Power point reflection of work assignments

1. Andrea Baron
REFLECTION OF WORKS

2. Overall Portfolio Questions
• I would like my fellow students to know that although some of my poems seem
dark or sad I am actually a very happy person! I write sad poems because I think
it brings more emotion from the reader than a happy poem. I have tried to write
happy poems before and I always find it to be extremely difficult.
• I used to only write poems with about 3 stanzas and an ABABAB pattern. I always
stayed away from free form because to me it didn’t seem like poetry. But after
writing an Italian sonnet and some free form poems I can tell there are other
ways than just rhyming the last word to make poetry actually be poetry.
• What I like about this portfolio the most is the revision of my short story. When I
turned in my short story I still felt as though the ending was abrupt which both
peers and teacher pointed out. After some time away from the story and reading
the comments on it I was able to make adjustments and I’m a lot happier with the
outcome.
• In this portfolio I see evidence of growth. I was forced to venture into
unchartered waters and I was extremely nervous about it. The Italian sonnet
really threw me for a loop and I thought my poem was not very good but after
reading the comments I found out that the two people who reviewed it actually
enjoyed it a lot. Just because something is new does not mean you should stray
from it.

3. Short Story: Creative Process
• My story is of a 13 year old boy, Collin, struggling with anger
problems fueled by two dead-beat parents who do not care for him
and (you don’t find this out till the end) his ADHD medication. He
is cared for by Alice, a woman who is not related to him at all, but
has raised him since taking him home from the hospital the first
day he was born. Collin tries to deal with his anger by torturing
and killing small woodland animals until he gets caught and finally
has to face his problems.
• My story is actually based off a true story. Although the boy the
story is based off of does not torture or kill woodland animals but
he did get caught throwing a kitten over a bridge and it was found
out that his ADHD medicine caused anger in him. I knew I wanted
to write about this because I also went through a childhood with
two failing parents so not only could I use the actual story for the
plot but I could use my own feelings to make Collin seem real and
believable.

4. Short Story: Revision
• Two big reveals are in my story and for both of them my peers and
teacher said they were very abrupt and were not worked up to.
Usually when reading a book you have a general idea of where the
story is going to go but with my story it was more of an explosion
in the readers face leaving them dazed and confused. For my
revising I focused on dropping more hints as to what was the cause
of Collin being angry and what he doing in the woods to release his
anger.
• Ways I dropped more hints was by talking about Collin’s ADHD
medicine more throughout the story. He talks about unknown
anger and a “poisonous weed” growing inside him. As for him
torturing and killing woodland animals instead of this being found
out after Collin returns from the woods from one of his killings I
instead had Collin bring it up in one of his deep thought sections.
He talks about why he does it and where he first got the idea to do
it from. Collin strives for the love of his dad and since his dad does
it he feels it is okay for him to do it as well.

5. Short Story: Revision
• “You and I have a special conference on
Monday.” Alice finally said. “Officer Tom
will be joining us.” Collin stiffened at the
mention of a cop. It wouldn’t be the first
time he had been involved with the police.
But he couldn’t remember doing anything
recently that would cause him to have cops
be looking for him. His heart sped up as he
thought of the traps he had set up in the
woods. At first it was only one trap; one
animal every few days if he was lucky. It
was his secret release for the rage that
grew in him like a poisonous weed. In the
beginning he couldn’t stand the squeal of
terror or the look of fear in the animals
eyes and would kill them almost instantly.
But he has grown cold to it now as if
something was transforming him. Day by
day his traps grew and he started taking
more trips to the woods. But had he taken
it too far? Had someone finally found
them? But they couldn’t possibly know he
had set them or for what purposes.
• “You and I have a special
conference on Monday.” Alice
finally said. “Officer Tom will be
joining us.” Collin froze at the
mention of a cop. It wouldn’t be
the first time he had been involved
with the police. But he couldn’t
remember doing anything recently
that would cause him to have cops
be looking for him. His heart sped
up as he thought of his traps in the
woods. What if someone had come
across them? They couldn’t
possibly know he had set them.
Here is where I added more detail about Collin’s trips into the woods as well as
dropping several hints as to something else being the cause for his anger. He says his
rage grows like a poisonous weed and he feels as though something is transforming
him. This is foreshadowing and helps lead up to the big reveal.

6. Short Story: Revision
• The mention of the medication
caused Collin’s temper to slowly
flare. Alice was the reason he had
to take those awful things. Alice is
the reason he is different, the
reason his parents don’t love him.
• The mention of the medication
caused Collin’s temper to slowly
flare. The pills were to help him be
normal? He was normal! The pills
were what made him different and
it was Alice who made him take
those awful things. If he weren’t so
different than maybe his parents
would actually love him. But that
wasn’t possible. It was if a neon
sign hung from his neck flashing
“DANGER! DO NOT APPROACH!”
For this part one peer wrote that Collin blaming Alice for everything was a big
jump and might need some leading up to. Rather than Collin blaming her I again
wanted the focus to be more on his medicine as well as him seeming paranoid
and lost. I brought the story back to the pills by saying how Collin says the pills
are what makes him different and he just wants to be normal.

7. Short Story: Revision
• “Collin, don’t you understand? I
love you. You are my family. You
are my son.” Collin’s stomach
squeezed so tight he thought he
was going to throw up. He looked
into Alice’s eyes and saw her for
the first time without his anger
getting in the way. Alice looked at
him the way his parents never had.
She had stayed up all night
worried about him even though
she worked early the next
morning. Alice did love him. She
always had. Collin threw his body
at Alice, this time crushing her as
tightly as he could.
• “Collin, don’t you understand? I love you.
You are my family. You are my son. I have
done everything in my power to protect you
from this. I don’t want you to hurt Collin. If I
could make your parents love you the way I
love you I would do it. Even if it meant you
leaving and never being able to see you
again, I would do it, because I know how
happy it would make you.” Collin’s stomach
squeezed so tight he thought he was going
to throw up. He looked into Alice’s eyes and
saw her for the first time without his anger
getting in the way. Alice looked at him the
way his parents never had. She had stayed
up all night worried about him even though
she worked early the next morning. She took
off when he was sick so that she could stay
home and take care of him and when she
found out he was struggling with school she
got him medication, not to make him
different, but to help him focus. It was all so
clear now, like a breath of fresh air. Alice did
love him and she always had. Collin just had
never taken the time to notice it. Collin
threw his body at Alice, this time enjoying
being crushed against her.

8. Short Story: Revision Continued
• A comment made here was that Collin’s ‘epiphany’ seemed very
rushed. He goes from hating Alice to realizing her love too quickly.
It needed more depth as to why he finally realizes she loves him.
To do this I added more detail explaining all the things she does for
him and how she would sacrifice never seeing him again so that he
could go live with his parents because that is what would make
him happy

9. Short Story: Revision
• It had been a week since the fight
with Alice. Collin had started
counseling with a therapist and
had been taking his pills every day.
It seemed to be helping, but there
were days when he still found
himself to be angry for no reason.
• It had been a week since the fight
with Alice. Collin had started
counseling with a therapist and it
had helped a lot being able to
finally talk to someone. But there
were still days when Collin was
overcome with anger. He no longer
went into the woods but had taken
up running for a release.
I found this part of my story was contradicting. Taking his pills every day would not be
more beneficial. I kept making it seem his pills were for anger management rather
than ADHD so instead I said talking to someone has been helping but he still gets
angry for some unknown reason.

10. Short Story: Revision
• The medication you have been
taking has been proven to cause
aggression in kids. It hasn’t been
you Collin. It has been the
medicine.” Collin felt as if a weight
had been lifted off his chest. The
medicine had never been the
solution. It had been the problem.
Collin looked at Alice and she
smiled down at him. Someone had
been looking for him after all.
• The medication you have been
taking has been proven to cause
aggression in kids…” Collin felt as
if a weight had been lifted off his
chest. Collin smiled up at Alice, as
everything seemed to fall into
place. He was not a poisonous
weed; he was only ingesting it.
And the medicine had never been
the solution. It had been the
problem.
In the beginning I wanted to tie something back around to him comparing himself to
Nemo and feeling as though no one was looking for him. But this seemed weird
because once again the main problem was the medicine and not Alice. I decided to
word the ending differently and make the connection that the poisonous weed Collin
had felt was inside him was actually his medication.

11. Short Story: Further Plans
• With this story I realized I am actually capable of writing a
complete work. One comment made by the teacher was that I
needed to take the story farther than one room and let the readers
see Collin in a different light. I considered doing this but I felt that
it would take the story passed being short, especially with the
detail I like to throw into my writings. I rather have a more one
scene story full of detail rather than adding another scene that was
brief and not as detailed as the rest of the story.
• Something I would like to add but chose to leave out for the
courtesy of the readers is a scene with Collin in the woods and
torturing one of the animals. It would give more look into why he
does what he does and whether he truly feels no emotion or if he
feels guilty. I would have him break down and cry in the woods and
this would show Collin is more than a cold misguided boy, but he is
really hurting.

12. Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet
Creative Process
• I usually only write poems with an ABABAB pattern and about three
stanzas. I noticed that these poems can read childish and almost in a
nursery rhyme kind of way. So for my fixed form poem I decided to
venture out of my safety zone and try a completely new form. I ended up
with an Italian Sonnet.
• How I come up with my poems is really simple. I sort of just talk until I
find a line that sounds “pretty.” The first line that came to mind was “I
kissed you first you ran away.” That was going to be the opening line of
my poem but I decided I needed more of an opener. Basically after that I
just worked with trying to find words that rhymed as well as getting what
I wanted to say across.
• My poem is about two lovers. They first meet when they are three and the
girl wonders if the boy will remember her. Then they get married and are
married for sixty years and the boy gets Alzheimer's and the girl wonders
how will the boy remember her. The ending talks about how the girl
reminds the boy about their love every day even though she knows he
will never remember. She says that although he cannot remember their
love she will remember it for him.

13. Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet
Revision
• For my poem I wanted to focus on word choice and getting the
poem to read more smooth. I have a problem with starting out
lines with “and” and “but.” These words are unnecessary in most
cases and causes the poem to read choppy and disjointed. In both
peer reviews they each pointed out different spots in which I
started a line with “and” when it was unnecessary.
• I also wanted to focus on taking out what I like to call “filler
words.” Words I put in for when I need extra beats in the poem.
This poem did not follow a set meter so the filler words were not
necessary.

14. Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet Revision
Ive known you for years since we were three
I kissed you first but you ran away
Girls have cooties that’s what you would say,
and I always wondered would you remember me?
You asked for my hand right under that tree
Sixty years now and I’ve loved you each day,
but now your mind is lost; the memories gone
away
And I always wonder how will you remember me?
I show you pictures from our past
and you always question if they are real
You don’t remember me. It is all new
The words I tell you never seem to last
But that will never change how I feel
You don’t remember me, so I remember for you.
I’ve know you since we were three
I kissed you first but you ran away
Girls have cooties you would say,
I always wondered would you remember me?
You asked for my hand under an oak tree
Sixty years now and I’ve loved you each day,
but now your mind is lost; the memories gone
away
I always wonder how will you remember me?
I show you pictures from our past
You always question if they are real
You don’t remember me. Everything is new
The words I tell you never seem to last
But that will never change how I feel
You don’t remember me, so I remember for you.

15. Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet
Revision
• The first stanza has the most revision. I started the poem with “I’ve know you
since we were three,” because if you have known someone since they were
three than it is redundant to also say “I have known you for years.” I changed
the third line and took out some what I believe to be filler words so that the
line does not read so disjointed. The last change was suggested by a peer
which was to remove the “and” from the start of line four. I like this change
and agree that it helps the text read more smoothly.
• For the second stanza I decided to replace “right under that tree” with “under
an oak tree.” “right under” really gives no imagery and does not add to the
poem whereas “oak tree” creates an image for the reader. Again, I removed
the “and” from the start of the 8th line as suggested by a peer.
• The only change to the 3rd stanza was at the end of line 11. A peer suggested
I reword “It is all new” because she said it seemed forced. I agree that again it
was as if I was trying to create a meter when none is present. I decided to
change the words to “Everything is new,” instead and think it fits better.
• There was no revision to the 4th stanza and no comments were made about
needed revision to this area.

16. Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet
Further Plans
• I am happy with the sonnet but think that more could be added. I
would love to run through the sonnet two or three times adding
more detail about the lovers lives. I would tell about how the two
moved away from each other and maybe the girl helps the boy
through a rough relationship and she never stops loving him even
though she has to listen to him talk about the relationship. She still
always wonders if he will remember her. Then I would bring it
back to them finding each other again and falling in love. There is
just a huge gap from when they are three to being married for sixty
years that I think this poem could really go more in depth while
following the repeated line of “will you remember me.”

17. Precious Gem: Metaphor Poem
Creative Process
• At first I had no idea how I was going to write a metaphor poem. I am a huge
fan of the simile. But after reading examples and going through the lesson I
realized metaphor is also close to a symbol. When I discovered that I also
decided I wanted my poem to be free form so that I had more breathing room.
Taking on a metaphor poem as well as having it fit fixed form was just a bit
too overwhelming for me.
• My poem compares a couples love to a small gem. In this case it is a ring. The
poems starts out with the ring being important and precious to the narrator
but then the ring gets lost. This suggests how in a relationship everyone
starts out in what is known as the “honeymoon phase.” Everything is knew
and you are so in love with each other but with time it is easy for this love to
be lost or put aside.
• The poem goes on to say how everyone once in awhile a glitter catches their
eyes but they are too tired and too busy to search for the the gem. This goes
back to in a relationship when you will have sparks or moments when you
are reminded of how your relationship was in the beginning. What used to be
falling asleep in his arms every night has turned into sleeping alone in a cold
bed. And it compares to how people always have excuses for not having the
time to find or remember that love anymore. They are too tired or too busy.

18. Precious Gem: Metaphor Poem
Revision
• I had to make this Power Point early on because this weekend my
sister is getting married and on Monday I work so This was really
the only day to do it. Sadly neither one of my peer reviews have
been posted yet so I did not get feedback on how I needed to
improve the poem.
• Instead I went off of what I felt. I knew that I wanted to go a bit
more in depth with details to really show how much this gem
means to the woman (I guess it could be a man also!) and I also
wanted to see about making my poem into an image. I wanted to
do this mostly out of self interest. The image of a ring does add a
bit to the poem but it is nothing substantial.

19. Precious Gem: Metaphor Poem
Lost in wrecked house
A small gem
Before hung around my neck
Filling my heart with warmth
So precious but now forgotten
Laid down and knocked behind the
dresser
Collecting dust and memories
A glitter catching our eyes at times
But we are too tired
Too busy
To search
For that small but precious gem

20. Precious Gem: Metaphor Poem
Revision
• In revision there was not much I wanted to actually change but I
wanted to go more in depth to show how at first this gem really
meant a lot to the narrator. I also switched the gem from being a
necklace to being a ring (does not say a wedding ring but it is
implied.) Making the gem a ring seemed to add more sentimental
value to the gem and to the poem.
• One major change I took when revising the poem was the layout. I
tried once before in creating an image with the words of my poem
but making a house proves to be very hard!! I took a chance with
this poem because I really enjoy poems that are able to create that
image as well as still reading proper. I don’t think that the spacing
created by the image distorted the reading of the poem and I’m
very happy with the outcome.

21. Precious Gem: Metaphor Poem
Further Plans
• I think this poem also could go more in depth with the story. I
think that I could tell more about the relationship in the beginning
and how the two were completely head over heels for each other
and compare it to a brand new gem. Then when the relationship
starts going “bland” I could compare it to maybe the ring breaking
or losing a few stones. Maybe the gem starts to lose its shine. I
could even write about how she tries to regain that love and this
could be her going to get the ring fixed or clean, but even though
she tries these things, she still ends up losing the ring.