1. Valentine’sDay– Ah the sweetmysteryof love
Russell Grenning
It’sValentine’sDay tomorrow andI doubtif I will presentedwithroses,chocolates,expensivecards
or othertokensof enduringlove,devotion andloyalty.If memoryserves, all mypartnersaidlast
yearbefore rushingoutthe doorwas, “I’mrunning late.”
Of course I have alwaysseenmyself asthe trulyromanticone inour relationshipbutIwill be
damnedif I am goingto be the firstto go overboardvis-a-visnear-hysterical announcementsof
endlesslove orwildlyexpensive gifts.IthinkI more or less didthat back in2005 so youdon’twant
to overdoit,do you?
What do we knowof SaintValentine?
It seems thathe was a Roman priestandphysicianwhogoton the wrongside of EmperorClaudiusII
for marryingChristiancouplesatatime whenthe Romanshad othergods.Prudently,the Emperor
had himtakenintocustodyand,wonderof wonders,the twofoundthattheyactuallylikedeach
other.
But some people justcan’thelpthemselves,canthey?Valentine oversteppedthe markandtriedto
convertthe Emperorand everybodyelsewithinsighttoChristianityso,naturally,hadtobe put to
death.Justto ensure othersgotthe message,Valentinewas beatenbyclubs,stonedandthen
beheadedallegedlyonFebruary14 aroundabout AD 270.
There were twootherValentinesaroundthistime whoalsopaid the ultimate price forirritatingthe
Emperorso, possibly, storiesaboutall three have becomemerged. The Feastof St Valentine was
establishedbyPope GelasiusIinAD 496 on 14 Februaryand the inexorablerise andrise of this day
has continuedunabated.
Alongmylife’sway, Ihave beensingle now andagain.ThenIwouldsaythingslike “Valentine’sDay
is for couples.We singles enjoy the other364 daysof the year”and I wouldmockthose whohated
beingsingle onThe Dayby tellingthemthatmostof my sockswere single andtheyweren’tintears.
WhenI got particularlyirritableaboutThe Day,I wouldsuggestaspecial daycalled EmperorClaudius
II Day for recentlydivorced,separatedandotherwisesingle folkstocelebrate.The Hallmarkcards
people should produce cardswithmessages suchas “I’mso much better off withoutyou” tosendto
your latestex.
And,inany case,I couldnever understandwhyCupidwaschosentorepresent The Day.Imean
havinga short,obese toddlercomingat youwitha weaponhardlyinspiresromance,doesit? Cupid
looksuncomfortablylike the doll Chuckywhowaspossessedbythe soul of aserial killerinthe
Child’sPlay movie franchise.
In mysingle daysI tookadvantage of The Day byleavingworkearly,givingall aknowingwink.
EverybodywouldthinkthatIhad some romanticliaisonlaterthatafternoon oreveningsoInever
evergot anycriticismmuchlessanypenalty.

2. The nextdayI wouldarrive late wreathedinsmiles,lookingexhaustedandrefusingtoanswerany
questionsaboutmyactivitiesthe previousevening. Iwassuccessful increatinganimage of beinga
real discreetgent,albeitone whowasn’tmissingout.
Men and womenI have discoveredhave ratherdifferentviewsaboutthingromantic.OscarWilde
wholovedbothmenand womenwrote once, “Men alwayswantto bea woman’sfirstlove – women
like to be a man’sfirstromance.”
The modernValentine’sDayindustry –forthat is whatit is – waskickedoff byan enterprisingBritish
publisherwhoin1797 produced a handylittle bookentitled, “TheYoung Man’s ValentineWriter”.It
providedthose chapswhowantedtoexpresstheirlovetotheirladybutdidn’thave anyliterary
skillswithlotsof sugarysweetmessages.
It didn’ttake longforotherpublisherstostartchurningout mass-producedcardsandby1835 in the
UK an estimated60,000 cards were beingsentbypostdespite cripplinglyhighchargesforstamps.In
the USA, the firstmass producedcardsappearedin1847 and itis estimatedthatinthatcountry
alone some 200 millioncardswill be sentthisyear.
Noteverybodyhasthe same viewatThe Day.It is notjustfrowneduponbutactuallybannedin
Muslimcountrieswhere religiousleadershave linkedittobothChristianityandvice.Justhow
Christianityandvice canbe linkedescapesmycomprehension.
In Saudi Arabialastyearfive menandsix womenwere arrested,triedbefore Shariareligiouscourts
and sentencedtoatotal of thirty-twoyearsof imprisonmentandatotal of 4,500 lashes.Imagine
howmuch worse itwouldhave beenif Islamwasn’tthe religionof peace.
But I am not a cynic.If mypartner isnot runninglate tomorrow Iwill quote RobertBrowningand
declare, “Growold withme! The bestis yet to be.”