Parenting and Family Management Year 2 Sem 1 2018/2019

1. CCFM 2052
FAMILY MANAGEMENT & PARENTING SECTION 20
A REPORT ON:
NANNY 911: THE FINCK
FAMILY
PREPARED BY:
AIN ATIYA AZMI BINTI NAZMI (1710222)
FAQIHAH BINTI YUSOF (1713478)
SYAKIRAH HANIM BT SHARIDAN (1713824)
PRESENTED TO:
DR MAIZATUN BT MUSTAFA

2. Introduction/ Summary
Nanny 911 is a reality television show aired in the United States to help parents with
unmanageable children. Nanny Deb (Deborah Carroll) was called to manage the chaotic
situation in the Finck’s household. During the first day, Nanny Deb observed the family
dynamics in order to come up with a suitable action plan. At the end of the observation, the
nanny told the Finck’s parents about their issues and proposed an action plan. The next days
were used to implement those set rules. The Nanny observed the reactions of the children and
the parents, whether they were negative and positive. Nanny insisted that the parents
managed the children themselves but interfered to occasionally give talks to the children as
well as giving feedback to the parents on their approaches. At the end of the week, the
original chaos before Nanny’s arrival had completely transformed into a peaceful and serene
family relationship. The Nanny announced her departure and had a tearful separation with the
grateful Finck family.
Personal Background of Family:
· Paul Finck, the dad
· Deborah, the mother
· Amanda and Alex, the adopted fraternal twin girls
· Stephen and Katrina, the first twins
· David and Daniel, the second twins
Name of nanny
The name of the nanny is Nanny Deb.
Existing Problems Faced or Created by the Children/ Parents
The existing problems created by the children are they whine constantly, lashing out
physically with their hands and hitting each other.
Existing Problems Faced or Created by the Husband/ Wife
Existing problems faced by the wife is her husband did not trust and believe in her because he
thought she was not capable to change their children. In addition, her husband was not being
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3. a supportive husband to support her to manage the children because she failed at the first trial
in the afternoon.
Methods/ Approaches Used by the Mother to Solve Problem with the Children
The mother, Deborah, had inconsistent approach towards the children. She was either
non-confrontational, comforting or verbally aggressive. When Amanda put a pillow on
David’s face until he had difficulty breathing, David came crying to the mother and telling
her about Amanda’s mischief. The mother was comforting to David. She hugged him and
consoled his crying. When he told her he wetted his pants, she gently brought him to the
toilet to change. However, she did not address Amanda’s wrongdoing towards David. She
was clearly non-confrontational and did not address the roots of the issue and only solve
David’s cries. This method is unsuccessful because if the situation persists, the children will
continue to physically mishandle each other and future injuries could be untreatable.The
mother acted like there was nothing wrong with the children’s behaviour and she clearly
decided not to speak to them about it. On the other hand, she could resort to extreme verbal
nagging when situation forced her to. When the children’s demeanour went out of control and
there was too much noise, the mother lost patience and yelled at them in a language that was
too crude for their age. She definitely did not know how to effectively communicate and her
methods could not solve problems.
Methods/ Approaches Used by the Father to Solve Problem with the Children
The father, Paul, worked from home and had a designated area in the living room as his
office. Since his office was not physically separated from home, there was a lot of noise and
it intruded his concentration. His method was non-interference. He believed that since he was
working to raise the family, it was not his job to manage the children. He surrendered the
management of the children towards his wife. When the children got too noisy, he shouted for
Deborah to silence them. When he got out of the office during meal time and the children
were quarrelling around him, he scoffed at Deborah who was struggling to keep them under
control. He maintained indifference, even skipped his meals, and resumed his work in the
office like it was not his problem. His approach is not successful because he lacked
communication with his children. He thought that Deborah handled the kids badly however
he did not try to correct the situation. His non-interfering stand only worsened the situation.
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4. Methods/ Approaches Used by the Husband to Solve Problem with His Wife
Paul did not trust Deborah’s approach in handling the children. However, instead of stepping
forward as a team, he was dismissive and negatively critical. He merely scoffed at Deborah’s
failures in parenting and thought superiorly of his own abilities. He thought that parenting did
not come naturally to Deborah. When he communicated with his wife about what he thought
was wrong about her approach, he sounded condescending. He put down his own wife. Due
to that, his wife’s self-distrust worsened and she did not believe in her own ability to manage
the children. The husband did not act as a supporter to the wife. He also failed as a mentor,
instead of giving constructive criticism he immediately debased his wife. This method did not
serve to alleviate the situation.
Methods/ Approaches Used by the Wife to Solve Problem with Her Husband
Deborah realised that she could not handle the children alone so she had tried to confide in
her husband and to get him to work as a partner. When he went out of the office, Deborah
approached him to tell about the children. However, Paul was on his phone and refused to
listen to her. When she was putting the kids to bed, there was a lot of ruckus and she was not
able to get her husband to manage it together. Paul simply went straight to his bedroom. The
wife’s approach to get the husband to be more involved was shut down and unsuccessful.
Observation of the Nanny on the Problems of Children, Parents, Husband and Wife
Nanny Deb observed that the entire household’s problem stemmed from severe lack of
communication. The children were not given the space to talk and were repressed. They were
frustrated and this made them lash out in ways to get their parents’ attention. The adopted
children, Amanda and Alex, especially were feeling very insecure about themselves due to
their adoption status. The lack of communication, attention and affection was horrendous and
it manifested in the kid’s terror acts.
The parents, on the other hand, also failed to communicate effectively. They did not place
highly the importance of letting the children speak up. They saw that the children’s antic was
lack of proper disciplining rather than lack of communication.The husband and wife were
also bad at communicating among themselves as partners in marriage. They did not consider
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5. themselves as a team and separate themselves based on their duties when in reality, the task
of managing the children should fall equally on both of them. They also did not know how to
speak with respect and give each other the support needed.
Methods Used by Nanny to Solve the Problems Observed
The first method used by Nanny Deb is imposing some important rules which intend to
improve and solve the communication problems and improve parents and children skills of
communicating. The rules that have been highlighted in the video consist of:
1) Everyone on the same team. They are each other’s allies, not rivals.
2) No whining. This rule was imposed because the children in the Finck family did not know
how to express their feelings, emotions and thoughts. Instead of using words and talk, they
whined almost all the time include whenever they were frustrated, angry and sad. By
imposing this, nanny was hoping that everyone will express their emotion verbally to
improve the communication state in the family. This is a crucial skill in a family so that
everyone knows, understands and can take correct and relevant action on that particular
problem.
3) Hands are not for hitting. All the kids in the family used violence to express their anger
and to play around either by hitting directly using their hands or use certain objects to hit
other family including their parent. Based on nanny’s observations, she found out that those
happened because the children were unable to communicate well verbally and they did not
even know that those kinds of acts and behaviours are wrong and inappropriate. Their violent
acts were sometimes extreme and excessive that if not corrected, it may lead to occurrence of
severe injuries. Therefore, this rule is prominent to stop and correct their behaviour and
attitude to one another.
4) Be consistent, only say what you mean. This rule is imposed to ensure consistency in their
behaviour. This is crucial to make sure improvement process is effective and done
successfully.
To be effective, anyone who follows the rules will be given by a magnet on a board and
anyone who misbehaves will be removed a magnet from the board. Every time they get a
magnet, they will be rewarded by nanny. This reward and punishment is powerful and
influential in encouraging people to follow and stick to the rules.
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6. In addition to the rules implementation in the house, Nanny Deb also initiated and
encouraged conversation between family members. In order to remove and stop whining
problems among the kids, she had one-to-one or face-to-face conversation with them if they
whine. She had simple conversation with them to solve a problem by asking their feelings,
what the problems, why you are whining and give and suggest solutions to them if needed.
Besides, if she saw that the children had difficulties and unable to share their feelings, Nanny
helped them by giving them appropriate words. The step taken by her is the best to enhance
communication level in the family.
Differences between Methods Used by the Nanny as Compared to the Parents
The most significant difference in method use by Nanny in comparison to the parent is Nanny
adopted team concept in the family. Everyone in the family is a team which will need to help
each other in all situations. Father needs to be supportive and helps the mother to manage the
kids and house chores. He also needs to help them and relates to the children situation.
Mother also must help and be supportive to the children. Children need to be supportive and
help each other. By introducing this system in the family, it reduced and somehow eliminated
whining, hitting and fighting among the family members especially among the kids.
The next prominent method used by Nanny but not being used by the parents is
initiating and encouraging conversations in solving a problem. Nanny always solves a
problem by first having slow talk with the children. She asks about their emotions, what the
problems, why is that happening, explain why that is good or bad and etc before making a
conclusion or suggesting a solution. In contrast, their parents did not communicate instead
they always jumped into a conclusion before fully understanding the situation. For instance,
the parent said that if the child does not stop crying, then the child cannot play. This is not a
good step in solving a problem because the parent does not explain why the child should
behave in certain ways. Besides, the children were not given an opportunity to speak up about
their feelings, emotions and thought. If this continued, they will feel that they are not being
loved by their parent. Without love being expressed and shown by actions, they may not have
respect on their parents and may disobey and resist to follows their parents’ instruction.
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7. Differences between Methods Used between Husband/ Wife in Solving the Problems
From the video, we can see that the mother always tried to settle a problem by giving subtle
threats and warning. For example, when the kids did not obey her instructions, then they
could not get what they wish for When she lost her patience, she started to yell and forced the
kids to go to their rooms. This method somehow will not able to solve the chaos because it
only leads to disobedient, whining, hitting, fighting and etc. On the other hand, the father had
a mindset that he is better than his wife. His wife did not do much. Everything that she tried
was not consistent and only temporary actions. Therefore in most situations, he thought that
he needed to step in and he was the one who can settle the problem. In addition, he rarely
helped the wife in managing their kids and instead he always called his wife to control the
children and will only step in if the wife was unable to do it.
Why the Methods Used by Nanny Were Successful
The methods used by the Nanny were successful because all of the characters in this series
realised their own fault and changed to become a person with a good attitude. Nanny
explained why what each person did was wrong and Nanny offered them a way to better
express their needs and control their attitudes. The children realised that hitting and cussing
were acts to be punished and a magnet will be taken away from them. They also realised that
by speaking up amiably they could get a magnet. The parents also realised they should be
partners in team and not at each other’s throats. Together, the sinking ship sailed
magnificently through effective communication.
Positive Outcomes on Children/ Parents/ Husband/ Wife as A Result of Nanny’s
Methods
The examples of positives outcome on children as a result of methods used by the Nanny is
first the children knew that they should ask for permission to play together if one of their
siblings is currently using the toys. Second, the children could play toys together without
having any screaming, yelling, whining and hitting because they talked and communicated
with each other. The kids also knew how to express their feelings about something.
Examples of positives outcome for parents is Deborah finally knew how to communicate
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8. with her children and make the children communicate with words and not with the hands.
Paul had learned that he must to being there for his kids too. They also knew to work together
to take care of their children and home. On the other hand, positives outcome for husband is
Paul helped his wife and always be there for her. In addition, Paul also became a supportive
husband.
Conclusion: Comments and Suggestions Regarding the Series on Method of Parenting
and Communication
After analysing this series, we discover that children have lots of energy and needs and if they
do not channel those needs into words, it can cause them to be uncontrollable. Repressed
feelings lead to terror acts. Moreover, children are not fluent with their emotions and it is the
parents’ job to help them articulate and speak up. Moreover, children also need attention and
affection. They might not know how to ask for this so they behave badly. Therefore, we
suggest that parents give constant words of affirmation and “I love yous” and hug the
children and touch them gently so that they become good and kind. In addition, they should
lend their ears to hear the children’s problems so they will feel understood. Each child should
be given equal treatment so that there will be no violent competition for the parents’ love.
As for spousal relation, they should realise that they are not competitors and they should not
boast on who has the better parenting technique. They must help each other in managing the
household with respect, love and virtue. A close-knit cooperation between supportive parents
will manifest in calm and obedient children. Thus, we suggest that parents become active role
models in communication and cooperation.
The approaches introduced in this series focus on communication and teamwork so we
definitely think that parents need to emphasise these two aspects in order to become a
well-managed, happy and healthy family.
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