Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 15: For a Brother.
Last time, the Gen 5 college years came to an end, with Cam and Rocky pairing off, Coco hooking
up with widower Malcolm Landgraab IV, and Dora allowing herself to have feelings for Topher after
her relationship with "Ellis" ended with Spider Jerusalem leaving her to save her life and letting her
stay in the dark about his real identity.
"Spider, hey! Haven't heard from you in a while. How're things?"
"Same as always."
"It's okay. How are you?"
"I'm doing all right. Probably better than you."
"I doubt that. You're still shacked up with Mr. Big, right?"
"Yeah, but he's not what you think he is."
"I think he's exactly what I think he is. You should get out."
"I don't want to. And anyway, where would I go? If you called just to tell me fifty ways to leave my lover, you
shouldn't have bothered."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to argue. I just had to leave a lover too, so I guess it's on my mind."
"Really? What happened?"
"What do you think? Dad happened. He wanted me to kill her and I couldn't do it. I left her because I love her."
"You need to get away from him. You should pack up and leave."
"You know he'll kill me if I try to go."
"You could run. Keep running. Maybe he'd get tired of following."
"No. He wouldn't."
"No. You're right."
"If you leave Mr. Big, I'll leave Dad. A couple of brothers, out on the open road, running from their
mysterious pasts, saving damsels in distress--or dudes in distress, in your case--and skipping
town just before our old ghosts catch up to us... Hell, I'll steal Dad's car; we could trade it in for
something cool like a vintage Mustang or a '67 Impala. What do you say?"
"I don't want to, Spider. I can't."
"Those don't mean the same thing. Which one is it?"
"Both. Either. What does it matter?"
"If you won't leave, neither will I."
"Cassidy! Get off the phone! I need you."
"In a minute, Jake."
"I wish I could help you, Spider. It was easier when you were a kid and you just believed me when
I said everything was going to be all right. I mean, I hated to lie, but I couldn't tell you the truth,
"I wish I could help you too."
"I don't need it. Worry about yourself."
"Cassidy... I need you..."
"I gotta go. It was good talking to you. Sorry about your girlfriend."
"Cass, you have to leave him. Please. Don't you see what he is?"
"Bye, Spider. I'll talk to you later, yeah?"
Only one thing brings out formalwear and inappropriate heart-farts--it's time for a wedding!
Chad and Michelle's, in this case.
Topher thinks Coco's hot, but he's too shy to act on it, so I don't have to worry so much. Unlike
SOME people. *glares at Indy*
FYI, I fail utterly at holding weddings during outdoor months in the daylight. I can hold winter
weddings during the day, or summer weddings at night. Go me!
"Michelle, I love you, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without you. I'd probably still
be gibbering to myself over the Hot Tub Incident. Also, if you could stop telling me Dirty Jokes,
that'd be super. Still, though, I love you."
"Chad, what can I say? I like the one about the bird, the top, the spatula, and the buttwiggle! I find
the way you double-minus that joke totally adorable. I love how shy you are, and I wouldn't change
a thing about you! Any time you need to be cuddled out of nudity-induced catatonia, I'll be there!"
MichelleFobbs writes A Planetary Apocalypse.
Invited the whole crowd: Raven and Tom, Dora and Topher, Cam and Jordan, Indy, Coco and
Rocky, a few of Michelle's SimSelf friends, SimNerd and Crazy Gay Huggy Servo, the Welcome
Wagon, and a couple of walkbys.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, Chad is not a cake-shover. And Tom's a Popularity Sim!
Between Raven and Tom, Dora and Topher, Cam and Rocky, and Michelle and Chad, the party
easily made Roof Raiser. Stalky couples make for good parties!
Chad and Michelle put the Motive-boost from the limo ride to good use. Two tries for a lullaby!
And Fiona came along shortly.
Because this is a spare's lot, I immediately cheat her up to toddler.
Bask in the cuteness. Fee takes after Chad: Pisces 6/2/10/3/8. Her personality's almost identical
to his, except she's one point less shy.
There was a Servo in the basement just waiting to be initialized, so I let Chad do it. This is Susan
Chad and Michelle are both Permaplat and they both have maxed their skills, but Chad's slightly
neater than Michelle, and that seemed to be a better personality for a Servo. Susan Calvin went
Permaplat pretty quickly too.
I downloaded the house from Orikes/orikes360. For a change, there's a house in my
neighborhood that isn't a box with a roof!
Fiona is definitely Daddy's Little Girl. Chad absolutely adores her. Fiona will have to share his
attention, though, because Michelle's pregnant again.
Fee grows up first, and she's got Chad wrapped around her little finger. Most of his time is spent
stalking Michelle or playing with Fee.
It's very sweet: Michelle will get a Make Out thought bubble, and then a Chad thought bubble, and
then she'll go find him and Make Out. I giggle every time she does that.
Simon joins the family in short order. And once again, he's immediately grown up.
Doll feet are nummy. Simon is cute. He's a Sagittarius 6/1/10/7/4. Shy and reasonably cranky--
he's like half a Vetinari!
It's his birthday before long, so I have Chad invite his parents over so they can meet their
...and Tom loves talking fashion with Fiona.
I always make my spouses and spare-spawn have a 10 interest in Fashion. It makes
conversations with the terminally grouchy Vetinaris so much smoother.
Simon is still cute.
Really, really cute.
This household is an overload of cute. Time to kick it over to J'Adore for something less cute, I
"Look, I don't see why we can't."
"Because, Malcolm, it's a promise we can't ever fulfill! You know that. It'd just be an empty
"I'm a Fortune Sim! I'm all about empty symbols! Have you seen my car? And my house? Hooray
for meaningless expensive things!"
"The problem is that it's not meaningless. You know it's not that I don't want to. I just don't think it's
a good idea."
"I know that makes sense, but that doesn't mean I can't hope I'll eventually wear you down."
Malcolm... What the fresh hell do you think you're doing?
"Malcolm? A word?"
"I'll be right back, Coco."
"Have you lost your damn mind?"
"Nice to see you too, Gil."
"I mean it! Have you had your head checked?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You're getting involved with the Legacy again, you idiot! And unless the gossip is totally wrong,
that's the Uglacy heir you've got there! The heir! Which is why I'm assuming you need a nice white
coat with extremely long sleeves!"
"Nice to know I've got such great friends."
"I am your friend! And because I'm your friend, I'm telling you what a horrible idea this is! Have you
even thought about this with your upstairs brain?"
"Oh, that's rich--you lecturing me about using the upstairs brain."
"I know my limits, Malcolm, and I don't pretend that my relationships are anything other than what
"And I'm pretending, am I?"
"You're pretending that she is Sycamore, and she's not! This is a very bad idea."
"I know what I'm doing."
"Do you? Let me count the ways this is an unbelievably stupid thing you're doing. One: you already have
a family. Have you thought about how this affects Eddie and Mal? Two: she's an heir. No marrying guys
like us. Can you really live with that? Three: she's an heir. She is going to age and die. You're not. You
already lost one woman you loved; are you really willing to go through that again? Four: she's an heir.
One of her kids will have to be an heir. Which means one of your kids as well. So not only do you have to
watch her grow old and die, you'll have to watch one of your children do it as well! Five: they will be your
kids, and you're not allowed to live with them. Don't they deserve more than some occasional father
"I know all that!"
"You know, Gil, I sort of hoped that you'd be a little happier for me. After all, you're the one who
was pushing me to get back in the game."
"It's one thing to date some Townie, and a totally different thing to date a Legacy heir!"
"I'm in love with her! Nothing you can say is going to change that!"
"You're a grown man, Malcolm. You can make your own decisions. And I wish I could be happier
for you, but I can see how this is going to end, and how it ends is with you being decidedly
unhappy, which sort of kills the joy for me."
"We can't all live a life of one-night-stands. Some of us want something more, even if it's not the
smartest thing we've ever done. I mean, does your lifestyle really make you happy?"
"Quite frequently, as it happens. Thanks for asking. You may as well take some pie back to your
girlfriend. On the house."
"Yeah, all right."
Enough from Bluewater for now.
Indy's great-uncle Gerry shows up in the Welcome Wagon. I could have sworn these two knew
Indy's also getting along well with Dicreasy. I guess he wanted to say Thanks for the free random
piano she dropped off at Havelock House.
Dicreasy writes the Victorian Legacy. Normally she's in a bustle and a bonnet, but Indy is most
definitely NOT prim 'n' proper, so she got a makeover.
This was in no way difficult. But then, if Indy were flirting with you, would you turn him down?
Yes, Di does in fact appear to be playing Hard to Get.
Man, I can't even type that with a straight face.
"Would you like to marry me and my hot tub nudity and my unquestionable hotness?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
"Well, it's sort of customary."
"I'll take that as a 'yes.' "
And, well, you know what happens next...
Don't worry, Di, I won't tell William and Edward if you don't!
Anyway, threw the wedding party the next day. It was during the day, but in late fall! Woooo!
Di: "I love you and Dora! I was rooting for you the whole time! The thing with the armor was
Michelle: THREE BOLT STALKING MAKE OUT NAO
Rhea: "Hey, I'm single, you know. Hooking up Prettacy spares with SimSelves seems to be the
popular thing to do these days."
Silvain: "...Who are you again?"
Rhea: "I'm Rhea. You know, Wren and Raven's brother."
Silvain: "Oh, right, the useless one."
SilvaintheShadow writes the Leo Legacy and Legacy Haven.
"I'm hot, and you're pretty cute, and we need to make some hot babies. Plus, I love you, and I'm
allowed to love you without getting yelled at or slapped, which I'm finding to be a nice change of
"I get to marry Indy! Read it and weep!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"Never mind... Anyway, I love you and I'm a Family Sim and I'm looking forward to many Indy-
babies. Many hot, hot Indy-babies."
I seriously wish I could have made him the heir. Damn you, plot! Ah well, my frustration is Di's
smoking hot gain.
Mostly the same crowd as last time, except for some different SimSelves. As per usual, Cam and Rocky
are more or less joined at the hip, if not at the lip.
Rubyblue: "Nice dress mesh I've got here!"
BlueBerryPie: "Just don't damage the table; I wanna sit here for the next ten hours."
Cam: "Hey, uh, Rocky, you wanna go, uh...?"
Rocky: "Raise the party score? Yes I do."
Ah Rubyblue writes Goldilocks and the Nine Heirs.
BlueBerryPie writes the One Ugly Pie Uglacy and several Apocalypses. Check out boolprop.com for
loads of great Sim stories!
One try and a lullaby!
Indy and Di are also living in one of Orikes's houses. Yay for people who can build things that look
"I'm having a baby!"
Couldn't you have waited until after you were done cooking? Those pork chops are gonna be
toast, and I'd rather not have Baby's First Memory be "Mommy tried to burn the house down."
This is Bianca. And Di's custom eyes must not be dominant, because Bee's got Tom's recessive
I think she'll grow into her features and be as adorable as her cousins. Anyway, Bee, like Indy, is a
Vetinari: Aries 9/10/9/4/1. That's Indy's personality, only Vetinari-mean. Another naked hot-tubber
who doesn't care whom she offends by it!
Fortune Sim Indy actually rolled the Want for this. If he had a Secondary Aspiration, I think it'd be
Popularity, but it was nice to see a Family-type Want in his panel.
Di, of course, rolls all sorts of Family Wants. Including Have a Baby, which I indulged a second
Indy's Permaplat, and Di's nearly there.
Indy and Di both adore Bee. She's not exactly hurting for affection.
Bianca does, in fact, grow into her cheeks, and she is another cutie!
She's like a little angel.
A little finger-gunning angel with one nice point.
I love my Vetinaris.
I'll take "Things that will at some point involve a pitchfork" for $400 please, Alex.
"Yoohoo! More baby!"
Are you going to throw me unauthorized twins?
This is Rebecca. She got Indy's eyes and the brown hair from the both of them.
Becca's got a sort of weird personality: Aries like most of the Prettacy Vetinaris, but 8/10/5/4/7.
Still neat, outgoing, and serious, but less active than most and certainly more nice than most.
"Dad, what the hell?"
"I should probably go, huh?"
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"What are you doing? This isn't fair! That's not Mom!"
"Your mother's dead. She's in no position to get angry with me."
"Yeah, well, I am! How can you just forget about Mom like this?"
"I haven't forgotten about her! I could never do that. But I'm allowed to move on."
"So, what, I'm just supposed to be all right with this? Because I'm not!"
"If I could bring your mother back, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I wish I could! I can't. She's gone, Eddie.
You need to accept that."
"Just leave me alone, Dad! You don't get it, do you?"
"Why's everybody shouting?"
"I'm going for a walk. I don't much care for the company in here."
"Daddy, what's going on?"
"Why's Eddie mad?"
"I've got a new girlfriend. Your brother's not happy about it."
"Is she gonna be our mommy?"
"Not really. It's complicated. But you'll have a couple of half-brothers or half-sisters to make
"So does that mean you'll love me and Eddie less?"
" 'Course not, Mal. It just means I get to love some other kids too. I still love you and your brother,
no matter how much he yells at me."
Time for a Prettacy pit stop!
"There's nobody here who will let me Talk About Grilled Cheese."
You can invite Chad and Cam over when you need an Aspiration Boost.
Andorra Vetinari, Gemini 4/10/10/3/1, Gen 5 Prettacy heir and Grilled Cheese Sim. Her LTW is to
Eat 200 Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and after force-feeding her roommates cheesy goodness in
college, she's two sandwiches shy of halfway there.
"Topher! You're moving in now, right?"
"Absolutely! And I also have a Want for a Wedding Party."
"It'll have to wait until tomorrow."
"I think I can live that long."
Christopher Royce, Gen 5 Prettacy spouse. Topher's a Sagittarius 2/3/9/7/4 Knowledge Sim with
the LTW to Max 7 Skills. He's pretty close to that; I played him through college, and he funded his
bedroom and his furniture by painting, so he built quite a few skills along the way.
This is Slartibartfast, the only thing in Topher's inventory. Topher really wanted a pet, and I really
wanted him to skill Charisma. With TJ's Caged Pet Fixes, Slartibartfast has managed to stay alive
for longer than three days, so thanks TwoJeffs!
Oh, Colin... You're just giving Chad more gossip-fodder.
I can't decide whether Colin is extremely brave or extremely stupid. First the wolf, now the skunk...
Time to kick it over to the Uglacy!
I think it looks cute. And a little Burberry headband with some nice long bangs.
Monaco Vetinari is the Gen 5 Uglacy heir. She's a Scorpio 7/7/8/3/3 Knowledge Sim with the LTW
to be a Media Magnate. At a trip to Club Dante in college, she connected with Malcolm Landgraab
IV, former husband of Prettacy spare Sycamore. Their relationship is complicated at best, but the
Landgraab genes are too good to pass up.
"Hey, uh, isn't it about time for you to go? My boyfriend's coming over, and I don't really need an
"Oooh, bubble blower!"
Orikes writes the Pseudo Legacy, and is a Pleasure Sim.
"Booga booga! Keep making those friends, Coco!"
Rosemarie and Finn are really the only ghosts who come in the house, but then, they're the only
ones who have a bed to cheer for since the rebuild.
Speaking of beds, I think Finn would appreciate what's going on in his old one...
Getting started on Gen 6!
The potential for facial tragedy here is so great.
"I'd feel worse about what happened to Chad, but it was so worth it."
"You know that's my daughter, right?"
"Hey, you're the one that brought it up."
"Booga booga! Thanks for the brows, Skeletor!"
I don't think Rosemarie means any harm. She just really likes to reconnect with her relatives.
I do have to keep an eye on her, though...
...because Coco's pregnant and I'd really like to avoid a repeat of the Jeannie Incident.
Actually, since Dora got her Gold Flower Arranging badge, Coco's got a bunch of snapdragons, so
her pregnancy should be relatively easy, even if she's got a twin token and is gonna throw me an
heir and a spare in one go.
Jesse's still around. I can't seem to make the pet adoption pool regenerate, and I'm unwilling to
adopt in one of the adult dogs ($3000 for a dog that's gonna eat all my furniture? Do Not Want),
and all the puppies are male, so I need a new strategy here.
Cory finally finishes his novel. Coco's been working on hers while she's pregnant, since I stuck a
snapdragon next to the computer.
"So when are you gonna have this kid, huh? I love babies!"
"Should be soon, which explains your presence. I thought you'd want to be here."
"Absolutely. I'd have brought Eddie and Mal along, but Eddie's taking this whole thing pretty hard."
"I wish I knew what to do to make it better."
"Doesn't help the problem, but it's fun anyway."
"Hurry up already! I got out of the hot tub and everything!"
"Dora wasn't in there with you, was she?"
"She's on the bubble blower."
"Yay! I get another baby!"
"Yay! I get a first baby!"
And this is little Archimedes Vetinari, the firstborn of Gen 6! He should really enjoy the "cute baby"
stage, because it's absolutely the last time anyone will call him "cute."
Archie's got Coco's brown hair and custom eyes. I was sort of hoping for the blonde hair that
Eddie and Mal got, but no such luck. I hope he inherited at least some of Malcolm's genetics!
The name theme for Gen 6 will be ancient Greek scientists.
Somehow, Finn's ghost got stuck in this chair. I don't know how he managed that, but Force Error
...I would have thought he'd glitch up his old bed.
Helen is now a General!
Her first order of business will be to annex Eternia and move her headquarters into Castle
You know how when Family Sims come home, they do that "I have returned! Come and hug me!"
No one ever hugs Helen, and I don't blame them. That's not a smile, that's a freaking rictus.
It gets worse. I've seen her teeth and gums glitch through her cheeks when she does this.
Survey says, if you want some impressively awful genes in an Uglacy, or just in general, Loki
Beaker is total win.
But I do believe it's a nice day for a white wedding...
Weddings are happy occasions. This one is no different. The bride and groom only have eyes for
In the distance, a man in black watches. He is not a guest, but could never have missed this day.
He has a sudden thought: This could have been him.
Should have been him.
Could still be him, if he dared.
It is a thought that shames him. She is happy with this man, and he could not take that from her.
For someone like him, happiness will always be just out of reach.
I'm not gonna be cute anymore, am I?
I sure hope not!
So I've got the timing on the births pretty well down. If you time the Try For Baby around 10am,
the baby will be born between 2 and 3, which means they age a day at 6pm, and you can age
them to Toddler the next day after 6pm. Ultimately, they spend just over a day in the "boring,
useless baby" stage.
Those are the Landgraab brows!
Hooray for facial tragedy!
If you want the full-on squiff, swallow whatever you're drinking and clicky clicky.
I think that's Cory's nose and chin and mouth and Malcolm's cheekbones and brows. But look at his eyes--the
brows actually glitch through his eyelids and cover his eyes in a totally different way than Rocky's Beaker-
Also, he's not wearing blush or anything--there's something with his cheekbones and the set of his eyes that
makes him look kinda piebald. Who's my little mutant?
Archie's a Sagittarius, which I haven't had born in-game in a main household yet (alien Billy Vetinari is one,
though, and so is Simon), and 2/7/8/10/1. Larch would be appalled at his lack of neat points, confused by the
maxed playful, and pleased that he got the mean.
I really want this kid to roll Romance. Or a Social Aspiration, at the very least.
Cory's the only Permaplat one in the house, so I had him make Archie some SmartMilk, then slap
on a Thinking Cap and teach Archie most of potty-training and talking, since Coco was rolling
Wants to do both. Then I let Coco finish off Archie's talking skill meter the next day, which kicked
her into gold.
After Archie got potty-trained, Coco threw on her own Thinking Cap and taught him how to walk.
Journalism refuses to show up as a job, which is frustrating. Coco could go Permaplat in two
promotions, but she needs to get the job first! I could use the Career Flamingo, but there's no
point to doing it now when she still needs to have another baby, but I might bust it out if
Journalism doesn't come up soon.
Jesse's a fan of Archie. Jesse's a pretty mellow dog, and Archie's a happy-go-lucky kid, so I think
they'll get along famously.
Cory and Helen are still as stalky as they ever were. Which is not nearly as much as, say, Larch
and Christy, given their Zodiac and Aspiration incompatibilities, but they do find time for each
"You wanna try for that spare now?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
Archie and his playful points pretty much demand attention, and Malcolm is all too happy to
oblige. That's Malcolm's swimsuit, by the way, not his underpants. Still traumatic, but less icky.
Maybe Archie's sporting Malcolm's chin. I can't tell. For sure Malcolm's brows, though.
"Thanks, Archie. I'm gonna get you a bottle and then jump in the hot tub for a while until I don't
This was all autonomous on Malcolm's part.
I love reading other people's Evil Malcolms, but mine is definitely NOT like that at all!
One more stop to make...
"Spi'r? I wan'd t' say 'm sorry."
"Cass? What--? How much have you had to drink today?"
" 'M sorry. I couldn' keep you safe. I shoulda. Shoulda stopped 'm. 'S my fault."
"It's not your fault."
" 'F I coulda got you 'way... You'd've hadda life 'steada this."
"You did what you had to do, Cass. You were just a kid yourself. You did the only thing you could do."
" 'M your big brother. 'M supposeta watch out for you."
"You did. You took care of me and you kept Del and Dad away from me and you did your best to give
me a normal childhood. You don't need to drunk dial me to apologize. You don't owe me anything. I owe
you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but go home. Sleep this off."
"Go to bed, then."
" 'S my fault. I let you down."
"Cass, no. This is my choice, okay? You didn't let me down. I don't blame you. This is not your
fault. Don't feel guilty."
" 'M sorry."
"I di'n' mean to leave you. I shouldn'a left."
"Cassidy, who are you talking to? Go to bed; I'll be there in a minute."
"Cass, please don't do this to yourself. Just... Just stop, okay? Please."
"Begging, eh? Must be the prodigal son I'm talking to."
"Leave him alone. Why can't you just let him be? You're not fooling yourself and you're not fooling
me; we both know you don't care about him."
"He's free to leave any time he wants. He just doesn't want."
"He'd leave if you didn't con him into staying. He'd leave if he realized that he doesn't need what
"Mmmm. He won't. He has everything he wants, and he's happy."
"You think so? Does he look happy to you? Really? Because I think getting drunk's the only way
he can stand to let you touch him, and I think you know it, and I think you let him do it because
you like making him do something you know he doesn't want to do. I think that sooner or later,
he'll realize what you are, and if it's sooner, I won't be complaining, and I think that when he
leaves, he'll figure out what real happiness is, and I think I'll enjoy watching that happen."
"You overestimate him. If he was half as strong as that, he'd already be gone."
"I know how strong he can be. He's just forgotten. And you can bet I'm going to try to make him
"Mmmm. You'll be sure to let me know how that turns out, won't you? Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have a half-naked man in my bed, and the situation needs to be remedied."
"This isn't over."
"Of course it is. You just haven't realized it yet. I'll give him your regards."
"Go to hell."
"Temper, temper. I'm going to hang up now, and your dear brother will be doing whatever I want
him to do. Goodbye, Spider Jerusalem."
Can't rise from the bottom
Time flies when ya got it
Your time has receded
Could and should have been
I've given up my hand for a brother
Given up a hand for free
I've risen and forgiven and I've pardoned
But you set yourself free
~~Velvet Revolver, "For a Brother"
You thought I was kidding about Helen's teeth glitching through her cheeks, didn't you?
Nope! She looks like an extra in a George Romero movie.