The document discusses strategies for encouraging students to include more sensory details and rich descriptions in their writing. It suggests having students practice descriptive writing exercises that incorporate the five senses. One activity describes a scene through a window using sight initially, then sound, smell, taste and touch. Another has students rewrite a bland paragraph using sensory details. The goal is to prepare students to be stronger writers by practicing detailed writing up front, rather than just remediating weak writing after the fact.

1. Give Me FiveEncouraging Apprentice Writers to Create Richly Detailed Text Presented by Valerie Allen

3. IM acronyms and NET lingo

5. Kids Write Like They Are Watching TV Bronwyn T. Williams offers a useful distinction between visual and print literacies in his book Tuned In. He discusses students' knowledge of televisual authorship against their own emerging sense of being an author, a topic that often gets blurred in our thinking about television's influence. Students, he finds, do not feel confident about writing television scripts (writing) , only receiving the programs (viewing). Likewise, he distinguishes between writing/or and writing like television. Undoubtedly, many writing teachers will recognize these characteristics in student writing-"impersonal detachment, as if through a camera lens" (114) and lack of details as if "readers are watching the program with them" (117). Jimmy Jet and His TV Set” – Shel Silverstein Tuned In: Television and the Teaching of Writingby Bronwyn T. Williams. Portsmouth: Heinemann-Boynton/Cook, 2002.

7. “We need to prepare students to be successful writers rather than remediating them after they have failed.” Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007) Getting It Right: Fresh Approaches to Teaching Grammar, Usage, and Correctness by Michael W. Smith & Jeffery D. Wilhelm New York: Scholastic 2007.

8. The Problems I Have WithStudents’ Writing It is deflated, lacking rich detail.

9. They are distracted, lacking patience in craft

10. Look at this picture What is going on in this painting? How would our students describe this? Vincent van Gogh's - The Large Plane Trees Cleveland Museum of Art

11. Student writing is often missing something…

12. How do we encourage students to include the experience the textures, scents, sounds, and tastes along with the visual?

13. “We need to prepare students to be successful writers rather than remediating them after they have failed.” Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007) Getting It Right: Fresh Approaches to Teaching Grammar, Usage, and Correctness by Michael W. Smith & Jeffery D. Wilhelm New York: Scholastic 2007.

14. Beginning lessons in detailed writing

15. Abstract vs. Concrete NounsClass Generated Webs from Prior Knowledge

16. Models of writing using Abstract and Concrete Nouns Abstract Nouns Concrete Nouns Every beautiful square inch of candy-apple red paint shone in the bright morning sun. Erin caressed its smooth lines with her eyes from the finger print-smeared school bus window. From the thin red racing stripes running from bumper to shining bumper, to the lightly tinted windows, to the low-profile tires, this racing machine took her breath away. At school, she could think of nothing else--algebra, English, even parenting just floated by. At lunch, she couldn't eat. "Probably best," she thought, pushing the plate of mystery meat and rubbery vegetables from her. "My life is worth nothing until I have those car keys in my hand," Erin muttered.

17. Give Me Five: Include all the senses in your writing using concrete nouns

18. The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains, Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, And seeing that it was a soft October night, Curled once about the house, and fell asleep. And indeed there will be time For the yellow smoke that slides along the street, Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; There will be time, there will be time To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea. - from “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” T.S. Eliot

19. Model of 2nd grader’s Descriptive Writing Winter Words I see the snow glittering in the sky.I have goosebumps going down my spine.The beautiful smell of candlesburning all night,the new smell of winter shining bright,snow is on the ground.The magnificent winter in my hand.Icy lakes cracked by too much pressure,the glorious sight of winter. Borrowed from – Write Source Website (– Teacher Submitted Student Paper http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wa-winterpoem.htm

20. From – “H’s Hickory Chips” I look at the old tin building; it seems to have been there since the beginning of time. Its strong posts and nonchalant slouch make me wonder if it will be rooted in the same place forever. As soon as I walk in, the strong, rustic smell of hickory wood assails me. It takes me back to my family’s last Fourth of July barbeque, when the hickory chips smoking the ribs gave off their thick aroma. I wait for my eyes to adjust in the dark, humid place, not taking a step until they do because of the ageless spider that could have made its home in my path. My tongue already asks for a drink of water as I breathe the musty air littered with sawdust. Spraying on sticky repellent, I wonder if the thirsty mosquitoes will stay away. Model of 11th grader’s Descriptive Writing Borrowed from – Write Source Website (– Teacher Submitted Student Paper http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wwi-hickory.htm

21. Activity #2:The Boring Paragraph Activity

22. Read the following paragraph "The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination." Spend a minute or two using the Five Senses - Graphic Organizer with your partner writing down what details could be added to make this a better paragraph.

23. Rewrite the paragraph, replacing or adding ANY words you want , as long as you maintain the sense of the paragraph. (So, for instance, you can't have the two main characters fly away at the end. That would be changing it too much--) "The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination."

24. Have Them Start With Brainstorming The brainstorming example just used is the kind of work that Smith and Wilhelm recommended using with kids “before they write.” (27) They also suggested that “it makes sense to provide assistance before they attempt a new task in ways that will be generative…”(28) Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007)

25. Activity #3:The Window Activity

26. LISTEN

27. Imagine…. You are in a dark room. A closed window with the blinds shut is the only thing present in the room.

28. The blinds rise up as you step up to the closed window. Pressing your face to the thick glass you witness events…

29. Describe what you see using many details… If you get stuck, write the word marketover and over until you think of the next thing to write. Do not lift your pen and do not stop writing.

30. Now, the window opens allowing sounds to filter in. A breeze carries smells, and perhaps taste and texture to you…

31. Describe the scene using senses other than sight (sound, smell, taste, touch) Pause, reflect about this in your mind, then write.

32. Suddenly, you find yourself moving through the window and into the scene itself. Choose a role and describe the emotions or feelings of the event. You must write in narrative format.

33. You enter through the window.Describe yourself as a participant. Feel free to use The Five Senses - Graphic Organizer to help you brainstorm.

35. Which one do you think is the better piece?

36. How did the inclusion of other senses enrich your writing?