all have an interest in minimizing stress at work, let’s talk about a bonus tip when it comes to professional stress. If you’re extremely stressed at work, remember, you DO HAVE OPTIONS and you are, for the most part, in control. You basically have 3 options.
- When I used to do a lot of interviews with candidates thinking about working for Leggett, I used to always ask- “What does stress look like for you? How can people tell if you’re stressed” Of course I almost always got very benign answers, but occasionally, I would get a glimpse into how stress affects this person and how they act when stressed. So what DOES it look like on you? How do you respond to stress?
- And finally, you can just accept it.
- And finally, you can just accept it.
- And finally, you can just accept it.
- Look at worksheet- You’ve identified your triggers, thought about your stress behaviors, and we’ve just gone through our empowerment tips. Now- what are you actually going to DO? Choose a couple tips and write down what you’re going to do to help manage your stress. Give an example. That’s your assignment when you leave here today.
- Welcome to Stress Management! I’m Rachel Heisten, and I’m happy to be leading this class today Live Class Notes: So I’m a little stressed out that we have so many people in the room who are stressed, but we tried to make things as calming as possible- music, pictures, etc. If you’re wondering about the pictures you’ve been seeing on the side screens, those are all pictures gathered from my teammates that represent a stress-free moment, or their “happy place.” We thought you would enjoy that! Housekeeping whiteboards, Kleenex, markers- onsite class only. Worksheet-= fill in as we go along.