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Terry Howard, "Process to Resilience"
1. Process toRESILIENCE
Journey of gay men
experiencing IPV to self-realization
Terry Howard; John Oliffe; Estephanie Sta. Maria; Christina Han
UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
2. IPV:
Intimate Partner
Violence
• IPV is not entirely a women’s health issue
• 500, 000 gay men per year are IPV victims
• Manydo not seek help
• Manycannotfindhelp
• Many are challenged to find help
» As a result, reliance on their own resilience is key
3. OUR RESEARCH
To describe connections
between IPV, resilience, and
masculinities in the context of
gay men.
Specifically exploring gay men’s resilience – how they
overcome intimate partner mistreatment and
violence, and positively move on with their lives.
4. • 10 Vancouver-based male
DEMOGRAPHIC
participants
• Between 37and57years-old
• Self identified bisexual(n=2) orgay
(n=8)
• Professional help for IPV issues
• Received help(n=7)
• Did not receive help (n=3)
• Tested HIV positive(n=4)
• All have/ have had physical &
mental health concerns
5. FOUR CORE THEMES
1. Recurring Negativity
2. Realizing a way out
3. Bouncing back
4. Proceeding with caution
6. RECURRING NEGATIVITY
“It brings back bad memories about my relationship and
reminds me what I could’ve done different… and if I only did
this better, if I only did that better, if I only did this at all…”
• Childhood experience
• Abusive experience
• Maladaptive coping mechanisms
and its consequences
“I do tend to go to umm alcohol and… it makes matters
more worse if and when I do these to escape… it
doesn’t help, and when I do that, it just brings me down
more”
7. REALIZING A WAY OUT
• Evaluating the situation
“…I realized I wasn’t alone…and there were many other people in the same place as I was
in emotionally, physically, and mentally”
• Evaluating partner(s)
“I’ve learned that too, you know this is the same…you go out to clubs and stuff, you
know there’s gonna be a lot of people looking around, jealous. There’s a lot of jealousy in
that gay scene as far as I’m concerned”
• Evaluating society/ gender norms
“Cute guy, has a drinking problem, and almost choked me to death”
“Well I’m sure he knew that I didn’t have very high sense of self-esteem at the
time…probably it’s because I thought…I couldn’t do better than him. I just didn’t feel very
you know…the fact being HIV positive”
• Evaluating self
“nobody deserves to be in an abusive relationship,…there’s always a way out of it”
“It was when I realized I deserve better than what I had before”
8. BOUNCING BACK
• How they left the situation
“I go to Dr. Peter Centre and they do have counselors there …meet with them and have
a sit-down talk with them.. they’re very helpful and understanding”
• Current view of ex-partner(s)
“ forgiving myself, forgiving my partner, and trying to move on”
• Current view of society/ gender norms
“I find, I feel, women have more…outlets to go…they’re taken care of more….I don’t
know why, men are, you know, weak too”
• Current view of self
“I find it that changing my life, doing these things for myself…it’s bettering myself
and… I find it that there’s a lot more to live for”
9. PROCEEDING
WITH CAUTION
Description of future self
“I became more aware that I deserve way better than
what I experienced”
“I’m more cautious now… I’m able to give advice to
others now”
“That’s the exciting part.. I am just discovering a whole
new self”
10. “Resilience?… it’s like Teflon
…yeah nothing’s gonna stick… I
could navigate through anything and
come out the other side feeling good
about myself, my actions”
11. DISCUSSION
• Internal factorswithin you
Forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, optimism, hu
mor, strong-willed, positive self-talk, etc…
• External factors outside you
Support groups, Exercise, Pyschotherapy, Three
Bridges, Coast Mental Health, Positive Living, Dr. Peter’s
Centre,
BC Housing, Friends, Health Professionals, etc…
12. RECOMMENDATION
• Support groups exclusive for battered men
• Couples counseling for gay relationships
• Shelter for battered men
Gay men often rely on their resilience which is the key to empowering them to sustain as well as eventually overcome IPV to regain a sense of balance and well-being.Resilience refers to the ability to positively recover from any negative disturbance. Resilience is positively coping with stress and adversity, in order to regain a sense of balance and wellbeing, from a previously experienced negative situation.We conducted a qualitative interview study to explore the connections between IPV, resilience and masculinities among gay men, to better understand the processes participants used to away from IPV.
10 male participants were recruited from Vancouver-based agencies that serve gay men and community (i.e. Positive Living Society of BC). In-depth, semi-structured individual interviews were conducted (honorarium provided for their contributions to the research)10 vancouver-based malesBorn in canada (n=9)Born outisdecanadan (n=1)Mean age: 47, Age range: 37 to 57 years-oldSingle/ Never married (n=9), divorced (n=1)Currently living alone (n=7), cohabiting (n=3)Caucasian/Euro/American (n=9), First Nations (n=1)Bisexual (n=2), gay (n=8)Education status: not completed high school (n=1), completed highschool (n=5), completed postsecondary (n=3)Professional help received (n=7) includes attending support groups, medication, hospitalization, and counselingHealth concerns include: depression, anxiety, addiction, stroke, arthritis, HIV, bruises, etc.
Our study found 4 core themes participants addressed in their interview, when asked about their IPV and resilience Recurring Negativity Realizing way out Bouncing back Proceeding with cautions
Recurring negativityrefers to the recurring negative actions and thoughts within the participant as a result of IPV experienced Examples of recurring negativities:Dwelling on the past negative experienceOver indulging on self pity Negative internalizations RegretsDepression Suicidal tendenciesMaladaptive coping mechanisms (i.e. alcohol, drugs, sex)1. childhood experience – any childhood experience(s) that may have contributed to being tolerant of violence/ abuse in relationships (e.g. experiencing abuse as a child, witnessing domestic violence, etc.)2. abusive experience – refers to abusive relationship(s) they have experiencedTheir abusive experience(s) has caused them to evaluate connections between their self, partner(s), and society Self evaluation: views self as weak, lacking assertiveness, low self esteem, “it’s my fault”Partner(s) evaluation: insecure, jealous, possessive, violent, domineeringSociety evaluation: jealous is prevalent in gay communities, society if judgmental3. maladapative coping mechanism used and its consequences(i.e. alcohol, sex, drugs) – used as a means of coping mechanism and escape, but later proved to be detrimental to self
Realizing way out - The realization and awareness of their maladaptive behaviors and the cyclical nature of IPV were essential catalysts to moving forward from their past- Upon realization and awareness, again they evaluate their past situation, their partner(s), society, and self, in a positive light. Examples indicating “realizing way out” Awareness of nature of violence Self realization Emergence of self-worthChange from negative to positive coping mechanisms and cognitive strategies (i.e accessing support groups and doing away with maladaptive behaviors)Change of attitude
Bouncing back Addresses how they overcome IPV experienced and their present outlook on life How they left the situation Addresses the strategies used in order to cope and move on positively with their lives E.g. being determine and proactive ; accessing external support from health professionals and organizations 2. Current view of ex-partner(s) Some participants consider them as friends, while others have completely dissociated themselves from themAll participants say that they are now more cautious of others and their surroundings 3. Current view of society/ gender norms Addresses participants’ varying perception of resilience across gender Most believe that women have access to a lot more resources, receive more support and sympathy in terms of violence/abuse. 4. Current view of self Current view of self is positive (e.g. assertive, proactive, strong, able to defend self, resilient, motivated)
Proceeding with cautions As they proceed with caution into the future, the need to sustain optimism and positive coping strategies were stressed. Also, being cautious of self and others were said. Description of future self addresses how they view themselves and how they plan to conduct themselves in the future, as a result of their past, negative experience(s). Future plans include: Self enhancing goals Being of help to other victims of abuseBeing cautious of any potential “new” relationship
A memorable quote from the interview, describing a participants perception of resilience.
Internal and external factors accompanying the theme of resilience was addressed throughout the interview Internal factors “within you” include: Forgiveness of self and others AcceptanceOptimismLoveCompassionEmphathyUnderstanding Determination Being able to dismiss negative thoughtsPositive self-talkSelf assertion HumorEtc… External factors “outside you” include:Support groups, meditation groups, spiritual groupsExerciseFriends and family St. Peter’s Centre, St. Paul’s HospitalThree Bridges, PWA, AA, NAA, Coast Mental Health, Positive Living, AIDS VancouverBC Housing, Health professionals, Police Etc…
These 3 recommendations were derived from the interview as resources/supports participants wished they had access to during the course of their IPVSupport group exclusive for battered men Couples counseling for gay relationshipsShelter for battered men (especially when these men are being kicked out of their homes by their partners) Other recommendations addressed in the interviews were: Financial resourcesEmployment servicesAlso, some may prefer support groups as a means of therapy but others find that 1-on-1 counseling would be more suitable for them (they found listening to other IPV victims in support group meetings as a very depressing environment to be in)
