This slide program explains the purpose of marriage in Islam. It outlines the common causes of conflicts in Muslim families. It gives a road map in the light of Quran and Sunnah about how to resolve conflicts in spousal relations. Serious mistakes made during arguments are outlined and suggestions are made how to avoid these.

2. • Your riches and your children may be but a
trial: but in the Presence of Allah is the
highest Reward. (Taghabun, 64:15)

3. • 1- Procreation-
Brings closer to Allah in 4 ways:
I. Desire to have children promotes continuation
of human race which Allah loves
II. It is also what Prophet (SAW) loves

4. • Iii- One loves to leave behind righteous children
who make dua for him
Iv- If a child dies before his/her parents, the child
will be an intercessor
Muslim

5. • This protects one from evil misguidance of Shaitan
• One protects his/her chastity
• Achieve the pleasure of Allah (SWT)
• Perfection of half of the Deen
(Hakim)

6. • By playing, looking, sitting, having leisure time
with one’s spouse
• Ali (RA) said, “ Relax (or provide recreation to your
hearts) for an hour. Indeed if they are coerced
(into constant work) they become blind.”
• Prophet (SAW) said:
(wives)

7. • Household management is left to the wife
• Husband is then afforded time for knowledge
and action specially for scholars and Du’at
• So, wife helps her husband to be a better
Muslim
• Prophet (SAW) said:

8. • Live a practical life with wife and children to
achieve greater rewards of Akhirah
• Passing grade with wife requires
Fulfilling her rights
Being patient with her
Guiding and educating her in Islam
Earn halal money for her upkeep
• Passing grade with children requires raising them
properly as true Muslims

9. 1-
Al
Ghairah
2-
Evils of
the
tongue
3-
Frivolous
Diversions
4-
Harshness
5-
Deviation
from
purpose
of
marriage
6-
Miserliness
and greed
7-
Nature of
man or
woman’s
work
8-
Husband
meddles
in wife’s
business
9-
Procreati-
on
10-
Respect for
each
other’s
rights

10. • It has two meanings:
• 1- Zeal and honor to defend- when someone he/she
loves is wronged or falsely accused of wrongdoing.
• 2-Jealousey- occurs when a person’s love for
someone makes it hard to share him/her with
someone else. This could be :
a. Praiseworthy-,e.g., when someone sees his spouse
talking to a stranger and he/she gets angry
b. Reprehensible- when a person is suspicious of his
wife/husband without evidence of wrong doing.

11. 1-Ghairah beloved to Allah-
2- Ghairah detested by Allah-

12. • Unique to women in a polygynous relationship
• A woman is naturally disposed to this Ghairah
• As long as it does not go to resentment, husband
should be patient
• He should advise with gentle words
• Even Prophet’s wives were not immune from it
• Prophet (SAW) was with one of his wives, when a
dish with food was sent to him by another. Wife who
was with the Prophet struck the hand of the servant
and the dish broke. Prophet (SAW) said, “Your
mother became jealous. ( Bukhari)

13. • Be gentle and remove feelings of jealousy-
• Let not your jealousy towards your husband go
beyond a reasonable limit
• Never do anything to arouse the jealousy of your
husband

14. • Speaking about another man’s good looks, wisdom
and morals
• Speaking of previous husband’s qualities
• Even if husband insists about knowing about your
previous husband
• Your husband wants to be the only ideal person for
you
• He does not like to hear any one else to be
handsomer, kinder and wiser than him
• If wife gets suspicious of her husband unjustly by
interrogating his every move, it will ruin the trust
and the relations

15. • Man’s Ghairah should also be balanced
• He should not be ever suspicious with no cause
• He should not spy on her
O ye who believe! avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for
suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other

16. A. Lack of Ghairah (Dayyuth)-
• Such a person has no sense of honor
• He sees licentious and lewd deeds yet he remain
silent
• Such a person invites other male friends and
allows them to mingle freely with his wife
Ahmadmad

17. • Some husbands are so suspicious, they watch
over wife’s every move
• They are so possessive, they do not allow her to
meet other women
• They do not allow them to even see their parents,
brothers or sisters
• As time goes on, there is going to be resistance
• If he receives a news about wife’s evil action, he
must ascertain it before taking action

18. • Nothing causes more problems in marriage than
the tongue
• Both husband and wife must know when to
remain silent and when to speak
• Imam Ghazali said about tongue ,” It is small in
size, yet its obedience and disobedience are
huge…”

20. • Speak about that which
does not concern him
• Speaking unnecessarily
• Uttering falsehood
• Arguing without just
cause
• Speaking artificially and
with feigned eloquence
• Cursing or uttering
obscenities
• Singing lewd poetry
• Making fun of others
• Spread a secret given
• Make a false promise
• Lying in general and
specially when taking
oath
• Backbiting
• Slandering
• False praise to gain
someone’s favor

21. 3- Frivolous Diversions
(TV, Internet, cell phone, video games)
• Husband may be at home but spending hours on
electronic media
• You neglect the rights of your spouse and children
to spend quality time with them
• Wife & Children internalize all this neglect they
see
• Recreation time should be shared with wife and
children to enjoy together
• Aisha (RA) reported ,” I raced with him and I beat
him on my two feet. Then when I carried more
flesh, I raced him and he beat me.” (Ahmad)

22.  Often, marital conflict begins because husband treats his
wife harshly.
 It could be because:
• He loves to lead
• He is proud and arrogant
• He likes to show his superiority over his wife
 A Muslim must avoid harsh attitude
 It is unacceptable in dealings with family
 It will repel others and create rift

24. • When spouses refrain from fulfilling their intimacy
needs strictly in wedlock
• When husband treats her like a maid
• When he does not provide knowledge and
guidance to wife and children
• When marriage is treated as business.Some marry
in rich or influential family for material purposes
• Such marriage may not last or will be plagued
with constant discord or rebellious children

25. • Two degrees of miserliness are described in Islam:
1. Al Bukhl- Refusal to spend wealth even when
there is genuine need
2. Al Shuh- Miserliness compounded with greed
and selfishness
(3:180)

26. (Muslim)
Tirmizi

28. • Miser does not spend enough on his family’s needs.
This causes conflict in the family
• He brings shame to himself when people look at the
condition of his family
• Motives for miser may differ:
To punish his wife for perceived defiance
To fulfill some addiction
Love of hoarding and counting money
• Prophet (SAW) allowed Hind wife of Abu Sufyan
(who complained about him) to take some of his
money without his knowledge for her family needs.

29. • Example is of a physician who has to work nights
and long hours away from home.
• If husband and wife do not work as a team, their
marriage will suffer
• Wife must be patient and understanding
• Husband must do time management and spend
enough quality time with his family
• Since there is limited time at their disposal , both
must be in pleasant mood and look their best to
enjoy together.

30. • Woman likes to be the crowned queen of her
home
• She likes to have the final word in organizing and
designing her home
• A woman dislikes, in general, that her husband
meddle in her kitchen or household matters
• When he tries to control such affairs, he opens
door of conflict
• Men have enough work at job and community
• So leave the household affairs to your wife

31. • Two major causes of marital discord are:
A-Birth of daughter- Some men are very keen to
have son. They behave as people of Jahiliyyah when
a daughter is borne
(43:17)

32. (42:49-50)
when it is emitted. (53:45-46)

33. • Marital strife may occur when a couple is not able to
have a child
• If man is impotent, wife may openly lament and
challenge his virility
• If wife is sterile, husband may openly complain
• They must first seek medical advice and not openly
complain about it
• Even if there is no cure, they must continue to make
dua
• They must realize that happiness is not exclusively for
couples who have children
• Example of Aisha (RA), who was childless but still
most beloved of the Prophet (SAW).

34. • Both spouses must learn and respect each
other’s rights
• Ignorance about mutual rights or lack of self
control will lead to marital strife
• When problems develop, there must be
willingness to resolve these problems in a
proper manner

35. • No marriage is immune from disagreements
• Islam provides a roadmap to safe exit and avoid the
disaster of divorce
• When a disagreement arises, it may lead to serious conflict
and arguments
• Husband must try to understand with kindness and advise
his wife with love and soft attitude.
• If it does not work, husband may leave her to sleep alone.
• If situation does not resolve and there is clear Nushuz (ill-
conduct) , one may show disapproval by symbolic strike
with a “Siwak”. This is not liked or done by the Prophet
(SAW).
• Arbitration by committee consisting a member from each
side

36. strike
4:34-35

37. (Tirmizi)i
Ata (A Tabe.ee) was of the opinion that one should not strike his wife even if she
disobeys him. It is sufficient for him to be upset with her.

38. (Abu Dawood)

39. • 1- Is it a real disagreement or a misunderstanding
• 2- If it is real disagreement, she should find the
source of the dispute
• 3- She should speak about herself only. She
should not speak about her husband or her
intentions
• 4- She should search for points of agreement
• 5- She should work towards a reconciliation
• 6- As soon as an understanding is reached, she
should apply the terms of agreement

41. • 1-Hiding one’s intentions and feelings- One may
keep quite in argument but latter spew all the
anger and hurtful things
• 2-Inviting others to take part in dispute-
• Spouses must try to resolve dispute in the privacy
of their homes. Others may spread their secrets
which could be embarrassing
• When arbitration is necessary, only trustworthy
close relatives be involved.

42. • 3- Rushing to the courthouse- Courts can help in
divorce cases but can not help in marital disputes
• 4- Destroying other person’s confidence and sense
of dignity-
• Be careful in uttering words in anger.
• Belittling your spouse and praising others could be
very hurtful
• 5- Arguing in front of children-
• Child seeing his parents argue will feel lack of peace
and comfort
• This can lead to psychological issues for children

43. I only desire (your) betterment to the best of my
power; and my success (in my task) can only come
from Allah: in Him I trust and unto Him I look.