This document discusses how to identify "safe people" versus "unsafe people" in relationships. It identifies three main categories of unsafe people: abandoners, critics, and irresponsibles. Abandoners struggle with commitment and closeness. Critics are overly judgmental and focus on faults. Irresponsibles fail to consider consequences and follow through on commitments. The document provides descriptions of each type and discusses why people may feel drawn to them, as well as questions for discerning relationships and setting healthy boundaries.

1. INTROTO SAFE PEOPLE

2. THOUGHTS - LOVE AND
FREEDOM
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and
do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal
5:1
The women represent two covenants. One covenant is from
Mount Sinai and bears children who are to be slaves:This is
Hagar. Now Hagar stands for Mount Sinai in Arabia and
corresponds to the present city of Jerusalem, because she is in
slavery with her children. But the Jerusalem that is above is free,
and she is our mother. Gal 4:24-26

3. HAVEYOU EVER ASKED?
How can I learn to pick better friends?
Why do I choose people who let me
down?
How did I end up with this critical
boss?
How do I attract irresponsible people?
Why did I invest money with that
unscrupulous person?
What is it about me that draws the
wrong types to me?
Why am I drawn to the wrong types?

4. CHARACTER DISCERNMENT

5. WHAT DO WE WANT IN
Romantic Relationships
Friends
Family
Co Workers
Neighbors
Church and Sunday School
attendees

6. PEOPLE IN REALTROUBLE SAY
THESETHINGS
He doesn’t listen to me.
She is so perfect that she can’t understand my struggles.
He seems so distant that I feel alone.
She always tries to control me.
He makes promises but really doesn’t follow through.
He is condemning and judgmental.
She is always angry at me for something I did or didn’t do.
I tend to be my worst self with him or her. I cannot trust him.

7. DISCERNMENT IS SEPARATING
THE SHEEP AND GOATS
Matthew 25:31-46
How did Jesus determine the
Righteous from the
Unrighteous?
What criteria would you use
for your discernment?
When the Righteous helped
what was the chances that
those helped could return or
do something back?

8. WE CHOOSE PEOPLE BASED ON
OUTWARD APPEARANCE
Then experience the inside of them.
We look at worldly success, charm, looks, humor, status and
education, accomplishments, talents and giftedness, or religious
activity.
But then we experience the pain of being in a real relationship
with them, and come up very empty-handed.

9. WHO ARETHE BAD GUYS

10. THE BAD GUYS
In real life the Bad Guys are not all that easy to spot.
The most dangerous people are those that appear Good, they are often
winsome, Charming and offer the promise of great friends or more.
Their Character Problems are often very Subtle.
There are many kinds of Unsafe People, many of them fall under three
categories
The Abandoners
The Critics
The Irresponsibles

11. ABANDONERS
These people tend to be people who have been abandoned.
Nice guys/gals - Where’d they go? They can start relationships but
they can’t finish it.
Often afraid of true closeness they prefer shallow acquaintances
Or they are looking for perfect friends and leave when the going
gets tough
Being in relationships with this type can destroy our ability to
trust and become afraid of closeness also.

12. They take the parental role with
everyone they know.
Judgmental, speaking the truth
without love and no room for
grace or forgiveness
Critics focus on confronting error
rather than making connections,
often jumping on doctrinal or
ethical bandwagons and
neglecting issue of love,
compassion and forgiveness
Confuses weakness with
sinfulness, therefore condemning
others for simple problems.
Pointing fingers at other but
seldom at themselves.

13. Critics tending to be clear
thinkers with good
information but in
relationship it becomes
poisoned with judgmentalism.
People drawn to critics find
relief in their clarity of
thought but find themselves
ridden with guilt, compliant
and unable to make mistakes
without tremendous anxiety

14. IRRESPONSIBLE
People who don’t take care of
themselves or others.
They have problems with delaying
gratification.
They don’t consider the consequences
of their actions.
They don’t follow through on their
commitments.
They are like grown-up children.
If you depend on them to do what
they say, you can end up in financial,
functional, and emotional trouble.

15. IFYOU ARE DRAWNTO
IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE
You pick up after them.
You apologize to others for them.
You make excuses for them.
You give them chance after
chance after chance.
You pay for their sins and
forgetfulness.
You nag them.
You resent them.

16. I LIKE IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE
They are often caring, warm
and fun loving people.
Help me notice what’s going
on in life today instead of
worrying about tomorrow. No
place in their head for
tomorrow.
Often empathetic and
understanding
I just don’t trust them.

17. I LIKE IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE
The irresponsible’s lack of
dependability can cause us
many problems, ranging from
making us wait for her at a
restaurant to losing a crucial
business deal because he didn’t
get the documentation in on
time.
“Better to meet a bear robbed
of her cubs than a fool in his
folly” Prov (17:12).

18. I LIKE IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE
Because the irresponsible has
problems in delaying gratification, he or
she often becomes alcoholic, addicted
to sexual gratification, and in debt.
You may be providing a safety net for
an irresponsible. For some reason, you
end up paying for his or her problems.
We could be talking about a friend, an
adult child, a spouse, or a business
relationship.
For every irresponsible, there is an
enabler, someone who protects them.

19. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
What are legitimate boundaries?
What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or
money?
What can I do to pick better friends and people in my life?
How have I ended up with some unsafe people in my life?
What type did you find yourself in the tree types.What type do
you find yourself drawn to.