Tips For Divorcing Or Divorced Parents

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Tips for Divorcing Or Divorced Parents Edward R. Weinstein, Esq.

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Likewise, help youngsters investigate satisfactory approaches to managing negative sentiments successfully, for example, outrage, hurt, hatred, depression, and so forth. If a kid communicates emotions of annoyance toward somebody, maintain a strategic distance from the desire to say that outrage isn't right; rather, investigate their feelings of indignation with them. Inquire as to why they were furious, or request that they let you know how irate they were. Help them comprehend that while it is regular to feel angry on occasion, how we express that outrage is imperative. There are ethical approaches to express anger, and also unsatisfactory ways. Recount to them a story or refer to a case of somebody who encountered a particularly negative feeling, then ask your tyke questions like, "What ought to Becky had done when she got furious?" or, "Why do you think Eric was desolate? What might he be able to have done about it?"

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Name___________________________________________ Inappropriate Methods That Deter Cooperation Method Example Blaming and accusing “Look at the dirty footprints you put on my clean kitchen floor. You never consider how hard I work.” Name-calling “You are the sloppiest person, just look at your room!” Threats “If you don’t start doing your share around here, I’m going to cut your allowance.” Commands “Take the garbage out this minute, and no back talk, young man.” Lecturing and moralizing “Now, do you think that was a nice thing to say about your friend? You should learn to treat your friends the way you want to be treated.” Warnings “Don’t step off the sidewalk. You’ll get hit by a car.” Martyrdom “Why are you doing this to me, hard as I work?” Comparisons “Why can’t you try as hard in school as your sister does?” Sarcasm “You knew you had to get up early, but you were so smart and stayed up until midnight.” Prophecy “If you continue in the same manner, you’ll never amount to anything.” Skills for Engaging Cooperation Skill Example Describe what you see or the problem “Your dirty clothes are on the floor in your room.” Give information “The battery in the flashlight will last longer when you turn it off after each use.” Say it with a word. (when milk is left out of the refrigerator) “Susie, the milk.” Talk about your feelings “I am frustrated because you are making so much noise that I can’t hear your father on the telephone.” Wrote a note (taped to basket of clean laundry) “Marlin, please fold me.” Reference: Hamner, T.J. & Turner, P.H. (2001). Parenting in Contemporary Society, 4 th ed. ____Allyn and Bacon. Positive Guidance Children are more likely to respond to positive statements than negative ones. Rewrite each statement below so it tells the child what he or she is expected to do. 1. “Don’t put the scissors on the floor.” 2. “Don’t spill your milk.” 3. “Don’t walk in front of the slide.” 4. “You’re pouring too fast.” 5. “Don’t walk so slowly.” 6. “Don’t touch all of the muffins.” Reference: Herr, J. (2008) Working With Young Children; Study Guide. Tinley Park, ILL: Goodheart-Wilcox, Co. (page 80). 1 15 Techniques to use with children which invite cooperation 1. Give children valid, appropriate and limited choices. Limit use of commands. Offering options gives the child a sense of empowerment. This works especially well with children who are strong willed and in need of a great deal of control. Giving choices eliminates power struggles and “NO” answers. ie: Do you want your milk poured into the green cup or the blue cup? ie: You may walk to get your diaper changed or I can carry you. (either way, the diaper is getting changed). ie: Say “It’s naptime” rather than “Do you want to take a nap?” which offers the ch.

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