Boyfriend girlfriend according to Islam

1. Boyfriend - Girlfriend relationship
THE STAND OF ISLAM
By Nuhu Tahir
6 Safar 1437 A.H
19 Nov 2015 AC (NOT A.D)

2. REMINDERS
• Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:
• (i) ‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory
• (ii) ‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged
• (iii) ‘Mubah/Halal’ i.e. allowed or permissible
• (iv) ‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged
• (v) ‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden

3. Introduction
• Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence
within the Muslim Youth community.
• The Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the
snares of non-Islamic lifestyle.
• The Qur'an prohibits anything that motivates one's heart in
a seductive way towards the other because, it build’s up into
an unhealthy /Haram relationship.

4. Preamble
• Because we do not take the time to talk and explain to
ourselves about the seriousness of Zina, most boyfriend
girlfriend (friendship) have lead us into:
PRE-MARITAL RELATIONSHIP

5. Pre Marital relationship
• A relationship between a man and a woman outside of
marriage is haraam, whether it goes as far as an
“intimate relationship” or zina (sexual relationship).
• Zina is one of the MAJOR sins and one of the gravest
of major sins that poses the greatest danger to the
individual’s religious commitment and faith, or it is less
than that, “looking, touching or kissing”.
• All of that is haraam and these are types of zina in the
general sense, and are things that lead to the greater
immoral action, extra marital affairs, masturbation,
Abortion etc…….

6. Allah speaks on pre/extra marital affairs
• The Qur’an in (Surah 17, al Isra,, verse 32), Allah
says: “Do not go near adultery, surely it is an
indecency, and an evil way [of fulfilling sexual
urge]”.

7. The Prophet SAW Speaks to us
• Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad
(s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah
will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when
there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is
tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond
for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

8. Fornication & Adultery
• “The believers are… those who protect their sexual
organs except from their spouses… Therefore,
whosoever seeks more beyond that [in sexual
gratification+, then they are the transgressors.” (Surah
23 Al Muminoon (The Believers):5-6)
• Again Allah says, “Those who invoke not, with Allah,
any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made
sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication and
any that does this deserves punishment.” *Sûrah al-
Furqân: 68]

9. Is Boyfriend/girlfriend relationship halal or haram?
• In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend
relationship. You are either married or you are not.
• A girl or boy can have a HALAL relationship FOR THE
SAKE OF ALLAH with a non-Mahram. Furthermore, if a
girl or boy enters into a HARAM girlfriend-boyfriend
relationship or just a relationship, then he/she is
entering into a HARAM pre-marital relationship.

10. Questions Before Marriage
• If you have any affection towards a person, you should
ask yourself:
1. why do you like that person?
2. Is it love?
3. Is it lust? (Infatuation etc…
4. If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then
you need not tell that person of what you feel.
5. Make a serious plan (DISCOURSE WITH YOUR
PARENTS) to make him ask for your hand in marriage.

11. Fitnah of pre-marital relationship IS ZINA
• A great part of it is what people nowadays call love
or romance through social media etc…..

12. Zina Venues for students/young adults
• On Campus (Car park, night group studies, offices,
abandoned places etc….
• Off campus (Apartments, BQs, outings, parties (with
our uncles and aunties), outside your state etc…..
• “Zanche” …… shopping etc…..
• Lesbo & Fags……………… (Homosexual/lesbians)

13. Valid marriage after a relationship
• That marriage comes after a HARAM/HALAL
relationship (the relationship did not go as far as zina,
such as kissing, touching and other haraam actions that
are less serious than zina).
• In this case the marriage is valid, because it cannot be
said of those who fell into this haraam relationship that
they committed zina.

14. Istibra’a
• It is permissible for a person who committed Zina
(fornication or adultery) to marry provided that they
both have repented to Allah (SWT), and provided that
this marriage takes place after Istibra’a, (i.e. after she
gives birth if she is pregnant or observes a waiting
period of three menses according to one view of the
scholars, or one menses according to another view)

15. 24. Surah An Noor (The Light) Aya 3
ْ‫و‬َ‫أ‬ ٍ‫ان‬َ‫ز‬ َّ‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ٓ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ُ‫ح‬ِ‫ك‬‫ن‬َ‫ي‬ َ‫َل‬ ُ‫ة‬َ‫ي‬ِ‫ن‬‫ا‬َّ‫ٱلز‬َ‫و‬ ً‫ة‬َ‫ك‬ ِ‫ْر‬‫ش‬ُ‫م‬ ْ‫و‬َ‫أ‬ ً‫ة‬َ‫ي‬ِ‫ن‬‫ا‬َ‫ز‬ َّ‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ُ‫ح‬ِ‫ك‬‫ن‬َ‫ي‬ َ‫َل‬ ‫ى‬ِ‫ن‬‫ا‬َّ‫ٱلز‬
َ‫ين‬ِ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫م‬ْ‫ل‬‫ٱ‬ ‫ى‬َ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬ َ‫ك‬ِ‫ل‬ََٰ‫ذ‬ َ‫م‬ ِّ‫ر‬ُ‫ح‬َ‫و‬ ۚ ٌ‫ك‬ ِ‫ْر‬‫ش‬ُ‫م‬
“The adulterer shall marry none but an adulteress or
an idolatress; and the adulteress shall marry none but
an adulterer or an idolater. That has been prohibited
for the believers”

16. 24. Surah An Noor (The Light) Aya 26
ُ‫ات‬َ‫ث‬‫ي‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫خ‬ْ‫ال‬َُ‫ين‬ِ‫ث‬‫ي‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫خ‬ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬َُ‫ون‬‫يث‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫خ‬ْ‫ال‬َ‫و‬ُِ‫ت‬‫ا‬َ‫ث‬‫ي‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫خ‬ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬ُ‫ات‬َ‫ب‬ِ‫ي‬َّ‫الط‬َ‫و‬َُ‫ين‬ِ‫ب‬ِ‫ي‬َّ‫لط‬ِ‫ل‬َُ‫ون‬‫ب‬ِ‫ي‬َّ‫الط‬َ‫و‬ُِ‫ت‬‫ا‬َ‫ب‬ِ‫ي‬َّ‫لط‬ِ‫ل‬
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for
bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men
for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or
good women for good men) and good people for good
statements (or good men for good women)…”

17. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him)
“If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person
cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife
or his servant woman, then he leaves her but that love
remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed
for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then
looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him
wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away”

18. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)
A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous
and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman
may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and
knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to
marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another
in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which
leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible
for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to
get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her.
Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry
her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as
‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his
daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may
Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the
man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation).

19. Haram Boyfriend and Girlfriend relationship
You are going too far when . . .
• Either person’s hands start roaming.
• He says he wants to know me deeply
• You are doing something you wouldn’t do in the
presence of someone you really respect.
• You are arousing feelings that reduce your self-control
and ability to make the right decision.

20. BENEFIT OF WAITING

21. Benefits of waiting till you are married
• Makes you an ideal Muslim (Rewards from ALLAH).
• Waiting will make your relationships better because
you’ll spend more time getting to know each other.
• Waiting will increase your self-respect.
• Waiting will teach you to respect others—you won’t
tempt or pressure them.

22. Benefits of waiting till you are married Contd.
• Waiting means a clear conscience (no guilt) and peace
of mind (no regrets).
• Waiting will help you find the right mate—someone
who values you for the person you are.
• Waiting means a better relationship in marriage—free
of comparisons and based on trust. By waiting, you’re
being faithful to your spouse even before you meet him
or her.

23. • By practicing the virtues involved in waiting—such as
good judgment, self-control, modesty, and genuine
respect for self and others—you’re developing the kind
of character that will make you a good Muslim marriage
partner.
• By becoming a person of character yourself, you’ll be
able to attract a person of character—the kind of
person you’d like to marry and to have as the father or
mother of your children.
Benefits of waiting till you are married Contd.

24. CONCLUSSION
• A young man once came to our Prophet (peace be upon
him) and said: “O, Messenger of Allah give me a
permission to commit fornication.”
• The Companions were angry
• “Would you like a man to fornicate with your mother?”
The young man replied: “No.”
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Hence other
people do not like it for their mothers. Would you like it
for your daughter?”
The man said: “No.”
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Hence people do
not like it for their daughters….” *Musnad Ahmad]

25. • Subhanaka Allahuma wabihamdiqa, Ashahadu
anlailaha ila anta. Astagafurka wa atubuilaihiak
• “How perfect you are o Allah I praise you, I bear
witness that none has the right to be worshiped
except you. I seek your forgiveness and I turn to you
in repentance”.