Breaking out of your comfort zone to build meaningful connections with others can be challenging. If you are one of many with social anxiety, the thought of networking or having difficult conversations with your boss or peers can trigger negative emotional responses. And if you manage someone with social anxiety, you might mistake their behavior for a lack of motivation, but really that’s not the case. Mark Metry provides tips and advice for breaking through that anxiety, along with how to better understand those who may suffer from social disorders.

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3. WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?
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Anxiety vs. Shyness vs. Introversion
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• Introversion:
– Causes people to focus more on their internal worlds than external. They
prefer introspection and get energy from solitude and silence.
• Shyness:
– A natural emotion that most people feel when they experience nerves and
fear of meeting new people. But, for some, that initial feeling goes away after
they begin to get comfortable with people.
• Social anxiety:
– When shyness and introversion escalate into a chronic fear of social situations.
– Many people have experienced this social discomfort at some point, like
feeling awkward at a party or being nervous before a presentation, but
people with social anxiety experience the effects to a debilitating extent.

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“Shyness is a totally natural emotion that all of us
experience to some degree...but there are people
who end up forming this pattern of shyness to a
point where it becomes automatic and they can no
longer control it.”
—Mark Metry

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Understanding the Difference
• Someone who is an introvert can still
speak their mind without much
mental anguish.
• A person with social anxiety retreats
from speaking out of fear of being
judged.
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The Root Cause of Social Anxiety
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• Past psychological trauma is often the cause of society anxiety.
• Trauma doesn’t happen only from devastating events like violence
or being bullied.
• It can encompass events like:
– Being rejected
– Being mocked
– Being outcast for saying or doing things “differently”
• The manifestation of fear and internal turmoil leads to behaviors
that impact one’s ability to move forward in a healthy way.

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The Science Behind Social Anxiety
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• The mind perceives social situations as a threat based on that
previous psychological trauma, and therefore the body goes into
fight or flight — with flight being the preferred option to avoid
further trauma.
• Understanding this chemical process helps both people dealing
with social anxiety and those who know someone with this
problem to work towards solutions.
• “If you can't talk to people and you can't really express who you
are, then there's no way that you can speak out for yourself at a
meeting with a boss, or try to figure out your career.”

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Misconceptions about Social Anxiety
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• Mental health is still commonly stigmatized and can be taboo in a
work environment.
• A common misconception is that people who are quiet or
withdrawn from social situations are unmotivated, or people may
think that they have done something to upset that person.
– Reality: it has nothing to do with you — it’s that individual’s
trauma that is affecting their behavior.
• As a business leader, it’s important to look for signs of anxiety
issues and be open to having conversations with that person to
ease any pressure.

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13. OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY
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Understand Where it Comes From
• If you have social anxiety,
understand that there is something
deep in your past that is likely to
have led to this, and that’s okay.
• It is not your fault that you’ve
developed this issue, but it’s your
responsibility to take care of it.
• You can’t control external factors,
but you can control how you
respond to them.
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Start Small and Practice
• Start small with a few repeatable actions, then gradually turn those
into habits. This includes both mental and physical health.
• Practice “Exposure Therapy”: set a goal to expose yourself to
a few people a day by starting a conversation.
– Ex. Try asking strangers for the time. When you are able to ask a question that
is very specific with utility, and not about yourself or anything deep, you will
slowly begin to see this part of your brain open up.
• This gives your mind a chance to see what happens when you
speak and rearrange those mental models in return.
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Think AND Do
• Learn to be a critical thinker and
implementer in your own life to
create that successful momentum.
• It’s about developing a FLOW state
of mind to help you get past your
mind’s inner critic.
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Practice Good Physical Health
• Focus on health and diet, as this is
all part of your overall well-being.
– Practice cleaner eating and regular
exercise, even just a few small changes
to your routine at first, and then
gradually building more habits.
• You have more control over your
lifestyle and physical health than
your mental health in any given
moment, and physical health is
highly correlated with social anxiety.
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“[Social anxiety] is not a moral dwelling—this is not
something that you should have shame over. This is
like a scientific health phenomenon.”
—Mark Metry

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Come with Intent & Focus on Others
• In social situations like meetings and networking events,
overcoming your fears can start with putting others first.
• Instead of focusing on your own fear and using band-aid solutions
(e.g. getting a drink), focus on who you can help—those who
don't know where to go or what to do—and that can help you turn
your self-critical thoughts on mute.
• Come in with intent. As a starting point, identify other
introverts in the room (those standing or sitting by themselves) and
ask interesting questions and genuinely try to understand who they
are.
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Create a Strategic Plan for Yourself
• Set a goal before going into
something (ex. introduce yourself
to three people). Then, figure out
the strategies and tactics you're
going to take to address that
goal.
• When you can look at a situation
in an objective way, it makes the
thought of socializing a little less
daunting.
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“If you realize that you are in a situation where you
don't know what to do or maybe you feel like
things are really worse off for you, do research and
to look at other people's stories who have been in
the same exact position that you are in right now,
and what they did differently and what path they
took. That's what I did.”
—Mark Metry

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Working with Those with Social Anxiety
• As a business leader, if you have someone on your team who may
be exhibiting signs of social anxiety, don’t dismiss them.
– Understand that they may have underlying trauma that has stimulated the
fight or flight response.
• Use communication techniques to make situations more
comfortable where possible
• Encourage positive mental health practices in the
workplace.
• Create environments for people to connect with purpose
or do things for their mental well-being to build a positive culture.
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Focus on Mental Competitiveness
• Anyone with a brain has a capacity
for mental health issues. But it’s
going to be one’s mental
competitiveness that will outweigh
digital competitiveness in the
workforce.
• Understanding your own and others’
mental health is critical to driving
your career forward.
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26. About Mark Metry
Mark Metry is a 22-year-old entrepreneur,
podcast host, TEDx Speaker, and author of
the book Screw Being Shy: Learn How to
Manage Social Anxiety and Be Yourself in
Front of Anyone. He’s on a mission to
spread awareness about social anxiety and
help people cope with its symptoms and
overcome them.
Resources:
● Visit markmetry.com
● Buy Screw Being Shy
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