Thesis statement Prejudice revealed in Remember Africvil

Thesis statement:
Prejudice revealed in “Remember Africville” draws my
attention to how the Canadian government mistreated
the minority groups in history through the following aspects:
alienation and (second paragraph key word).
Prompt name: “Remember Africville”
Thesis KW (the main idea): Prejudice
Paragraph KW (aspect of the main idea): alienation
Assertion:
Prejudice is revealed in “Remember Africville” through the
alienation experienced by the residents of Africvill e.
Explanation:
More specifically, those who lived in Africville probably
experienced isolation and separation from the city of
Halifax due to the ignorant actions of the government.
Evidence:
In the video, Gus Wedderburn, a man who visited the
community, reported that “Where the pavement ended,

that was where Africville began. I did not see the flowers. I
could see…the sewer pipes that led material from
Halifax City in the Harbor…Where Africville ended the city
dump began and as we drove through the dump I
saw my brothers scavenging in the dump. I did not see the
flowers” (Gary & Mackenzie, 1991).
Discussion (So what?)
With this in mind, I feel infuriated when I heard this quote
because it reveals the damage that the Halifax
government did to the residents of Africville. The quote from
Wedderburn demonstrates that the government
made choices that caused Africville to be an undesirable place
to live, which is not a way that a government
should treat those who pay taxes. In my opinion, a government
exists to serve its residents, and the Halifax
government should have at least provided basic services to
Africville such as paved roads, and should have
moved the city dump so that Africville would be less isolated.
In my experience, this reminds me of municipal
services provided in my community. Because I pay taxes I have
someone that comes to collect the garbage
every Monday, paves the road outside my house, and provides
street lights at night so that I feel safe and the

area around my house looks clean. Although I have never
experienced living by a city dump, I can imagine that
it is very smelly, and would cause many to stay away from
Afriville and have negative opinions about those who
lived there.
Connection:
Thus, prejudice towards Africville is demonstrated through
alienation that was caused by the Halifax
government through the decisions they made over time to create
a negative image of the community.
S. Zhou
Personal Response Review, Practice, Example
The prompt for the example:
• Video “In the shadow of Gold Mountain”
• Link:
https://www.nfb.ca/film/in_the_shadow_of_gold_mountain/
Topic: Chinese immigrants
What does the video show you?=Thesis Key Word

racism
Aspect 1 of Thesis Key Word =Paragraph 1 key word:
social segregation
Aspect 2 of Thesis Key Word =Paragraph 2 key word:
school bullying
Evidence
(quotation from the video):
10:58: Roy Mah, a son of a Head Tax payer, “we couldn’t vote
in the
election time. We weren’t allowed to enter public facilities like
city-
owned swimming pool and city-owned golf courses. So
Chinatown was
our entire universe”
Evidence
(quotation from the video):
12:40 Gim Wong, a son of a Head Tax payer, “three boys
chased me
and I fell down and they peed on me”
Emotional Response: sympathy, sadness… Emotional
Response: Anger, sympathy…

Intellectual Response:
Chinese immigrants were not treated fairly
(role of government)
Intellectual Response:
Chinese students should not be bullied by white students (role
of
parents and school).
Comparative Example Response * (researched and cited)
Jim Crow laws in the United States
https://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/what.htm
Personal Experience Response
A friend of mine was verbally abused in a bus station
S. Zhou
Response Body Paragraph Pattern (Detailed)
Transition word/phrase (“also” if it is the second paragraph or
beyond)
Assertion: State what the paragraph will discuss/prove with the

thesis key word (overall reaction) and a paragraph key word
(aspect of the
overall reaction) from the roadmap.
Transition word/phrase (In more detail, More specifically, In
other words)
Explanation: Explain the assertion in more detail, focusing on
the paragraph key word as it relates to the prompt, perhaps
using some detail from
the situation described by the prompt.
Transition word/phrase (According to,
As______states/reports/indicates)
Prompt Evidence: More general than evidence below, make sure
to introduce with detail from the prompt (i.e. name of the
speaker of the
quotation or at least the source type), “quote” cite (Last
name/organization, Year).
Transition word/phrase (With this in mind, Considering this,
This indicates that, Clearly, In other words,)
Discussion: Explain in your own words how the evidence proves
the relationship of the key words for the assertion/thesis using a
variety of the
four types of response. Follow the specific guidelines for
creating appropriately detailed comparative/personal experience
responses.
i.e. With this in mind, this causes me to feel (emotion)
because… (Emotional response)
In my opinion, (Intellectual response)
Another idea is that… (intellectual response)
In comparison/In my experience, (Comparative or PE
response)

Please note: the above is an example only—the responses you
choose can/should vary for each paragraph. For instance, one
paragraph
should have a Comparative response, the other should have a PE
response.
This section is Transition word/phrase (In addition, For
example, Moreover, For instance) + (According to,
______states/reports/highlights/suggests that)
optional for Evidence: More specific evidence from the
prompt, or related researched evidence (introduced with
sufficient context, paraphrase or “quote”, cite)
the Personal Transition word/phrase (Clearly, This
suggests/reveals/means/highlights that, For this reason, With
this in mind, In my opinion, When I reflect on this,)
Response Discussion: Explain in your own words how the
evidence proves the relationship of the key words and from the
assertion/thesis and ALL the evidence
Assignment above using the different types or response.
Can/should be more than one sentence
Transition word/phrase
(Therefore,/Thus,/Hence,/Consequently,)
Connection sentence: Using Thesis key word (overall reaction)
and the paragraph key word (aspect of the overall reaction)
from the roadmap
(same key words from the assertion), summarize in one sentence
how the paragraph proved the assertion/thesis.
S. Zhou

Thesis statement:
Racism revealed in the video “In the Shadow of Gold Mountain”
reminds me that immigrants’ life filled with unimaginable
harshness and
sacrifice, through the following aspects: social segregation, and
school bullying.
Body paragraph 1:
Racism is revealed in the video “In the Shadow of Gold
Mountain” through the aspect of social segregation. In other
words, Chinese
immigrants were forbidden from participating in many social
activities in public places. In the video, Roy Mah who is a son
of a Head Tax payer
recalls his life was being confined, “We couldn’t vote in the
election time. We weren’t allowed to enter public facilities like
city-owned swimming
pools and city-owned golf courses. So Chinatown was our entire
universe” (Cho, 2004). This make me feel sympathy for Roy and
those who were
treated the same because it is unfair to single out them based on
their race. In my opinion, a community is a place for everyone
who resides there
regardless of one’s race. In particular, every member of a
community, including Chinese immigrants, is entitled to share
into the use of a public
area, facilities and services. The restrictions on Chinese

immigrants reflected Canadian officials biased attitudes and
behavior preferring white
Canadian. The race and the color of skin shouldn’t be a factor
for authorities to decide whether one is allowed to share the
public services.
Another idea is that these restrictions could possibly frame
Chinese immigrants as an unwelcomed and unwanted ethnic
group in Canada. As a
result, Chinese immigrants could face further challenges in their
livelihoods. In comparison, this reminds me of the enforcement
of Jim Crow law in
the United States. About five decade ago, United States passed
the Jim Crow law to separate almost all societal activities
between African American
and White American. It was an anti-black law that positioned
African American as inferior to White American. African
Americans were not allowed
to join the White American in many aspects of daily life, such
as separate cars and parks (Pilgrim, 2012). This is similar to
what Roy mentioned that
Chinese immigrants were not allowed to join White Canadian in
the public places. Race is the reason that they suffered from
being ruled out from
the mainstream society. Thus, social segregation that Chinese
immigrants experienced reveals racism in the video because
they were unfairly
singled out from social activities in public places.

Body Paragraph 2:
S. Zhou
Racism against Chinese immigrants is also revealed in the
school bullying. Repeat steps 2-5 (explanation, evidence,
discussion, connection) and include a
personal experience response instead of comparative example
response in the discussion.
1
Essay Title: Personal Response Essay
Meimei Han
International Degree Completion: Trinity Western University
WRTG 101: Writing and Culture
Professor Simei Zhou

September 24, 2021
2
Essay Title
This should be an introductory paragraph including an
introductory sentence, topic
sentence and thesis statement. Don’t forget to include an
introduction paragraph in your APA
Template Assignment. (We will cover this in future classes, so
you don’t need to draft it at this
point).
1-2 sentences that define the main topic (authentic leadership)
of “True North” which
should be researched and paraphrased, NOT “quoted”
(Citation). 1-2 sentences that identify the
authority/credibility of the author of “True North” which should
be researched and paraphrased,
NOT “quoted” (Citation). 1-2 sentences that summarize

EITHER the Introduction-Chapter(s) of
“True North” OR just the chapter for the personal response
essay. A transition sentence that uses
a synonym of your thesis key word (this idea will be explained
in future classes, so you don’t
need to draft it just yet).
Example:
Authentic leadership is ... … (last name, year). The theory was
developed by Bill George
who is … … (last name, year). In Chapter 1 of his book True
North, George (year) states that …
….
3
Key to Success:

The definition of authentic leadership and the author’s
credentials should come from two
different sources.
Summarizing the chapter (s):
What do you need to do?
As a reader of your essay, the professor has not read the chapter
already. Could you help the
professor understand the chapter by providing only the main
points/the big picture (not
details) of the chapter in no more than three sentences?
How to start? You may start writing in one of the following
ways:
• In chapter 1, George (2015) + verb (e.g. discusses) + (main
points in three sentences).
• Chapter 1+ verb (e.g. presents) + (main points in three
sentences) (George, 2015).
You may also write in other ways as long as the sentences flow
smoothly with all the
required information, such as the chapter number, author name,
year, and the main points.
Any other tips?
• Write in your own words.
You may use some vocabulary or phrases from the chapter, but
not to directly copy the
same sentences from the chapter.
• Use synonyms for some important words from the chapter.
You may use Merriam Webster online dictionary for checking

synonyms or
vocabulary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/. If you click the
link, choose
“thesaurus,” then type the word, you will see many synonyms
and antonyms of the word
you searched.
• Use reporting verbs
Use reporting verbs such as discuss, present, argue, describe,
demonstrate, explain, and
so on, depending on the author’s purpose of writing.
• Do NOT use “talk about” “tell” “say” “show” which is
informal in academic writing.
• Do NOT to use “I”, “We”, “us”, “me”
When paraphrasing/ summarizing, try the following three
techniques to write the ideas that you
have read in your own words (not to copy a complete sentence
from the original source). Refer to
the Paraphrasing Examples in Moodle if needed.
• Make it shorter (more concise).
• Use replacement words (synonyms)
• Use different sentence structure -change the order of the
information.

4
References
Include three references here:
One for the definition of authentic leadership
One for the author’s credential
One for the book True North
Key to Success
Sources should be authoritative/credible. Do NOT use
Wikipedia or Baidu.
Each reference should be cross-referenced, meaning the author’s
last name and the year should
match with that in the citation in the background paragraph.
References should be placed in alphabetical order
Check the following resources when you don’t remember the
rules:
• APA Guide p. 15-22
• https://apastyle.apa.or g/style-grammar-
guidelines/references/examples

Example:
References
Western Governor University (2021). What is authentic
leadership?
https://www.wgu.edu/blog/what-is-authentic-
leadership2004.html#close
Worksheet 1
Planning my Personal Response
NOTE: Please read the essay assignment sheet carefully
BEFORE filling out the worksheet. Then answer the questions
below here. Pretend the worksheet below is a conversation
with your instructor.
My Prompt (reading chapter) is:
Part 1: Thesis Key Word & Paragraph Key Words
In your opinion, what is the most important thing that you
learned in this chapter? Write your answer below.
Try to summarize this main idea with one word (or one
expression). This will be your thesis key word.
Note: “True North”,” authentic leadership”, or Chapter title are
NOT acceptable.
2 / 8

My Thesis Key Word (one word or one expression) is:
Can you think of two specific aspects of your above main idea
(thesis key word) from the chapter? (i.e. what are two specific
things in the chapter you noticed that prove your idea above is
important). These will be your paragraph key words. Try to
limit the aspect to 1 word each if possible.
My Paragraph Key Word 1 (aspect 1 for the first body
paragraph) is:
My Paragraph Key Word 2 (aspect 2 for the second body
paragraph) is:
Part 2: Thesis statement
Use the thesis key word and paragraph key words from above,
and follow thesis formula as below, write your thesis statement
for the personal response essay.
Follow the formula below to write your thesis statement:
(Thesis key word) revealed in Chapter ( ) of True
North (reaction) through: (paragraph key word 1), and
(paragraph key word 2)
My Thesis Statement is:
Part 3: Evidence for Body Paragraphs (Important quotes)
Think about the two aspects (paragraph key words) you wrote
above. Can you find a “quotation” from the chapter that
represents each of your ideas? These quotes will be
the evidence in your body paragraphs.
3 / 8

Quote 1 from the reading chapter (for aspect 1 in first body
paragraph) is:
Quote 2 from the reading chapter (for aspect 2 in the second
body paragraph) is:
Part 4: Comparative Response for one of the two body
paragraphs.
Consider the two aspects/quotations you wrote above. For one
of the two, can you think of a public leader that represents this
idea? This person can be a famous historical personality,
a politician, business person, or celebrity. This leader should
not come from your prompt (the book you are reading) or be
someone you learned about in leadership class. It should
be someone you know about from your previous education,
experience, or knowledge of the world.
Who is the public leader that represents one of two aspects you
wrote above?
What is the online source for this public leader?
· Paraphrase in your own words how this public leader can
represent your idea (3-4 sentences):
· Reference:
4 / 8
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Worksheet 2
Personal Response Body Paragraph
The purpose of this worksheet is to complete one body
paragraph of your essay step-by-step using the course pack
instructions.
My Thesis Statement is:
ASSERTION:
Write your assertion below. This should be only one simple
sentence. Please don’t forget to use the thesis key word and
paragraph key word as they are written in your thesis.
My assertion for body paragraph 1:
My assertion for body paragraph 2:
EXPLANATION:
Write your explanation sentence focusing on explaining your
paragraph key word. Don’t forget to begin the sentence with a
transition word/phrase as suggested in the course pack.
This should be only one sentence.
My explanation for body paragraph 1:
5 / 8
My explanation for body paragraph 2:
EVIDENCE:
Share evidence from the prompt that supports your key words.

Don’t forget to introduce with a transition as suggested in the
course pack, as well as context for the quotation (i.e.
information about what the quote was about, who the speaker is
unless the speaker was already introduced).
My evidence for body paragraph 1:
My evidence for body paragraph 2:
DISCUSSION:
Write your discussion sentences below. This should include at
least three responses, including the comparative response. Start
with an emotional or intellectual response first. Don’t forget
to begin the discussion with a transition as suggested in the
course pack, and to also include an APA citation/reference for
the comparison. Don’t forget to follow the steps for writing
a comparative response as outlined in the course pack. This
should be several sentences.
My discussion for paragraph 1:
6 / 8
My discussion for paragraph 2:

CONNECTION:
Write your connection sentence here. Don’t forget to begin
with a transition as suggested in the course pack, as well as
include the same key words from your assertion and a summary
of what the paragraph discussed. This should be one sentence
only.
My connection for body paragraph 1:
My connection for body paragraph 2:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------
Learning Coach Checklist (To be checked by instructor or
learning coach)
Student must work on the following:
· Paragraph Pattern:
· Key Words:
· Transition Words:
· Evidence:
· Discussion:
7 / 8
· Others (Please specify)

Thesis statement Prejudice revealed in Remember Africvil

Thesis statement Prejudice revealed in Remember Africvil

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