1. Building Healthy
Marriages
© 2002 International Educational Foundation
IEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only
if it has not been altered from the original.
© IEF 1

2. Build Own Character
Strength
A partnership is only as strong
as its partners
 Strengthen conscience through
study and service
 Cultivate good goals,
interests and friendships
© IEF 2

3. Focus on Own
Deficiencies, Not
Spouse’s
Practice self-discipline
© IEF 3

4. Commitment —
Context for Love to
Grow
 Creates safety for
intimacy
 Allows time to
discover spouse
 Never ending
process
© IEF 4

5. Commitment =
Investment in the
Marriage
Close “escape hatches”
 Workaholism
 Preoccupation with child
 Excessive television
 Extramarital affair
Divorce not an option
© IEF 5

6. Fidelity
 Embodies commitment
 Maintains honesty
 Eases fears that block
intimacy
© IEF 6

7. Love — Built on Trust
Trust is built on virtue
 Fidelity
 Commitment
© IEF 7

8. “A marriage that commands
loyalty…requires each partner
to relinquish selfcenteredness.”
Judith S. Wallerstein, The Good Marriage
© IEF 8

9. True Love Is
OtherCentered
True
Love
© IEF 9

10. Love Requires
Investment
Investment &
Involvement
Bonding Power
Sustains &
revives affection
© IEF 10

11. Deposits
 Service
 Kind gestures
 Praise and
appreciation
© IEF 11

12. Invest in the
Marital “Bank
Account”
Become friends
 Build
companionship
 Have fun together
5 deposits for 1
withdrawal
© IEF 12

13. Withdrawals
1. Criticism
2. Personal
attacks
3.
Defensiveness
4. Putting up
© IEF 13

14. Develop Listening
Skills
1. State
2. Reflect
3. Affirm
& clarify
© IEF 14

15. Listening from Spouse’s
Perspective — Effective
 With empathy
 To understand
© IEF 15

16. Common Areas of
Marital Tension




Sex
In-Laws
Finances
Children
© IEF 16

17. Dealing with Anger
 Never use
physical violence
 Allow time for cooling
down
 Get to the root
emotions — Hurt &
fear
© IEF 17

18. Marital Phases
Conflict
Romance
© IEF 18

19. Choices During
Conflict
Separati
on
Resignati
on
Renewed
Commitment
© IEF 19

20. Marital Phases
Creativity
Conflict
Romance
& Service
Recommitment
& Cooperation
© IEF 20

21. Public Service
Strengthens
Marriage
 Spouses support
each other in
service
 Balance public
and family time
© IEF 21

22. “Love does not consist in
gazing at each other but
in looking together in the
same direction.”
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
© IEF 22

23. Happiest Marriages
Interdependent
Interdepende
nt
Not too
dependent
Too independent
© IEF 23

24. Marriage Can Be
Healing and
Restorative
Resolves
psychological
issues
 Childhood scars
 Family history
© IEF 24

25. Marriage Can Be
Transformative
Maturing experience
of adult life
 Creative journey
 Expands heart and
awareness
© IEF 25