PCM: Distress and Conflict

Kahler Communications Inc. Process Communication Model ®
© 1996, 2016 Kahler Communications, Inc.
1

8. PSYCHOLOGICAL  
NEEDS
2
9 – PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

DEFINITION – PSYCHOLOGICAL NEED
A Psychological Need is a strong desire that we seek to satisfy
consciously or unconsciously
.

• Psychological needs are our motivation in lif
e

• Key to our elevator energ
y

• Our responsibility to meet our own, and invite others to meet their
s

• Experienced at the phase
3

EIGHT PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS
4
• RECOGNITION OF PERSON

• SENSORY

• TIME STRUCTURE

• RECOGNITION OF WORK

• CONVICTIONS
• SOLITUDE

• INCIDENCE

• PLAYFUL CONTACT

PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS
5
10 – PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS AND PHASE
PSYCH. NEED POSITIVE SATISFACTION NEGATIVE SATISFACTION
Stake our work. Plan our day.
TIME STRUCTURE
Knowing that the quality and quantity of
our work is recognized.
Be recognized for our commitment.
RECOGNITION OF
WORK
Feel respected and know that our
opinion is sought for.
CONVICTIONS Lecture others, crusade, pushing own opinion
insistently. Impose our beliefs.
Stop taking care of your r5 senses.
SENSORY
Have a place and allowing yourself to
withdraw when needed. Take alone
time.
Withdrawing and not communicating with others
for long periods of time even though feeling
lonely. Being absent when present.
SOLITUDE
Manipulate. Make mischief. Ignore or break the
rules.
INCIDENCE
Energetic contacts, variety and fun. Provoke. Blame. « Growl ».
PLAYFUL CONTACT
Be appreciated for the person you are. Make involuntary mistakes which discredit us.
Invite criticism.
RECOGNITION OF
PERSON
Satisfy your 5 senses.
Experience a lot of excitement over a
short period of time.
Become rigid about schedules and deadlines.
Criticizing the lack of competence of others. Over-
control.
Attack others about their lack of involvement in
their mission.

 
DISTRESS
6
12 – MISCOMMUNICATION

7
- / - - / +
+ / - + / +
Doorway of Distres
s

1st DEGREE
Basement of Distres
s

2nd DEGREE
Basement of Distres
s

2nd DEGREE
Cellar of Distres
s

3rd DEGREE
THE THREE DEGREES OF MISCOMMUNICATION

FIRST DEGREE (the doorway/ the
driver)
8
12 – MISCOMMUNICATION

DEFINITION - DRIVER
A Driver is a coherent set of verbal and / or non-verbal signals
indicating a conditional life position:

« I am only worthwhile as long as I … »

or « You are only worthwhile as long as you… »
Their manifestation may last only a few seconds. It indicates a first
level of distress.
9
2 - DRIVERS

10
- / - - / +
+ / - + / +
Doorway of Distres
s

1st DEGREE
“I am only
worthwhile
as long as
I…

“You are
only
worthwhile
as long as
you…
”

DOORWAY OF DISTRESS – 1st DEGREE
11
2 - DRIVERS
Uses big words, over explains, over
qualifies.
Uses big words, expects others to
be perfect, asks complicated
questions.
Over-adapts to others, doesn’t ask
directly for things.
THINKER
PERSISTER
HARMONIZER
PHASE SECOND-BY-SECOND
BEHAVIOR
Does not delegate
Focuses on what is wrong,
not what is right
Becomes too wishy-washy in
decision making
LONGER TERM
MANAGEMENT BEHAVIOR
DRIVER
Be Perfec
t

(for you)
Be Perfec
t

(for me)
Please you
IMAGINER
Does not answer questions directly,
« uh, huh? ». Invites others to
« do » or to « think » for them.
Says « you » when meaning « I ».
Invites others to believe they are
not in charge of their emotions or
thoughts.
Believes that things or people are
in charge of their thoughts or
emotions.
REBEL
PROMOTER
Delegates inappropriately
and without direction
Expects others to fend for
themselves
Withdraws and spins wheels
Be Stron
g

(for you)
Try har
d

(for you)
Be Strong  
(for me)

 
13. DISTRESS SEQUENCE
12
14 – DISTRESS SEQUENCE

13
- / - - / +
+ / - + / +
Doorway of Distres
s

1st DEGREE
“I am only
worthwhile
as long as
I…

“You are
only
worthwhile
as long as
you…
”

1
2
Leave the cond
o

Failure Mechanism
s

2st DEGREE
Unconscious
behaviors that are a
consequence of us
seeking the
satisfaction of our
psychological needs
in a negative way
.

3
3rd DEGREE

THINKER DISTRESS SEQUENCE
14
14– DISTRESS SEQUENCE
1ST DEGREE
▪ WORDS : Over qualifying when
making a statement or responding
to a question. 
“I’m not exactly sure…”
▪ BEHAVIOR: Does not delegate well.
2ND DEGREE
I have to be
perfect
Over controls
FAILURE
MECHANISM
RECOGNITION OF WORK
!Knowing that the quality and quantity of our work
is recognized.
"Criticizing the lack of competence of others.
Over-control.
TIME STRUCTURE
!Define our work. Plan our day
.

"Become rigid about schedules and deadlines.
frustrated anger
COVER UP
EMOTION
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I component

PERSISTER DISTRESS SEQUENCE
15
You have to be perfect
1ST DEGREE
▪ WORDS: Over-qualifying when
asking a question. 
“What exactly do you mean?”
▪ BEHAVIOR: Focuses on what is
wrong, rather than what is right.
2ND DEGREE
RECOGNITION OF WORK
!Be recognized for our commitment.
"Attack others about their lack of involvement in their
mission. Becomes critical, arrogant, suspicious.
CONVICTIONS
!Feel respected and know that our opinion is sought
for.
"Lecture others, crusade, pushing own opinion
insistently. Impose our beliefs. Frustrated with
those who do not believe the same.
Pushes Beliefs
FAILURE
MECHANISM
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I trustworthy?
righteous anger
COVER UP
EMOTION

HARMONIZER DISTRESS SEQUENCE
16
1ST DEGREE ▪ WORDS : Uses reducing words.  
“You know…, maybe…, sorta…,
could you…”
▪ BEHAVIOR: Over-adapts in attempt to
please. Too wishy-washy in
decisions.
I have to please
you
2ND DEGREE
Makes mistakes
FAILURE
MECHANISM
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I lovable (Could
anyone love
someone like me?)
Sadness
COVER UP
EMOTION
RECOGNITION OF PERSON
!Be appreciated for the person you are.
"Make involuntary mistakes which discredit us.
Invite criticism. Feels like a victim and
dramatizes.Denigrates self. Shows self-doubt.
SENSORY
!Satisfy your 5 senses.
"Stop taking care of your 5 senses..

IMAGINER DISTRESS SEQUENCE
17
1ST DEGREE ▪ WORDS: “It occurred to me.…” “It
came to me.…”
▪ BEHAVIOR: Spreads self too thin.
I have to be
strong
SOLITUDE
!Have a place and allowing yourself to withdraw when
needed. Take alone time.
"Withdrawing and not communicating with others for long
periods of time even though feeling lonely.  
Being absent when present
.

"Starts projects but does not finish them
.

"Feels inadequate or embarrassed.
2ND DEGREE
Passively Waits
FAILURE
MECHANISM
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I wanted?
No feeling
COVER UP
EMOTION

REBEL DISTRESS SEQUENCE
18
1ST DEGREE
2ND DEGREE
I have to try hard
▪ WORDS: “Huh?” “I can’t.…” “I don’t
get it.”
▪ BEHAVIOR: Invites others to do the
thinking and make the decisions.
PLAYFUL CONTACT
!Energetic contacts, have lots of variety and fun.
"Provoke. Blame. « Growl ».Negative and complaining. “Yes, but
”

"Easily bored or vengeful
Blames
FAILURE
MECHANISM
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I acceptable (as
I am)?
Vengeful blaming
COVER UP
EMOTION

PROMOTER DISTRESS SEQUENCE
19
You have to be strong
1ST DEGREE ▪ WORDS: “You… (when talking
about self)”.
▪ BEHAVIOR: Expects others to be
strong. Has an attitude of “fend for
yourself”.
INCIDENCE
!Experience a lot of excitement over a short period of
time.
"Manipulate. Make mischief. Ignore or break the rules.
Creates negative drama. Becomes vindictive.
2ND DEGREE
Manipulates
FAILURE
MECHANISM
EXISTENTIAL
QUESTION:
Am I alive?
Vindictive blaming
COVER UP
EMOTION

PCM: Distress and Conflict

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