Once Upon A Time ….
There was a girl who
longed for true love
So when she
finally
met a cute guy
Who said he
loved her…
…she hopped
into his car,
waved gaily
to her loved
ones…
…and drove off
into the sunset with him…
…planning to live
happily ever after.
It was not too long before our
would-be heroine
Realized
that
her life
was …
not exactly the
enchanted dream
she had imagined
Conversations turned ugly……
over the smallest thing & matters from
finances to sex
Humility
and CHARITY
Many couples don’t recognize
serious difficulties until
both parties simply want
out-and end up with a
broken marriage
Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages
1. CRITICISM
• Every husband & wife complains about each other
2. CONTEMPT
• Hostile hu...
Genesis
Therefore a man leaves
his father and his mother
and clings to his wife,
and they become
one flesh.
2: 24
Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED
• Sound marriages go through cycles of developmentcycles of development
– From Romanc...
Tough Issues
Finances
sex
chores
In-laws
Gender roles
Cultural
differences
Health issues
loneliness
Tough Issues
religion
tragedies
infidelity
secrecy
violence
Domestic
neglect
family
Domestic
Violence
• Every 1 in 4 women
experiences domestic
violence during her lifetime
– Forms:
• Emotional
• Economic
•...
Domestic Violence
P A T T E R N
• The Longer you stay in an abusive
relationship, the more harm done
to your mental health...
• It can be hard to recognize
and admit that you’re in an
abusive relationship – but
help is available.
Remember:
NO ONE D...
FORTUNATELY most marriages ….
Hosea
I will take you for my wife in
righteousness and
in justice,
in steadfast love and
in mercy.
I will take you for my ...
Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot.
To become lifelong partnersTo become lifelong partners
• Negotiating the st...
1. Communicate
•• Poor CommunicationPoor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages
•• Good CommunicationGo...
2. Fight Fair
•• Don’tDon’t try to “WIN” arguments
• Allow your spouse to maintain SelfSelf--respectrespect
•• Don’tDon’t ...
3. Forgive
•• stopstop holding grudges
• Forgiveness is a challengechallenge && can lead to:can lead to:
–– PeacePeace
–– ...
4. Rebuild Trust
•• Trust takes years to buildTrust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant
• Be honesthones...
5. Decide Together
• Make Joint DecisionsJoint Decisions about
•• FinancesFinances
•• Disciplining childrenDisciplining ch...
6. Work on Building
Intimacy
• schedule regular datesregular dates and romantic getawaysromantic getaways
•• RememberRemem...
7. Don’t Try to
Change your Mate
•• AppreciateAppreciate & respectrespect your spouse’s
•• PersonalityPersonality
•• Likes...
Ephesians
Put away from you
all bitterness and wrath and
anger and wrangling
and slander,
together with malice,
and be kin...
•Fr. Larry Tan, SDB
Inspirational Series
Hope For Troubled Marriages
Hope For Troubled Marriages
Hope For Troubled Marriages
Hope For Troubled Marriages
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Hope For Troubled Marriages

  1. 1. Once Upon A Time ….
  2. 2. There was a girl who longed for true love
  3. 3. So when she finally met a cute guy
  4. 4. Who said he loved her…
  5. 5. …she hopped into his car, waved gaily to her loved ones…
  6. 6. …and drove off into the sunset with him…
  7. 7. …planning to live happily ever after.
  8. 8. It was not too long before our would-be heroine
  9. 9. Realized that her life was …
  10. 10. not exactly the enchanted dream she had imagined
  11. 11. Conversations turned ugly…… over the smallest thing & matters from finances to sex
  12. 12. Humility and CHARITY
  13. 13. Many couples don’t recognize serious difficulties until both parties simply want out-and end up with a broken marriage
  14. 14. Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages 1. CRITICISM • Every husband & wife complains about each other 2. CONTEMPT • Hostile humor, mockery, name calling & other contemptuous behavior 3. DEFENSIVENESS • Takes every comment as an accusation & counter by lashing out 4. STONEWALLING • Staying away from each other • No longer have the energy or the inclination for confrontation - Dr. Gregory Popcak
  15. 15. Genesis Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. 2: 24
  16. 16. Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED • Sound marriages go through cycles of developmentcycles of development – From RomanceRomance to disillusionmendisillusionment to mature lovemature love
  17. 17. Tough Issues Finances sex chores In-laws Gender roles Cultural differences Health issues loneliness
  18. 18. Tough Issues religion tragedies infidelity secrecy violence Domestic neglect family
  19. 19. Domestic Violence • Every 1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence during her lifetime – Forms: • Emotional • Economic • Sexual • Physical abuse • Men can be victims as well
  20. 20. Domestic Violence P A T T E R N • The Longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more harm done to your mental health, especially your self-esteem. • Leaving an abuser without any planning can be dangerous • Seek professional help
  21. 21. • It can be hard to recognize and admit that you’re in an abusive relationship – but help is available. Remember: NO ONE DESERVES TO BENO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSEDABUSED
  22. 22. FORTUNATELY most marriages ….
  23. 23. Hosea I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness 2 :19-20
  24. 24. Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot. To become lifelong partnersTo become lifelong partners • Negotiating the stages of marriage & the bumps requires: Attention & Hard work • Opinions & interests must be: balanced
  25. 25. 1. Communicate •• Poor CommunicationPoor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages •• Good CommunicationGood Communication – means listening as well as talking – Must be open, honest and frequent – Should not only talk daily but also •• laugh & crylaugh & cry •• share family joysshare family joys •• accomplishmentsaccomplishments •• strugglesstruggles •• tragediestragedies
  26. 26. 2. Fight Fair •• Don’tDon’t try to “WIN” arguments • Allow your spouse to maintain SelfSelf--respectrespect •• Don’tDon’t complain, state the issues honestlyhonestly • GRANT Equal TimeEqual Time •• understandunderstand the other person’s point of view
  27. 27. 3. Forgive •• stopstop holding grudges • Forgiveness is a challengechallenge && can lead to:can lead to: –– PeacePeace –– HopeHope –– GratitudeGratitude –– joyjoy • It can lower your –– Blood pressureBlood pressure –– Risk of alcoholRisk of alcohol –– Risk of substance abuseRisk of substance abuse
  28. 28. 4. Rebuild Trust •• Trust takes years to buildTrust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant • Be honesthonest •• KeepKeep promises •• RespectRespect while supporting one another’s goals
  29. 29. 5. Decide Together • Make Joint DecisionsJoint Decisions about •• FinancesFinances •• Disciplining childrenDisciplining children •• ChoresChores •• VacationsVacations •• Other important family mattersOther important family matters
  30. 30. 6. Work on Building Intimacy • schedule regular datesregular dates and romantic getawaysromantic getaways •• RememberRemember Birthdays and Anniversaries
  31. 31. 7. Don’t Try to Change your Mate •• AppreciateAppreciate & respectrespect your spouse’s •• PersonalityPersonality •• LikesLikes && DislikesDislikes •• Personal HistoryPersonal History
  32. 32. Ephesians Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as god in Christ has forgiven you. 4: 31-32
  33. 33. •Fr. Larry Tan, SDB Inspirational Series

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