The document outlines a post-conflict forgiveness and reconciliation model for religious conflicts consisting of three parts:
1) Preparation through interviews and conflict analysis by a peacemaker.
2) A crucible process bringing participants together in a circle to share experiences of hurt, learn from each other, and commit to repairing relationships.
3) Defining forgiveness individually as releasing anger and resentment, and corporately as a process joining moral truth and commitment to repair relationships through merciful justice.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
8:30am - 12pm
This session will provide a thorough introduction to the major tenets, principles, premises, and practices of Transformative Mediation. Presenters will share the philosophy and theory of Transformative mediation
and engage the group in a discussion around the hallmarks and myths associated with Transformative practice. Attendees will leave the session with a clearer understanding of the Transformative philosophy.
Kristine Paranica
Sarah Prom
Dan Simon
This is a collection of writings dealing with the spiritual gift of mercy by which some believers are motivated to be unusually caring for the needs of others in their suffering and problems.
Relationships are dynamic, alive and responsive to the choices, attitudes and behaviors we bring to them. Research shows that we really are living in organic networks in which we are constantly impacting others and the social environment as the social world impacts us. The competencies associated with Emotional Intelligence directly and powerfully transform interactions and ongoing relationships with others. These skills can be learned and every day is a new opportunity to practice them.
How can cancer patients manage the symptoms of chemobrain? Learn more about this side effect of cancer treatment, which can sometimes cause decreased short-term memory, problems finding words, short attention span, and difficulty concentrating and multitasking.
Empathic Listening How can empathetic listening assist when listen.docxjenkinsmandie
Empathic Listening
How can empathetic listening assist when listening to respond, listening to learn, listening to be with, or listening to connect in order to go from concord to confirmation and prevent the conversation from going from concord to consolidation. Provide an emotional context (e.g. when someone else is angry, when you are angry, when some else needs forgiveness, when you need forgiveness).
Language Processing and Perception Bias
: Distinguish the different impacts of real, literal, and abstract motion in the course of normal language processing and perception bias. Reference the Dils reading and one previous reading to support your response
Dils, A.T., & Boroditsky, L. (2010). Processing unrelated language can change what you see.
Psychonomic Bulletin & Review.
17 (6), 882-888 doi:10.3758/PBR.17.6.882
Retrieved from: http://psych.stanford.edu/~lera/papers/goose-hawk.pdf
Discuss the Importance of Listening as a Tool to Design Effective Organizational Structure
An organization is a grouping of people, skills, and tasks designed to be the most effective use of time, talent, and treasure that is able to accomplish the mission or purpose of why the group has been organized. This is true from the very formal organizational structures of a school
house and hospitals, regardless if there is a pyramid or family design, to rather informal organizations such as the Red Hat Society or Parent Teacher Association. Organizations and teams are struggling to balance the needs of people with the needs of the whole system. Miyahsiro boils these needs down to respect, harmony, and effectiveness (Miyashiro, 2011). Therefore the words, connectors between the parts of the organization, must come from a place of respect and intended to fit, or be harmonious with, what is going on in the present to lead to a more effective future. However, while the intention behind the words is often more critical than the words themselves, we can hear the same words from different people with completely different responses. Their intention, our history with them, and our own history separate from them, all contribute to what we think we hear.
To assure that the spokesperson and words match the listener best, we as conflict resolutionalist must approach each new situation from an empathetic perspective. Be aware however, that empathetic listening is not about being nice, but about effecting change and getting results though making requests out of our shared connection.
Distinguish Between Sympathetic Listening and Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening is different from sympathetic listening. Sympathetic listening creates a connection between two people. As you listen you relate the situation to one that you may have experienced. You appreciate the struggle and the concern as you have been through a similar struggle. Those who are sympathetic by nature work hard to assess situations through our framework and world experience. This is being sympathet.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
8:30am - 12pm
This session will provide a thorough introduction to the major tenets, principles, premises, and practices of Transformative Mediation. Presenters will share the philosophy and theory of Transformative mediation
and engage the group in a discussion around the hallmarks and myths associated with Transformative practice. Attendees will leave the session with a clearer understanding of the Transformative philosophy.
Kristine Paranica
Sarah Prom
Dan Simon
This is a collection of writings dealing with the spiritual gift of mercy by which some believers are motivated to be unusually caring for the needs of others in their suffering and problems.
Relationships are dynamic, alive and responsive to the choices, attitudes and behaviors we bring to them. Research shows that we really are living in organic networks in which we are constantly impacting others and the social environment as the social world impacts us. The competencies associated with Emotional Intelligence directly and powerfully transform interactions and ongoing relationships with others. These skills can be learned and every day is a new opportunity to practice them.
How can cancer patients manage the symptoms of chemobrain? Learn more about this side effect of cancer treatment, which can sometimes cause decreased short-term memory, problems finding words, short attention span, and difficulty concentrating and multitasking.
Empathic Listening How can empathetic listening assist when listen.docxjenkinsmandie
Empathic Listening
How can empathetic listening assist when listening to respond, listening to learn, listening to be with, or listening to connect in order to go from concord to confirmation and prevent the conversation from going from concord to consolidation. Provide an emotional context (e.g. when someone else is angry, when you are angry, when some else needs forgiveness, when you need forgiveness).
Language Processing and Perception Bias
: Distinguish the different impacts of real, literal, and abstract motion in the course of normal language processing and perception bias. Reference the Dils reading and one previous reading to support your response
Dils, A.T., & Boroditsky, L. (2010). Processing unrelated language can change what you see.
Psychonomic Bulletin & Review.
17 (6), 882-888 doi:10.3758/PBR.17.6.882
Retrieved from: http://psych.stanford.edu/~lera/papers/goose-hawk.pdf
Discuss the Importance of Listening as a Tool to Design Effective Organizational Structure
An organization is a grouping of people, skills, and tasks designed to be the most effective use of time, talent, and treasure that is able to accomplish the mission or purpose of why the group has been organized. This is true from the very formal organizational structures of a school
house and hospitals, regardless if there is a pyramid or family design, to rather informal organizations such as the Red Hat Society or Parent Teacher Association. Organizations and teams are struggling to balance the needs of people with the needs of the whole system. Miyahsiro boils these needs down to respect, harmony, and effectiveness (Miyashiro, 2011). Therefore the words, connectors between the parts of the organization, must come from a place of respect and intended to fit, or be harmonious with, what is going on in the present to lead to a more effective future. However, while the intention behind the words is often more critical than the words themselves, we can hear the same words from different people with completely different responses. Their intention, our history with them, and our own history separate from them, all contribute to what we think we hear.
To assure that the spokesperson and words match the listener best, we as conflict resolutionalist must approach each new situation from an empathetic perspective. Be aware however, that empathetic listening is not about being nice, but about effecting change and getting results though making requests out of our shared connection.
Distinguish Between Sympathetic Listening and Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening is different from sympathetic listening. Sympathetic listening creates a connection between two people. As you listen you relate the situation to one that you may have experienced. You appreciate the struggle and the concern as you have been through a similar struggle. Those who are sympathetic by nature work hard to assess situations through our framework and world experience. This is being sympathet.
Presentation by Mirna Hidalgo (lawyer, expert in training on conflict management, Breathingstone) on the occasion of the EESC and Fondation de Corse - Umani conference on Non-violence, a new way forward for the 21st century? in Bastia, Corsica on 14 June 2013
In a world often fraught with conflict and discord, the pursuit of peace stands as a beacon of hope and resilience. From the personal to the global scale, the journey of peacemakers is one marked by courage, empathy, and unwavering commitment. “Cultivating Peace: The Journey of Peacemakers” delves into the profound significance of peacemaking, exploring the transformative power it holds for individuals and communities alike. Through the lens of James 3:18, which states, “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness,” this discourse embarks on a journey to unravel the profound truths embedded within the pursuit of peace.
Theory essay 1A brief look upon the world today will show us jus.docxchristalgrieg
Theory essay 1
A brief look upon the world today will show us just how crucial compromise Truly is for our society. If any given community tries to become utopian, then Compromise is definitely the driving force behind that community.
According to the Oxford dictionary, compromise may be defined as an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
From that definition, we can clearly see that compromise is heavily embedded in many if not all aspects of our lives; Moreover, if compromise affects us directly then it is our duty to implement compromise unconditionally in order to make reliable decisions.
We argue that compromise is an unconditional moral value, because compromise effects all groups and communities no matter how extravagant or trivial they might seem.
To see the effect of compromise in different aspects of our lives, we will briefly explain in the following:
1- in marriage, compromised means understanding that a relationship consists of two individuals and the key to the success of any relationship is by reaching a mutual understanding which requires a level of sacrifice from each of the individuals.
2- In politics, compromise is often misunderstood as mere weakness or the inefficiency of a politician to realize the goals of her/his campaign; However, History tells us that this is simply not true, Compromise in politics is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desires; In other words, compromise in politics is an absolute moral value since it is based on the realization that we are all parts of a bigger global society.
3- in the classroom, Compromise is shown when a professor changes his/her method of teaching in order to creatively find new ways to teach the students. (different students have different mindsets which require different ways of delivering the information to them)
4- in religion, Compromise is apparent when different followers of different faiths come together and unite in order to benefit the whole world spiritually by aspiring to unite as one body.
5- in a democracy, The concept of democracy itself is built on the idea that the control of any organization or group should be done by the majority of its members; In other words, we could ever meet all of the different requirements we can never satisfy everyone so in order to prevent chaos and actually have the country to continue running, we compromise to satisfy the different parties involved in order for us to not become fixated upon a single issue and forget the end goal of our society which is to further improve our ever lasting civilization.
There are many criticisms and arguments against the concept of compromise; Nonetheless, i will start off by quoting Greg Laurie in his book the dangers of compromise: "Have you ever heard the story of the guy who could not decide what side he wanted to fi ...
This presentation contains a short comparison between resilient and resistant behaviors and outlines the ground rules, and do's and don'ts, for effective communication; specifically "dialogue".
Presentation by Mirna Hidalgo (lawyer, expert in training on conflict management, Breathingstone) on the occasion of the EESC and Fondation de Corse - Umani conference on Non-violence, a new way forward for the 21st century? in Bastia, Corsica on 14 June 2013
In a world often fraught with conflict and discord, the pursuit of peace stands as a beacon of hope and resilience. From the personal to the global scale, the journey of peacemakers is one marked by courage, empathy, and unwavering commitment. “Cultivating Peace: The Journey of Peacemakers” delves into the profound significance of peacemaking, exploring the transformative power it holds for individuals and communities alike. Through the lens of James 3:18, which states, “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness,” this discourse embarks on a journey to unravel the profound truths embedded within the pursuit of peace.
Theory essay 1A brief look upon the world today will show us jus.docxchristalgrieg
Theory essay 1
A brief look upon the world today will show us just how crucial compromise Truly is for our society. If any given community tries to become utopian, then Compromise is definitely the driving force behind that community.
According to the Oxford dictionary, compromise may be defined as an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
From that definition, we can clearly see that compromise is heavily embedded in many if not all aspects of our lives; Moreover, if compromise affects us directly then it is our duty to implement compromise unconditionally in order to make reliable decisions.
We argue that compromise is an unconditional moral value, because compromise effects all groups and communities no matter how extravagant or trivial they might seem.
To see the effect of compromise in different aspects of our lives, we will briefly explain in the following:
1- in marriage, compromised means understanding that a relationship consists of two individuals and the key to the success of any relationship is by reaching a mutual understanding which requires a level of sacrifice from each of the individuals.
2- In politics, compromise is often misunderstood as mere weakness or the inefficiency of a politician to realize the goals of her/his campaign; However, History tells us that this is simply not true, Compromise in politics is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desires; In other words, compromise in politics is an absolute moral value since it is based on the realization that we are all parts of a bigger global society.
3- in the classroom, Compromise is shown when a professor changes his/her method of teaching in order to creatively find new ways to teach the students. (different students have different mindsets which require different ways of delivering the information to them)
4- in religion, Compromise is apparent when different followers of different faiths come together and unite in order to benefit the whole world spiritually by aspiring to unite as one body.
5- in a democracy, The concept of democracy itself is built on the idea that the control of any organization or group should be done by the majority of its members; In other words, we could ever meet all of the different requirements we can never satisfy everyone so in order to prevent chaos and actually have the country to continue running, we compromise to satisfy the different parties involved in order for us to not become fixated upon a single issue and forget the end goal of our society which is to further improve our ever lasting civilization.
There are many criticisms and arguments against the concept of compromise; Nonetheless, i will start off by quoting Greg Laurie in his book the dangers of compromise: "Have you ever heard the story of the guy who could not decide what side he wanted to fi ...
This presentation contains a short comparison between resilient and resistant behaviors and outlines the ground rules, and do's and don'ts, for effective communication; specifically "dialogue".
Similar to Waging Peace – A Post-Conflict Forgiveness and Reconciliation Model for Religious Conflicts (20)
This workshop will engage participants in exploring what it takes to build partnerships, cross-cultural sensitivity and sustainable capacity for a culture of peace, drawing from case studies and Mediators Beyond Boders’ experience in countries around the world. Participants will learn how to bridge from being mediators to peacebuilders through elicitive practice, using trauma informed principles, appreciative inquiry and mediation techniques to transform local capacities for peace in a range of contexts, including in government institutions and universities, among tribal leaders and citizens, and in the practice of civil society organizations.
The partnership between the Neighborhood Justice Center and the Civil Law Self-Help Center has resulted in an improvement and streamlining of landlord/tenant disputes being conciliated with a minimum addition intervention necessary from the court. The cases often result in a cessation in legal action from the beginning. This new normal, of having options available for landlords and tenant in a location easily accessible and with the necessary staffing, has reduced the time commitments of the court.
More from Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) (20)
Executive Directors Chat Leveraging AI for Diversity, Equity, and InclusionTechSoup
Let’s explore the intersection of technology and equity in the final session of our DEI series. Discover how AI tools, like ChatGPT, can be used to support and enhance your nonprofit's DEI initiatives. Participants will gain insights into practical AI applications and get tips for leveraging technology to advance their DEI goals.
Unit 8 - Information and Communication Technology (Paper I).pdfThiyagu K
This slides describes the basic concepts of ICT, basics of Email, Emerging Technology and Digital Initiatives in Education. This presentations aligns with the UGC Paper I syllabus.
Normal Labour/ Stages of Labour/ Mechanism of LabourWasim Ak
Normal labor is also termed spontaneous labor, defined as the natural physiological process through which the fetus, placenta, and membranes are expelled from the uterus through the birth canal at term (37 to 42 weeks
Biological screening of herbal drugs: Introduction and Need for
Phyto-Pharmacological Screening, New Strategies for evaluating
Natural Products, In vitro evaluation techniques for Antioxidants, Antimicrobial and Anticancer drugs. In vivo evaluation techniques
for Anti-inflammatory, Antiulcer, Anticancer, Wound healing, Antidiabetic, Hepatoprotective, Cardio protective, Diuretics and
Antifertility, Toxicity studies as per OECD guidelines
Macroeconomics- Movie Location
This will be used as part of your Personal Professional Portfolio once graded.
Objective:
Prepare a presentation or a paper using research, basic comparative analysis, data organization and application of economic information. You will make an informed assessment of an economic climate outside of the United States to accomplish an entertainment industry objective.
Introduction to AI for Nonprofits with Tapp NetworkTechSoup
Dive into the world of AI! Experts Jon Hill and Tareq Monaur will guide you through AI's role in enhancing nonprofit websites and basic marketing strategies, making it easy to understand and apply.
Acetabularia Information For Class 9 .docxvaibhavrinwa19
Acetabularia acetabulum is a single-celled green alga that in its vegetative state is morphologically differentiated into a basal rhizoid and an axially elongated stalk, which bears whorls of branching hairs. The single diploid nucleus resides in the rhizoid.
This slide is special for master students (MIBS & MIFB) in UUM. Also useful for readers who are interested in the topic of contemporary Islamic banking.
A Strategic Approach: GenAI in EducationPeter Windle
Artificial Intelligence (AI) technologies such as Generative AI, Image Generators and Large Language Models have had a dramatic impact on teaching, learning and assessment over the past 18 months. The most immediate threat AI posed was to Academic Integrity with Higher Education Institutes (HEIs) focusing their efforts on combating the use of GenAI in assessment. Guidelines were developed for staff and students, policies put in place too. Innovative educators have forged paths in the use of Generative AI for teaching, learning and assessments leading to pockets of transformation springing up across HEIs, often with little or no top-down guidance, support or direction.
This Gasta posits a strategic approach to integrating AI into HEIs to prepare staff, students and the curriculum for an evolving world and workplace. We will highlight the advantages of working with these technologies beyond the realm of teaching, learning and assessment by considering prompt engineering skills, industry impact, curriculum changes, and the need for staff upskilling. In contrast, not engaging strategically with Generative AI poses risks, including falling behind peers, missed opportunities and failing to ensure our graduates remain employable. The rapid evolution of AI technologies necessitates a proactive and strategic approach if we are to remain relevant.
How to Make a Field invisible in Odoo 17Celine George
It is possible to hide or invisible some fields in odoo. Commonly using “invisible” attribute in the field definition to invisible the fields. This slide will show how to make a field invisible in odoo 17.
Safalta Digital marketing institute in Noida, provide complete applications that encompass a huge range of virtual advertising and marketing additives, which includes search engine optimization, virtual communication advertising, pay-per-click on marketing, content material advertising, internet analytics, and greater. These university courses are designed for students who possess a comprehensive understanding of virtual marketing strategies and attributes.Safalta Digital Marketing Institute in Noida is a first choice for young individuals or students who are looking to start their careers in the field of digital advertising. The institute gives specialized courses designed and certification.
for beginners, providing thorough training in areas such as SEO, digital communication marketing, and PPC training in Noida. After finishing the program, students receive the certifications recognised by top different universitie, setting a strong foundation for a successful career in digital marketing.
Waging Peace – A Post-Conflict Forgiveness and Reconciliation Model for Religious Conflicts
1. Waging Peace – A Post-Conflict Forgiveness and Reconciliation Model for Religious Conflicts
Darrell Puls, PhD
Peacebridge Ministries, Richland, WA
Religious conflicts are the most intractable conflicts, and religion plays a leading role in most armed conflicts of the
st
21 Century.
There are two primary types of conflicts where religion plays a major role:
1. Those conflicts where religion is used as a mask justifying violence while hiding true motives. These
conflicts are tractable and are by far the most common.
2. Those conflicts that truly have religious foundations and are based on religious dogmatics and doctrine.
These conflicts are mostly intractable, meaning the dogmas at play are in opposition and nonnegotiable.
These conflicts are also much less common than is generally thought.
"There's nothing going on there but a lot of noise." Martin Lagronsky
True religious conflicts are marked by a number of factors:
1. The parties cannot talk to each other in a rational way – it’s just a lot of noise.
2. Dehumanization is deep enough that each side sees all of the other sides as less than human.
3. The other side must be forced to capitulate – or be annihilated.
4. Each side sees the other side(s) as evil (wrong) and itself as good (right).
5. Compromise is intolerable.
North American Religious Conflicts are Most Often Centered in Churches
Of 400,000+ churches in North America, 80,000 are experiencing internal conflict today.
While positive outcomes were reported, the negatives were more prevalent: damaged relationships
1
(68%), sadness (58%), declines in attendance (32%), and leaders leaving the church (32%).
Normative Interventions do not bring forgiveness or reconciliation.
Without healthy forgiveness and reconciliation, the conflict lives on in the woundedness of the people.
Defining Forgiveness
Individual forgiveness is a decision or sequence of decisions to release internal feelings of anger, resentment, fear,
and the desire for revenge against someone who has harmed us, whether they deserve forgiveness or not. It
acknowledges that what happened was real and undeserved; forgiving does not necessarily mean pardon, though
that is an option; and forgiveness does not forgo justice, though the process of forgiving tends to make justice fluid
2
and highly creative.
Corporate forgiveness is a process that joins moral truth, mercy, compassion, and commitment to repair torn
relationships by intentionally release feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and the desire for revenge. The process
requires a truthful examination and turning from the past that neither ignores past wrongs or excuses them, that
neither overlooks justice nor reduces justice to revenge, that insists on the humanity of opponents even in their
commissioning of inhuman deeds, that values justice that restores above justice that destroys, and that restores
3
trust through merciful justice and mutual restoration.
There is no way to peace. Peace is the way. There is no path toward love except by practicing
love. War will always produce more war. Violence can never bring about true peace.
~ Richard Rohr, 1999.
1
2. Crucible: A container in which metal ore and other elements are subjected to high pressure and heat, resulting
in the refining of pure metals by separating them from dross materials.
THE PROCESS
Preparation
This process assumes that a significant portion of the groups or congregation desires healing from the conflict and
is willing to devote an appropriate amount of time and energy to the process. This process further assumes that a
competent Peacemaker experienced in group conflict resolution processes has worked with the conflicted
congregation and leadership for sufficient time to have:
1.
interviewed a statistically significant portion of conflict participants from each major group;
o This is not about the conflict per se; it seeks to understand how they have wounded each
other and the depth of those wounds by describing their physical and emotional symptoms:
anger, depression, digestive issues, fear, headaches, sleep problems, etc. You need a
verbatim list.
o You also need to know their intentions if this intervention fails and if it succeeds.
2. analyzed and understand the conflict behaviors;
3. intervened directly in the conflict as a neutral (if possible);
The process neither precludes nor requires prior settlement of the issues, although prior settlement is preferred.
The process may uncover unanswered issues that require further negotiations and modification of prior
settlements.
Process
Setting
The preferred space is one large enough to place all participants in a circle or series of concentric circles so they
can see each other as much as possible. The room is moderately lit, but subdued. At circle center is a table
adorned with a tablecloth, a large candle, as many smaller candles as there are groups in the conflict, their holy
text, and (in Christian settings) communion elements in their customary form for this group. Items may be added
or deleted, depending on the desires of the leaders and as appropriate for their religious praxis.
Liturgical banners emphasizing peace and unity may be placed around the room if desired.
Mood
The mood is quiet and meditative with non-obtrusive music in the background.
Attendance
Staff, elected, and lay leaders must attend (they will be conspicuous by their absence). Prior agreement to attend,
participate, and support the process should be reached (if possible) between the leaders of the various conflict
factions prior to the actual process. In those cases where faction leaders have decided to end their relationship
with the church, an invitation to participate should be extended to them. In most cases, it is not possible to require
attendance. An invitation should be made to all who desire healing from the conflict, the repair of wounded
relationships, and a new path to the future. The assumption is that those who attend will form the core of healing
that will be carried throughout the congregation.
Processional and Opening
The church leaders enter in a processional. The ceremonial entrance lends gravitas to the proceedings. The
entrance style should be determined by the participants and may include liturgical banners, symbolic candles, etc.
The Peacemaker should be at the end of the processional to show authority and unity in the leadership.
All participants stand and join hands as the senior pastor or other major authority figure as appropriate for the
circumstances. (I will use “pastor” for this paper) The pastor assumes leadership by opening in prayer, asking
simply for God to join the participants as they seek healing and renewed relationships. Everyone sits.
2
3. The pastor lays out the plan for the time together. The leadership and key conflict group leaders ask for everyone
to participate actively.
Preliminaries
The senior pastor introduces the Peacemaker, thus passing power and authority. The Peacemaker assumes the
role of the wise and caring outside healer. He or she briefly explains the religious and empirical reasons for
forgiving (see below). This includes information as to what forgiving really means and dispels the various myths
and objections that people may hold about forgiving. He or she also includes clear information about the
consequences of unforgiveness on both individual and congregational levels.
The Crucible
The Crucible is designed to show the commonalities between the factions in how they reacted to the conflict,
which starts the rehumanization process and allows empathy to enter into them. The Peacemaker is now in charge
and moves about the inner circle.
The Peacemaker describes:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
the results of the conflict, but does not ascribe blame;
behaviors that hurt people, but without identifying details;
the various physical and emotional manifestations of the conflict felt by the congregants, e.g.,
headaches, nausea, sleeplessness, anxiety, fear, digestive problems, hurt, grief, etc.;
the woundedness of relationships and the confusion and fear that occurred when friends turned on
each other;
the economic impact on the church from the conflict and the general estrangement that has
enveloped the congregation; and,
the likely outcomes for the individuals and group if the conflict is not healed.
The Peacemaker prays once again for the spirit of God to enter the room and hold each participant close as they
begin the journey to healing.
The Peacemaker describes the process for the remaining time. The ground rules are stated and each participant is
given a copy. The following is an example:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
We will only describe our own experience.
We will not accuse or attack others, no matter how strongly we feel about what they have done.
We will speak in ways that draw us together.
We will listen for understanding, trying to place ourselves in the other person’s shoes.
We will not assume that we know what other persons intended by their deeds or words.
We will ask questions to clarify, not accuse.
We will earnestly seek Gods guidance.
The Peacemaker then explains that it will be a time to:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Examine what each has done that may have made things worse and hurt others (Mt. 7:3, Luke 6:41).
Describe how the conflict has damaged relationships and wounded the people.
Own and say what each has done and pray for each other so that they may be healed (Jas. 5:16).
Listen deeply for how they may have hurt others.
Express sorrow at the conflict in general and what it has cost each in terms of personal pain and
relational damage.
Express sorrow for how each action contributed to the woundedness of all.
Express one’s own woundedness.
Describe how the conflict has changed them, what they have learned, and how they will behave in
the future (2 Cor. 7:10-11).
Seek ways to repair relationships by making amends (Mt. 5:23-24).
3
4. In order to use a crucible, one must first have the container, fuel, oxygen, and raw materials. The Crucible process
provides all of these.
Why forgive? is the first and often greatest obstacle. While some argue for all sorts of ethical and moral
reasons, most people respond much better to personal benefits, which include:
4
A. forgiveness has psychological healing properties for both forgiver and forgiven; forgiving can result in
5
psychological healing and improved mental health; higher levels of self-esteem and lower levels of
6
7
anxiety and depression; death anxiety was significantly lessened in elderly people; ” adolescents
8
experiencing divorce experienced statistically significant greater hope and decreased anxiety; a
significant reduction in anxiety, anger, and grief following abortion; making amends (apology) was useful
9
in ending feelings of self-blame, thus promoting recovery from bereavement; forgiving “decreased levels
of anger and hostility, increased feelings of love, improved ability to control anger, enhanced capacity to
10
trust, and freedom from the subtle control of individuals and events from the past;” inpatient
adolescent drug abusers had significantly more improvement in “total trait anger, depression, total and
11
trait anxiety, self-esteem, forgiveness and vulnerability to drug abuse;”
B.
There is a strong positive correlation between the role of forgiveness and physical health: forgiveness
12
served as a buffer against stress in a study of traumatic stress and forgiveness in post-9/11 New Yorkers;
13
cardiovascular health is proved; men effectively reduced their hostility by learning to become more
14
15
forgiving; forgiving resulted in lowered blood pressure; and there is “. . . greater synchronization of
16
immunological and cardiovascular functioning.”
--------------------------------
The past . . . has an embarrassing and persistent way of returning and haunting us unless it has in fact been dealt
with adequately. Unless we look the beast in the eye we find it has an uncanny habit of returning to hold us
hostage.” Desmond Tutu, No Future without Forgiveness, 28.
The Acrostic: T.R.U.T.H.
TURNING
If we do not remember and examine the past honestly, there is nothing to forgive and no reason to seek
forgiveness. However, this examination must be done very carefully. We seek to arouse empathy between the
parties, are many are afraid that revisiting the past will just bring more pain. Revisiting that past and its pain is the
portal to healing.
Simply ask the participants to examine silently for 3-4 minutes what they did, said, thought—or did not do—that
may have made things worse in some way. Have them write it down and place the folded papers in a basket on the
center table. All of this is done silently. This begins the process of self-examination.
REMEMBERING
The Peacemaker controls the process by enforcing the ground rules. No one is allowed to challenge the statements
of others, e.g., “That’s not all you did!”
We do not use the term “confess” as some will rebel automatically. To confess is to make admissions against one’s
own interest by taking ownership of an action that injured another or was morally wrong. While wrongdoing is
usually associated with such actions, this may not be the case in that the action may have been damaging but also
well-intentioned and neither morally nor legally wrong. The key is that the action injured another in some way and
17
that the actor is taking ownership and acknowledging both the act and injury, validating what happened.
The effect of confession and its voluntary vulnerability both strengthens and validates the confession itself in the
18
eyes of the victim, thus increasing empathy and easing the process of forgiveness. Acknowledgement of
19
wrongdoing may be sufficient grounds for forgiveness if one empathically understands the world of the offender
20
and it improves how the confessors are seen by others.
4
5. K.I.S.S
Simplicity works best. We simply ask for verbal statements of “I did this. . .” NO REASONS! In not giving reasons we
avoid the temptation to give excuses blaming others for what we have done.
Group memories are always distorted in favor of the member group and against the opponent group. That is why
we focus only on actions and thoughts of the individual. It is also why we have them make simple ownership
statements of “I did this…”
Telling truths against the confessors’ interests, appears to be the single most important factor in confession, what
Graybil terms “redemptive memory”, noting that in order to forgive, one “must know what and whom one is
21
forgiving; hence, remembering that past is vital” (Emphasis in original). This simple truth-telling must be
perceived as authentic. Both victims and offenders distort their memories in self-serving ways through
exaggeration Offenders are more likely than victims to emphasize details that minimize their actions, but
22
conversely, victims are more likely to exaggerate the severity of the event and its impact. Interventions that
reduce attributions of responsibility for the conflict while at the same time finding ways of mitigating the damage
23
will be more successful than those interventions that focus on one or the other.
Offenders who are seen as not having stated the full truth give their victims good multiple reasons not to forgive.
The failure to make the human connection through confession simply adds insult to injury. Though knowing the
truth and truth-telling do not imply a promise of forgiveness, it clears the way for the victim to “go on with his or
24
her life” as it “redefines one’s trauma into language that can be understood.”
Conversely, when victims feel that truth has been buried, they are more likely to engage in retribution and
25
revenge. Without truth, then, confession is hollow and may escalate tensions rather than de-escalate them.
Bar-Tal states that collective memory has several characteristics: (1) it is shared by the group and seen as an
accurate depiction of the past; (2) it tends to be biased, selective and distorted; (3) it is a unique, distinct and
exclusive telling of the groups past; (4) it is used to justify societal actions in the past, present and future; and (5) it
serves to form, maintain and strengthen social identity. In changing collective memory, “The new narrative
emerges through negotiation in which the owned past is critically revised and synchronized with the past of the
26
other group.”
UNDERSTANDING
We have now reached the heart of forgiveness: locating and expressing remorse at how we have been injured and
how we have injured others.
Again, it is a matter of carefully orchestrated statements. In Christian settings, I ask them to pray for the healing
and well-being of their enemies for about 3 minutes. I then ask, “Who prayed for you?” The cognitive dissonance is
jarring. They have only thought of the “others” as enemy; things brings home the reality of how they have acted,
and been perceived, in the same ways—they, too, have been seen and feared as “enemies.”
1.
2.
Stating, without blaming, how they have been physically, emotionally, and spiritually wounded during the
fight reaches across the room and people begin to understand the depth of the wounds they have
received and inflicted.
They will now locate and express their sorrow at how they have wounded others.
Activity: The participants are asked to meditate 3-5 minutes on their own woundedness and how they feel about
how their actions affected others. Participants may identify specific individuals and their feelings about how they
have wounded others by writing them on a piece of paper (provided).
By prior agreement, faction leaders state their regrets at having hurt their friends, identifying specific individuals if
they wish. Others are encouraged to follow.
Strong emotion is expected during this phase, but reassuring them that this is positive will allow former
combatants to begin comforting each other as they begin to mutually see the destruction they have created and as
they express their regrets through apology.
5
6. Closing: The Peacemaker gives thanks to God for the courage the people have shown in expressing their own
woundedness and need for forgiveness. He or she prays for godly forgiveness and asks for human forgiveness
throughout the room.
Major Break (30-60 minutes): The participants will need time to decompress. Food and drink should be provided.
It is expected that the apology process will continue throughout the break as people begin to reconnect and repair
their relationships. Others, not yet ready to forgive, will also probably There are two parts of this stage:
Background
There exists a very strong relationship between confession, remorse, and empathy leading to forgiveness.
McCullough states, “Sincere expressions of remorse might be the most potent factors under the offender’s control
27
for influencing the likelihood that an offended relationship partner will forgive the offender.” An apology by its
very nature cannot stand alone—it requires at least two people, the offender and the offended. Further, he says
that apology is a three-part act: (1) naming the offense, (2) the apology itself with a centerpiece of sorrow and
28
regret, and (3) the response of the injured party. Tavuchis offers that apology has “thaumaturgical” (miraculous)
29
properties in that it is a “self-abnegating act of speech” that may result in forgiveness of terrible debt.
Self-abnegating speech is tied to a sense of honor as well as the concept of “face.” Augsburger states, “Dishonor is
30
a loss of face in the community, a loss of self before the ideal of being human.” Facilitated dialogue can address
face concerns by operating within a dialectic of politeness. In this vein, facilitators generally control dialogic
processes by establishing speech norms through basic ground rules that foster civility. Katz argues that fostering
31
politeness during conflict in turn fosters increased collaborative language, resulting in lowered tensions.
Gobodo-Madikezela states, “Naming the deed, owning up to responsibility without any rationalization, clarifying
32
what was involved, and showing regret allow victims to process their emotions about their trauma.” The very
nature of apology, by dropping all defenses, results in a loss of face as a form of public humiliation, but the process
of relinquishing honor restores it. This loss of face by the offender fosters empathy in the victim. However,
maintaining various defenses to save face while apologizing not only negates the apology but creates a conundrum
where the act of trying to save face results in deeper face loss than if no defense were mounted in the first place,
33
and without an increase in empathy towards the offender.
TRANSFORMING
This section is upbeat and positive. The Peacemaker thanks and congratulates the participants on their courage
and hard work, but cautions them that they are not done. He or she describes the next section as one of describing
what they have learned and how they can change for the better when conflict next arises. It is a time for
commitment to change as they become transformed by the renewing of the mind through the Holy Spirit (Rom:
12:103). He or she then prays for the continued transformation of the people in the room from what they are to
what they can be.
How does one rebuild broken trust? By acting in a trustworthy manner over a period of time.
Strong conflict changes us – we cannot come through it unscathed and unscarred. In the pain of learning how we
have been seen by other and how we have hurt both them and ourselves, it becomes possible to change. We
“learn a lesson,” and we change.
Once again, this is a solitary act, one of stating lessons learned and commitments to behave in different ways made
before the entire group. Making these commitments before enemies and friends alike holds one accountable.
Activity: a 5-10 minute meditation focusing on how the Lord wishes them to act the next time they find themselves
in conflict, with a resolution to change in a godly way by imitating Christ (Eph. 1:17-19), and how they have already
changed in their actions.
Reconvene: By prior agreement, faction leaders describe the lessons they have learned and how they have
changed or will change their behaviors in the future. They announce previously negotiated behavioral protocols
that will help them avoid future conflict. Participants are then asked to describe ways that their new
understandings of the impact of the conflict have changed them for the better, with commitments for future
behaviors.
6
7. HEALING:
The Relationship of Mercy and Justice
The senior pastor resumes the leadership position. The pastor, with prior consultation with the Peacemaker,
describes both justice and mercy. The Peacemaker remains present to assist, but control has clearly transferred
back to the senior pastor.
Justice finds everyone guilty, and requires them to make things right again. Justice requires everyone to be open to
whatever is necessary to repair wounded relationships. Mercy says, “I forgive you. Let us work together for the
future.” Mercy requires finding ways of rebuilding trust between persons and groups.
The pastor describes the following activity as one of changing the focus away from the past towards the future.
Individuals are to seek out those they have hurt, asking what they can do to make things right between them, and
committing to making things right. Since everyone is guilty, the focus must be on the future and reaching
understandings and specific agreements with each other on how to build that future together.
The human condition dictates a desire for revenge when wronged, as revenge is informed by anger. Anger
demands strict justice, and strict justice demands that the penalty be equal to the crime. The desire to inflict at
least as much pain as that which was received is normal human behavior. However, healing requires telling the
truth, even this painful truth. To deny a desire for vengeance is to practice hollow love that leads not to
34
reconciliation but to repressed bitterness and hatred. It is difficult to forego vengeance, yet Jesus told his
followers to not only forego revenge or even repay evil equally, but to endure ill treatment by stepping beyond
ones’ normal comfort zone in what many would term as assisting the enemy (Mt. 5:43-48).
The contextuality of justice is biblically acknowledged when believers are required to administer justice with
mercy: “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one
another.’” (Zec. 7:9, cf Mt. 18:33, Lk 10:36-38). Mercy melds with justice, making a more slippery concept that is
open to creativity and nuance.
35
Therefore, love informs justice through mercy. Justice says, “I must punish you in equal measure to what you
did.” Mercy says, “I value you above what I have lost; I value our relationship above what you took from me. I
forgive you.” Thus, justice and mercy are no longer separate but combined into an intimate relationship which
36
some have described by paraphrasing the Psalmist to say, “[J]ustice and mercy have kissed” (Ps. 85:10). In this
intimacy is a dance of opposites coming together to create a restoring love, whereas justice without mercy is a
return to the law of revenge, and mercy without justice fails to restore. Justice when mixed with mercy becomes a
dynamic, even fluid, process whose direction one cannot predict but whose outcome will probably be both
creative and beneficial. As Volf states, “If we see human beings as children of the one God, created by God to
belong all together as a community of love, then there will be good reasons to let embrace—love—define what
37
justice is.”
How: After describing justice and mercy, how everyone has been tried and found guilty, we all find ourselves
craving for mercy that we know we do not deserve. After another short preparatory prayer or meditation, the
pastor asks each participant to approach those whom he or she has seen as enemies, to apologize, and to ask this
one question: “What can I do to make this right between us?” The most common answer? “You just did it.”
Ending
Ending: The senior pastor and staff pastors reconvene the group. Each person ceremonially destroys the pieces of
paper with their confessions of wrongdoing and their emotions of regret and sorrow written on them. They sing an
appropriate song, and communion is served in a manner appropriate to the congregation and the specific
situation. It is suggested that the participants serve each other as a symbol of forgiveness and reconciliation
Postlude: A Celebration
The congregation joins in a celebration of reunification.
7
8. NOTE: It is possible that follow-up sessions may be desirable to assist the congregational leaders during the
ensuing six months as they examine and act on any structural / policy / procedural issues recommended by the
Peacemaker.
It is also possible that various groups within the congregation may wish to go through the process as specific
subgroups, and between specific groups, e.g. Board of Elders and Board of Deacons.
This paper is a short synopsis of the background research and process described in the book, The Road Home: A
guided Journey to Church Forgiveness and Reconciliation (Cascade Books, 2013) by Darrell Puls.
For clarification, more information, or just to talk,:
Darrell Puls, PhD
Peacebridge Ministries
1153 Gage Blvd.
Richland, WA 99352
Office: 509-627-1109 ext. 109
Cell: 509-308-2737
Darrell@conflicttopeace.com
1
Ibid., 12.
Darrell Puls, The Road Home: A Guided Journey to Church Forgiveness and Reconciliation (Eugene, OR: Cascade Books,
2013), 43.
3
Ibid.
4
Denton, Roy T., and Michael W. Martin. “Defining Forgiveness: An Empirical Exploration of Process and Role.” The
American Journal of Family Therapy 26, no. 4 (Oct-Dec 1998): 281.
5
Debra Kaminer, Dan J. Stein, Irene Mbanga, Nompumelelo Zungu-Dirwayi, “Forgiveness: Toward an Integration of
Theoretical Models,” Psychiatry 63, no. 4 (Winter 2000): 355.
6
Charlotte VanOyen Witvliet, “Forgiveness and Health: Review and Reflections on a Matter of Faith, Feelings, and
Physiology,” Journal of Psychology and Theology 29, no. 3 (Fall 2001): 214.
7
N. Krause and C. G. Ellison, “Forgiveness by God, Forgiveness of Others, and Psychological Well-Being in Late Life,” Journal
of Psychology and Theology 31, no. 4 (Winter 2003): 366.
8
Suzanne Freedman and Amy Knupp, “The Impact of Forgiveness on Adolescent Adjustment to Parental Divorce
(Abstract),” Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 39, no. 1/2 (New York 2003).
9
Nancy Weinberg, “Does Apologizing Help? The Role of Self-Blame and Making Amends in Recovery from Bereavement,”
Health & Social Work 20, no. 4 (1995 November): 298.
10
Richard Fitzgibbons, “Anger and the Healing Power of Forgiveness: A Psychiatrist's View,” in Exploring Forgiveness, ed.
Robert D. Enright and Joanna North (Madison: University of Wisconsin, 1998), 71.
11
Wei-Fey Lin, David Mack, Robert D. Enright, Dean Krahn and Thomas W. Baskin, “Effects of Forgiveness Therapy on
Anger, Mood, and Vulnerability to Substance Use Among Inpatient Substance-Dependent Clients (Abstract),” Journal of
Consulting and Clinical Psychology 72, no. 6 (December 2004): 1114.
12
Jennifer P. Friedberg, Marios N. Adonis, Heather A. Von Bergen and Sonia Suchday, “September 11th Related Stress and
Trauma in New Yorkers (Abstract),” Stress and Health. Chichester 21, no. 1 (February 2005): 53.
13
Witvliet, 217, citing Kaplan, 1992.
14
Ibid., 217.
15
Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, Thomas E. Ludwig and Kelly R. Vanderlaan, “Granting Forgiveness or Harboring Grudges:
Implications for Emotion, Physiology, and Health (Abstract),” Psychological Sciences 12, no. 2 (March 2001): 117.
16
Carl E. Thoreson, Alex H.S. Harris and Frederic Luskin, “Forgiveness and Health: An Unanswered Question,” in
Forgiveness: Theory, Research, and Practice, ed. Michael E. McCullough, Kenneth I. Pargament and Carl E. Thoreson (New York:
Guilford, 2000), 257.
17
Michael Henderson, “Acknowledging History as a Prelude to Forgiveness,” Peace Review 14, no. 3 (Fall 2002): 266.
18
Sandra Young, “Narrative and Healing in the Hearings of the South African truth and Reconciliation Commission,”
Biography 27, no. 1 (Winter 2004): 147.
19
Molly Andrews, “Forgiveness in Context,” Journal of Moral Education 29, no. 1 (March 2000): 82.
2
8
9. 20
B. Weiner, S. Graham, O. Peter, and M. Zmuidinas, “Public Confession and Forgiveness (abstract),” in Dimensions of
Forgiveness: Psychological Research and Theological Perspectives, ed. Everett L. Worthington, Jr. (Philadelphia: Templeton
Foundation Press, 1998), 298.
21
Lyn S. Graybil, “The Pursuit of Truth and Reconciliation in South Africa.” Africa Today 45, no. 1 (Jan-Mar 1998): 111.
22
Jill N. Kearns and Frank D. Fincham, “Victim and Perpetrator Accounts of Interpersonal Transgressions: Self-serving or
Relationship-serving Biases? (Abstract),” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 31, no. 3 (March 2005): 321.
23
Frank D. Fincham, Hope Jackson and Steven R.H. Beach, “Transgression Severity and Forgiveness: Different Moderators
for Objective and Subjective Severity,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 24, no. 6 (September 2005): 872-873.
24
Pumla Gobodo-Madikezela, “Remorse, Forgiveness and Rehumanization: Stories from South Africa,” Journal of
Humanistic Psychology 42, no. 1 (Winter 2002): 15-16.
25
Grabil, 108.
26
Daniel Bar-Tal, “Collective Memory, Intractable Conflict, Education and Reconciliation,” (speech delivered to The
Stockholm International Forum: Truth, Justice and Reconciliation, 24 April 2002, Stockholm, Sweden).
27
Michael E. McCullough, “Forgiveness as Human Strength: Theory, Measurement, and Links to Well-Being,” Journal of
Social and Clinical Psychology 19, no. 1 (Spring 2000): 48.
28
Nicholas Tavuchis, Mea Culpa: A Sociology of Apology and Reconciliation (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2004), 2223.
29
Ibid., 33.
30
David W. Augsburger, Conflict Mediation Across Cultures: Pathways and Patterns (Louisville: Westminster / John Knox,
1992), 107.
31
Jessica Katz Jameson, “Negotiating Autonomy and Connection Through Politeness: A Dialectical Approach to
Organizational Conflict Management,” Western Journal of Communications 68, no. 3 (Summer 2004): 274.
32
Gobodo-Madikezela, “Remorse, Forgiveness and Rehumanization,” 21.
33
F. LeRon Shults, and Steven J. Sandage. The Faces of Forgiveness: Searching for Wholeness and Salvation. (Grand Rapids:
Baker Academic, 2003), 66.
34
Gregory L. Jones, Embodying Forgiveness: A Theological Analysis. (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1995), 245.
35
Lewis B. Smedes, Mere Morality (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1983), 56.
36
The Amplified Bible (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2000).
37
MIroslav Volf, Exclusion & Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness, and Reconciliation. Nashville:
Abingdon Press, 1996., 255.
9