This document discusses domestic violence and the church's role in addressing it. It defines domestic violence and sexual assault, provides possible signs and forms of abuse. Statistics on the prevalence of abuse are presented. The document examines what the Bible says about how men should treat their wives, emphasizing love and respect. It advises that safety is the top priority and outlines prevention tips, noting church leaders must apply scripture in full context rather than isolation when responding to abuse situations.

1. Domestic Violence &
The Church
Understanding God and Our role

2. Domestic Violence/Abuse Defined
• A pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over
another person through fear and intimidation, often including the
threat or use of violence.

3. Possible Signs of Domestic Violence/Abuse
Exerting strict control (financial, social and/or appearance).
Needing constant contact including excessive texts and calls.
Insulting a partner in front of other people.
Extreme jealousy.
Showing fear around a partner.
Isolation from family and friends.
Frequent canceling of plans at the last minute.
Unexplained injuries or explanations that don’t quite add up.

4. Sexual Assault Defined
• A crime motivated by a need to control, humiliate and harm. Perpetrators
use sexual assault as a weapon to hurt and dominate others. Sexual assault is
forced or coerced sexual contact without consent. Consent is the presence of
a clear yes, not the absence of a no.

5. Possible Forms of Sexual Assault
 Rape
 Incest
 Child Sexual Abuse/Molestation
 Oral sex
 Harassment
 Exposing/flashing
 Forcing a person to pose for sexual pictures
 Fondling or unwanted sexual touching above and under clothing
 Force which may include but is not limited to:
• Use or display of a weapon
• Physical battering
• Immobilization of the victim

6. Just The Stats
 1 in 3 women (33%) and 1 in 4 men (25%) experience violence from their partners in their lifetimes.
 1 in 3 teens (33%) experience sexual or physical abuse or threats from a boyfriend or girlfriend in one
year.
 1 in 5 women (20%) are survivors of rape.
 1 in 2 women (50%) and 1 in 5 (20%) men have experienced some form of sexual violence in their
lives.
 1 in 4 women (25%) and 1 in 6 men (17%) were sexually abused before the age of 18.
 12.7 million people (4%) are physically abused, raped or stalked by their partners in one
year…approximately the population of New York City & Los Angeles Combined
 That's 24 people every minute…2,160 by the time we complete an 1 1/2 show

7. Important Points
 The decision to leave your marriage or personal relationship is one that you need to make personally and pray to
God about…but stay safe
 Prevention is better than planning an escape plan…prior to entering a relationship there are probably indicators to
a person's behavior that were cute at the time or ignored by love…don't ignore the signs
 Honor your marriage, but seek help…again the choice to leave your marriage is a deeply personal one, but being
abused is not suffering for Christ sake
 Don't make excuses for staying, but do check your motives…evaluate your situation with professional, unbiased
help
 Safety first…safety for you, safety for children, if they are involved
 There is never a good reason for someone to abuse or assault you
 You matter…you matter to God, you matter to Christ, you matter to us

8. So What Does God Have To Say?
Malachi 2:13-17 shares the very heart of how God feels about how men treat their wives and I believe it to be true of women in general.
 Verse 13 indicates a pattern…"ye have done again, covering the alter of the Lord with tears"…pattern of what?
 Verse 14 tells us it about how he, the husband, has dealt with his wife "treacherously"…his companion and wife of covenant…this is
important…
• Treachery can be infidelity, abuse and violence…the scripture references that at least part of the treachery being referenced is violence, because the
husband attempts to cover it up with his garments…what garments?:
• His stature
• His charisma
• His education
• This tells me that God is speaking to people who are in the church…it is possible to be saved by grace, but allow your anger to cause you to sin…to
do something that God tells you not to do is a sin
 Verse 15 tells you to, "take heed to your spirit"
• What's in you that would cause you to deal treacherously with your spouse? Where is your wall damaged? (Proverbs 25:28 He that hath no rule over
his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls

9. So What Does God Have To Say?
(cont’d)
• Verse 16 speaks to one who tries to put his wife away because of his treachery and God again advises
to "take heed to your spirit". Why? Because he needs to examine why he is doing something to harm
his own flesh…what are his motives?
• Ephesians 5:25…Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he
might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the
washing of water by the word; That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or
any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish; So ought men to love their wives as their own
bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself; For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and
cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church
• Verse 17 speaks to how weary God is regarding the attempt of the abuser to justify their actions. God
is looking for action that supports the words.
o 17 Ye have wearied the LORD with your words.

10. So What Is The Response?
1 Corinthians 7:12-16
Let’s focus on the word “Pleased”
o 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be
pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband
that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the
unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the
husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart,
let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to
peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest
thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

11. The Word Pleased Defined and What It
Means
o To give enjoyment, pleasure, or satisfaction to; make glad or contented
o To give satisfaction or pleasure; be agreeable
o Consent, agree, am of one mind with, am willing
o Enthusiastically agree to cooperate with a partner to reach solutions, i.e. to achieve the things
both have committed to do together
A person who is pleased to dwell with their spouse is not abusing them…no excuses
If they demonstrate their displeasure, meaning that they are not pleased to dwell with
you, and they leave…stop taking them back

12. Understanding A Ministers Response to The
Matter
• When a minister is faced with this uncomfortable topic it is natural for them to default back
to marital based scriptures and the belief that God does not condone divorce.
• The problem is often these scriptures are applied in isolation, which causes leaders to error
when addressing the problem.
• Examples:
• Matthew 19:3-9, with an emphasis on verses 8 & 9 as the stated, allowable reasons for divorce, if left alone
does not include abuse.
• 1 Peter 3:1-6, focuses on the wife remaining in subjection to her husband. If left alone, this can mean if you
suffer in silence and stay in obedience that perhaps one day your husband will change his mind.
• Ephesians 5:22-24, again encourages wives to submit to their husbands.

13. Scriptures that Provide Context to The
Examples
• When you look at the scriptures provided in the previous examples in isolation, you lose context. However,
when you consider the scriptures below, you understand that there is an expectation on the husband.
• 1 Peter 3:7 admonishes husbands to:
• “Dwell with them [wives] according to knowledge”
• “Giving honor unto the wife”
• Ephesians 5:28-29; 33 reminds the man that his wife is an extension of his own body and that he should
“nourish and cherish” her and love her, as his own body.
• The scripture clearly demonstrates how God expects a husband to treat his wife. As a representative of
Christ in marital relationship, Christ did not strike his bride, nor should man strike woman!

14. Prevention & Safety
• Ultimately, prevention is the key. We must educate people on the signs of those who may have a slant
towards being an abuser. Here are some tips:
o Don't enable by taking the blame for his actions…there are some things to understand about men, that should
concern you more in an insecure man
o Don't let your natural nurturing instinct, override our skills of observation and intuition
o Don't make a man responsible for you before he becomes your husband…pay your own way…men are territorial
o If you have ever been in an abusive relationship, be healed before going into another one or you run the risk of
recurrence…avoid default behavior
o Don't let people use to topic lightly or to use it as a weapon…it detracts from those who really fall into the
situation
o Learn to identify the signs and take safe action