Jack introduces his plan to start an educational community called an "Educational Eutopia" located anywhere in the world that provides homeschooling using a Montessori-P.E.T.-Choice Theory approach through his digital library and internet resources. He outlines the key principles of Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), which was developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon. The principles emphasize that children behave to meet their needs rather than misbehave, parents cannot accept all behaviors but need not be perfectly consistent, and parents do not need to present a united front and can be honest about differing opinions.

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Hi,
this
is
Jack
(of
All
Free
Trades)
in
Beijing,
China
It
is
my
inten<on
to
startup
an
Educa<onal
Eutopia
(Good
Place)
I
call
wherever
wanted
on
this
planet—China…Chile,
Columbia,
Uruguay?
This
will
be
a
Montessori-­‐P.E.T.-­‐Choice
Theory
oriented
Community
Homeschool
provided
in
English
by
Jack
and
his
Digital
Library
(10,000+
books,
videos)
with
Internet
links
to
Anarcho-­‐Libertarian
Resources.
1
Education Not
Indoctrination
Freedom Not
Control
Home Not
Prison
Individual Not
Collective
Utopia Nowhere to Eutopia Now Here
The SOURCE
The SOURCE

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What
Every
Parent
Should
Know:
15
Principles
• Dr.
Thomas
Gordon,
founder
of
Parent
Effec<veness
Training
(P.E.T.)
“What
Every
Parent
Should
Know”
(11
page
handout—read
it!)
2
“Be
a
Person,
not
a
Parent”
Thomas
Gordon

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Parent’s
&
Children’s
EmoGonal
Needs
1. Acknowledged
2. Accepted
3. Admired
4. Appreciated
5. Approved
of
6. Competent
7. Free
8. Encouraged
9. Heard
10. Liked
11. Listened
to
12. Important
13.
In
Control
14.
Loved
15.
Needed
16.
Powerful
17.
Recognized
18.
Respected
19.
Safe
20.
Significant
21.
Supported
22.
Trusted
23.
Understood
24.
Valued
3

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
Principle
I
:
Like
everyone
else
children
have
needs
and
to
get
their
needs
met,
they
act
or
behave.
• The
idea
of
your
child
“MISBEHAVING”
“David,
a
very
curious
and
ac<ve
three-­‐year-­‐old,
emp<es
everything
out
of
his
mother’s
desk
and
is
drawing
on
her
file
folders
with
Crayola
markers.
Discovering
this
mess,
his
mother
angrily
pops
David
on
the
rear.
David,
of
course,
cries
and
looks
bewildered.
“When
David’s
father
gets
home,
he
is
greeted
with
the
mother’s
report,
“Our
darling
son
certainly
misbehaved
today.”
Thomas
Gordon
4

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
Principle
II:
Children
don’t
misbehave:
they
simply
behave
to
get
their
needs
met.
“This
does
not
mean,
however,
that
parents
will
like
all
of
the
behaviors
that
their
children
engage
in.
Nor
should
parents
be
expected
to,
for
children
are
bound
to
do
things
that
produce
unacceptable
consequences
for
their
parents.
“Most
parents
and
teachers
think
of
children
as
either
‘behaving’
or
‘misbehaving’.
This
labeling
of
behavior
as
‘good’
and
‘bad’
begins
when
the
child
is
quite
young.
In
our
P.E.T.
programs
we
try
to
help
parents
see
that
children
don't
really
misbehave.
Interes<ngly
enough,
the
term
is
almost
exclusively
applied
to
children
–
seldom
to
adults.”
Thomas
Gordon
5
“Parents
need
to
learn
some
effec<ve
means
for
modifying
behavior
that
interferes
with
their
needs,
but
labeling
their
child
as
misbehaving
is
not
one
of
them.”
Thomas
Gordon

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Linkage For Life
Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
Principle
III:
Parents
can’t
be
accepGng
of
all
behavior
of
their
children.
6
“Being
inconsistent
in
your
reac<on
to
a
child’s
behavior
is
being
a
real
person;
it
is
also
inevitable.”
Thomas Gordon

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Linkage For Life
Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
Principle
IV:
Parents
don’t
have
to
be
consistent
with
children.
“Parents
cannot
hide
their
true
feelings,
and
they
should
not
try.
Rather,
parents
should
accept
the
fact
that
one
parent
may
feel
accep<ng
of
a
behavior
and
the
other
feel
unaccep<ng.
The
effec<ve
parent
realizes
that
he
or
she
will
inevitably
feel
different
on
different
days
about
the
same
behavior.
“Parents
are
people,
not
gods.
They
do
not
have
to
act
uncondi<onally
accep<ng
toward
all
behaviors,
or
even
consistently
accep<ng
toward
one
behavior.
Neither
should
they
pretend
to
be
accep<ng
in
order
to
present
a
united
front.”
Thomas
Gordon
7
“Parents are people, not gods.” Thomas
Gordon

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
V:
Parents
don’t
have
to
put
up
a
“united
front.”
“While
all
children
would
undoubtedly
prefer
to
be
accepted
all
the
<me,
they
can
construc<vely
handle
their
parents’
unaccep<ng
feelings
when
the
parents
send
honest
messages
that
match
their
true
feelings.
“Not
only
does
this
make
it
easier
for
children
to
learn
to
judge
the
appropriateness
of
various
behaviors,
but
it
also
helps
them
grow
to
see
their
parents
as
real
persons—
transparent,
human,
and
people
with
whom
they
would
like
a
rela<onship.”
8

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Linkage For Life
Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
VI:
When
infants
behave
unacceptably,
there
is
a
good
reason,
but
you
have
to
try
to
guess
what
it
is.
The
guessing
game:
“Effec<ve
parents
must
learn
to
be
good
guessers
with
infants
and
toddlers
simply
because
these
children
can’t
tell
parents
much
about
what’s
going
on
inside
them.”
9

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
VII:
When
you
can’t
accept
one
behavior,
subsGtute
another
you
can.
10
YOU CAN CHANGE BEHAVIOR
YOU DON’T LIKE
WITHOUT USING PUNISHMENT

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
• PRINCIPLE
VIII:
Let
kids
know
how
you
feel,
even
if
you
can’t
use
words.
11
DO NO PHYSICAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HARM!

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
• PRINCIPLE
IX:
It’s
oUen
more
efficient
to
change
the
child’s
environment
than
to
change
the
child.
• “Enrich the Environment.”
• “Impoverish the Environment.”
12

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
• PRINCIPLE
X:
To
change
unacceptable
behavior
of
your
child,
talk
about
yourself,
not
your
child.
13
THE TERRIBLE DANGERS OF DISCIPLINE
“I MESSAGES”: “I am tired please play quietly”

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
• PRINCIPLE
XI:
Parents
who
use
power
inevitably
run
out
of
it
when
kids
get
older.
“In Parent Effectiveness Training classes, parents
are asked to recall their own youth, when parents
(and teachers) used power over them, and then
to list the various coping mechanisms they
adopted in response to their parents’ discipline
efforts.” Thomas Gordon
14

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
XII:
Children
learn
to
cope
with
parental
power
with
undesirable
and
unhealthy
behaviors.
15

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
XIII:
Discipline
may
compel
or
coerce,
but
it
seldom
influences.
16
HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS SO NOBODY LOSES
Method I: Parent wins, child loses. Child resents parents.
Method 2: Child wins, parent loses. Parent resents child.

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
• PRINCIPLE
XIV:
If
parents
are
either
dictators
or
doormats,
someone
is
going
to
lose.
“Method 3 is an approach to resolving conflicts
in which parent and child together offer
possible solutions to their conflict and
ultimately select one solution that is acceptable
to both. This is a solution that allows both
parent and child to get their needs met.”
17
“NO LOSE METHOD”
Both win or nobody loses.
And thus there is no resentment at all.

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
(con<nued)
PRINCIPLE
XV:
When
conflicts
are
resolved
so
nobody
loses,
the
relaGonship
deepens.
“Parents
have
also
reported
marked
changes
in
their
children
aqer
the
No-­‐Lose
Method
became
established
in
their
homes:
improved
grades
at
school,
fewer
tears
and
temper
tantrums,
berer
rela<onships
with
their
peers,
more
responsibility
about
homework
and
chores,
more
self-­‐
confidence,
a
happier
disposi<on,
less
aggression
and
hyperac<vity,
and
fewer
sicknesses.”
Thomas
Gordon
18

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Parent
EffecGveness
Training
(P.E.T.)
15
Principles
–
THE
END
19

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Thomas
Gordon
Credo
20

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Power - Control
Versus
Freedom -
• Explore
if
you
are
Responsibly
Free
and
what
that
means
• How
you
act
towards
your
Child
is
how
you
allow
others
to
act
towards
you
• If
you
force
your
Child
to
obey
you
then
you
will
accept
obeying
others
in
same
way
21
“Freedom
is
the
preven<on
of
control
by
others.
This
requires
self-­‐control…
educa<on,
knowledge,
well-­‐being.” Lord
Acton

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Parent
=
Kind
Dictator
or
True
Enabler?
22

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Every
Adult
Must
Choose
for
their
Child:
To
Be
Dictator
or
Enabler
1.
Your
Child
is
“Misbehaving”
and
“Out
of
Order”…or
2.
Your
Child
is
“Ac<ng”
to
“Meet
its
Needs”
• Which
you
Choose
will
Decide
Both
your
Fates
• Do
you
say
to
your
spouse
“You
misbehaved!”
• You
only
say
this
to
your
child…why?
• It
has
to
do
with
POWER
&
CONTROL
• You
have
POWER
OVER
your
Child…how
will
YOU
USE
IT?
• Only
2
Choices:
1. Use
my
Power
to
Control
my
Child
2. Use
my
Power
to
give
my
Child
Power
to
Control
Herself
23

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Parent
&
Child—
Government
&
CiGzen—
Power
to
Control…or
Free?
POWER
is
usually
used
to
CONTROL
But…POWER
should
be
used
to
FREE
Only
two
kinds
of
CONTROL
obtained
by
POWER:
1. Control
over
others
2. Control
over
yourself
To
the
degree
you
try
to
use
Power
to
Control
Others
(your
Child
or
any
other
Person),
you
will
be
depriving
them
of
the
Power
to
Control
Themselves—and
be
turning
your
RelaGonship
into
one
of
Master/Slave.
24
The
Love
of
Power
vs
The
Power
of
Love

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You
Do
NOT
Need
to
Teach
Your
Child
to
Learn!
“Children
are
biologically
designed
to
educate
themselves..
through
play
and
explora<on..
we
don’t
need
to
educate
them..
we
need
to
provide
the
condi<ons
to
allow
them
to
educate
themselves…”
Peter
Gay
Your
Child
is
its
OWN
SOURCE–
be
its
RESOURCE!
25
The SOURCE

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FreeEaching
is
not
Teaching
or
Preaching
There
is
no
freedom
for
un<l
you
are
free
from.
I
help
you
locate
–
and
then,
if
you
choose,
help
you
break
–
those
links
of
your
gene<c
and
cultural
condiGoning
that
control
you.
Then
you
can
control
yourself
and
choose
to
create
new
linkages
with
other
individuals
living
Responsible
Personal
Freedom.
26
What
is
FreeEach
?
(rhymes
with
“Teach”)

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Responsible
Personal
Freedom—
CharacterisGcs
of
the
Mature
Adult
1. Truth, rather than dishonesty.
2. Goodness, rather than evil.
3. Beauty, not ugliness or vulgarity.
4. Unity, wholeness, and
transcendence of opposites, not
arbitrariness or forced choices.
5. Aliveness, not deadness or the
mechanization of life.
6. Uniqueness, not bland uniformity.
7. Perfection and necessity, not
sloppiness, inconsistency, or accident.
8. Completion, rather than
incompleteness.
9. Justice and order, not injustice and
lawlessness.
10. Simplicity, not unnecessary
complexity.
11. Richness, not environmental
impoverishment.
12. Effortlessness, not strain.
13. Playfulness, not grim, humorless,
drudgery.
14. Self-sufficiency, not dependency.
15. Meaningfulness, rather than
senselessness.
16. Gentleness and kindness, caring for
the vulnerable in all.
17. Gratitude as grace and elegance.
18. Inter-dependence, incorporating
dependence and independence.
19. Self-control not Other-control.
27

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My
Brain
Is
Full,
May
I
be
Excused?
Look Up & Out
The Spiral of Growth
28
Jack’s
Contact
Details,
Beijing,
China:
Websites:
www.FreeEach.com
www.LinkageForLife.com
Email:
freeeach@gmail.com
themesoxack@gmail.com
QQ:
168 486 4831 Skype: jackinchina2005
Cell
phone:
(86)
1591
0600
531
Gmail
+:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/113839538521098310072/about/p/pub
Virtual
Classroom,
WizIQ:
http://www.wiziq.com/jack2382606