Lifespan Development Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven
Being with Others: Forming Relationships
in Young and Middle Adulthood
© 2019 Cengage. All rights reserved.

11.1 Relationship Types and
Issues: Learning Objectives
• What role do friends play across adulthood? How do
they develop?
• What characterizes love relationships? How do they
vary across cultures?
• What is the nature of violence in some
relationships?

Friendships (1 of 2)
• Three themes of friendship
– Affective or emotional: self-disclosure, expressions of
intimacy, appreciation, and support; requires trust and
commitment
– Shared or communal nature: mutual interests
– Sociability and compatibility: source of fun and
entertainment
• Friendship quality: satisfaction one derives from the
relationship

Friendships In Adulthood
• Adult friendships develop over several stages
– Acquaintanceship
– Buildup
– Continuation
– Deterioration
– Ending

Friendships (2 of 2)
• With online friendships, trust is an important factor
and develops on the basis of four sources:
– Reputation
– Performance, or what users do online
– Precommitment (gained through self-disclosure)
– Situational factors

Love Relationships
• Sternberg’s three basic components of love:
– Passion
– Intimacy
– Commitment
• Couples are happier when each feels the same
types of love to a similar degree
• The longer a relationship lasts, the lower its intimacy
and passion, but the greater its commitment

Love Through Adulthood
• Early in romantic relationships: characterizes early
stages of romance when passion is high, but
intimacy and commitment are lower
– Higher divorce rates in couples who marry based
primarily on infatuation
• Assortative mating: selecting one’s partner based
on similarity across many dimensions
– Homogamy: degree to which people are similar;
greater when couples meet through school or a
religious setting

Love Through Adulthood: Speed
Dating and Online Dating (1 of 2)
• Speed dating has become popular
– Date selection and date satisfaction are higher when
the date is attractive, outgoing, self-assured, and
moderately self-focused
• Online dating is more common in the United States
(1 in 5) than other countries (1 in 10–20)
• Physical attractiveness strongly affects partner
selection in online and offline contexts

Love Through Adulthood: Speed
Dating and Online Dating (2 of 2)
• Emerging hookup culture is increasing
– Both men and women are interested in having
hookup sex
– Both men and women prefer a more romantic
relationship
– Three-fourths of both men and women eventually
expressed some level of regret at having hookup sex

Love Through Adulthood: What
Women Want
• Men and women in various cultures display unique
orderings of their preferences. Two main dimensions
emerged:
– Traditional cultures emphasize chastity and
homemaking in women and ambition, industry, and
financial prospects in men
– Western cultures value these qualities to a much
lesser extent
• Nearly all cultures place importance on love and
attraction

Developmental Forces and Love
Relationships
• Love is a function of biopsychosocial forces
• Love is a distinct neurological emotion system, with
different stages of love involving different
neurochemicals
• Erikson: mature love is impossible without a
capacity for intimacy
– The kinds of relationships you saw and experienced
as a child affect how you define and act in
relationships you develop as an adult

Violence in Relationships
• Abusive relationship: when one partner becomes
violent or aggressive
• Battered woman syndrome: when a woman
believes she cannot leave an abusive situation; may
go so far as to kill her abuser
• Aggressive behavior is a continuum (verbal
aggression  physical aggression severe
physical aggression  murder)
• Causes are more numerous and complex as its
severity increases

Causes of Abuse (1 of 2)
Table 11.1. Causes of Abuse in Relationships.
Type of Abuse Causes
Verbal abuse Need to control
Misuse of power
Jealousy
Marital discord
Physical abuse Acceptance of violence as means
of control
Physically aggressive models
Abuse as a child
Aggressive personality style
Alcohol abuse
Severe physical abuse Personality disorders
Emotional swings
Poor self-esteem

Causes of Abuse (2 of 2)
• Culture is also an important contextual factor.
– Violence against women worldwide reflects cultural
traditions
– International data indicate rates of abuse higher in
cultures that emphasize female purity, male status,
and family honor
– Cultures that emphasize honor and portray females
as passive, nurturing supporters of men’s activities
and that emphasize loyalty and sacrifice for the family
may contribute to tolerating abuse

11.2 Lifestyles and Relationships:
Learning Objectives
• What are the challenges and advantages of being
single?
• Why do people cohabit?
• What are LGBTQ relationships like?
• What is marriage like across adulthood?

Singlehood
• 70% of women and 80% of men are single between
the ages of 20 and 24
• Twice as many African Americans as European
Americans are single throughout adulthood
• Men tend to remain single longer than women, but
men are likelier to marry
• Cultures differ in their expectations of marrying and
marriage
• Millennials are remaining single longer and are more
likely to forgo marriage and cohabitate

Cohabitation
• Cohabitation: when two people in a committed,
intimate, sexual relationship live together but are not
married
– In the United States, young adults usually cohabit as a
step toward marriage
– Couples cohabitate part-time as a step toward marriage,
and to replace marriage
– There are cross-cultural differences in cohabitation rates
• Higher in Scandinavian countries
– Couples who cohabitated first have a higher divorce rate,
and tend to be less happy.
– Couples that are happy share financial and child care
responsibilities

Gay and Lesbian Couples
• Most research shows no differences between
homosexual and heterosexual couples on virtually
all dimensions (e.g., relationship issues, satisfaction)
• Gay and lesbian couples report less support from
family than do married or cohabiting couples
• Legalized same-sex marriage has opened up
discussion on end-of-life issues and caregiving

Marriage
• The most important factors in creating stable
marriages are creating a stable sense of identity as
a foundation for intimacy
– Marital success, which is an umbrella term referring
to any marital outcome
– Marital quality, which is a subjective evaluation of the
couple’s relationship
– Marital adjustment, which is the degree to which a
husband and wife accommodate
– Marital satisfaction, which is a global assessment of
one’s marriage

What is a Successful Marriage,
and What Predicts It?
• Marriages are likelier to succeed when:
– Both partners are relatively mature
• This may be why marriages in one’s early 20s or
younger tend to fail
– Homogamy
– Each partner contributes equitably (exchange
theory)
– Couples are honest and committed, they trust and
consult each other, and they make decisions jointly

Do Married Couples Stay Happy?
• Satisfaction (in marriage and cohabitation) is highest
in the beginning, falls until children begin leaving
home, and rises again in later life
• When dependence is more equal, marriage tends to
stay strong and close
• Vulnerability-stress adaptation model: marital
satisfaction is a function of the couple’s ability to
deal with stress, given its vulnerabilities and
resources at each particular point in time

The Early Years of Marriage
• Discussing financial matters, adjusting to
expectations, and good conflict resolution skills are
important in the early years
• Disillusionment and ambivalence are key predictors
of marital dissatisfaction
• Rearing children results in less satisfaction
– Child’s temperament matters
– However, childless couples’ satisfaction declines as
well

Keeping Marriages Happy
• Enduring marital satisfaction is likelier when
couples:
– Are forgiving, understanding, flexible, adaptive, and
available for, and interested in, the other
– Keep the romance alive and express love
– Confide in each other; communicate constructively
and positively
– Share spirituality and/or religious beliefs, particularly
in lower SES groups

11.3 Family Dynamics and the Life
Course: Learning Objectives
• What is it like to be a parent?
• What diverse forms of parenting are there?

Family Dynamics and the Life
Course
• The nuclear family consists only of parents and
children (common in Western societies)
• The extended family consists of parents, children,
grandparents, and other relatives living together
(common in many countries)
– Very strong among Latino families
• Familism: the family’s well-being takes precedence
over an individual family member’s concerns (strong
in lower SES Latino families)

The Parental Role
• Couples are having fewer children and waiting
longer to have them
• Older parents are more at ease, affectionate,
sensitive, and supportive
• More than 70% of women with children under 18 are
employed outside the home and still perform most of
the child rearing tasks
• Men who become fathers in their 30s spend up to 3
times as much time caring for their preschool
children

Deciding Whether to Have
Children
• Deciding whether to have children
– Although having children is stressful and very
expensive, most people do it anyway
– People may decide to stay child-free for a variety of
voluntary and involuntary reasons
– For women, higher levels of education and economic
factors increase the likelihood of remaining child-free
– For men, neither education nor economic factors
predict deciding to remain child-free

Ethnic Diversity and Parenting
• Familism refers to the idea that the well-being of the
family takes precedence over the concerns of
individual family members
– Defining characteristic of Latino families

Diverse Family Forms
• Single Parents
– Single parents are faced with many unique problems,
especially if they are women and divorced
– The main problem is significantly reduced financial
resources
• Single mothers are the hardest hit financially
• Dating is a concern for many divorced single parents

Step-, Foster, Adoptive, and
Same-Sex Couple Parenting
• Foster and adoptive parents are concerned about
how strongly the child will bond with them
• Foster parents have the most difficulty developing
and maintaining bonds with their foster children
• Society resists gays or lesbians having children and
passes laws against it

11.4 Divorce and Remarriage:
Learning Objectives
• Who gets divorced? How does divorce affect
parental relationships with children?
• What are remarriages like? How are they similar to
and different from first marriages?

Divorce
• U.S. couples have a 50/50 chance of divorce and a
60% chance if married between age 20–24
• The U.S. divorce rate is 54.8%
• Asian Americans have the lowest rates of divorce
• African Americans have the highest rates
• Reasons for divorce:
– Infidelity, incompatibility, drinking/drug use, and
growing apart are the most common reasons

Who Gets Divorced and Why?
• Gottman and Levenson developed two models that
predict divorce early and later:
– Negative emotions displayed during conflict between
the couple predict early divorce, but not later divorce
– The lack of positive emotions in a discussion of
events of the day and during conflict predicts later
divorce, but not early divorce

Who Gets Divorced?
• Approaches to increasing the likelihood that
marriages will last include:
– Covenant marriage: expands the marriage contract
to a lifelong commitment within a supportive
community
• Couple will go to counseling
• Grounds for divorce are very restrictive
• Healthy Marriage Initiative
– Stresses marriage’s positive aspects and marital
education

Effects of Divorce on the Couple
• Divorce causes financial and child support problems
for women
• Women who initiate the divorce report self-focused
growth and optimism
• Adjustment to single life is better for people less
preoccupied with, less hostile toward, and more
forgiving of the ex
• Remarriage is less likely for middle-aged or older
women

Relationships with Young Children
• Both parents pay a price for divorce:
– Mothers tend to get custody of children but often lack
sufficient financial resources to support them
– Fathers’ contact with their children is often limited,
and as a result their involvement in their children’s
lives decreases
• Collaborative divorce: voluntary agreement for
couples to negotiate their divorce rather than having
a court impose the terms

Relationships with Adult Children
• Parental divorce negatively affects young adults in
many ways, including their:
– Views on intimate and marital relationships
– Ability to achieve love, sexual intimacy, and
commitment to marriage and parenthood
– Relationships with fathers, while bringing them closer
to their mothers

Remarriage
• On average, men and women wait about 3.5 years
before remarrying
• European Americans, military veterans, and those
with less education remarry more often
• Remarriages have a 25% higher rate of divorce than
original marriages
– Higher rate for remarriages involving stepchildren
• Women are more likely to initiate a divorce, but are
less likely to remarry (unless poor)

Lifespan Development Chapter 11

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