1. Withlove from Lagos
Russell Grenning
I’mtryingmy bestnot to gettoo excitedbutit’sbecomingincreasinglydifficult.Andmixedwiththis
rampant excitementisamortifyingfearthatthe governmentwill somehowmanage togetitsgrubby
fingersonmy windfall.
Let me explain –butnot too much because Idon’twantjealousstrangerstryingtomuscle in.
RecentlyIreceivedanemail fromaladyinLagos, Nigeria.No,she wasn’tproposingmarriage –
perhaps she hadalreadyheardthat I am practicallybetrothedtothe lusciousLudmilaandall that
standsin the wayof a lifetimeof love isthe mere matterof hermother’sheftymedicalbillsandmy
sending1,000,000 Roubles(aboutAU$27,500) to Moscow.
No,the Nigerianladyhasselectedme –oh,joy of joys – to be the beneficiaryof atleastAU$5
milliondollarsandall Ihave to do isprovide mybankaccount detailsandotherpersonal information
so that she can transferthe AU$30 millionshe holdstomyaccount.I’m deeplytouchedandmore
than a little overawedthatshe trustsme not to take the whole lot.
She reachedoutto me bywriting – and, to stopherfrom beingfloodedwithmessagesfromgreedy
opportunists,I’ve deletedcertainpersonal details:“DearFriend,my nameis (deleted)and Iamthe
widowof (deleted) who wasa high officialin ourformergovernment.Iama sincere and honest
Christian as I knowyou arealso and I wantyou to sharein my late husband’sestatewhich amounts
to $30 million Australian.Allyou haveto do is send me urgently yourbankaccountdetailsincluding
the password so Ican makethe transfer.Pleaseact quickly as the governmenthereis trying to steal
this money fromme.”
Of course,naturally,Ihave sentmydetailsandI’mexpectingthe $30 millionintomyaccountany
minute now. Bythe way,thisladyison herway fromNigeriaandwhenshe getshere Iwill hand
over$25 milliontoherand will gettokeepthe restbecause Ihave beenof such tremendoushelp.
I’mevenpreparedtopay forthe limousine fromthe airporttothe bank.
I don’tknowwhere she gotthe ideathat am a sincere andhonestChristianbut,heck,if she believes
that thenwhydisabuse her?Anditalsomeansthat I can pay forLudmila’smother’smedical bills
and we can finallyplightourtroth.
Now here isthe worryingbit.
Our gloriousAustralianTaxationOffice isthreateningme –and I dofeel thatit isverypersonal –
withhuge finesandevenajail sentence if Idon’timmediatelydeclarethiswindfallinheritance.
“I wantthe peoplewho haveundisclosed money off-shoreto realisethatthey areon notice.If they
thinkthey can remain undetected,they should thinkagain.Weare justa step away fromknocking on
their door.To supporttheenforcementof Australia’stax and superlaws,thelaw gives usaccess to
the details of every single internationalfundstransferinvolving Australia,” saidGregWilliams,the
ATO DeputyCommissioner.

2. Is thisanyway to treat a sincere andhonestChristian? Thisis BigBrothergone madwithpower,that
iswhat itis.
Mr Williamsreallygotthreatening, “Further,ourinternationaltax treaty partnersaresharing more
information withusevery day.Makeno mistake,theATO hasa long reach.Justbecausesomething
happensoutsideof Australia’sborders,doesn’tmean it’sbeyond thewatchfuleyeof the ATO.”
“ATO is also working moreclosely withbanksto get a better idea of the volumesof data available
fromAUSTRAC.Wenowhavea greaterability to follow the trail of money acrossbordersto the end
beneficiary.Tax evadersshould beawarethatcomplex structuresdesigned to throw authoritiesoff
the scentwon’tstand up,”he said.
AUSTRAC - the Australian Transaction Reportsand AnalysisCentre – isanotherone of those
busybodygovernmentoutfitsthatgettheirjolliesbypersecutingdecentandhonestChristianslike
me.Yes,theydo needtokeepan eye onmoneytransfersthatfundterrorism, butwhypickon the
likesof me?I’mnot justChristianandhonest,Iam so peaceful thatIhave reacheda state or
serenity.
I’mthinkingof goingto the airportnowjust incase the ladyfromNigeria’sflightarrivesearly.Wish
me luck!