The document provides guidance for parents on how to support children aged 6 to 8 through the emotional challenges following a divorce. It covers children's development, common reactions to divorce, and the importance of reassurance, stability, and open communication to help them adjust. Parents are encouraged to maintain routines, manage their emotions, and foster connections with both parents to ensure the child's well-being and emotional security.

1. Supporting Your Children After DivorceA Summary ~ Ages 6 to 8

2. A Period of Self-DiscoveryTransitioning from a world at home to the world of peers at schoolGetting along with peersDemands of classroom learningSitting stillWatching the teacherRemembering what she saidFollowing instructionsCapable of expressing emotions, fears, and problems verballySeeks independence, mastery and accomplishmentBegins to compare himself to othersHas a better understanding of cause and effect, but still doesn’t see the relationship between pre-divorce conflict and divorceKnows that mom and dad don’t control the worldUnderstands numbers, timeNo concept of geography, space, distance

3. A Period of Self-DiscoveryPeer group is more important in shaping self-image.Base much of their self-image on how they and others perceive their parentsWants to fit inAware of and affected by the feelings of othersFears: being laughed at, that he may fail in relation to peers

4. Instability at home leads to insecure feelings at school and with peers.The child needs to know that home life is stable to have the confidence to step out at school.

5. Post-divorce ReactionsSad about the loss of the intact familyWorried about being different from peersProblems typically manifest at school.Anger, including misplaced anger (which may lead to isolation from peers)Inability to focus at schoolMay lose a year of school workDanger that they may fall behind, fail to learn how to readWithdrawal

6. Post-divorce Reactions (continued)May hide/deflect feelingsMay blame every disappointment on the divorceBlame themselvesMore comfortable feeling guilty & in control than faultless & at the mercy of random eventsMore comfortable blaming themselves than parentsDreams that his parents will reuniteHidden sadnessMay regress (thumb-sucking, bed-wetting)

7. Post-divorce Reactions (continued)Worried about parentsWorried about parents’ well-beingWant to protect parents from their sad feelingsWorried about being replacedMay be possessive and threatened by new people in your life.May choose to talk about divorces in other families, how divorce affects other kids, rather than talk about their own feelingsChanges in eating or sleeping patternsDiminished interest or loss of interest in activities that were previously engagingSudden changes in behaviorDrastically different behavior at home compared to behavior at school

8. The child wants to know…“Will my parents hold things steady so that I can count on them when I really need them?”

9. The Child Needs…To feel secure in having a family he can count on.Reassurance of your loveTo know that you’re concerned and thinking of himTo know that things are settling downTo know that mom and dad are in controlTo know that he still has both parentsTo get back to normal activities and find them engaging and absorbingYour comfort, encouragement, and availability to help with school work. Your comfort, encouragement, and availability to give advice for interactions with peers.

10. Make Sure Your Child Understands That…The divorce is not the child’s fault.Nothing the child did, thought, felt or said led to the divorce.He was born into a loving family.He is and will always be safe.You’ll always be there for him.Your child will have contact with both parents (if true).He will always have both parents and remain in touch with extended family (if true).Many other children have divorced parents too.Many kids want their parents to get back together.If true, explain that your divorce is final.You are concerned about what your child is going through.You want the child to focus on school, activities and friendships.

11. How Parents Can HelpProvide regular, frequent contact with both parents.Assure your child that the noncustodial parent is comfortable in his/her new home. Take a trip to the noncustodial parent’s residence so the child can see this with his own eyes.Explain the reasons for the divorce itself, plans for housing, visitation, and how this will fit in with extracurricular activities.Explain upcoming changes in advance.Never criticize your ex around your child. (Watch your nonverbal cues.)

12. How Parents Can HelpBe in control of your emotions.It’s okay to be sad, even cry, just not for an extended period of time.Don’t try to hide your emotions from them. Your kids will learn to hide their feelings too.Try to maintain a calm, positive attitude, to help your child feel that you are in control.If you feel free because of your divorce, be sensitive. Hosting a “freedom party” may be confusing and hurtful to your children.Establish and stick to a normal daily routine. Maintain consistency.Across both parents’ homes if possibleDon’t break promises.Don’t change things without notice. Anticipate signs of stress.

13. How Parents Can HelpEncourage children to talk about feelings.Talk to teachers, babysitters, etc. about the divorce. Ask how your child is responding and ask to be informed of changes in behavior.Provide support, encouragement and opportunities for friendships, help with school work, and activities.Find ways to allow your child to participate in extracurricular activities, birthday parties, sleepovers, opportunities to develop peer relationships.Find the time to help with school work and homework.Show awareness, concern, and interest in how your child is handling family change.

14. Specific SituationsHandling acting out, inability to focus, withdrawn behaviorsRemember that the child is not trying to make your life miserable. He’s just worried and feeling insecure.Be firm about unacceptable behavior, but generous in offering reassurance, understanding, and support for how the child may be feeling.Ask the child to talk to you about feelings rather than acting out.Ask how you can help the child reduce his worry.Praise improvements in behavior.

15. Specific SituationsGently correct a child who blames every disappointment on the divorce.Acknowledge the child’s feelings and disappointment.Clarify the actual reasons for the disappointment.Provide evidence that the child is loved and cared for.Help the child create a plan to feel better.

16. Symptoms of Hidden SadnessThe childNever mentions the divorce or separationNever mentions the absence of one parentSeems overly eager to helpOften makes comforting statements, “I’m here for you,” “I’ll always love you.”Unfazed by parental conflictUnfazed by missing a planned visitationGeneral lack of emotionLess enthusiastic about people, things, and activities he enjoyed beforeShows a new attraction to sad movies, books and newsLook for symptoms of withdrawal, denial, or depression.

17. Addressing Hidden SadnessInitiate a conversationExplain that sadness is normal and healthy after family changesOffer to listen to the child’s feelingsOffer to help the child to come up with a plan to feel better.

18. Specific SituationsWhen your child becomes fixated on another family’s divorce or tragedyMirror what the child says, realizing that they may be attributing their feelings to others.Ask questions. (Be careful that they are not leading questions).Provide reassuring, honest answers.Remind your child that every family is different.Remind your child that you will always love and be there for them.

19. ReferencesHelping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way. Nueman, M. Gary.What About The Kids? Wallerstein, Judith.