1. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
James and Neil sit together at a bus stop.
JAMES
Being single really sucks, man.
NEIL
It's not so bad.
JAMES
Easy for you to say. You've had
relationships.
NEIL
Yeah and I hated them, didn't I.
JAMES
Why?
NEIL
Didn't have any time for my mates.
JAMES
I'd have time.
NEIL
Nah. You don't want a girlfriend.
Don't get one.
JAMES
I do want one. I just can't talk to
girls. Or anyone really. Besides
you.
NEIL
Oranges are not the only fruit,
mate.
JAMES
Um. Yeah.
NEIL
Definitely not the only fruit.
INT. A NICE RESTAURANT - EVENING
James hangs up on Neil. James, approximately 18 years old,
sits alone at a restaurants booth. He is wearing a suit and
tie. He looks awkward, uncomfortable and alone. Clearly
nervous, he constantly adjusts his tie, checks his watch and
checks his underarms for sweat. He stares down at the table
and plays with his headset, muttering nervously under his
breath.
JAMES
Pull yourself together, man. Come
on, James. You can do this.
A shadow falls over him and he looks up with shock, quickly
shoving the headset into his pocket. We see Liza, also
around 17 or 18. She's a cute, girl-next-door type. Not
knockout gorgeous but pretty and friendly. She's not quite
2. as smartly dressed as James, but she is wearing a modest
dress and light makeup. She looks at James, slightly nervous
about catching him talking to himself.
LIZA
Uh, sorry I'm late. The train was
delayed.
JAMES
(stammering)
No, no, don't worry. Hi. Hi, hey,
how are you?
James leaps up to take her coat, before realising there's
nowhere for him to put it, so he simply hands it back to
her.
LIZA
I'm fine. And you?
JAMES
Yeah, good, yeah.
He gestures to her seat awkwardly and she sits, him
following suit opposite her.
There is a silence.
LIZA
So,
JAMES
(simultaneously)
I-
LIZA
Sorry, you go.
JAMES
Uh, thanks for coming. Sorry, I
didn't, I mean. Um, I wanted to ask
in person, but, um, You know, it
was easier... Over text.
LIZA
Oh, don't worry. Thanks for asking.
JAMES
Yeah. Uh, no, it's... you're
welcome.
Another silence.
JAMES
So, uh, what were you going to say?
LIZA
When?
JAMES
You know, just now.
LIZA
Oh... Uh, sorry, I can't remember.
3. JAMES
Oh, cool. I mean, uh, yeah. That's
fine.
Pause.
JAMES
I, uh, I bought you this.
He picks up a red rose from the bench next to him and hands
it to her.
LIZA
Oh, thank you... That's really
sweet of you.
JAMES
(blurting out)
I don't love you.
LIZA
What?
JAMES
Well, uh, I read that you give red
roses to someone if you, you know,
love them. So if you thought that
meant I love you, I don't. I mean,
not now. Uh, not yet.
Liza looks at him, slightly shocked. He can't bare the
silence and so carries on talking.
JAMES
They only had red roses at the
shop. I, uh, I wanted pink, that
means I appreciate and respect you.
Which, uh, I do.
Pause.
LIZA
Thank you.
JAMES
No, you're welcome, that's fine.
I'm going to the bathroom.
He practically leaps off the seat and hurries away, leaving
a perplexed Liza staring at the red rose in her hand.
INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM - EVENING
James storms into the bathroom, breathing heavily. He
punches the wall next to him and buries his head in his
hands.
A pause while he gathers his thoughts. He pulls out his
phone and calls Neil.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Hey, man. How's it going?
4. JAMES
Shit.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Oh. Too bad.
JAMES
Seriously, Neil. This sucks. I
really like her.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Oh.
A pause.
JAMES
I'll have to use the headset.
NEIL
Fine. Just say what I say and don't
make it too obvious.
INT. A NICE RESTAURANT - EVENING
James sits down opposite Liza. He's wearing a bluetooth
headset. We can immediately see the change in him. He seems
confident and relaxed. Instead of wearing his suit jacket,
he's carrying it over his arm. His sleeves are rolled up and
he's loosened his tie a bit.
Liza looks up from her phone, confused by the sudden change.
JAMES
Sorry.
LIZA
No worries.
JAMES
(gesturing to her phone
playfully)
I'm away for 2 minutes and you're
already texting your side guys?
LIZA
(laughing)
No. I was wondering if you'd
ditched me.
JAMES
Ditch you? Babe, you're adorable.
Why would I ever ditch a girl like
you?
Liza looks down at the table, blushing and smiling. James
leans over and takes her hand. She looks up, a sparkle in
her eye. She likes him.
INT. NEIL'S ROOM - DAY
James sits cross-legged on Neil's bed, using a textbook to
5. write notes, obviously some kind of homework. Neil is
sitting next to him, doing the same.
Neil seems like a calm, confident and friendly guy, a good
friend.
NEIL
(without looking up from his
notes)
So how'd it go?
JAMES
Good, yeah. Really good.
Neil puts his pen down and looks pointedly at his friend.
NEIL
You don't sound that enthusiastic.
Didn't you do what I said?
JAMES
Uh, yeah. I did.
NEIL
But?
JAMES
It went really well. But, uh, she
tried to kiss me.
A pause.
NEIL
Nice.
JAMES
It wasn't, I kinda ran away.
NEIL
(interested, wistful)
You didn't want to kiss her?
JAMES
Course I did. But, you know.
Nervous.
NEIL
Oh.
Neil goes back to his work, apparently lost interest.
JAMES
So what do I do?
NEIL
How should I know?
JAMES
Well, like... How... Do you kiss,
you know. Well.
Neil looks at James' earnest, vulnerable face and sighs.
NEIL
6. I'll show you.
JAMES
What? Why? How?
NEIL
I'll kiss you. Because I care about
you and I want you to be happy with
Liza.
JAMES
But I'm not gay.
NEIL
Neither am I, you twat. I'm doing
this as a favour.
JAMES
So this isn't a gay thing?
NEIL
Obviously not. It's a mates thing.
JAMES
Well, okay. I guess.
Pause.
NEIL
So, you need to take the back of
her neck.
James takes the back of Neil's neck. He's clearly
uncomfortable.
NEIL
A bit tighter.
James does as he's told.
NEIL
Look into her eyes. Tilt your head.
Take her waist with your other
hand. Then kiss her.
The two kiss.
INT. JAMES' ROOM - EVENING
James and Liza sit on the bed clearly watching a movie.
James is wearing the headset.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Have you got your arm around her?
James puts his arms around her, which she responds to by
looking up at him smiling.
NEIL
(O.S.)
You haven't kissed her yet, have
you. Kiss her, you pussy.
7. James does.
EXT. THE SOUTHBANK - AFTERNOON
Liza and James walk along the beautiful London Southbank,
hand in hand.
Liza excitedly points out sights and James smiles, often
touching his headset before replying.
EXT. THE PARK - DAY
Cute couple montage cliches.
EXT. THE BEACH - DAY
Cut to cute little montage of cliche, couple frolicking on
the beach type activities, except involving the headset at
all times. James even runs in the sea in trunks, still with
his headset on.
James and Liza sit on a blanket on the beach, huddled up
together under another blanket, looking at the sea.
LIZA
I want to tell you something.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Shit, that's not good.
JAMES
What is it?
LIZA
Thing is... Well... I... I love
you.
NEIL
(O.S. panicked)
Oh, shit.
JAMES
You what?
LIZA
I love you.
James feels a change. He feels confident, euphoric, happy.
He takes off the headset and chucks it to the side.
JAMES
I love you too.
He kisses her, and we see the headset lying abandoned on the
ground.
NEIL
(O.S.)
James? James?
INT. NEIL'S ROOM - DAY
A knock on the door, it opens and we see James, happy and
8. excited. Neil is unimpressed, emotionless.
NEIL
Wasn't expecting you.
JAMES
Your Mum let me in. I have to tell
you about yesterday, man, it was so
perfect.
NEIL
Cool.
James sits down.
JAMES
She told me she loved me, dude! I
said it back, we kissed, we watched
the sun go down on the beach, it
was like a movie or something. It
was like I finally felt confident.
Like I can actually talk to someone
that isn't you... I've never felt
that way, I've always hated being
around people but it's so different
with her. It was amazing.
NEIL
You turned off the headset.
JAMES
Yeah, isn't it awesome? I did it,
man! Alone.
NEIL
But you turned off the headset.
JAMES
Yeah... I know.
NEIL
And what about me, James?
JAMES
What... What about you?
NEIL
What do you expect me to do? Just
sit around while you spend your
time ignoring me.
JAMES
What are you talking about?
NEIL
Did you fuck her? Did you fuck her
on the beach in public like the
slag she is?
JAMES
What the fuck?!
NEIL
How the fuck am I meant to know
9. what's going on if you do a dumb
thing like turn the headset off?!
JAMES
Neil...
NEIL
You've fucked it all up. She never
wanted you, she wanted my words.
She doesn't care, she never will.
She's just a whore that doesn't
know shit about you. I know you, I
made you confident, I made her love
you. Then you just ditch me? Take
that fucking headset off the second
the little bitch shows affection?
JAMES
Fuck you, Neil. I don't need this
shit. I don't need you. Not
anymore. I have Liza and she'd be
happy for me that I got confident.
Fuck you.
James gets up and leaves. Neil furiously grabs his phone and
makes a call.
NEIL
Hey. Come round to my house
tomorrow, I need to tell you
something. About James.
INT. NEIL'S ROOM - DAY
Liza listens to a recording of Neil talking as James and
Liza are on a date.
NEIL
(O.S.)
Tell her she's beautiful.
JAMES
(O.S.)
You're so beautiful, babe.
Seriously.
LIZA
(O.S.)
James... thank you.
NEIL
(O.S.)
You're welcome, beautiful.
JAMES
(O.S.)
You're welcome, beautiful.
Neil stops the recording and tears stream down Liza's face.
NEIL
I'm sorry. I didn't know how far
he'd take it.
10. Silence.
LIZA
So when he said he loved me...?
NEIL
It was all me. I told him to say
that yesterday. Then I realised it
had gone too far.
Liza puts her head in her hands.
NEIL
I only did it because I thought he
genuinely liked you and just needed
some help. If I'd known it was all
just a bet he made with his mate I
never would have...
LIZA
It's okay. You thought you were
just helping a friend. You went too
far but I forgive you. It's him I
don't forgive.
Pause.
LIZA
Thanks for telling me, Neil.
She gets up to leave.
NEIL
Liza? Sit back down. (She does)
Don't you wanna talk about it?
LIZA
No, that's okay.
NEIL
He's such a bastard, honestly. He
screwed me over as a mate and he
screwed you over as a girlfriend.
He doesn't deserve you.
He takes the back of her neck, just as he'd told James.
NEIL
You're sweet and kind and beautiful
and I meant every word I told James
to say...
With every word he leans a little bit closer to her until by
the end of his sentence he kisses her. She closes her eyes
and kisses him back as he gently lifts up his phone as snaps
a picture of the two.
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
James sits at the bus stop. Liza walks up to him then sees
who it is and stops.
LIZA
Oh. I thought Neil would be here.
11. James clenches his fists and says nothing.
LIZA
Do you not have the decency to
speak to me after lying to me for
months on end.
James is confused but continues to not say anything.
LIZA
What kind of sick arsehole tells a
girl they love them for a bet?
JAMES
What?!
LIZA
You know what. Enjoy your lonely
life.
She's about to leave when James reaches forward and slaps
her, hard. She stares up at him, holding her cheek, then
spins round when she hears the voice come from behind her:
NEIL
Normally I don't condone violence
but I'll allow it here.
LIZA
What?
NEIL
What kind of dirty, fucking whore
kisses their boyfriends best mate
the day after telling him she loves
him?
It slowly dawns on Liza what's happened.
LIZA
But... Neil... You said... (to
James) James, I-
NEIL
Don't talk to him. Fuck off. He
deserves better.
Liza pauses, but then leaves in tears. Neil sits next to
James at the bus stop.
JAMES
I can't believe I hit her.
NEIL
She deserved it.
JAMES
I've never hit someone before.
NEIL
Ah well.
JAMES
12. But she did cheat.
NEIL
Yes, she did. She wasn't the one
for you.
JAMES
Who is?
Pause.
NEIL
I guess you'll find out. Be
patient.
JAMES
I will. Oranges are not the only
fruit.
Neil takes James' hand. James goes to pull away but Neil
clenches tight, not letting him. James gives in and holds
Neil's hand back.
