Rhonda Begos discusses her life journey from childhood abuse and trauma to recovery. As a child, she was sexually abused multiple times but adults did not help when she reported it. This led to struggles with substance abuse, mental health issues, and dysfunctional relationships as an adult. Through therapy, she was able to understand how the abuse impacted her. Key to her recovery was acknowledging, believing, and processing the abuse; learning coping strategies; and regaining a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth. She now helps others as a speaker and advocate.

1. Brain Behind, Body Forward
Rhonda Begos
Rhonda Begos Speaks
www.rhondabegos.com
Milwaukee, WI
April 14, 2015

2. Who Am I – Today
• Rhonda Begos – 46 year old
• Singer
• Single mom
• Musician, full time worker, volunteer,
• Non drinker, non partier, but I still have fun
• Will be a wife shortly
• Public speaker
• Advocate for children and victims of abuse

3. Who I WAS
• Almost died from drinking
• Suffered from severe claustrophobia
• Fears I didn’t understand
• Extreme substance abuse
• Very angry and combative
• Nightmares
• Hopelessness and despair

4. Who I WAS
• Diagnosed with juvenile (Type I) diabetes in 1983
• Relationships of any kind were unbelievably difficult to maintain
• Became physically self abusive in my sexual behavior
• Could not hold down a job where authority felt overbearing
• Severe depression
• Didn’t know what a “normal” life was
• Became worse after having children
• Had no idea where behavior was coming from

5. Childhood
• Life began in a confusing fashion
• No one to answer my questions
• Didn’t understand what was happening
• Didn’t understand the difference in my life and the lives of others, but
I knew it wasn’t the same
• Felt ostracized because of my color
• Wanted desperately to fit in
• Very Low Self Esteem

6. The Abuse
• First sexual abuse episode
• Didn’t know what was happening
• Couldn’t separate myself from the situation
• Knew something wasn’t right, but wasn’t sure what
• Did the right thing and told an older sibling
• I told my sister right away
• Directed by sister to tell her in front of brother in law – I did
• Expected to be saved
• Nothing happened

7. The Abuse
• First mental signs of dysfunction appear
• Combativeness in school
• Authority wasn’t tolerated
• Desperate for attention – wanted to tell someone but couldn’t felt too afraid
• Didn't understand the response from adults
• Not trusting adults began to infiltrate my life
• ON the other side, if anyone showed me affection and acceptance, I
began to cling to them immediately
• Began to equate love with being sexually available

8. The Abuse
• Second abuse episode happened
• Disassociation began
• Second incident was more violent
• My belief that adults would protect me was gone
• Did not believe life would ever be different than what had already been
established
• Never told anyone until I turned 17
• My brain took a back seat to understanding why my behavior was
abnormal
• My body began to react outwardly to what was happening inwardly

9. Early Adult Life
• Began experimenting with drugs as early as 14
• Became angry and combative with family members and could not
make the connection
• Was asked by a family member if the first incident of abuse could
have been provoked by the way I was dressed; that's when I revealed
the second incident
• Wanted to leave home to escape
• Was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted

10. Early Adult Life
• Began drinking as soon as I got to college – even though I TOLD myself
I would never drink and/or smoke
• The only way to connect with a man was physically
• Couldn’t connect emotionally – if someone did connect emotionally, I
sabotaged it – friendship, or romantically
• Never received my degree
• Moved from Boston to Milwaukee – broke and broken

11. Late Adult Life
• Met my first husband and expected to be "saved"
• Was desperate to be understood and validated
• Intellectually put together; understood many things; could make no
sense of my behavior and thought process
• Anger began to take over
• Behavior became increasingly worse after birth of first son
• Drinking and bad behavior became a way of life
• When abuse was revealed, society said "get over it"

12. Late Adult Life
• August 4, 2004
• Finally got help – realized that being pharmaceutically medicated was
not the route
• Began to put puzzle pieces together – claustrophobia, fear of
commitment, substance abuse, problems with authority, self esteem,
anger, fear of good, trust, self destruction – all began to make sense
• Several years to find the right therapist
• Surround myself around those who either understood or were trying
to understand what I was going through

13. Late Adult Life
Health Issues Experienced
• Allergies
• Circulation problems
• Stomach and gastric disturbances
• Unexplained severe migraines
• Insomnia
• Rapid heartbeat and severe anxiety
• Acid reflux disease
• Some PTSD symptoms

14. Late Adult Life
Health Issues Experienced
• Eating disorders
• Autoimmune disorders (i.e., diabetes) (OR =4.4 (1.7, 11.6))
• Heart disease (OR = 3.7 (1.5, 9.4))
• Arthritic disorders (OR= 1.5 (1.1, 2.2))
• Peptic ulcers (OR= 1.5 (1.03, 2.2))
• Lung disease (OR= 1.5 (1.1, 2.2))
• Acid reflux disease
Bullet 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15259836 - Association between childhood trauma and physical disorders among adults in the United States

15. Essential Process
• Victim must acknowledge abuse
• Victim must be committed to professional care
• Victim must re-experience their episode (so episode can slowly die)
• Victim must be ACKNOWLEDGED and BELIEVED
• Victim must be listened to
• Victim must be given efficient tools to deal with their abuse
• Victim must be dealt with honestly and openly
• Victim must be given strategies to transfer to the NOW and escape
the THEN

16. Essential Process
• Victim must be allowed to feel
• Victim must be comforted
• Victim must be respected
• Victim must be told they are not alone
• Victim must be shown how the behavior and episode(s) are related
• Victim must take responsibility for their behavior, but given reasons
for why the behavior happens
• Victim must be told that feelings may never go away, but that there
are tools to deal with those feelings
• Victim must be shown new ways to live peacefully

17. Essential Process
• Victim must be handled as the abused child and not the adult
• When a victim is allowed to BE….their brains are able to catch up with
what their bodies have been automatically, but dysfunctionally, been
looking for:
• Acknowledgement
• Acceptance
• Belief
• Love
• DO NOT REVICTIMIZE by MISDIAGNOSIS

18. Scenario 1:
In the middle of a conversation with an family member, it is revealed to
you that she/he was abused by another family member who you know.
She/he explains in detail and with extreme emotion, what happened to
her/him as a child. She/he then reveals that it happened on multiple
occasions.
The victim also explains that the appropriate adults were told about
the abuse, but nothing ever was done about the perpetrator.
WHAT DO YOU DO?

19. Scenario 2:
You suspect that a very close friend of yours has suffered some sort of
abuse in their past. In conversation, you ask your friend if something
ever happened, and he/she says to you “Something did happen, but I
got over it.”
His/her behavior suggest otherwise, and you believe that he/she would
benefit from getting help.
WHAT DO YOU DO?

20. Scenario 3:
A patient who has a myriad of emotional and mental dysfunctions, i.e.,
borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, extreme
anxiety, finally reveals after years of therapy that childhood sexual
trauma has occurred in his/her past. She/he has not experienced any
improvement in the treatment as far as medications, and traditional
therapy as it happens in session modes.
All of his/her behavior is classic textbook behavior for someone who
has been sexually abused in their past.
WHAT DO YOU DO?

21. THANK YOU - QUESTIONS
Rhonda Begos
Rhonda Begos Speaks
www.rhondabegos.com
Milwaukee, WI
April 14, 2015