Presented by Dr. Julie Gowthorpe at our annual Women in Mind conference. Dr. Gowthorpe draws from her extensive clinical experience as a practicing psychotherapist in the area of high conflict divorced parenting issues to bring to an interactive presentation. Drawing from her new expertly written plan for conquering the divorced parenting relationship, Dr. Gowthorpe offers key clinical tips and strategies to support clients through challenges of the divorced parenting relationship.

1. Building Resilient Parents:
Clinical intervention strategies to
develop child-focused parenting
after divorce
NOVEMBER 15, 2013
Dr. Julie Gowthorpe,
R.S.W.

2. The Words of Parents
“It’s hell – my ex is out to get me. She doesn’t want me to
have time with the kids, and she has a lawyer from hell
that hates men & wants every cent that I’ve worked for.”
Jim, 45 year old airline pilot
“I don’t get it. We used to figure things out. He was never
the best husband but I’ve always said he was a great dad.
What happened? He’s so angry with me that he’s forgotten
how to parent.”
Melissa, 35 year old government employee

3. Who are the parents we are
talking about?
 While most parents are able to work through their
negative feelings associated with divorce to establish
healthy interpersonal relationships with the other
parent, approximately one quarter to one third
experience difficulty with this process (Bacon &
McKenzie, 2004)
 10% of separated parents never work through their
feelings to the extent necessary to establish healthy
interactions with their former partners in their
postmarital relationships (Bacon & McKenzie, 2004;
Lamb, Sternberg, & Thompson, 1997)

4. Key Question
How can clinicians best support
healthy, child-focused parenting
throughout and following the
divorce process?

5. Presenting Client Issues
Stress and anxiety
Negative financial consequences
Mental health stressors
Dissatisfaction in the Post-Divorce
Parenting Relationship

6. Three Key Strategies to Assist
Parents Post-Separation
 knowledge-development with clients about separation
and divorce (psychoeducational)
 therapeutic empathy which comes with the therapist
having competent understanding about the complexity
of the divorce experience in North America while not
getting caught in the client’s stuck points
 Resilience-building to assist clients in moving forward

7. Key Strategy #1
KNOWLEDGE
DEVELOPMENT

8. Typical Symptoms of Divorce
Stress
Lack of Self-regulation
Emotional Turbulence
Financial Stressors
Grief and Loss
Symptoms from A Toxic Family
Court System

9. Core Clinical Practice Beliefs for
Effective Intervention
 Parental Happiness Matters
 Stable, Content Parents Support Children’s Post-Divorce
Functioning
 The Post-Divorce Parenting Relationship is Highly
Complex
 Divorce is a transitional process rather than a single
event
 Good Parenting after divorce requires an ability to selfregulate and shield children from anger in the parenting
relationship
 Resilience Building is Key to Healthy Post-Divorce
Parenting

10. …an Individual within a System
Sociocultural Level
Social Network
Family
Individual
Biology

11. The Divorced Parent Dyad is A
Complex Relationship because…
 Patterns of interaction between divorced spouses may
aim to meet old marital needs (such as the need for
emotional closeness; Johnson, 1996);
 Transitioning from parenting as a couple to parenting
without the support of the couple relationship is
challenging
 The role of individual pathology affects the post-divorce
dynamic (Ehrenberg et. al., 1996; Silver &
Silver, 2008).

12. A Relationship that Affects
Parenting
 Research has clearly identified the negative outcomes
for parents and children when these relationships are
filled with animosity, conflict and dissatisfaction
(Brownstone, 2009; Davies, Cummings & Winter, 2004;
Garber, 2004; Jenkins, Park, & Peterson-Badali, 1997;
Johnston & Roseby, 1997; Kelly, 2005; Kelly & Emery,
2003; Rogers, 2004).

13. Why the Parenting Relationship
Matters
 Parental adjustment influences child adjustment (Feeney
& Monin, 2008; Garber, 2004; Kelly, 2005; Kelly &
Emery, 2003)
 Cooperation between parents associated with feeling
more supported in parental roles (Camara & Resnick,
1989) and increased satisfaction (Cohen & Finzi-Dottan,
2005)
 Cooperative parenting requires mutual respect, support
and healthy patterns of communication (Macie &
Stolberg)

14. Divorce and Children
 Not all children are harmed by
divorce
 Leaders in the children and divorce
literature debate the consequences of
divorce for children (Hetherington
and Kelly, 2004; Wallerstein and
Lewis, 2004)
 Factors affecting child adjustment
have been identified in the literature

15. Key Strategy #2
Balancing Therapeutic Empathy
with Stuck Points

16. “A useful intervention is one that makes
a client feel deeply understood, fosters a
sense of connection and hope and
contributes to the (client’s) higher
functioning”

17. Clinical Considerations Continued
Attribution plays a role in the
approach to problem-solving and
overall happiness
The availability or absence of
supportive resources and the time
at which the resource is accessed
also play a role

18. Key Strategy #3
Build Resilience

19. What Does
Resilience Mean in
the Context of
Parenting After
Divorce?

20. Resilience
is a two-dimensional construct
that refers to exposure to
adversity (i.e., risk) plus a
positive adjustment outcome
(Levine, 2009; Luthar &
Cicchetti, 2000;
Patterson, 2002 Rutter, 1987).

21. Specific Clinical
Considerations for Resilience
Building After Parental
Separation
The post-divorce parenting
relationship is a unique dyad not
free from the dynamics of the
former couple relationship
Men and women experience the
post-divorce parenting
relationship differently

22. Identifying Risk and Protective
Factors
Properties
Risk
Friends and Family
Protective
X
Change in Lifestyle
Financial Issues
Counselling
Negative Feelings
Pre-separation Dynamics
Mediation
Lawyers and Judges
Quick Resolution
High Conflict
Former Spouse’s Parenting Ability
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
Former Spouse’s Willingness to
Meet Financial Obligations
X
X
Cooperation
Confidence in Self as a Parent
X
X
X
X
X
X
X

23. How do we know when a solution
has been reached?
Self-care routine as a priority
Improved self-regulation
Demonstrated ability to disengage
from conflict

24. Clinically Supporting
Disengagement from Post
Divorce Conflict
Reducing Repetitive Thoughts
(Rumination and Worry)
Increasing Self Regulation
through emphasis on how/action
rather than why/feelings
Child-Focused – Common Ground
Thinking and Action Plan

25. Coaching New Behaviours
Show restraint because it is in
your interest to do so
Don’t take it personally
My happiness in not part of
the divorce settlement

26. Building Empowerment
Self-attribution
Shifting from “other”
Action focused self-care

27. Addressing “Stuck Points”
Identify Avoidant Behaviours
Challenge Thinking Patterns
Challenge Belief Systems
Resolve shame and guilt

28. Happiness and Contentment After
Divorce
Sense of purpose
Focus on children
Ability to form new, healthy
relationships
Emotional Self-Regulation

29. Practice Exercise

30. Wrap Up
 What factors or strategies may assist the client in
improving self-regulation?
 How might
functioning?
resilience-building
assist
in
improved
 What strategies would you implement based upon your
current understanding of transitioning from marriage
through divorce?
 What obstacles to child-focused parenting surfaced during
exercise?
 How would you address these based upon the core
practice beliefs outlined earlier?

31. Clinical Intervention Tips
 goals should consider what would make things better for
the client rather than emphasizing an improved
relationship with the former spouse.
 support clients in disengaging from the conflict of a
dysfunctional relationship with a former partner
 encourage self-attribution, empowerment and resiliencebuilding to assist in this process