This video is a talk by Mr.Nilesh Mandlecha on 18 April 2018. Topic: How to be a perfect non=perfectionist.This is part of the HELP Talk series at HELP, Health Education Library for People, the worlds largest free patient education library. www.healthlibrary.com

1. Psychologist and
M.B.A.
(Human Resource
Development)
Psychologist
Pharmacist & M.B.A
( Marketing )

2. How to become
perfect non
perfectionist?

3. Welcome for this
imperfect
session on
Perfectionism

4. • We will see Psychotherapeutic
Angle of Perfectionism
• We will see characteristics and
signs of perfectionism
• We will also see remedy on
perfectionism

5. Perfectionism and REBT
Perfectionism and CBT
Perfectionism and TA
Perfectionism and Gestalt Therapy
Perfectionism and Psychoanalysis

6. Perfect family,
perfect body,
perfect child,
perfect life etc is myth

7.  The desire to excel is usually a good
thing, but when it spills over into
perfectionism
 It can also cause a lot of trouble,
burn you out, and waste a lot of time.

8. How do you see
yourself if you are
perfectionist?

9. Anxiety and Panic:
because you say to your self
“Will I do perfectly well?”
so you get anxiety and
sometime panic

10. Depression:
After you do imperfectly well you
make yourself depressed “I did
not do as perfectly as I should
have done” then you make
yourself depressed

11. Hostility, Anger and rage :
Other people you get hostile
because these lousy bastard
aren't as perfect to you as
they should be

12. Low Frustration
Tolerance:
World, conditions,
ecology around you,
environment, political
seen… it is imperfect

13. Procrastination:
Perfectionist very frequently not always
procrastinate for two reasons
1) Its too god dam hard to do
2) I have to do with perfectly perfectly
well and I might not do as well as I
have to and therefore screw it . I wont
do it .
I will do it tomorrow, tomorrow and
tomorrow

14. Indecision:
Indecision is one of the main forms
of perfectionism, because you are
really indecisive.
Any decision you make will have
advantages and as well as
disadvantages and decision you
make, it absolutely must not have
any disadvantages.

15. Shame and embarrassment:
I have to do quite well, perfectly
well in front of others and if I
make a gap or mistake then its
terrible.
You feel shame and
embarrassment before and after.

16. Shyness:
What other people think, I
must have their approval, I
must do things perfectly
well else Its terrible

17. OCD
(Biological – serotonin)
I have to do perfectly
well and I have to be
perfectly clean

18. Phobias:
I have to be Perfectly safe,
Perfectly safe and Perfectly
safe and therefore I stay out
of it

19. Need to have perfect control:
Need for control is ok but need
to have perfect control is
problem. You put your self down

20. Need for absolute certainty:
Only probability exists in the
world and not certainty

21. From where
perfectionism
comes from?

22. • Parents and parental figures :
Copy
• Self Demandingness:
I have to do well
I must do adequately well
I must do outstandingly better
than anybody else well
I must do absolutely perfectly
well

23. • I must do all imp things
adequately well
• I must do what others
do well
• Others must do
outstandingly well

24. Perfectionism
versus Healthy
Striving

25. Perfectionism Healthy Striving
Setting standards
beyond reach and
reason
Setting standards
that are high but
within reach
Never being
satisfied by
anything less
than perfection
Enjoying process as
well as outcome

26. Perfectionism Healthy Striving
Becoming
depressed when
faced with failure
or disappointment
Bouncing back
quickly from failure
or disappointment
Being
preoccupied with
fears of failure
and disapproval
Keeping normal
anxiety and fear of
failure within bounds

27. Perfectionism Healthy Striving
Seeing mistakes
as evidence of
unworthiness
Seeing mistakes as
opportunities for
growth and learning
Becoming overly
defensive when
criticized
Reacting positively
to helpful criticism

28. Make a list of the
advantages and
disadvantages of
trying to be perfect.

29.  It can produce
fine work. I’ll try
hard to come up
with an
exceptional result
 It makes me so tight & nervous
I can’t produce fine work
 Became afraid & unwilling to
risk the mistakes necessarily..
 Its makes very critical of life.
 Can’t ever relax because
always able to find something
somewhere that isn’t perfect.
 Always be depress..
 Afraid of making mistakes..
 Find so many faults in people,
loose capacity to feel warm and
to like them
ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES

30. Be Perfect as
Driver

31.  Drivers derives our life.
 They are from Parent ego state.
 They can take us where we don’t want to
go.
 The demand of drivers is not possible to
satisfy cause its unattainable, its to high.
 We feel not ok if we don’t follow driver.
 Its a internal compulsion on us to follow,
else internal Parent gives us threat.
 It’s a trap for person.

32. https://cmhc.utexas.edu/perfectionism.html

33.  We & other people should be perfect
 Person constantly grade himself & demand one
hundred percent perfect
 Perfection in terms of accomplishment
(Try Hard & Hurry up)
 Becoming superman or super women
(Be strong)
 Perfection may require self sacrifice (Please
others)

34.  Focus on end point is more than
process
 Set very high standard
 Difficulty in relaxing
 Person constantly pushed to
perform at very high levels
 He perceives to be less than
perfect means self punishment

35.  When we can’t do something perfect we
end up avoiding it completely.
(Sit-down-strike)
 Words – “That shouldn’t have happened”
“How can you be so stupid”
“If we can’t do something right, we don’t
do anything at all”
 Often use parentheses.

36.  While speaking repeating the same thing (no
new information is added)
 Words- as it were, probably, possibly,
certainly, completely, one might say, as we
have seen
 Speaker counts numbers or letters
 Tones - Well modulated, neither high nor low
 Gestures- Counting on the fingers, hand may
stroke on chin in the traditional thinker
gesture steepling (fingertips may be placed in
‘V’ shape)

37.  Obeying the internal parental voice that
says “ You are only OK around here if you
get everything right”
 “Performance Anxiety” is generated by Be
perfect & other drivers.

38.  Overweight person plan to diet
(having Be perfect driver)
 Deciding when to eat or not to eat
becomes a never-ending conflict
surrounded by anxiety, depression,
hopelessness & self-punishment
 Small deviation from a prescribed plan is
not tolerable( ex- curry cooking Manish)

39. Be perfect and
sexuality

40.  You are already good enough as you are
 Its okay not to finish it all tonight
 Its okay to be human: Its okay to make
mistakes
 Its okay to relax, Its okay to take my time
(going with natural pace)

41. Deal with until
script

42. Techniques to
deal with
perfectionism

43. Vigorously dispute:
• I have to do perfectly well verses I would
like to do well
• I must, you must and life must
• You must….. Ruin relationships when I
demand from others

44. Dealing with
terribalisation

45. Deal with I
cant stand it

46. • I can rate what I do and I don’t do but not I
• Condemn the sin and not sinner
• Get after your behaviour and don’t get after
yourself
• Correction Yes, Condemnation No
• Success and failure
• Example of Hitler

47. Shame
attacking
exercises

48. Deal with
secondary
disturbances

49. Gestalt and
Opposite parts and
self downing

50. Monitor your
• Perfectionism
• Indecision
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Self downing
• Demanding (Dispute the must and not desire)

51. Teach others

52. • Reading
• Lectures
• Workshops
• Internet
• Look at your perfectionism

53. Model person who makes
mistake but still feeling
happy and successful.
Example: Sara’s Teacher

54. • Bhul sabhi se hoti aayi

55. Make mistakes

56. Friends
Dispute

57. All or none

58. • Making mistake: panic, guilt,
shame, anxious and
depressed
• Opposite: Concern,
Disappointment, sad and
regret

59. Write and say in strong
manner

60. Deliberately do things
poorly Give talk on
perfectionism etc

61. • Take a risk and act imperfectly
then you can give yourself
reward visa versa when you
don’t take risk punishment

62. Thank you