1. 8 Mistakes Parents Make With Preschoolers
Find out how you can avoid these common parenting missteps.
WebMD Feature Reviewed by Roy Benaroch, MD
Sometimes, it may seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you
to the outer edge of your patience. And that's on a good day.
Fear not, moms and dads. You're not alone. Preschoolers want to own their
newfound independence. But they also want the close attention and love of their
caregivers.
Michele Borba, EdD, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says, "These
ages (3-5) are among the most active and frustrating in terms of parenting.
Here are eight common mistakes parents of preschoolers make and some smart
fixes to help avoid or resolve problems.
1. Be consistent
Consistency is key for preschoolers, says pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann,
author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about
Babies and Toddlers.
When you're not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused
and may act out more or throw more temper tantrums. Altmann says, "If
sometimes you let them do something and sometimes you don't, they don't
understand."
Your child probably wants to know why last time Mommy let her play on the
playground for 10 minutes when school got out but this time wants her to get in
the car right away. Or why did Mommy laid down with her for 10 minutes last
night while she fell asleep but now says she can't.
2. Fix it: Be consistent across the board -- whether it's with discipline, sleep habits,
or mealtime routines.
Altmann says if your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing
well, then so are you, and a minor exception may be OK.
2.Rewards the positive don’t just focus on the negative.
It's easy to focus on your child's negative actions -- like yelling and screaming -and ignore the good ones.
Altmann says parents tend to focus on what they don't want their preschoolers to
do. "They'll say, 'Don't hit. Don't throw. Don't say 'poopy pants,'" she says.
Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good
behavior.
The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or it can be giving your child a
big hug or kiss. "Those types of things really go a long way with preschoolers,"
Altmann says.
Tell your child, "I like the way you sat quietly and listened," or "That was good
when you were so friendly to the child on the playground."
3 Don’t miss the Warning Signs
Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a temper
tantrum, repeating, "Calm down, calm down." But that's like trying to reason with
a goldfish, Borba says. "You've got power immediately beforehand when you can
still distract or anticipate. But once the tantrum is in full force, you've lost it. The
kid is not hearing you."
Fix it: Figure out and anticipate what your kid's natural warning signs are, Borba
says. The usual ones are hunger, fatigue, and boredom.
3. So don't take your child to the supermarket unless she's napped or you've stashed
a healthy snack in your purse.
4. Encouraging Whining
Does your child's whining drive you crazy? For instance, does it drive you up the
wall when, right before dinnertime while getting ready to preparing food, your
child starts crying, "I wanna go to the park," or "I wanna go play with Riley."
Borba says parents often give in to these whines, but this only reinforces the
attention-getting behavior. Your child will figure out which buttons to push and
then push them over and over again.
"This is the age when your children come out of their shells," she says. "Watch
out, because they figure out what works."
Fix it: Ignore it.
For behavior that isn't aggressive, like a whine or sulk, you're better off if you
don't respond to it at all. If you're consistent, Borba says, your child will think,
"Well, that didn't work."
5. Don’t Overscheduling Your Child
Parents often line up a slew of activities, like dance or music classes. Then they
wonder why their child isn't getting in bed and falling asleep right away after so
many activities that must have made her tired.
The problem, Altmann says, is that they're still wound up and need time to calm
down. Every child needs down time, especially preschoolers, she says. Whether
your child is at preschool for two hours or there all day, it can be very exhausting.
4. Fix it: Don't overschedule your child or shuttle him from one activity to the next.
Give your child time to unwind with free play when he gets home from school.
6. Underestimating the Importance of Play
Many parents feel they should sign their children up for enrichment programs to
give them an edge. But that's not really the case.
What's most enriching at this age, says psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen, author of
Playful Parenting, is free play. That includes dramatic play (make believe), rough
housing, and goofing around.
"Free play is how children's brains develop best," he says. "In play, children will
naturally give themselves the right amount of challenge -- not too easy or too
hard."
Fix it: Allow your child time and space for free play. Remember that preschoolers
define play as "what you do when you get to choose what to do."
Free choice -- the voluntary aspect of play -- is important, Cohen says.
"Preschoolers love to vacuum or do housework, but it's play. It's not on their
chore list. They've chosen to do it and they're just doing it for fun," he says.
7. Getting Distracted By the Daily Grind
Your child may play well independently, but that doesn't mean he or she doesn't
crave your attention. "There's something children miss out on if parents don't get
on the floor and play with them," Cohen says.
Not only do parents not get down and play, many parents are too easily
distracted by their cell phone, email, or other multitasking. "Kids aren't dumb,"
Cohen says. "They know whether we're really paying attention or not."
5. Fix it: Set a timer, be enthusiastic, and stay involved for your designated play
period with your child.
"A half an hour of concentrated play where you give your undivided attention and
you're not worried about dinner or work," Cohen says, "is better than all day
when you're only half paying attention."
8. Don’t Overreact to Lies
Cohen says lying really freaks parents out. He urges parents to see the behavior as
experimenting rather than as "a moral thing."
"When children start to lie, it's a big cognitive advance," he says. "It's kind of
exciting and a little bit scary. It has an emotional charge. But then parents freak
out and have visions of their child in prison, so they get very tense and anxious
about it."
Fix it: Don't overreact. Know that telling a fib or two is a normal part of your
child's development.
And don't get hung up on the lie itself, Cohen says. For instance, if your little
Pinocchio is denying he had anything to do with a spill, you can say matter-offactly, "You feel bad about that and I understand."
Effective parenting takes time, patience, and love. It also takes remembering that
changes may not happen overnight. But as the old maxim goes, "If at first you
don't succeed, try, try again." And again.Parenting Styles
The Four Styles of Parenting
By Kendra Cherry, About.com Guide
See More About:childdevelopmentparenting styles
7. raised in the same environment can grow up to have astonishingly different
personalities than one another.
Despite these challenges, researchers have uncovered convincing links between
parenting styles and the effects these styles have on children. During the early
1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100
preschool-age children (Baumrind, 1967). Using naturalistic observation, parental
interviews and other research methods, she identified four important dimensions
of parenting:
Disciplinary strategies
Warmth and nurturance
Communication styles
Expectations of maturity and control
Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents
display one of three different parenting styles. Further research by also suggested
the addition of a fourth parenting style (Maccoby& Martin, 1983).
The Four Parenting Styles
Authoritarian Parenting
In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules
established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in
punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these
rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These
parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to
Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their
orders to be obeyed without explanation" (1991).
Authoritative Parenting
Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish
rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this
parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to
8. their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the
expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than
punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear
standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and
restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They
want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and selfregulated as well as cooperative" (1991).
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few
demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children
because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control.
According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are
demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior,
allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (1991). Permissive
parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often
taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.
Uninvolved Parenting
An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low
responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's
basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases,
these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.
The Impact of Parenting Styles
What effect do these parenting styles have on child development outcomes? In
addition to Baumrind's initial study of 100 preschool children, researchers have
conducted numerous other studies that have led to a number of conclusions
about the impact of parenting styles on children.
1. Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient
and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and
self-esteem.
9. 2. Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy,
capable and successful (Maccoby, 1992).
3. Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness
and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems
with authority and tend to perform poorly in school.
4. Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These
children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less
competent than their peers.
Why Do Parenting Styles Differ?
After learning about the impact of parenting styles on child development, you
may wonder why all parents simply don't utilize an authoritative parenting style.
After all, this parenting style is the most likely to produce happy, confident and
capable children. What are some reasons why parenting styles might vary? Some
potential causes of these differences include culture, personality, family size,
parental background, socioeconomic status, educational level and religion.
Of course, the parenting styles of individual parents also combine to create a
unique blend in each and every family. For example, the mother may display an
authoritative style while the father favors a more permissive approach. In order
to create a cohesive approach to parenting, it is essential that parents learn to
cooperate as they combine various elements of their unique parenting styles.
10. PARENTING STYLE QUESTIONNAIRE
Please rate how often you engage in the different parenting practices, listed
below.
Scores range from “Never” to “Always” on a 5-point scale. At the end of each
section,
add up the scores and divide it by the number of questions in that section. The
calculated score is your total score for that category. The highest score indicates
your preferred parenting style.
Authoritative Parenting Style
1. I am responsive to my child’s feelings and needs:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
2. I take my child’s wishes into consideration before I ask him/her to do
something:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
3. I explain to my child how I feel about his/her good/bad behaviour:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
4. I encourage my child to talk about his/her feelings and problems:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
5. I encourage my child to freely “speak his/her mind”, even if he/she disagrees
with me:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
6. I explain the reasons behind my expectations:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
7. I provide comfort and understanding when my child is upset:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6
AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart, C. H. (1995).
Authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological
Reports, 77, 819-830.
8. I compliment my child:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
11. 9. I consider my child’s preferences when I make plans for the family (e.g.,
weekends
away and holidays):
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
10. I respect my child’s opinion and encourage him/her to express them:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
11. I treat my child as an equal member of the family:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
12. I provide my child reasons for the expectations I have for him/her:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
13. I have warm and intimate times together with my child:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
Scoring: Total score …….. / 13 = ……..
Authoritarian Parenting Style
1. When my child asks me why he/she has to do something I tell him/her it is
because I
said so, I am your parent, or because that is what I want:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
2. I punish my child by taking privileges away from him/her (e.g., TV, games,
visiting
friends):
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart,
C. H. (1995). Authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological
Reports, 77, 819-830.
3. I yell when I disapprove of my child’s behaviour:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
4. I explode in anger towards my child:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
5. I spank my child when I don’t like what he/she does or says:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
6. I use criticism to make my child improve his/her behaviour:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
12. 7. I use threats as a form of punishment with little or no justification:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
8. I punish my child by withholding emotional expressions (e.g., kisses and
cuddles):
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
9. I openly criticise my child when his/her behaviour does not meet my
expectations:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
10. I find myself struggling to try to change how my child thinks or feels about
things:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
11. I feel the need to point out my child’s past behavioural problems to make sure
he/she
will not do them again:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
12. I remind my child that I am his/her parent:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart,
C. H. (1995). Authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological
Reports, 77, 819-830.
13. I remind my child of all the things I am doing and I have done for him/her:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
Scoring: Total score …….. / 13 = ……..
Permissive Parenting Style
1. I find it difficult to discipline my child:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
2. I give into my child when he/she causes a commotion about something:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
3. I spoil my child:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
4. I ignore my child’s bad behaviour:
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
Scoring: Total score …….. / 4 = ……..
13. Parenting Styles: On the lines below you can record the rank order of your
preferred
parenting styles:
1) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score:
2) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score:
3) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score:
14. How Parents Can Bless Their Children
Martin Kim 15 Martin Kim Sermons
Topic: #261 of 732 for Sermons on Parenting
Scripture: Psalms 112:1-112:2
Denomination: Adventist
Date Added: September 2004
Audience: Believer Adults (31 - 49)
Keywords: none (Suggest a Keyword)
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Blessing the Children
Happy Sabbath!
I would like to start with a short word of prayer this morning.
One evening mother was busy fixing supper. Her little boy came up to her and
gave her a piece of paper. She dries her hands on her apron and reads.
For cutting the grass: $5.00 For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 For going to
the store for you: $.50 Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00 The list went on. At the bottom it said, Total owed:
$14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the
memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen. She turned over the
paper he’d written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge
15. For all the nights that I’ve sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No
Charge For all the trying times, and all the tears that you’ve caused through the
years: No Charge
For all the times I wiped your nose and your butt: No Charge For all the toys, food,
and clothes: No Charge Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No
Charge.
When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears
in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love
you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".
I¡¯ve often heard that you cannot really know the love of a parent until you
become a parent yourself.
Is there any limit to a parents love? As a parent, would you withhold any good
thing from your children? If your child needed a kidney, and you were a perfect
match, would you donate one of your kidneys? I know you would. What if your
child needed a heart transplant and you were a perfect match? You would give
him your heart. You would give up your life so that your child could live.
You would do whatever you could so that your child can enjoy good physical
health. Right? Amen! Physical health is important. But there is something more
important than physical health. It is spiritual health. How much would you be
willing to give for your child¡¯s spiritual health so that your child can live
eternally?
Would you do as much for your child¡¯s spiritual health as you would for your
child¡¯s physical health?
Our young people have sin damaged minds and sin damaged hearts. They need
help. In order for them to successfully run the Christian race so they can obtain
the crown of life, they need help. They need all the help they can get. God says, ¡°I
want to help.¡± God says, ¡°I want to help, but I need the parents cooperation.
16. God didn¡¯t say, ¡°I need the youth pastors help.¡± God says, ¡°I need the parents
help.¡± God says to parents, ¡°If you do three things, I will bless your child.
There are three things you can do to help them.
If you do these three things, your children will be blessed spiritually. Do you want
to help them? Please say ¡°amen¡± if you want to help your children.
Let¡¯s open our Bibles to Psalm 112:1-3.
(1) Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, Who delights greatly in
His commandments.
The blessed man is the person who says on Friday, ¡°I¡¯m so glad another Sabbath
is here.¡± The commandments are not burdensome for this person. He delights
greatly in
His commandments.
(2) His descendants will be mighty on earth; The generation of the upright will be
blessed.
Do you want your children to be blessed?
If you are godly, God will bless your children. By the way, just because you come
to church does not mean that you are godly. The devil also comes to church.
Let¡¯s just make sure that we are not the ones bringing the devil to church with
us. You are going to like the next verse.
(3) Wealth and riches will be in his house, And his righteousness endures forever.
I believe that God wants to do more than bless our children spirituall
